I love How To Keep a House While Drowning. The subtitle is “a gentle approach to cleaning and organizing,” and that’s just what I need. I am not motivated by what I should do or someone else’s standard. Frankly, I’m not even motivated by my own standards.
I am motivated by grace and understanding and generosity, and this book is an abundance of those things.
In the first few pages, Davis starts in with this wisdom: “You don’t exist to serve your space; your space exists to serve you.” Many of my struggles with keeping house are based on my suspicion that I somehow owe my apartment something. But really? I am there because of my needs (to have shelter) and desires (to be cozy af). Therefore, it makes much more sense to approach it in ways that serve this purpose.
When I approach housework as a way of honoring my needs, my perspective shifts. What would make Future Me happy or help her relax? That is why I clean. That is why I declutter. Not to impress some possible guests but to please myself.
Davis also addresses the binary status of done or not done. The point of housework isn’t to mark something as “done.” Now, initially, this offended me to my very core. You know I love marking things off a checklist. But the point of keeping house isn’t to finish, but to keep it functional. If my expectation is that something is finished, I will get frustrated the next time I have to do it again. But if I change my mindset to functionality, the whole process softens into something more sustainable.
The third thing I love about this book is the statement, “Self-care was never meant to be a replacement for community care.” There’s a whole lovely section on this, but one of my takeaways is the reminder that we still need each other. I can do the best I can with every resource and ounce of energy I have and still not finish all the things. It’s not just OK to help each other; it’s critical.
Anyway, this is easily one of my top five favorite books on keeping house. Highly recommend, especially if shame and unreasonable expectations tend to immobilize you. This book will help.
A common characteristic of neurodivergent brains is that we switch attention easily and often. Some call it a short attention span. Some call it easily bored. Some call it multitasking (or if you’re me, rapid-succession unitasking).
Whatever you call this phenomenon, it can make menial tasks a challenge to complete (there is another beast called executive dysfunction that makes things hard to even start, but we’ll save that for another day). Most days, I don’t have a problem getting started on a cleaning project, but my follow-through often gets sidetracked by another task.
One thing I have found helpful in addressing this issue is to gamify decluttering/cleaning. I actually use this with most of the routine things that need to be habits (such as drinking water, remembering to eat, getting exercise, etc.), but it works especially well when it comes to housework, or anything that has clear start and finish points. When I turn decluttering into a game, it gives my attention span the challenge it needs to stay interested long enough to complete the given task.
Here are a few of my favorite games for keeping house.
Finch App
I loooove the Finch app. You have a character (specifically, a birb – mine’s name is Bandit). You can decorate its home and dress it up. You can send it on adventures. You earn the items you need to do all these things by completing goals, which you can customize. For example, some of my goals are:
Clean or tidy for ten minutes (x6 per day)
Drink 16 oz. of water (x5 per day)
Exercise for 3 minutes (x10 per day)
There are several more, and I change them based on the goals I am focusing on at the time.
In addition to getting to send Bandit on adventures and buy her cute clothes, I also use Finch to track my longer-term progress. For example, I track the number of days each month that I complete my 6 units of cleaning. If my history shows I cleaned for 15 or more days in a given month, I give myself a little pat on the back and possibly a small treat. Like, maybe I get a sausage biscuit instead of making breakfast one Saturday. Sometimes, though, just seeing progress is reward enough.
Decluttering Surges
My brain likes brief bouts of intensity, and this game scratches that itch. For a set period of time (a day, a week, but not more than a month, or I get bored and distracted), I perform a specific task once per a subset of that time. Sometimes there’s a preset task, sometimes there’s a preset time limit. The constraints are what make the game.
For example, on Saturdays when I am at home all day and have a lot of cleaning to do, I challenge myself to get up and tidy or clean at the end of each hour. For example, when the clock reads 1:50, I put down my book or put aside my writing or press pause on the show I’m watching, and see how much I can get done before the clock turns to 2:00. It’s a race against myself. It not only results in my home being a lot cleaner at the end of the day but also reminds me to get up and move occasionally.
Another example is the challenge I did when I noticed piles were getting out of control. For one month, I tasked myself with getting rid of one bag or box of stuff (or one item, if it was too big to fit in a bag or box) per day. It was simple but effective.
Spot Cleaning
Sometimes stuff accumulates. Or it looks dusty. Or something is wrong that will just take a few minutes to put right. Sometimes my decluttering surges focus on one small area.
Take the shelf pictured above. It is designated as a space for mementos and knick knacks, but a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that it had also become a dumping ground for items that I was using in the area and just didn’t put away. A hammer and some nails, a hold sticker from the library, a coffee mug, etc.
So I set a 5-minute timer on my phone and got to work:
I removed everything from the shelf.
I dusted the shelf and each item that belongs there as I put them back.
I took the other items and put them up where they belong.
With the time I had left, I also dusted the shelf above it that holds the TV and moved the Christmas mouse figurine that was lingering next to it to my Christmas storage box (better late than never, I guess).
So in five minutes, I accomplished twice as much as I intended to. I won!
Spot cleaning is especially useful for those areas of my home that overwhelm me. I spot-clean my office a lot. It’s a small space that, unlike the rest of the apartment, I don’t use every day. It’s easy for it to become a dumping ground, and it doesn’t take long for it to look like it belongs on an episode of Hoarders. Such a sight makes me want to shut the door and run away. But I just got released to work from home three days a week, so it has to be functional. In the past month, I’ve made it my mission to spot-clean at least one shelf, one surface, or one square foot of floor per day, and the difference that has made in just a few short weeks is astounding.
It may seem silly to have to turn common chores into games just to get them done. But all I hear from that sentence is that they’re getting done, and any method that makes that happen consistently will always be welcome in my home.
Alright. It’s time for fall. I’m tired of waiting. And by that, I do mean that I am wearing my boots and making soup and sipping hot apple juice (specifcally, Simply Apple or Sprouts brand) out of a tea mug in the evenings (my childhood’s answer to the predicament that we don’t have real cider here) and not waiting for it at all. Once again, I am bringing in autumn by sheer force of will. You’re welcome.
I have a fun (I hope) series coming up in October about keeping house. I hope that you will enjoy reading it as much as I’m enjoying writing it. I may not have enough content to last the whole month, but a daily post throughout October is currently the goal.
I’ve also started my final curriculum for the year. I am ready to recognize that planning four curricula in one year was a bit unhinged. “Cozy” has been good. “Write a song and upload something to Bandcamp” was good (and a portion of it took a delightful turn that I didn’t predict, i.e., the upload being a wonderful group project). “Learn to play organ” was…ambitious and not at all feasible in the short timeline I gave it (what do you mean, my piano skills don’t completely translate?! Rude but ok). I’m still working on it, but I am appropriately humbled.
As productive as these curricula have helped me to be, though…I’m so tired. I feel like each project is its own part-time job. And they’ve overlapped a lot, which makes it feel like even more work. So I’m trying to be more reasonable (which I despise) and gentler with myself (which I begrudgingly admit would be a good thing that makes being reasonable acceptable).
Anyway…the fourth curriculum started later than planned and is going to extend into next year. My basic objective is to get my writing life back on track. I want to finish two projects – the aforementioned blog series in October and a second draft of my Fishbowl manuscript. But I also want to have a writing life that feels good and productive and creative and nourishing to me. One that is actually reasonable (ugh) for my current life and not just my imaginary life where I have no other responsibilities…like a job.
[Frankly, any one of the four curricula would have been more than enough progression for one year. But I’m already excited about the writing curriculum, and I’m not giving up on the organ (just relaxing about it), so we press on, and they will both just take as long as they take, and I’m also going to work on being okay with that.]
So that’s how life has been going.
Here are some good reads from the last couple of weeks:
I enjoyed this reminder. “Seasonal living, to me, is about getting curious about those cues again and finding out what might happen when we let our food, light exposure, daily rhythms, and even our approach to rest change a little with the world around us.” Reading this sentence (and the whole piece) was like taking a long, deep breath.
I love Andi’s piece about learning to take up the space and time she needs, even outside the margins of her writing life. Great advice for all of us, especially those whose brains work differently than this world expects them to.
You are officially on notice – This is not only a Mamdani fan account but also an Abdul El-Sayed fan account. I just really appreciate people who listen and get shit done, and I would love to see what El-Sayed could do for our country.
It’s been a sad week overall. Beloved icons have died. The death toll keeps rising due to flooding in Nepal, Tibet, and China. The summer blues have been particularly brutal this month, but I am proud of myself for doing a few things other than just working and for finding a little joy along the way.
One sweet thing that happened this week is the Simplified Fall Launch. Simplified has the perfect planner for next year, and I snagged one. It’s bookbound, saving me the frustration of dealing with spiral nonsense. It’s organized by calendar year, not academic year, which is how I organize my goals and thus my life. AND! It’s BERRY STRIPE, which is my all-time favorite Simplified pattern! I’m so happy about this.
Connor Storrie (Ilya on Heated Rivalry, for those not yet invested) now has a buzz cut instead of everyone’s beloved curls, and a large part of the fandom is in mourning. I have spent way too much time reading commentary on this man’s hair, and while I sincerely hope he is blatantly ignoring this chaos and just living his life and keeping his peace, I really needed the levity of caring about a celebrity’s locks this week. It reminded me of the HairYay!/HairNay! debates on the Michael Rosenbaum Message Board in the early days of Smallville fandom (MR played Lex Luthor, but I forgive you for not knowing that). In absolutely unsurprising news to any friends lingering from my earlier fandom days, I tend to fall on the same side of the debate as Out’s Ariel Messman-Rucker – Connor is a thoroughly attractive young man even with (dare I say – especially with) the shorn look. *cough*HairNay!forlife*cough*
I appreciate these notes on slowing down. I need this reminder sometimes, but it is hard to find things that make much of a difference that make sense for me. So much of the advice on slow living involves some sort of complete overhaul of how you live, and that’s not practical right now. I mean, someday I’m probably gonna make my own jam on the regular (it is on my goal list for my 50s, after all), but that day is not today (yes, I know it’s easy and delicious, but you know what’s easier and just as tasty? Buying already-made jam at the farmer’s market where I’m also buying other things and supporting local farms in the process). I like how this piece sticks to things like, “Maybe don’t schedule something social every single night of the week after you’ve already been social all day, every day” (I’m paraphrasing). Noted.
Very sad about Tim Curry’s death. I appreciate this compilation of tributes to him and his astounding body of work. What an iconic creative genius.
And our Dolly Parton has passed. Jesus and I are in a bit of a fight about it. I know I’m curating my social media right, because all week, my feed has been flooded with memories and memorials of her kindness, grace, love, and her unwavering, fierce acceptance and protection of all. She is mourned by family, friends, co-conspirators, fellow musicians, fans, patriots, the American Library Association, and anyone who has ever needed to see a little hope in the world. Donate books and support/protect the vulnerable (with more than prayer – cash and tangible assistance – faith without works is dead, if you need a little help from James 2:26 to summon the strength, fellow believers). Maybe listen to her voice, bake yourself a little treat, and put it over ice cream this weekend. May we all live our lives even half as well as Dolly did.
I was really looking forward to this being the first day I slept past 7:00 in what seems like a thousand years. I realize 7:00 is reasonable for many people, but when you naturally fall asleep (i.e., without sleep aid medication, which I don’t take unless I’m desperate) at 1:00-2:00 a.m., 7:00 is hella early.
Guess when the very loud thunderstorm rolled through. 6:30. Six. Thirty.
Not cool, thunder. Not cool.
At least I didn’t have to get out of bed. I guess that’s something.
Here are some things on the internet I liked this week.
Today is Juneteenth, which marks the anniversary of the news of emancipation finally reaching Texas. To celebrate on this and any other day, please consider donating to the good work We Have Stories is doing in NYC. Also, please consider looking at your own community and joining in the good work being done there. Also, please consider starting the good work if you don’t find any being done around you.
This whole quote – “Things can be hot in a book boyfriend and an absolute red flag in a real boyfriend. This is the nature of fiction.” (This is the smallest example of that, but like in romance novels men are always tilting her chin up with their finger. Touch me like that?!?!?!?! Put your fucking FINGER under my CHIN to get my attention?!?!?! I’m sorry but I would karate chop your throat. Sexy in a book. Would drive me crazy in real life.) “ I feel seen.
One of my great joys is following professional dancers (specifically, partnered dancers, but I am a sucker for any kind of dance) on Instagram. Emeline Rochefeuille is one of my favorites, and this is so cute.
While my new position did come with a slight pay bump, it was definitely a downgrade in responsibility. I went from supervising a staff of 12 to not being a supervisor at all. HIGHLY RECOMMEND even a temporary career downgrade if you are feeling those signs of burnout (…or even if you just want to. Turns out, you don’t have to wait until you are already at your wit’s end to do something that makes your life better.). Even if it had been a lateral move financially, it still would have been worth it for all the added peace it has brought to my private life.
I hope your Friday was good, and I hope you have a great weekend!
This week was meh. I did a lot, but I also had a lot on my to-do list, so it doesn’t feel like I did a lot because there are things that are still not crossed off. It’s possible my to-do list was unreasonable, but my feelings don’t seem to see it that way. Something to work on (making both to-do lists and mental expectations reasonable).
Here are some things that stood out to me on the internet this week.
In other words, NOTthis nonsense. What exactly is the legal basis of a suit against a city that 1) informed the groups leading an event about the changes to their marketing and plan that this dumbass law requires, and 2) received immediate compliance from said groups? I know a lot of our Texas government folk get some well-deserved side eye, but Paxton acts like he’s trying to win the prize for most hateful and wasteful (of time, money, etc.). An embarrassment, indeed.
Many of the authors I love own bookstores. Visiting them is definitely on my bucket list. Happy to see Nowhere got a shout-out in the comments.
We are doing art/crafts at church on the first and third Wednesday nights of June and July (and maybe August, if people want them). People are welcome to bring their own things to work on while they hang out, but we will also have a small project just in case they want to try something new. This week, it was pom poms. The next one is blackout poetry. I’m excited to see what people create. We all need a little whimsy and revolution in our lives.
I hope you get to experience some wonder this weekend!
My first full week in office in my advisor position! The first week had Monday as a holiday, and the second week was mostly working from home due to the winter storm that swept through this area. It’s been a long week, but it’s been good. I haven’t quite outfitted my office yet, so I’m going to do some more decorating next week.
I’m looking forward to going out with some friends tonight and I have a few events this weekend. Hopefully, I’ll also have some time to read, clean, and generally decompress as well.
Some links for the week:
This opinion from US District Judge Fred Biery on the release of Liam Arias and his father Adrian is a good read. “‘We the People’ are hearing echoes of that history,” is the type of statement that once inspired me to consider the law and eventually judgeship as a career path. As much as I would probably loathe being a judge most of the time, I would enjoy writing things like this.
How to make soup and also write a novel. I’m going to add this wisdom to my Fall Curriculum (spoiler – my goal will be to revamp my writing practice and finish a manuscript).
Troubles in Minneapolis persist, and friends of a friend have a good resource on the ground if you are looking for a place to donate. The Helping Hand Fund through Our Savior’s Lutheran Church supports their neighbors in need, and you can donate generally or designate your donation as “immigrant support” if you want to specify where you’d like it to go.
I hope you get time and space to decompress this weekend!
Well, friends. The day has come. My last day of working for UNT Housing. From my start as a night desk clerk to the leader of our amazing tour team, it’s been a little over 20 years of meeting loads of people I love and helping students feel at home on campus. I’m excited about my new adventure as an academic advisor, though!
Here are some lovely things that have given me much-needed pauses as I plowed through the to-do list of things to make next week easier for the staff.
I love this poem by Rudy Franciso. I love the “Amen” chorus from the audience, too. “It’s hard being alive, but it looks so good on you.”
I miss Let It Be Sunday, but I love the new Joy the Baker monthly series, The Bakehouse Almanac. I think I shall subscribe to a new analog magazine (for free through my AARP, of course. Because I’m old enough to qualify for AARP, and I have a lot of participation points to burn.)!
I am grateful for this reframe of “This Will Be My Year” from Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes. Regardless of what happens to me and in the world, did I do my best? Did I take care of myself? Did I take care of my relationships (or, in the case of 2024, did they take exceptionally good care of me)? Did I experience joy? In that light, yes. 2020, 2024, 2025 – each of these has indeed been my year, and I expect that 2026 will be as well. There will be lots of opportunities to practice those four things.
There is hope for Patchouli Joe’s! They have a GoFundMe to raise money to transition to a new location. Please donate to help if you can.
I love The Residence so much. I wish it had gotten renewed. It was worth every dollar of production costs, and Netflix is a fool. I’m glad these actors are getting recognition for their great work.
The coziest (and the best) way to ring in the new year? Snacks, wine, comfort of my own home.
I love the Montana Happy newsletter. It’s always full of cozy crafts, recipes, and tips. It’s a much-needed shelter in the storm of the world. In exploring cozy as a theme this year, I am working my way through this list of prompts.
Hygge prompt #1 – What advice would you give your younger self with your current knowledge if given a time machine? What changes would you make?
Not that my younger self would have listened…but here goes.
That interdisciplinary major you’re considering during grad school (the one that would give you a foot in the door to library science)? DO IT. You can still teach public speaking and work night desk and be an assignment coordinator. These will be the jobs that give you the best stories and where you will meet some of your favorite people. But it would also be nice to have some sweet librarian training in your back pocket when you’re ready to branch out.
Don’t stop dancing and running. It’s hard to get that momentum back after you lose it, and you will miss it when it’s gone.
Ditto re: playing piano and French horn.
Don’t sell your French horn. Maybe stick with a digital piano/full-sized keyboard instead of the upright grand, though. That was…a lot.
The pavement on Fry Street is dangerously uneven. Tread cautiously. Your left knee, in particular, will thank you. Also, maybe don’t drink the WHOLE beer tower. Just a thought.
In fact, go ahead and slow down on the drinking in general. One or two glasses of wine at a time is fine, and it is definitely less expensive. If you need to be buzzed to feel comfortable at a place, just leave the place. You could be home and reading.
We still love home and reading.
You don’t want to live in the downstairs apartment. Having upstairs neighbors is THE WORST.
Look closely for bug problems before you move in. No apartment is cute enough to be worth the hassle of getting rid of an infestation.
Those things that you keep seeing ads for that you think you’d really enjoy having? You won’t. Just keep scrolling. I guarantee there’s a cute cat video coming up, and it’s free.
The cancer diagnosis isn’t the end of the world. You survive, and your friends really come through for you. Go ahead and push for the reconstructive surgery while they have you on the table, though.
When the church you love dissolves, don’t rush into replacing it. Save yourself some religious trauma and take a real break. But keep that weird little liturgical one you visited in the back of your mind. You’re going to love them someday.
I know loneliness sucks. And it will suck for a long time, especially when it seems like everyone around you is pairing off, so buckle up. But don’t waste so much time wanting a partner. Your life is already rich with love, and you will absolutely adore living alone. Once you get there, you will realize that it would take a truly exceptional connection to merit giving that up. Hold out for it.
When you feel like you have to choose between loving others well and wanting to hold them to your own moral code (which, despite everything you’ve been taught, they are not – in any way – obligated to adhere to), choose love. Every time. Your moral code will change as you learn and grow, and you will regret the harm that you did before you knew better. But you will never regret loving extravagantly.
Love extravagantly.
Love yourself. To quote Tova Goodman’s six-word memoir, “Little me would’ve liked big me.”
I usually post resolutions on New Years Day, but I decided not to rush it. Yesterday was nice. I got to hang out with Sarah and friends, eat some delicious food, and read a little bit. It’s hard to believe that I go back to work in less than 48 hours. Before I do, though, you know I want to share my resolutions for the year with you.
Technically I have seven (large) goals, but all of them are divided into many small steps that help me get there.
Start Checking Off That 10-Year Bucket List
The bucket list I put together in 2025 ended up with way more than 50 things on it, and some of them are bigger goals that are going to take the whole 10 years to accomplish. Additionally, if I know me (and I do), I won’t stop dreaming up things I want to do, so the list is likely to grow over the next decade. Clearly there are more than five things I’m going to cross off that list this year.
I’m already going to address some of them in pursuit of my financial and cozy goals (see below), but I’ve identified 11 things off the list that I want to do this year. As I’m currently looking for a new job and/or an additional income stream, the order in which they happen will depend on how fast that comes to pass, as a new job would likely have a different busy season to work around, and some of them cost a little money. But right now, this is roughly the order I’m thinking of starting them:
Join the Plot Twist Book Bar dark academia book club
Enjoy a personal reading retreat in a hotel with room service
Renew my passport
Write a score or a song
Upload an original recording to Bandcamp
Finish a fiction manuscript
Take a small town road trip
Read 200 Books
This is…lofty. But I think it’s possible. What I like about this goal is that having it in mind will remind me to give myself regular downtime, which I have a hard time remembering (shocking, I know). I am also attempting quite a few reading challenges throughout the year, and gamifying anything almost always makes it more fun for me.
Establish a Regular Journaling Practice
One thing that keeps me grounded the best is journaling. It not only helps me decompress and slow down my brain before sleep but also improves my awareness of how well I’m taking care of myself in general.
One thing that I often put off and forget to do is journaling. I am hoping to establish a regular practice.
Daily is ideal, but any regularity is an improvement that I will consider a success. I’m using the guided journal that accompanies Shonda Rhimes’s Year of Yes. I may decide later in the year I don’t need the prompts but for now the questions provide a good framework.
Have 100 Cozy Moments
I couldn’t figure out how to phrase this one, because it could encompass a lot of things. “Cozy moments” sounds a little woo for me, but it will have to do.
Basically, I want to be intentional about pursuing my theme for the year.
This may look like actually noting when moments are cozy or actively seeking them out. It may look like rearranging spaces at home, work, or elsewhere to be more welcoming. It may look like clearing out some clutter to give my brain a rest. There are many different ways this could play out, and I bet I can catalogue at least 100 of them!
Set and meet 100 small financial goals
This sounds like a lot, but it’s fewer than I met last year, so it’s doable. My focus this year (other than increasing income) is on three main things:
Mapping out a solid plan for retirement
Having a solid purpose for each savings bucket
Building a solid knowledge base
The keyword is solid. That’s how I want to feel about my finances at the end of the year (and have the evidence to back the feeling up).
Write 50,000 Words
For real, this time. Something tells me that finishing a fiction manuscript would be an excellent way to make this happen.
Go on 25 Microadventures
A lot of the items on my 10-year bucket list surprised me. Apparently, I want to go places. Did not know that about myself. I’m not sure if I actually want to go places, or if I think I should want to go places.
Welp, we’re going to test it out this year with 25 small microadventures. I’m defining a microadventure as any outing that takes from an hour up to a day. It can be almost anything. It just has to include a place I’ve never been or something I’ve never done. Bonus points if it’s free.
I may ask for suggestions later, but I have a pretty good list going already. It might be telling that this is the resolution I’m least excited about, but maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. It doesn’t hurt to try (I hope).
And there you have it. Those are the plans. It looks like a lot, but it’s mostly a continuation of things I’m already working on. It just gives them a little structure.
