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Archive for the ‘Joy’ Category

Resting

I think Sunday Me was a little overwhelmed at this week/weekend’s calendar.

After about a month and a half of being back in the office, I am settling into old routines. I’m getting used to commuting again (I forgot how much audiobook listening I get to do when I drive more often). I’m also relearning how to balance social time with colleagues and task time while on the clock (I tend to lean too heavily toward task and neglect the social). I sorta forgot how to people in person.

Some of the old routines that are creeping back up need to stay gone, though. Procrastinating housework and fun things until the weekend so much that my to-do list is so long by the time it arrives that I don’t ever actually slow down to rest is a habit that I could stand to keep in the past. My tendency to say yes whenever possible (so that people will be happy? so that I can pride myself on fitting another piece into my puzzle of a schedule? who even knows why?) needs a tighter leash when I can’t do everything from home.

I need to remember to guard my down time a little more consistently so that I maintain the restfulness I need to function well. Sometimes this looks like relaxing plans with friends (relaxing plans = not in public, maybe in a pool or with drinks, maybe we just read in the same room) but mostly it looks like actual alone time where I can nap or read or create or even do some repetitive/regular household task without interruption.

I also am having my regular jealousy about other people’s summers where they are free to go do things while my schedule remains busy, but this year I am making myself free to do some things, too, even though this is not typically an easy time of the year for that to happen at my job. I want to do at least one summery thing each week, even if it’s something small. This week, I got to swim, and that was nice (don’t remember the last time I swam but my swimsuit definitely no longer fit so it must have been quite a long time ago). I look forward to my first snow cone and first really good peach of the season, too. That’s as far as I’ve gotten on my “favorite things about summer” list. That list is super short. I’m not summer’s biggest fan, but I’m determined to squeeze whatever joy I can out of it.

Shameless crowdsourcing – What are your favorite things to do in the summer?

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Once again, I have a library problem. Or I’m a problem to the library. At any rate…I also have a solution.

So I was doing really well, only checking out a sensible number of books at a time that I could reasonably expect to finish before they were due back at the library. Just a little thing like having to schedule a time during their limited hours to pick them up was all it took to curtail my habit of going on a reservation spree and taking out more books than I could possibly hope to finish that quickly. But now that the library is back to normal hours and operations, and I can just pop by and pick up everything I’ve put aside at my convenience, I’ve reverted back to old practices. I wish I could tell you that the stack above represents even a fourth of the books I have checked out, but…no.

This month, I’m weaning myself off again. I’m never at a loss for something to read. I have four apps with books and audiobooks I can read from my phone. I also have hundreds of books in my personal collection at home. So there’s no reason I need to hold on to the library’s copies that someone else could be enjoying. I’m going to read my books for the clubs I’m in and my joy selections for the month, but other than that? Working on this stack of library books so I can get them back where they belong.

[One could argue that I could just return the books without reading them and check them out later when I know I have time for them, but one would receive a derisive scoff as a reward for this helpful suggestion which would then be completely ignored.]

Book Clubs

Joy Books

We’re going a little meta this month. These joy books actually deal with joy as a subject.

Library Books

These make it back to the library by the end of the month.

Pride Month!

Of course, I will also be reflecting on my favorite books written by LGBTQIA+ authors and/or starring LGBTQIA+ characters in my local library’s monthly book discussion. If you want to explore this genre, some of my favorites can be found on these lists.

What’s on your TBR list for June?

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May TBR

This month’s reading plan includes a few that I didn’t finish from last month that I’m meandering my way through, but the new reads list is shorter this time. It’s starting to feel like summer again here, and my summer reading usually veers off the intended path. I want to keep up with book club selections and my joy project while still keeping some space for whatever delights intrigue me.

Two such delights are already on my radar:

  • How To Eat by Nigella Lawson – The one that started it all. I love how Nigella Lawson writes about food. I can’t believe I’ve never read her first book before.
  • Hanged by a Thread by ACF Bookens – The third in this series by one of my favorite cozy mystery authors. I’ve already pre-ordered my ebook for mid-month.

I have five book club selections for the month. My group that meets the first Tuesday of the month is reading something I’ve already read for another book club, and I liked it but I am unlikely to read it again in the next few days. I think I remember enough of The Bookwoman of Troublesome Creek to discuss it over wine. The others include:

The main joy project selection this month is Joyful Militancy by Nick Montgomery and Carla Bergman (with an intro by Hari Alluri, whose poetry I really like). Resistance often seems so heavy, so I’m interested in the ideas of these experienced activists who urge readers to find joy, friendship, curiosity and other wonders in the work. And, because art and activism often go hand in hand, I’m continuing to work through Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit and The Collaborative Habit.

What are you reading this month?

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April TBR

April is one of my favorite reading months because it’s National Poetry Month. It’s also National Jazz Appreciation Month, and while the Denton Arts & Jazz Festival is postponed until the fall this year, I am going to be reading through some old standards via keyboard. So we’re taking liberties with what goes on the “reading” list this month.

Joy Selections:

Art in its various forms is a big part of my life, and I’m exploring the joy in that this month.

Book Club Selections:

This list will seem long. No, I haven’t joined four more book clubs. It’s just because Follow the Reader is doing choose-your-own-adventure poetry this month, and my perpetual adventure is that, when left to my own devices, I can’t pick just one collection.

There may be other things that I read this month, but these are my main foci. What are you reading these days?

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March TBR

Most of this month’s selections

I’m quite excited about this month’s reading – so much so that I have already started every book on the following list. Some of them I have finished, with some I’m a few chapters in, and others I’ve just read the first few pages. So that’s the kind of reading month it’s going to be – very little structure, picking up whatever I am most intrigued with at the moment. Rampant, abundance anarchy.

Which is pretty appropriate for a month where my book with joy in the title (and the supplemental I have chosen to accompany it – not sure when I decided to do that but we’re going with it) is about the joy of reading children’s literature as an adult. This concept has my cosign already, as I am experiencing the delight of tucking into the Percy Jackson series that my friend Maggie is reading her son.

Here are the books I have started for the month of March:

Joy books:
* Wild Things: The Joy of Reading Children’s Literature as an Adult by Bruce Handy
* Why I Read: the Serious Pleasure of Books by Wendy Lesser

Book club selections:
* Brother & Sister by Diane Keaton
* The Book of Longings by Sue Monk Kidd
* Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Anne Friedman
* Professional Troublemaker by Luvvie Ajayi Jones
* The Removed by Brandon Hobson

New books by friends/library haul/etc.:
* Crossed by Death by ACF Bookens
* The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett
* Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas
* When No One Is Watching by Alyssa Cole
* Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

I’ll let you know which ones I enjoy the most!

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This is nowhere near the whole stack – just the ones that were on the unshelved/library cart. Also, this month has a lot of ebook and audiobook selections.

So listen. I got really excited about being three books ahead of schedule on my Goodreads challenge and super happy about the 24in48 marathon this coming weekend and…I kinda overplanned. I fully admit that it is HIGHLY unlikely that I will finish all the books listed below but I do not care because I want to read them all RIGHT NOW and will probably start them all this month anyway because what even is an attention span.

I’m just going to list them this month because to list AND talk about them would be a little tl;dr even for me. So here we go. At least I’ve divided them up into categories for you.

Books I’ve started and will continue to read/finish this month:

Whew. I told you I have no attention span. Definitely about 20-150 pages into each one of these so far. And we press on.

After my joy selections from last month were of the “ok, Type A, calm down and maybe sit still occasionally” variety, and I am not good at following that advice but I am super great at overcompensating by going the exact opposite direction, my restless soul has gone into super cleaning mode. I’m not complaining, but it seems like a good month for these three:

I also find joy in revisiting things that I’ve read before or series that connect me to people. So I’m dabbling in a little:

Book club selections for the month:

Recommendations from friends or continuing reading from an author or timely re-read or just because I grabbed it from the library because it sounded interesting and now I only have it for 21(ish) days:

And why not finish it off with some poetry?

It’s only…35 books. In a month.

This goal is so ridiculous, I’m making a guessing game out of it. For every $5 you give to Denton Bail Fund, you get one guess about how many I’ll *actually* finish from February 1-February 28. I’ll send the person whose guess is the closest (or the person whose name I draw out of a hat, if there’s a tie) the book of their choice from this list. Because of who I am as a person, some game rules:

1. To qualify as an entry, you must email coffeesnob@gmail.com:

  • Screenshot of your donation confirmation to Denton Bail Fund with date and amount showing
  • Which of the 35 titles you would like to receive if you win
  • Your mailing address (I will not sell your information – just use it this one time to mail you your book if you win)
  • Your guess(es) – one per $5 donated, whole numbers from 2-35 (I’ve already finished 2 – don’t guess lower than that) – about how many books I will finish between February 1 and February 28.

2. Donations made to DBF must be dated between 12:01 a.m., January 1, 2021 (because yes, I reward being already on this) and 11:59 p.m., February 10, 2021, to count toward an entry.

3. Deadline for receiving email entries is February 11, 2021, at 5:30 p.m., CST.

4. I will send a confirmation email when I get your entry. If you do not get a confirmation from me, you have not successfully entered.

All other things being equal, I will have a final total posted by March 5 and will place the order for the winner’s book by March 10, 2021.

Okay, so I’m going to go read now. I have so many choices! This is the best month!

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January TBR

Not pictured – all the audiobooks I’m listening to because of my current inability to sit still

I meant to post my TBR list on the first weekend of January, but it sort of got away from me. Beyond what we’re reading in my various book clubs, my January selections are typically a mixture of seize-the-day-and-world books accompanied by a little comfort reading, and this January is no exception. This year, of course, I have the extra category of at least one book with joy in the title (although if my growing list is any indication, it will likely be more than one a month).

Joy

This month’s selections are three books by Jennifer McCartney – The Joy of Being Online all the F*cking Time, The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place, and The Joy of Doing Just Enough. They’re quick reads – I’ve already finished the first two listed – and they’re perfect for the month when I am both excited and overwhelmed by my goals. Although they are meant to be humorous parodies of self-help books, their message provides the bit of balance I didn’t know I needed. Yes, have goals but also maybe calm down a little bit because the messy living room and the fact that I check my phone at least twice an hour? Not really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, and sometimes I need to hear that.

Book Clubs

  • How Not To Die Alone (or, as this title was deemed too harsh to do well in the UK, Something To Live For) by Richard Roper. I love this book. These are the kinds of characters I love/want to write, and the story was quirky and endearing.
  • The Henna Artist by Alka Joshi – Just started listening to this one, and I expect to love it. The description is right up my alley, and the writing thus far is gorgeous.
  • It Chooses You by Miranda July – I was gifted a copy by my friend Sarah, and I am really happy to have the hard copy of this one. The visual effect is a big part of the story.
  • The Swallowed Man by Edward Carey – I know almost nothing about this one, but Jenny Lawson picked it, so I know it’s going to be weird and wonderful.
  • Black Futures by Kimberly Drew and Jenna Wortham – the first selection in Roxane Gay’s new book club called The Audacity.

Personal Selections

  • The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry – One of my favorite New Year’s Day traditions is re-reading this little treasure. I get something different out of it every year.
  • Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel García Márquez – Our Follow the Reader book club had a choose-your-own-adventure selections for December, and I was reminded that I meant to read this last year, so I’m starting it now.
  • If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet? by Cynthia Heimel – My friend Brenda has a little free library at her house, and when this showed up, she messaged me to see if I wanted her to put it aside for me after she finished reading it. Of course I did. What a great title!
  • Untamed by Glennon Doyle – I’m twenty pages in, and I’m already feeling a little more feral. I like it so much!
  • Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes – This book changed a lot of things for me a couple of years ago and put a lot of things in motion that caused me to seek out communities that have played a big part in keeping me alive this year. The audiobook is fueling so much gratitude.
  • Night Cycles by Elizabeth Wilder – I’ve taken one of her poetry classes, and I love this collection. I was going to save it for Lent, but it’s pretty fitting for this political climate, too.

What are you reading these days?

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“May your coming year be filled with magic and reams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.” Neil Gaiman

Every year, I write this quote on the first notes page of my new planner. When I read through my 2020 planner, it made me cry, not only because of some of the things I missed but also because of how much of this sweet wish actually came true. It wasn’t at all in the ways I expected, but I guess that’s part of the surprise.

In Joy the Baker’s “Let It Be Sunday” post last week, she talked about goal setting as making deposits on your dreams. I love that perspective. Each year during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, I reflect on the last twelve months and tweak the goals that need a little nudge to get me closer to who and where I want to be. As I mentioned yesterday, I reflect and adjust throughout the year, but this is the time that I always have some days off work to really dig in.

Here are my goals for 2021:

  1. Read 120 books. Third time’s the charm? I don’t know what will happen this year, but I know that I’m more myself when I’m reading regularly. As long as the focus to do so remain constant, ten books a month is a pretty reasonable pace for me, and when I have a little extra time off, I read even more (thus the 13 I read in November and the 15 in December). The theme for this year’s reading is community. I’m in three local book clubs that meet live every month, another one that discusses primarily through a Facebook group (Fantastic Strangelings), and a new one that Roxane Gay is leading. A friend at work is also organizing some of us to participate in the Pop Sugar challenge. I love talking about books with fellow lit lovers.
  2. My current career plans are to retire from UNT when I’m eligible in nine and a half years and then embark on my second (third? fourth? Who’s keeping track, really?) career as a full-time writer. To this end, I will need to have established a strong second income already, which I have already begun working on. I wrote 250,000 words in freelance articles in 2020, and for 2021, I want to push to finish 300,000 words. This means an average of 6,000 words a week, which is a lot but also reasonably doable.
  3. One thing I have become acutely aware of this past year is how the spaces in my home are technically functional but not really inviting. I want to fix that this year, and I have weekly goals for doing so mapped out. Even if I’m the only one who enjoys them, I am reason enough to make them as cozy as possible.
  4. You know what would also be great dream to realize? Becoming a better/more confident artist. I mean, I’ll perform anyway, but I would like it to take less intense and sudden practice, particularly when I’m performing with other artists who regularly put in the time to be prepared for such things. The first ten years I played piano, my mom made me practice an hour a day to justify the lessons she was paying for. It was not always convenient or easy, but it sure was handy to be able to sub in with little to no warning when someone needed me to. At the height of the time I was performing regularly, I danced 10-15 hours a week (and my legs were phenomenal). I also was more aware of how food affected my body and paid more attention to strength so that I didn’t get injured. I have so many writing projects started, and I want people to be able to read them in their entirety at some point. So I have a lot I want to accomplish. I don’t expect myself to carve out an extra 25 hours a week right now, but I can build toward more consistency. To this end, I am putting aside an hour on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights as well as two hours each Saturday, to give myself time to make personal art practice a specific, regular part of my schedule. For January, I’m going to practice each of the three genres (writing, dance, piano) at least three times a week, and I’ll expand/adapt once I am consistently doing that. My hope is that by the end of the year, I’m closer to the 25-hour mark than the 5-hour one.
  5. Pursue joy. Joy is my word of the year, and as you may have been noticing in the 31 days series (which we’re just shamelessly going to continue until it’s done, ignoring the fact that the 31 original days for which it was intended have passed), I have a lot to say about it already. You can expect a few updates a month, and I’m going to be reading at least one book a month with joy in the title. The first one I started with the blog series was Surprised by Joy (which I expect to finish within the week). January has three selections by the same author – Jennifer McCartney’s The Joy of Being Online All the F*cking Time, The Joy of Leaving Your Sh*t All Over the Place, and The Joy of Doing Just Enough. In a month where everything else is certain to be pretty intense, I expect these books will bring a little levity.

Do you make resolutions? If not, do you have goals you’re working toward? I’d love to hear about them!

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Some of my favorite images from the year

Well, here it is. The end-of-the-year review. I feel like a lot has been said about the world in general, and I’m tired and a little sad tonight, so I’m not interested in recapping it (didn’t I do this last year, too? I remember being very melancholy last year at this time. Maybe that’s just who I am now.). So I’m going to go through the year I thought I was going to have, how it changed for me personally, and maybe some more things as I ramble on.

First, some goal-setting changes:
1. I love resolutions, but I maintain the flexibility to adapt them. I did this really well this year – mostly out of necessity but also because it just makes sense to set goals that way. To work toward what you want until you get it or don’t really want it anymore or figure out something you want more.
2. Instead of plotting all the short-term tasks needed to reach goals in a chart for each month at the beginning of the year, I plotted one month at a time and based the new standards for each month on the previous month’s actual accomplishment (it’s like I KNEW) (I did not know) (No one knew). I like this much better, and it gives me a much clearer picture of the real progress I’m making.
3. I took the month of December off from the reward system of checking things off. Mostly I did this to just take a break from it, which was needed. But also it gave me a chance to see what habits actually stuck when I removed the reward of a check mark or a crossed-off item. Very illuminating.

Official resolutions I made at the beginning of the year and how they went:
1. Read 120 books. I did not quite make it. But, considering that I went for about four months where I had the attention span of a gnat and couldn’t read for more than five minutes at a time (I read a total of six books during those four months), I think my final total of 96 is still pretty respectable.
2. Finish Fishbowl again – nope. Although I’ve made considerable progress.
3. Keep up with microfictions on Ello – yes…ish. I haven’t even checked lately to see if Ello is still a thing. But I have written a LOT of microfiction and short stories. I didn’t set a specific number to write every month, so I didn’t keep count, but that was the main creative writing I did.
4. Perform with Spiderweb – yes x2! I was in the last in-person show, collaborating with Sarah Ruth for Spiderweb Loves You on Valentines Day. And I had a spot in our online Spiderdead in November playing an original not-really-a-composition-but-more-like-a-prompt called Maybe Hope is a Terrible Idea.
5. Find a doctor – yes. Done.
6. Find a new dentist and eye doctor – not yet. Have people picked out to try, though, in the first few months of the new year.
7. Continue to build Pilates practice – yes, but not back with the in-person classes yet (although my studio has been great with upping the cleanliness standards and thinking outside the box and serving customers – really proud of the way they’ve done things). When we started working from home in March, I accepted a 30-day strength challenge with Jessica and Mary in my office, though, and I incorporated a lot of Pilates stuff in that and have expanded it and kept up with it pretty well. I may be able to test into Level 2 classes when I return.
8. Work – vague resolution about continuing to figure out what I want to do with my life that got put on the back burner when I was just happy to still have work.
9. Word of the year was “alive” and we know how I feel about that. So that’s that.

Goals I didn’t have at the beginning of the year but added and met anyway:
1. Reduce plastic use and trash production. I started putting trash day as Monday on my calendar (I needed help remembering some things – see note above re: attention span). I soon found myself finding ways to prolong it to another day to see how long I could go without filling up the trash cans. I’m up to three weeks (except in the kitchen because food-adjacent waste really shouldn’t sit in my house for three weeks but I just use smaller bags).
2. Reduce food waste – my fridge had a hard year and I think it’s on its way to dying. My freezer still works great, though, so I began freezing leftovers. I’m down to almost zero food waste, so I think that’s a habit I’ll keep even when I have a fixed/new fridge.
3. Automate shipments – toilet paper, toothpaste tabs (the Bits ones – plastic free packaging!), laundry sheets (also plastic free!), etc. I needed to take things out of my headspace this year, so I automated a lot of shipments of things I normally would just run an extra errand to get when I ran out. Now I don’t run out. Great decision – 10/10 – highly recommend.

Things I learned about myself:
1. I’m way more adaptable than I thought I was. Like…my response to chaos has mostly been to fight and thrive (relatively speaking).
2. I am very particular about who I trust. And I like that about me. I mean, I’ll extend a basic trust to most people – I don’t want into new relationships assuming they’re shady – but past that basic trust? It has to be earned.
3. I can like and get along with someone without trusting them or letting them affect me. This makes me good at standing up for other people, and I want to practice that more in the future.
4. I need to be touched. Like…regularly. I knew this already but I really really know it now.

I lost a few people I love this year (some COVID-related, some not), and that’s been hard. I also had a few heartbreaks, one in particular that was really heavy and terrible. I feel like I’m in perpetual heartbreak these days, and I don’t know how to not be. I’m really trying to seek joy in the midst of it anyway.

Finally, to end on a sort of positive note, some highlights:
1. Staying connected to Spiderweb even though it’s online and particularly to the You Are Here support group
2. Monday night text study
3. Book clubs!
4. So many artists adapting to online performance and sharing really beautiful things
5. So many local businesses adjusting to changes and finding new ways to serve customers
6. The Science of Well-Being – free course from Yale
7. Wake and Bake fundraising boxes of baked goods
8. Backyard hangouts with people who love me

Goodbye, 2020.

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Day 12 – Anticipate

“All Joy reminds. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still ‘about to be’.”
― C.S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life

I recently wrote a blog piece for my copywriting/SEO job on finding joy, and a lot of the research I found when doing so indicates that having something to look forward to is a big part of joy. That makes sense. I’m all for being in the moment, but if you are already feeling low on joy or happiness, focusing on the here and now may not be super helpful.

I’m also re-reading Surprised by Joy (this month’s “book with ‘joy’ in the title” selection), and C.S. Lewis wrote about his experiences of joy as exhilarating, fleeting moments where he felt an intense longing for something. For example, just the idea of autumn or another favorite time of the year can spur you to hope. Even if the time is far away, the anticipation can jolt you into a temporary state of euphoria.

I don’t typically think of unfulfilled desires or unrealized experiences as things that produce pleasant feelings. Most of my loneliness, after all, stems from the absence of experiences that I really want to be a part of my everyday life. At the same time, however, with the help of whatever scraps of hope I am able to scrounge together in the moment, joy can still show up. When I think of the characteristics I particularly love in a partner – and especially when I meet someone new who embodies a lot of those characteristics – there is that jolt. The familiar memory of loving someone combined with the anticipation of the possibility of feeling that way again? That feeling is pure magic.

This is the sneaky good thing about joy that may just be my favorite part. It doesn’t just show up in the middle of a particular difficulty. It shows up, in part, specifically because of it. Joy will tailor itself to you.

I think that whenever I’m feeling particularly joyless, I’m going to focus on something I’m looking forward to or indulge my daydreams about how great it would be to have certain hopes come true. I want to learn to anticipate and thus invite joy to surprise me by sneaking up alongside the sorrows.

I’m writing about chasing joy for the 31 days of December. Click here to see the whole list.

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