M. Suzanne Terry

I don’t care what Olivia Pope (Scandal.  Watch it.) says.  Popcorn and wine do not a real meal make.

Especially when I can have a nice supper, lovingly prepared, and enjoy a nice glass of Chianti with it.  I can make a big meal and have two or three servings left over for future meals.  This is a nice, standard practice.

But occasionally, I want to have a not-real meal.

The not-real meal is one of the things that doesn’t suck about being single.  I mean, maybe married people do this, too.  But it’s hard to talk myself into just snacking for dinner, so it’s something that I can’t see myself putting a lot of effort into justifying well enough to take another person down with me.

But sometimes, I just want popcorn.  I want to air pop some kernels, drizzle them with just enough coconut oil to make the salt stick, pour a glass of wine, and not think about anything but catching up on TV.

That’s what I did last night.  It was awesome.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– David and Barbara know what’s up.

– Grace.  Scandalous, eat-popcorn-for-supper grace.  A healthy lifestyle allows for a little touch of this.

I’m going 31 days without eating fast food.

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I have to start taking pictures of meals.  I mean, not everything.  The lentil soup, for example, while warm and cozy, is not very photogenic.

But when they turn out as pretty as Monday’s meal did, you’ll want to see it.

It was just a simple piece of toast (from very good bread), covered in rosemary scrambled eggs and tomatoes, with a small sprinkle of Parmesan cheese on top.

It was so, so pretty.  It was also delicious.  And it took me less than ten minutes to make.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– Good food doesn’t have to take a long time to make.  Sometimes I let the thought of cooking overwhelm me, particularly on one of my long days.

– Pretty food is just better.  I notice that I eat it more slowly, which means I notice that I’m full sooner, and I don’t eat as much.

I’m going 31 days without eating fast food.

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Poverty is a real thing.  There are so many people who don’t have clean water, a roof over their heads, or enough to eat.

I am not one of those people.  Sometimes, though, I act like I am.

Sometimes, I act like I have to gorge myself, as if I don’t know when my next meal will be. The truth, though, is that I have never not known when my next meal will be or where it will come from. I usually even have the luxury of changing my mind – of having choices.

Sometimes, I don’t leave myself time to cook, or I don’t plan ahead, and I tell myself that I don’t have time to make good choices.  But “having time” and “making time” are different things, and the truth is that I have all the time I need to do what is important to me.

Sometimes, I live with a poverty mentality, even though poverty is not my reality.  I live as though there’s never enough – not enough food or enough money or enough time.  As a result, I hoard and gorge.  I overeat, just in case my next meal comes a few hours after I expect that it will.  I overspend on groceries, thinking I might use that one thing in that one recipe someday, and someday might be next weekend – you know, if I’m not too busy – and if I wait, I might have already spent that money on something else that I might need someday soon. I don’ t make meals – including the preparation and clean-up time – a part of my schedule, and then I get frustrated and stressed out when my schedule fills up and I have no time left for it, and it surprises me every time.

This weekend was a weekend of plenty.  More importantly, it was a weekend of reminding myself that I have plenty.  I was intentional and spent less than twenty dollars on groceries for the weekend, ate real food, and even had leftovers.

It wasn’t hard.  It just took a little planning and a quick trip to the store, a process that took less than an hour to complete.

My goal this week is twofold:

1) to cook one meal a day, making enough for that meal and at least one serving of leftovers for lunch.

2) to reorganize my budget, my schedule, and my priorities.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– Homemade french fries kick ass.

– If one feeds a dog a tiny little piece of popcorn from one’s hand during a moment of weakness on Friday night, said dog will hover near one and breathe her atrocious, moist dog breath on one’s arm every time one has anything food-related, and while this is SUPER annoying, one can’t really get mad, because it’s one’s own fault.  Dogs learn what they live, and what she lived is that I am weak and that puppy-dog-eyes get her popcorn.

– Scandal is a good show, but if you like wine, make sure that you have a nice red before you watch it, because watching it will make you want wine badly enough to put your shoes back on and go back to the store if you don’t happen to have any at home.  Maybe don’t watch Scandal if you’re a recovering alcoholic.

I’m going 31 days without eating fast food.

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I am so irritable today.

Part of it is because there are a thousand needy people in my lobby and around my desk, because a big program is happening tonight, and the kids are excited.  It’s probably cute.  It would be a lot cuter if I weren’t in a mood.

Most of it is probably because my body is in detox, and it’s trying to cope with the fact that it’s been ten days since I had a crappy hamburger.

I had a good breakfast (oatmeal) and a delicious lunch (pasta, eggs, a little Parmesan cheese, tomatoes).  I am not hungry.

But my kingdom for a friggin’ french fry.

I have reached the anger stage of diet change.

I’m not sure what to do about this.  In most of the articles I’ve read, the conclusion seems to be that I should just wait it out, and it will pass.

*sigh*

Themes, observations, lessons:

– I want to fix it.  I want to believe that there’s an answer that can be implemented now and that I can be in control of how I feel.  That I have to wait for it to pass is unacceptable.   I might have a few control issues, but we already knew this.

– OMG.  My class is giving presentations tonight.  *cries*

– Tomorrow will be better.  Tomorrow will be better.  Tomorrow will be better.

I’m going 31 stupid days without eating delicious, glorious fast food. 

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It occurred to me this morning that I should probably define what I mean when I say “fast food.”

I don’t include my twice-a-week visit to the coffee cart downstairs at NCTC before my night classes in this category.

But I do include driving through somewhere and ordering a coffee.

I don’t include going out to eat with friends.

But I do include ordering a pizza when watching a movie with friends at my house.

Apparently, I don’t include buying a Cherry Coke out of the vending machine (because I totally did that yesterday).

But I do decline my coworker’s offer to bring me a soda when they call from the line at McDonald’s.

My overall goal for the month is to slow down my decisions about food.  I want this to begin a real commitment to knowing more about my food – where it comes from, how it was made, and who made it.  I want to end my mindless consumption.  Anything that I can get served to me in my car or brought to my house in a box or a bag doesn’t really serve that purpose.

This month is about increasing value.  I find value in my coffee cart visits.   I know the owners, and they know their coffee.  They also know me.  I just have to say “coffee” or “tea,” and they know exactly what my order will be (a large Americano with an extra shot of espresso, or a large green tea with just one bag, respectively).  I find value in sharing a meal with friends, even one we don’t cook for ourselves, where both conversation and wine flow freely.

I’m not sure I find a lot of value in soda, even if I walk to the machine or store to get it.  I might have to call “my bad” on that incident.

I want this month to be another step in my move more toward a slow food lifestyle.  That’s my ultimate food goal.  This month is about breaking the habit of its antithesis.

Themes, observations, and lessons:

– There’s just nothing good for you in soda.  Nothing at all.  I mean, I already knew this, but reminders are good.

– I like seeing how this month fits in with continuing goals.

– I need to prioritize, reschedule, and tweak my budget.  More on this later.

I’m going 31 days without fast food.

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I won’t tell you what’s in this cup.

Let’s just say that it’s not anything like the coffee I usually drink, and leave it at that.

I woke up this morning, and I went into the kitchen to make coffee.  My trusty coffee jar was empty.  Under normal circumstances, this would not be cause for alarm.  I keep extra coffee – as I buy in bulk – in larger, airtight containers in the cabinet.  I looked in my cabinet.  No coffee.  My pulse quickened as I opened the freezer, hoping beyond hope that I somehow lost my mind and stashed a bag in there.

Nothing.  There was nothing.  The skies darkened as the horrible realization began to seep in.

I’m still coming to terms with it.

I ran out of coffee.  Surely the apocalypse is nigh.

“It’s okay.  It’s okay,” I whispered, as I searched in vain for a paper bag into which to breathe.  “I can just drive through…OH, NO!”

Dilemma – to drive through for a sub par coffee-like substance in order to satisfy the caffeine craving, making myself late to work and almost certainly picking up a snack as well, or to make something that I did have work.

I chose the latter.  I am still undecided on whether it was the better choice.

Themes, observations, and lessons:

– Never, ever run out of coffee.  I thought I already knew this, but apparently…no.

– There is danger in reorganizing my schedule and priorities.  Hours-in-a-week are finite.  Part of the draw of fast food is that it’s convenient – that it’s on the way – a way I would already be going.  It’s not something extra I have to make a lot of extra time to do.  When I make extra time for things like cooking and cleaning up afterwards, that takes away time from something I was doing before.  This time, what got left out was ordering coffee.  I suppose this is better than forgetting to show up for work, but still.  I want to figure out how to make good changes without losing what I love.

I’m going 31 Days without eating fast food.  

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One thing I really love about my parents’ visits is that we take time to sit down and eat breakfast.  Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day.  It’s usually pretty simple, but it’s always so good.

We usually have eggs, toast, some kind of meat (served on the side, for those who want to abstain), and fresh fruit.  We brew pot after pot of coffee while we cook and wake up for the day.

When I take time to cook breakfast for myself, it makes my whole day better.  I tend to vary what I make more often when I’m by myself, but whether it’s breakfast quinoa, waffles, a poached egg on rye toast, or a frittata, cooking is the best way to start the day.  It reminds me to do one thing at a time, because I only have two hands.  It reminds me not to get into too much of a rush, because the time it takes for something to cook doesn’t speed up just because I’m in a hurry.  It forces me to start my day off by managing my time well, and I end up handling the day better.

Themes, observations, and lessons:

– Breakfast could make me into a morning person.  Maybe.

– How I start the day matters.

– I like sharing breakfast, but I like it just as well in solitude.

I’m going 31 days without eating fast food.

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My parents visited this weekend.  In celebration, we cooked, but we also hit the buffet.  We found an all-you-can-eat catfish place.  My mom loves catfish, so she didn’t even mind that it was a bit of a drive from Denton.

The food was good, and there was a lot of it.

Then we all waddled out to the car, and this is what that sounded like:

“I ate too much.”

“I’m so full – why did you let me go back for that last plate?”

“I’m never eating again.”

“I’m going to really feel this later.”

“I know better.”

We eat to excess, and we do it on purpose.  We knew that we would overdo it as soon as the restaurant was chosen, but we did it anyway.

This addiction to excess is not limited to event-by-event food consumption.  It also extends to food collection.

My grandparents grew up during the Depression.  They learned the art of conserving.  They also learned the art of stocking up for a rainy day.

Only the latter got passed down to their kids, except without any nuance.  There’s a fine line between stocking up and hoarding.

The family is a big fan of places like Costco and Sam’s.  I never go to Mom and Dad’s (or my sister and brother-in-law’s, for that matter) without being asked if I need a case or two of the ten thousand cans of whatever they bought.  The one good thing about having a small kitchen and apartment is that I can legitimately tell them that I don’t have the storage space without sounding like I’m just making excuses not to take it.

But I’m totally just making excuses not to take it.

I don’ t want my pantry and fridge to be full to excess.  I don’t want to have to choose between eating twice as much as I need and letting things go to waste.  I don’t want to have to stuff things in nooks and crannies and risk head injury every time I open the door to the cabinet.

I want the kitchen to be full of things that I need and use.

Themes, observations, and lessons:

– Mom cannot say “no” to catfish.

– I will not say “no” to peach cobbler.  I can, however, limit my intake to a few spoonfuls.

– New habits are hard to form.

– New habits are harder to form when they are based on values that are different from your family’s values.

I’m going 31 days without eating fast food.

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