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The Year That Was Meant To Be Quiet

April 15, 2024 by Suzanne

Life seems to be plodding along lately. I am not doing a lot of things I’d usually do because I don’t have the energy (and also there are so, so many germs out there that my body just can’t handle being around right now). My treatment has hit a small hiccup (delayed due to concerning lab results – nothing too drastic or out of the ordinary, I’m assured), and that’s frustrating.

But I’m getting through it without too many terrors, so I guess that’s something.

This weekend, I participated in Dewey’s 24-hour Readathon. And by participated, I do mean read sporadically and fell asleep a lot. I finished one of the books I started, though, and I’ll probably finish another tonight. I don’t see me finishing the book for book club by tomorrow. It’s a long one, and while I started it last month, I haven’t been reading consistently so time got away from me a bit.

The whole weekend was so relaxing. I even got some journaling in, and I remembered my word for the year.

Quiet.

In many ways, it has been quieter simply because I’m doing less and staying home more. I’m even doing less when I’m at home. I still clean and work on projects but in much shorter spurts. I haven’t had the attention span to read as much as usual. I’ve decided that while I’m still going to try to complete some of my reading challenges, writing reviews for each book I do read is probably not a reasonable expectation this year. So it’s been quieter here, too.

But when I do leave home, everything is so intense.

I’m not just going to work; I’m rushing through getting things done because I’m out so much with appointments and don’t want to miss anything important. Also, my office is moving (again) into a louder part of the office (again). One day, I’ll actually get to settle into this position and feel like I have my head on straight. I hope.

I’m not just getting regular check-ups but intense treatments that make me feel puny, and that affects every other aspect of my life.

I’m attending very few social events, but I feel way more social than usual because I’m trying to keep people informed and constantly answering questions of “How are you doing?” and “How can I help?” which are very sweet questions to ask. I do miss, however, having conversations about literally anything else. I’m so tired of talking about myself (which I realize may not be believable given that I’m currently doing so on the internet but…you get it).

What I want to explore this week is carving out quiet spaces in the chaos. I want to turn my new office into a calm area where I can be productive without getting overstimulated. I want to give myself buffers around my appointments so that I am not just darting to them and rushing back but having a chance to process (or just breathe) a little before I jump right into the next thing. I want to be bolder about changing the subject when I can’t possibly fathom talking about my body or my needs for one minute longer. Simply ending these conversations when I need to is also a good alternative.

I enjoy solitude and quiet time, so while this is a challenge, it’s a welcome one. In fact, I think it’s just what I need to get myself back to some semblance of what I meant this year to be.

Posted in Alive, Beauty, Books, Health, Mental Health, Quiet, Reading Challenges, Resolutions | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – Rest and Reading

April 5, 2024 by Suzanne

Happy April! In the past couple of weeks, I’ve had some time off from work to rest and breathe, and it was so good. I should do that more often. Noted.

Here are some things I’ve enjoyed in the last few weeks.

  • On a Facebook post my friend and bandmate Jesse described the music they played during his head CT. I especially loved this quote at the end: “Overall it was a magical concert albeit brief, but this is a simple reminder that the beauty of music and art is fleeting, ephemeral. The only reason I didn’t give it a 5/5 was because the light show left something to be desired, and there was no encore,” and the link he provided to D Magazine’s article about listening to the symphony in space. 
  • Enjoy these 7 reasons you shouldn’t date a reader. Accurate. 
  • I’ve been anxious and insomnia-ed lately and super steroid-zoomie lately, and somatic yoga has helped. 
  • I loooove Ollie Schminkey’s poem. And the delivery? Wonderful. I love the enthusiasm, the frustration, the insight, the passion. I especially love the parts that the audience clearly loves, too, particularly “I am not trapped in my body; I am trapped in other people’s perceptions of my body.” Worth a watch (and a re-watch), especially for those who find themselves in a place of “I just don’t understand.” This might help.
  • “And Yet the Books” – a treasure to read for National Poetry Month from Czeslaw Milosz via Susan Cain.

I hope you have a good weekend!

Posted in Books, Friday Five, Fun, Health, Music, Poetry | Leave a Comment »

April 2024 TBR

April 1, 2024 by Suzanne

Hello, friends. It’s National Poetry Month! There are several specific volumes of poetry I have in mind for this month already:

I’ll probably also read some May Sarton. Probably some Louise Glück. And because the libro.fm reading challenge prompt, “Listen to at least ten minutes of an audiobook every day for a month” will make me listen to just a little bit of poetry every day, Poetry Unbound, curated by Pádraig Ó Tuama.

One of my in-person book clubs is participating in a choose-your-own-adventure poetry night, where we share our favorites of the poems we read this month with each other. The library book club is discussing our favorite young adult selections. The other two are reading:

Other than my book club selections and the heightened focus on poetry, though, I am taking the rest of my reading time this month to read the things from January-March’s TBRs that I haven’t finished yet. Or at least make a dent in them. My focus and reading speed have been way down recently, but given everything else that’s going on, I suppose that makes sense. Taking a month to acknowledge that and regroup.

What are you excited about reading next?

Posted in Books, Poetry, Reading Challenges, Resolutions | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – Happy Birthday Weekend to Me!

March 15, 2024 by Suzanne

My good friends Maggie and Michelle are coming into town today and spending my birthday weekend with me, and I’m so excited!! We are going to eat cupcakes, binge-watch comfort TV, and just bask in each other’s presence all weekend. 

Up until very recently (i.e., a couple of days ago), I have been operating under the assumption that I will have the energy to do everything I really want to do. I mean, I knew in my head that this was not probable. But I cling to the idea that I’m extraordinary. Well, I am. Extraordinarily sensitive to treatment in that I have had almost every one of the milder side effects of chemo so far. Apparently, that means it’s working, so I’ll take it. But still. 

Could it also mean that maybe I don’t stretch myself to the very end of my energy every single day? I think so. I think that would be a good thing to stop doing. Every week, I find more and more that I usually love to do that I just don’t have the energy for, and that’s going to have to be ok for now. The things I love will still be there when I’m well.

In the meantime, here are some things I love that take relatively little bandwidth.

  • Oh, gosh. Ruth Reichl, Laurie Ochoa, and Nancy Silverton have a podcast together. It’s called Three Ingredients and I am obsessed (with a PODCAST?! I know, right?!). 
  • Five ways to trick yourself into decluttering. The timer works really well for me. I can do anything for five minutes, and I can get a surprising amount of things done in that time.
  • Dorie Greenspan has a new book coming out, and it’s about simple cakes. I feel like I need to pre-order it, because simple cakes are my favorites. Give me anything I can throw in a bundt pan and maybe not even ice, and I’m happy.
  • My writing is hitting a slump, so I’m going to refresh a little next week with the Healing Through Writing Festival. It’s all online, and most of the sessions are free. You can upgrade for a pretty reasonable price to get All Access, but per my energy level, I may just need to stick to the other sessions. But if you are a creative and need a boost, too, you may want to check it out. The presenters I recognize are top-notch, so I’m excited to learn what everyone else has to say.
  • Finally, a very helpful product that my friend Steph introduced me to. My skin has been so sensitive – to heat, allergens, etc.  More than usual, I mean. It is a mess. Enter Active Skin Repair Hydrogel. I can put it on cuts, burns, allergy rashes…anything. And it soothes and heals. It has been a godsend and if this product were a person I would marry it. Highly recommend if you are similarly afflicted.

I hope you have a great weekend!

Posted in Alive, Books, Food, Friday Five, Fun, Health, Home, Writing | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – Rest for the Puny

March 8, 2024 by Suzanne

Feeling a little puny this week, but otherwise, it’s been a pretty good one. I have a slow weekend ahead, and I’m looking forward to that. I actually get to sleep in tomorrow morning!

Next week is the students’ spring break, but I’m also taking off a couple of days and then a few days the week after that to make a long birthday weekend. Shaping up to be a good rest for the next couple of weeks!

  • “In another life, I’m a booktuber.” Susannah Conway is one of my favorite people on the internet, and I love this short piece. I like my life and my choices in general. But I’ve been a bit blue this week and musing on the lives I could have had is a little bit of a breather. 
  • In niche news, I’ve been into villanelles lately (e.g.,  “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”). I find their rhythm both inspiring and soothing. Might try doing something with that. Stay tuned.
  • A little inspiration for getting my garden started this weekend. That’s the one big task I have planned for home for this weekend. I have my soil and seeds and here’s hoping another big freeze doesn’t come through before Texas spring really springs.
  • I love this piece on embodiment and approaching living as an art form, taking into account possibilities as well as limits – The Art of Living (The Convivial Society)
  • Happy International Women’s Day! Here’s a little light reading to celebrate. In addition to being Women’s History Month, March is also National Reading Month. Also, the longlist for the Women’s Prize for Fiction has been announced. So…take time off work for a reading staycation? I feel like that’s what all of these things are telling me to do.

I hope you are having a good day and that your weekend is everything you want it to be!

Posted in Books, Friday Five, Fun, Health, Home, Poetry, Quiet, Work | Leave a Comment »

March (The Best Month) 2024 TBR

March 7, 2024 by Suzanne

Welcome to March! My birth month. The month that contains spring break. Staff Appreciation Month at UNT. 

In other words – objectively speaking – The Best Month.

And what makes a great month even better is looking forward to reading some really good books.

Book Clubs

Reading Challenges

The Ukraine by Artem Chapeye

  • A book originally published under a pen name (POPSUGAR)
  • A book published in 2024 (OWC)

Sometimes I Trip on How Happy We Could Be by Nichole Perkins

  • A book with a title that is a complete sentence (POPSUGAR)
  • Book that’s been on your shelf for over a year (Nowhere)

Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente

  • A book with a one-word title you had to look up in a dictionary (POPSUGAR)

Love, Theoretically by Ali Hazelwood

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry

  • Listen to a celebrity memoir (libro.fm)

Two Wrongs Make a Right by Chloe Liese

  • Read a romance with neurodivergent characters (Book Riot)

The Invisible Hour by Alice Hoffman

  • A book about books (Nowhere)
  • A plot similar to another book (52 Book Club)

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

  • The other book with the similar plot (52 Book Club)

Holy American Burnout! by Sean Enfield

  • Read a book by an author with an upcoming event (virtual or in person) and then attend the event (Book Riot)

Additional/Ongoing Reads

Sarah and I are tackling Proust together this year, so I’ve just started Swann’s Way. I’m also still working through Sacred Self-Care for Lent, and reading several books about health. 

What’s next on your TBR?

Posted in Books, Fun, Health, Reading Challenges, Resolutions, Work | 3 Comments »

Friday Five – Sort of Normal

March 2, 2024 by Suzanne

This week has been a mix of ups and downs, but it has felt like the most normal week I’ve had so far this year. I got to see some friends and had enough energy to put in almost a full week of work. I’m about to hunker down with a book and a cup of tea for the evening, but I thought I’d share a few things with you first.

  • One of the main things on my mind this week is the wildfires in the Texas Panhandle. My parents live a few hours south of where most of the blazes happened. So much loss, and here is how you can help.
  • The title “Warm House on a Quiet Day” stuck out as a cozy invitation in my inbox, but when I clicked to read it, it was so much more. Laura Grace Weldon’s words read like my constant internal monologue. 
  • I’ve been trying to find a small, portable snack and ran across this little gem – savory oatmeal cookies. I made the rosemary/parmesan ones. This weekend, I may experiment with subbing thyme, adding dried cherries, and leaving out all the dairy for the next batch. I feel like the possibilities are endless, and I am committed to exploring them with reckless abandon.
  • This piece by Lisa Bartelt is beautiful. My church is coming through for me in lovely, astounding ways these days, and it’s been a good reminder of why I picked them and why I choose to keep coming back. But even during more normal seasons, the rituals and the community I have there work wonders in my soul. 
  • And finally, I got to go to a vigil for Nex Benedict last night, and it was lovely. Following up a bit from last week, here is a list of resources from OUTreach Denton that can help you learn about how to get more involved in advocating for LGBTQ+ folk, particularly youth. Most of these are based in the DFW area, but I encourage you to look for resources around where you live if you’re not local to me.

I hope you’ve had a good week, and I hope you have an even better weekend!

Posted in Beauty, Church, Denton, Food, Friday Five, Home, Quiet, Work | 1 Comment »

Friday Five – Tired, Sad, and Mad

February 23, 2024 by Suzanne

Edited: At the community vigil in Owasso, Nex’s friends confirmed that he used he/him/his pronouns with friends and they/them at home. I have updated this post to reflect how Nex is known among his friends.

It’s been a hard week personally. Long saga, but the gist is the chemo port was successfully placed but they did not put me under during the procedure so I’ve been dealing with the fallout of that trauma (it took a full day and a half of “I’m fine everything’s fine it’s ok” to finally call it trauma, just in time to have a meltdown about it when I had labs done on Wednesday so maybe we journal more consistently and maybe make an actual appointment with the nice therapist soon). But some good news – no spread to the uterus, so that was a huge relief. 

And after the excellent care – physical, emotional, and mental – from the awesome team at Texas Oncology and some much-needed social support from friends over the course of the week, yesterday was much better. But I’m still exhausted.

This is, of course, added to the heartbreak of the ongoing updates on the death of Nex Benedict, the trans student who was murdered by bullies in Oklahoma this month (full disclosure – I have no energy left for diplomacy and I don’t see that changing this year while I’m undergoing cancer treatment, so buckle up – we’re going to be blunt and call things what they are around here for the foreseeable future…and maybe longer if I discover I like it as much as I suspect I will). 

If you are similarly heartbroken, make sure you are taking care of yourself extra this week. If you are trans or nonbinary, I want to tell you what I can never say often enough – your life and your right to just fucking exist in peace are important to me. If you are not heartbroken, do some soul-searching and examine why (I’ve put a few resources below if information will help). I say this especially to people who share my faith, because the God you follow is heartbroken about the horrific treatment and negligence that led to his death, so either return to said God and repent your hard-heartedness or start being honest about what spirit you are actually following, because it’s not a holy one. Also note that sometimes repentance starts with donations (see below). 

  • Information about the incident and also Freedom Oklahoma
  • Background info to familiarize yourself with the hazards and harm nonbinary and trans students often endure:
    • National Library of Medicine (via National Institutes of Health)
    • Another study on heightened risks experienced by this population compared to other adolescents
    • Williams Institute via ULCA School of Law
    • Duke University Press (gosh, I like this method section)
    • Breaking news – basic, adequate medical care is helpful – University of Washington, Department of Epidemiology
    • Not just a problem here (which absolutely does not negate in any way that it is a problem here, so take any what-abouts you may be tempted to entertain and throw them in the garbage where they belong – that it’s also awful elsewhere obviously means there’s more work to do, not less) – JAMA Network
    • The VAWnet project from the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
    • Btw, these sources were found by a Google search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks” and, when that pulled up mostly .org sites (i.e., usually solid, accurate studies but also often called out for being slanted, as every organization inherently has an agenda simply because it exists to further a certain cause, which naysayers like to point out, forgetting that their own pet organizations also have agendas because that’s what organizations do /rant), I spent a little extra time vetting before adding them to the list. Then I added a second search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks site:edu” (i.e., typically the most heavily scrutinized studies) to supplement. All of this took ten minutes, so take heart that it’s pretty quick and easy to find more good info if you are looking for it.
    • Search “trans and nonbinary blogs” and you will find a treasure trove of people who are putting their own stories and experiences out there to help people better understand (usually free of charge, which is incredibly generous, given how much emotional labor this level of public vulnerability requires. That being said, it would be appropriate to donate if they have a button or widget installed to do so.). The stats can give you general facts, but these personal sources are the ones that have had the greatest impact on my own empathy and understanding by seeing how navigating the world affects specific people. 
    • If you are reading and you have sources you want to add, please do so in the comments (especially if you want to share your own blog and stories). Sources that sympathize with aggressors or pose arguments that trans/nonbinary or LGBTQIA+ in general are not real identities will be deleted. Those are not valid viewpoints on this issue, and I am not making room in my online space to pretend that they are. No exceptions.
  • I am angry, but I am not angry with you (unless you happen to be a Texas or Oklahoma lawmaker or school board member. In that case, every single one of you is on my list. Do better. Tell your little work friends to do better. Do it now.). Okay, fine. Here’s a little diplomacy. Enjoy.
  • Go Fund Me for the family
  • Advocate for the actual protection of all children and youth, not just the comfort of straight/cisgender ones. Some info on getting started –

It’s been one of those weeks, friends. Take care of yourselves, and I hope you have a good weekend.

Posted in Alive, Church, Friday Five, Health, Mental Health, Rants, Revolution | 1 Comment »

Notable Reads – February 2024

February 16, 2024 by Suzanne

I adore Modern Mrs. Darcy. Anne Bogel and her whole team have created a bookish community that is fun and organized and about eleventy-four other kinds of wonderful. About midway through each month, she posts Quick Lit, a list of the books that she has been reading and enjoying lately, and she invites others to post their favorite recent reads or links to reviews in the comments. 

So I’m going to join in! These are the books I’ve read this year so far (or since the last time I posted about one in a Friday Five), and I’ll include a “recommended for” note with each one.

The Cook’s Book: Recipes for Keeps & Essential Techniques To Master Everyday Cooking by Bri McKoy

Recommended for very beginning cooks. This would be a great gift for a young adult getting their first apartment. 

My favorite thing about the book is that it talks about things that recipes don’t typically cover (e.g., does your oven run hot, or cold, or true to temp? How can you tell?) but that really make a difference in whether a dish comes together or not. It also gives recipes with each new skill that help the reader learn and practice that particular technique. 

The only thing I would change is for the author to lean even further into boldness and experimentation in the kitchen than it does. Some of my favorite dishes I still make today were born of happy accidents that never would have happened had I resisted the temptation to stray or been afraid to mess up and just bypassed a recipe that seemed too intimidating on the surface, and I want others to have the same delightful learning experiences.

A Closed and Common Orbit (Wayfarers #2) by Becky Chambers

Recommended for science fiction fans with a strong sense of justice (or would like to develop/sharpen one) who love character-driven fiction.

I read the first book in this series a while ago and fell in love with the characters. The second one was even better. I appreciated the backstory of one of the main characters alternating with the current storyline (one of my favorite storytelling techniques). One of my favorite things about the way Chambers writes is how well she layers the strengths and struggles of the characters to show each one’s unique way of solving problems and understanding the world around them. It makes the characters memorable and engaging.

The True Love Experiment by Christina Lauren

Recommended for will-they-won’t-they romance fans who are not turned off by a lot of really obvious signals being missed (I enjoy these stories – I find it comforting to think others are as clueless as I am).

I enjoyed this story overall. It dragged a little in certain spots, and there wasn’t a lot of high-stakes conflict for me. It was a light romance, whereas I like a little more character depth/struggle. But the writing is decent, and if you need something just fun for long waits in lines or doctor’s offices, you may enjoy this. 

This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub

Recommended for people who like linear time travel (i.e., time travel light – not quantum or, in the words of Dr. Who, wibbly-wobbly time travel) stories that are really more about the relationships between the characters than the time travel aspect.

There were parts of this book that were really hard for me, but it was very good. Content warning: parent/loved one illness. I read it quickly because I was immediately invested in the main character. It’s definitely one of my favorite reads of the year so far.

The Flight Girls by Noelle Salazar

Recommended for people who like a little romance sprinkled in their historical fiction.

The book I wanted to read was the story of the women who piloted planes during WWII, despite the misogyny and other barriers they were up against. The story I got was mostly that, but there was also a strong undercurrent of the romantic entanglement of the main character. If the story were to focus on interpersonal aspects, the more interesting relationships in the book (the friendships she forged with the other female pilots) would have been my preference. They were part of the story, but they seemed like a backdrop. The book was decent overall; just not what I was expecting. 

The Murder of Mr. Wickham by Claudia Gray

Recommended for Jane Austen fans. 

This was adorable. It was a dinner party that included main characters from a variety of Austen novels and, as indicated by the title, involved the death of everyone’s least favorite villain, Mr. Wickham, who crashed the party. So the story was which of the upstanding guests committed the crime. Witty writing that made me want to re-read all the novels it referenced – a fun, well-executed idea.

The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw

Recommended for everyone. Favorite book I’ve read so far this year. 

This collection of related short stories is beautifully told. Each character has a distinct voice, and the stories draw you in almost immediately as they buck up against systems that were designed to keep them in boxes. I listened to it on audio, and the reader was great. It’s a short book, and I wasn’t ready for it to end.

The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter

Recommended for everyone who is or will go through menopause. Actually, recommend for everyone. Everyone can benefit from knowing these things.

This is the most readable, informative, and comprehensive book I have read about menopause. I follow Dr. Gunter on Instagram so I was familiar with her teaching style from there. She not only gives evidence-based information but also debunks a lot of the fear-mongering that often circulates around this topic, which I appreciated. I need my own copy because it is a great reference for understanding symptoms, especially when to be super concerned vs. when to put it on the list to talk to your doctor the next time you see them. I thought I already knew a lot about menopause, but this book blew me away. Very good resource. 

What’s the best book you’ve read in the last few months?

Posted in Books | 2 Comments »

Friday Five – Birthdays and Other Updates

February 16, 2024 by Suzanne

Happy Friday! I’ve mostly been reading about chemotherapy this week, so not a lot from the web to share. But I still have some exciting things and updates. 

  • This Friday is a special one. One of my very best friends turns 40 today! Happy birthday, Michelle! I require you to live at least another 40. More, if possible. But just go ahead and plan on at least another 40. You make the world better and brighter and more badass and I love you so much.
  • I had my first treatment yesterday and other than being a little tired (probably more from the steroid keeping me awake most of the night than the actual chemo), I am mostly good. My skin is BIG mad so I’m being extra nice to it today.
  • I’m super excited about seeing The Taste of Things. I’m not really doing large public things like going to movie theaters these days, so I will wait until it streams to see it. But ever since Chocolat, Juliette Binoche is my foodie movie fave, and the trailer looks amazing.
  • Our team at work is reading The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick Lencioni, to discuss in a few weeks, so I’m probably going to start reading that today. In related news, I may need to stock up on popcorn and tea for the entertaining show that this discussion is likely to be.
  • Finally, I’m going to do book reviews a little differently this year. I’m going to be participating in Modern Mrs. Darcy’s monthly Quick Lit, so I’ll have a separate post somewhere around the ides of each month to catch up. I think it will be easier to do it all in one post a month, and I’m all about making every single thing I can easier these days. But the MMD community always has great suggestions, so if you’re looking for something to read over the weekend, you can get recommendations galore at that link!

I hope you have a great weekend!

Posted in Books, Food, Friday Five, Health, Reading Challenges, Work | Leave a Comment »

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