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It totally feels like December outside this week! It’s supposed to warm up later, but I don’t care – I’m counting it. It got cold for a minute, and I love it.

December is always a busy month, and this one is no exception. In addition to the added festivities of the holidays, we’re finishing the semester and transitioning to closedown and/or winter housing at work. Thank goodness I have a healthy book list to help me wind down at the end of the day. We’re a few days into the month, so I’ve finished a couple of these already, but I’m looking forward to a good mix of reads to end out the year.

Book Clubs

Two of my in-person book clubs have holiday/planning-the-TBR-for-next-year parties in lieu of reading a specific book together for December, and my library book club held its last meeting of the year this past Saturday, so there are only two meetings that I’m reading for this month.

  • The Briar Club by Kate Quinn (audio) – so good! It started slowly for me, but once it picked up, it flew by. If you have trouble keeping the characters separate, try the audiobook. The narrator distinguishes the voices well.
  • Blood Over Bright Haven by M.L. Wang (new-to-me fantasy/sci-fi book club at my local bookstore!)

Holiday Reading

In true December fashion, the name of the game this month is comfort and joy. I still have prompts on my reading challenges left, and I’ll probably continue on those I haven’t finished, because I’m still excited about reading everything I’ve chosen for the prompts. I also have a lot of books I’ve been putting off in order to work on said reading challenges. Not this month, though. Advent may be the season of waiting and anticipation, but I will not be delaying gratification in my reading life.

And, of course, whatever else I feel like reading at any given time. I have also got some beta reading to do this month. Hopefully, once the semester actually ends and things slow down at work I’ll have the headspace to tackle that for a few evenings.

I hope your week is going well. I hope the weather is just the way you like it. I hope something wonderful happens to you today.

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I’m super psyched about next year’s theme word. I have a post planned about it for New Year’s Eve. But I can’t wait that long.

Spoiler – it’s “cozy.”

This isn’t really a new theme or value for me. I leaned pretty far into cozy the year I explored what it meant to be at home in the world. Quiet and cozy went hand in hand. It’s seeped pretty steadily into wonder this year.

And for the past 20 years, I’ve been working in housing, helping people find ways to feel as cozy as possible in their home away from home.

Throughout the year, I’m going to be looking at how I can make my spaces (physical, social, emotional, mental, etc.) cozier. I’ll also excavate some of the more negative aspects of the definition of cozy, particularly when it acts like a verb.

This month, I want to take the time to acknowledge and honor what I’m already doing. I’m not sure if this statement of my intentions will be the only post about it in December, or if I will find more to say. But in the spirit of Advent, I’m paying attention to how coziness is already having an impact on how I interact with the world.

The whimsy of the ever-present office bats who change hats with the season. Sharing baked goods with coworkers and friends. Making this soup just as soon as possible. My nightly tea ritual.

The many choices of ways to get warm should the need arise (it rarely does, but I’m so ready for it).

What does cozy look like to you?

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Hello, December

I was driving back from the parents’ farm on Friday when I meant to post my last Friday Five of November. I was holding off to see if I found a fifth, but I didn’t want these four little snippets of joy to slip through my fingers. I hope you enjoy them!

  • Advent is upon us so I wanted to share (re-share? I think I’ve shared it before) Tsh Oxenreider’s succinct piece on the why and how of the season.
  • I finally watched Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris this week, and it is just as lovely and just as charming as the book (even with the H added to ‘Arris). I thought there was no way I would love it as much as the book, but I did. Leslie Manville was perfectly cast and an absolute delight. Now I want to watch the Angela Lansbury version from the 90s.
  • Ethan Hawke on Marilynne Robinson’s Housekeeping – “She was speaking to me in a way that made my soul feel like it mattered.” Same, Ethan Hawke. Marilynne Robinson is a treasure.
  • I supervise a staff of university students, and a frequent question I get when they are about to graduate and go out into the big, bad world is, “How do I make friends as an adult?” Outside of the structure of classes and group projects and student organizations and residence halls, all of which tend to force socialization to some extent (for better or worse), the prospect of being on their own is often daunting, especially for introverts. My answer? Book clubs. Yes, I meet people at church, but some people don’t practice a religion. Yes, I have an art community (with very wide parameters regarding what constitutes art), but that’s not necessarily a widespread phenomenon. Book clubs are easy and more universal. Even if you don’t read a lot, you can usually find a book club that discusses genre (like the ones hosted by our public library). If you can’t find a local club that meets your needs, you can always join one online. You can also start your own and post fliers at the local library (where you can probably also meet for free, if you don’t want to invite people to your house). Options abound, and book people are interesting people who make great friends.

Have a great week, friends! Happy December!

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Happy November! These first couple of weeks have been a flurry of jury duty, UNT Fall Preview, interviews, and writing. It’s hard to believe the month is almost half gone already.

  • It’s the end of an era! The very last Let It Be Sunday from Joy the Baker. I will miss these weekly joyful check-ins, but I know there are more wonders on the horizon.
  • Spiderdead was beautiful this year, and the proceeds go toward Pridenton’s Therapy Scholarship Program, launching in January. It’s not too late to donate!
  • An international student we know just received funding to continue with her studies here, and then was bitten by a dog and had to have a rabies shot. Please help with the costs if you can. 
  • I always love dark cello playlists, but this has been my jam this week. It’s so soothing. I also like to think it informs those who walk into my office that 1) yes, I would love to help, so come sit around the imaginary fire pit and discuss what you need, but with enough foreboding that they also realize 2) do not fuck around because you will indeed find out. 
  • “You don’t think your way out of burnout. You restore your way out — by rebuilding the energy, safety, and nourishment your body needs to believe again.” I needed to read this piece from The Good Trade today.

I hope you’re having a good month so far. Happy weekend, friends!

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I’m sad today. My friend Des died. He was a gentle, kind person, and the world is worse without him in it. 

So much of my own grief and general sadness processing is so internal that it is a challenge for me to understand those who work these things out socially. Understanding is not necessary for acceptance, though, so I’m leaving this here as a reminder to myself not to isolate too much, for their sakes.

There’s a lot going on otherwise, too. Work and life and the world are all pretty overwhelming right now. 

One of the things I love about reading is that it’s not just a pastime. It’s a comfort, a balm, an inspiration, an excitement, a focus.  

Any month is a good mood-reading month, but reading exactly what I need at the time I need it is especially essential right now. There are a lot on this list, so this will likely extend into September. 

Book Clubs

Talking about books with other people is one of my favorite things.

Recommendations

I love when someone lends me a book they think I’ll like. I automatically feel closer to them when I read it. And then I get to see them and bond over what we liked about it when I give it back to them.

New Books

Ah, the excitement of a new release! I enjoy being among a book’s first readers (even if that group is in the millions). It’s a specific part of the larger global-ish book community that I particularly enjoy. It inspires me to keep working so that I may be able to experience it as an author someday. 

Also, I need to get these back to the library so folks in my larger local-ish book community who have them on hold can read them, too.

Series

When an author develops their characters well (or builds a fascinating world, or tells a great story), I will read (and sometimes re-read) every book in the series. I just can’t get enough.

Romance(ish)

When I need something lighthearted where everything works out in the end or at least a reminder that sometimes things do work out. If we can subvert some tired expectations and/or gender roles, throw some sunshine into a grump’s life, or redeem a villain – even better!

Comfort Reads

A bit of a catch-all category for anything homey, whimsical, charming, cozy, or quirky, these are tea and a warm blanket in book form. The characters are lovable, the storylines are typically low-risk/high-reward, and there is a general sweetness to all of it that is particularly useful when I feel like that sweetness is lacking everywhere else. Or there’s just really good food involved/promised.

Suspense/Mystery/Hardship/Oh My

When I need a reminder that things could always be worse and the stakes could always be higher (and historically/currently are for others). 

Inspiration/Motivation/Reflection

When I don’t just want to be reminded that things could be worse but also want to know more about what I can do about it.

As always, I reserve the right to read every book or no book on this list. Wherever the wind takes me.

Lots of love to you and your people, friends.

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Happy Friday, folks! June is up and running! We are three down/ten to go with orientation sessions for new students and their parents this week, so it’s been busy at work. And tonight is Pridenton’s Night Out, and my church has a booth, so that’s my Friday night. Luckily, I have a few days off next week to go hang out with my parents, so that’s something to look forward to.

Additionally, this has been a great morning:

  • My sister came to visit at work (she is going on a trip and wanted to take her friends some of UNT’s special coffee blend from Voltage) and we got to have coffee and bagels together.
  • I got some excellent news that is really going to make my financial life easier.
  • I was able to help two students who were struggling/anxious about housing next year get exactly what they need.
  • One of my staff who has been on a tour with the UNT acapella choir is back and I get to hear his stories soon.
  • I get to have lunch on the square with the office folk today.

Here are some things I’ve enjoyed reading in the last few weeks (months? It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these):

  • As a member of Tori Dunlap’s 100K Club (shameless plug) (which I originally typed “shameless plum” – I’m so hungry and also I may have just given myself an idea for a children’s book), I have been thinking a lot about value categories when it comes to my budget. These are the things that aren’t needs but that I still make room for in the budget because they bring me joy or enrich my life in some way. When I first joined the community, I had office supplies + stationery + accessories on my list because I love them so much. While I have since begrudgingly admitted that maybe I don’t need a whole budget category for writing implements, gosh, I love a good pencil
  • I don’t know if “cozy” and “challenge” would be found together in any sentence I mutter (I lean more toward do-nothing cozy), but this list for summer is nice. Take your dog on a date? Come on, that’s adorable.
  • Joy the Baker’s guide to a joyful summer is more my speed when it comes to summer to-do lists. Gentle suggestions. Things that make life easier/more pleasant. And if you think I’m not looking for that banana malt icebox cake recipe in my inbox every single day, have we even met?
  • Everything about this is powerful and I love it and also I despise that we are living in times where two international students at Harvard singing “There’s a Place for Us” to honor Rita Moreno is especially poignant. I have a lot of feelings.
  • Speaking of things that give me a lot of feelings, OMG YAY.

I hope you have a lovely weekend full of whatever gives you the most peace.

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I’ve had the draft document for this post open with nothing but a title for three days. That seems ominous.

Do I even have plans this summer? Or is it just something I have to get through until the weather is nice enough to wear my boots again?

I know why I’m hesitant. It makes sense. Summer is the busiest time at my job, so while everyone else is making plans to go on vacation, have fun outings, embrace all the summer programs that their community has to offer, and just generally live their best lives, I’m going to be super busy most days and, subsequently, too worn out by the time evening comes around to want to do any of those things. 

I’m also checking in on my parents more, which means at least every other weekend will be spent working on things at the farm, hanging out with my new bird friends (see above), and helping Mom and Dad plan and navigate whatever the next phase will bring.

I’m not really looking for more plans. 

In fact, what would make my summer better is to find things to take off my plate. That seems unlikely, though.

I don’t want to suck at my job or abandon my family. I also don’t want to drop off the face of the earth with friends or miss out on the things that bring me the most joy.

But it’s just a lot, and I probably need to use some of that PTO I have stored up.

So my bucket list this summer is more of to-not-do list. And it’s just two things:

  1. Find 5-10 random days to take off. I’m leaning toward 5 right now, but if things start getting nuttier, it’s gonna need to be closer to 10.
  2. DON’T. TELL. ANYONE. As soon as I say, “I’m really looking forward to taking a couple of days off next week,” people like to respond with “Ooh, we could do something!”

    Which is great. Truly. I adore the place of love and excitement that comes from. I’m glad people still want to hang out with me even when I’m not my very best self, which seems to be all the time these days.

    But the moment I start making plans on my day off…I no longer have the day off. Sure, I may get to sleep in or have more leisure time, and I guess that’s better than nothing. But once I make a plan with someone else, that whole day is now centered around making sure I don’t get too involved in a project or task – or even a spontaneous outing, if that’s where the day’s whims take me – that I forget or show up late to the plans I made. And I’m very bad at turning down things that sound fun with people I love simply because I need to rest. While I strive to be better at this, I recognize that I’m not there yet, so I’m removing the temptation altogether by not letting anyone think I’m available when I’m not.

Whew.

Saying I’m not available when I have the day off is uncomfortable for me. I have struggled with being honest about what I need for most of my adult life. Peeling off the people-pleasing layers I clung to during childhood is hard, and this one is particularly thick. 

It’s work worth doing, though.

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I have a bone to pick with Substack (and other platforms that constantly harass you to pay for subscriptions to individual blogs). Or maybe my beef is with some of its users? My Substack doesn’t have a paywall (which is a good thing, since I haven’t posted since August), so I am not sure if they (the writers) can choose how paid posts go out. But my minor annoyance today is receiving an email from a person whose free content I subscribe to, only to get a few paragraphs into it and get the prompt “Like what you’re reading? Upgrade to a paid subscription to read the rest!”

No, thank you.

First of all, I realize maintaining a blog is a lot of work, and it is disheartening to work for free. I have been blogging since 2002-ish, and for about 8 years, I wrote blogs for companies as part of my copywriting job, so I totally understand wanting to get paid for it. And companies should absolutely pay their bloggers, because their writing enriches the company’s online presence and is thus instrumental in selling a lot of the products or services the company offers. 

But unless the blogger is offering truly unique content that reads more like a chapter of a book I would buy than a blog post (which several of the bloggers I follow are, and I am happy to pay for as many of those subscriptions as my budget will allow), their blog is most likely just marketing. Artful marketing, to be sure, but marketing nonetheless. It is a useful tool to build an audience (or, brand, if you must call it that). But that’s still marketing, not final content to be purchased. Readers shouldn’t have to pay for companies or organizations (or – dare I say it – even authors) to advertise to them. 

It also feels like not wanting to do the work of writing, editing, proofreading, and publishing a whole book but wanting to get paid for doing so anyway. After all, $6 a month = $72 a year. That’s two or three books I could have bought instead. And again, I get it. Just because you haven’t gone through all those specific steps, that doesn’t mean your content isn’t valuable. But regardless of what capitalism would have us believe, valuable doesn’t automatically equal a paycheck. Sometimes what’s most valuable is the ability to show readers the kind of literary citizen you are committed to being. 

There is something to be said about generosity. A free blog is a generous thing to do. And even if it is money you’re after, let it be noted that I am more likely to buy the books of authors who are generous with their fans/audience than those who nickel-and-dime us at every opportunity. 

Yes, there are blogs I pay for, because they offer high-quality content that either informs my own writing, helps me keep up with current events, or provides access to services I enjoy. Also – related rant – I am 100% on board with food bloggers putting their recipes behind a paywall for those who click “skip to recipe.” I’ve never gotten so many “tl;dr” or “just give us the good stuff and stop yapping” comments as I do when I post about food. They’re the reason new commenters to this blog have to be approved before I’ll allow the comment to post. No matter how you spin it or justify it, this attitude is just rude. You want Aunt Gale’s secret ingredient that she added to her hummingbird cake? That’ll be $5. Unless, of course, you want to act like you remember there’s a person behind that post and thus take a few minutes of your time to listen to the story of Aunt Gale first. If you can answer some key questions about the content, then thank you so much for your kind attention, internet stranger/friend who understands how reciprocal human communication works. Here is the recipe without charge, and I hope you enjoy the cake. But if all you want from me is a transactional exchange, then a transactional exchange you will get. If you come into my space acting like a demanding customer, please be advised that the small amount of time I am willing to set aside for putting up with that is expensive.

All this is to say…I get why some people charge for their content. I truly do. There are many spaces and situations where this is absolutely appropriate. But if I’m subscribed for free, I don’t want the upsell. I’ve already made my choice. Find a way to put mechanisms in place so that I don’t get all these emails junking up my inbox, teasing content that I can’t actually access without shelling out the dough.

 All I want for Christmas is fewer commercials. 

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“…because she didn’t know if it was better to be correct or fun, and why did it feel like she always had to choose between the two?”
Alison Espach, The Wedding People

Almost halfway through the month, and this is the quote that is resonating with me most this morning. I feel this way in several areas of my life.

It comes through in my art. There is a tension between my training and my enjoyment. I outline and then write a rough draft and then edit…except that is more focus and work than I can commit to right now. So I keep writing but in ways that are more fun. I blog, I write bad poetry (and let it stay bad…for now), and I experiment with stream-of-consciousness journaling. I am a classically trained pianist, but I have found so much freedom in just sitting at the keyboard and playing around with whatever sounds, chords, and melodies come forth. I stick to just enough of my dance basics to be safe (turns out, the basics of dance are mostly about avoiding injury) when I fling myself about in a haphazard way in my living room. I love the foundation that my training has given me but I also love breaking out of it when I need to.

It comes through at my job. I don’t think I’m a good manager. I want the job to be fun for my team, but I spend so much of my day harping on corrections – mostly about basic stuff they should already know – that I feel more like a nag. A nice nag, but a nag nonetheless. I also find it exhausting and dehumanizing to be held responsible for the actions (or lack thereof) of other people with precarious levels of give-a-damn. I know it’s not a unique problem – this is just management in a nutshell – but it’s still gross. I’m still waiting for the big bucks that are supposed to make it worthwhile to hit the bank account. I need to learn how to be inspiring, but I just don’t know that I’m that person.

It’s coming through in my life in general right now. Life isn’t super fun these days. Or, it can be, but there is a high price for anything that lasts longer than an hour or uses a lot of energy. The “correct” thing is to rest and not overdo it, but it takes so little to overdo it that I’m not sure that’s even a reasonable expectation. Overdoing it and the ridiculously over-the-top physical consequences of doing so seem inevitable. This would be a great time to be independently wealthy so that I could spend my precious energy only on fun things.

One of the ways I’m slowing my roll this month is not being super picky about writing a post every single day. It will happen most days – just not every day. It’s especially nice to take a break on the weekends.

Where do you get caught up in the struggle between being correct and being fun? Or do you? Is it just me?

Reflecting on my reading this month…

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I subscribe to quite a few blogs/newsletters, and that’s where a lot of my daytime reading goes. Here are my musings on three that stuck out to me this week. There were a couple others from Substack, but just as it was getting interesting, the prompt to become a paid subscriber popped up, so I’ll spare you those. I may have more to say about that later (not all bad…just…more).

  • Loving Your Inner Hobbit – Ask Polly (aka Heather Havrilesky). “The truth is, I think that most of us — even those of us who outwardly appear lazy or disorganized or prone to underachieving — hold ourselves to uncomfortably high standards. We’re plagued by guilt without consciously realizing it. We’re ashamed of our regular human urges. We feel like we’re letting ourselves down constantly, just by being human.” I have been feeling this a lot recently. I mean, I have overachiever tendencies all the time, but I’ve trained them to stay mostly dormant. Not right now, though. I have a lot of anxiety – mostly about work, but also about other things in my life that I feel like I’m missing the mark on. And as much as I would love to blame other people, the bulk of this stress really is just coming from inside the house. All the grace other people are extending to me seems to bounce right off this hard shell of expectations that I have for myself. I want to embrace my inner hobbit (that’s pretty much my whole personality, btw. Ultra homebody. I don’t know anyone who loves being at home as much as I do.); I just seem to have temporarily forgotten how.
  • Coffee Table Books – Ginger Horton (MMD Book Club). “Gift books and coffee table books—you know the ones, usually hardcover with loads of glossy photos or illustrations, probably picked up in that impulse section of your local bookstore, or even in a boutique or on vacation—provide some of my favorite reading experiences. And yet when a friend asks, ‘What are you reading?’ I’m prone to forget to mention that gorgeous volume on the nightstand that’s been flipped through many times or the little book of essays that sits in the breakfast nook.” This rings so true for me. Some of my favorite reading experiences are not the things I talk about the most. They’re not the books I read cover to cover and then mark as read on my reading tracker apps. They’re the design books in my living room that I thumb through when I need to see something pretty or the short humor essays I read (or re-read) when I need a quick laugh. As I get more shelves and reorganize my collection, that’s becoming more of what’s on my TV shelf – books that are best enjoyed in increments.
  • Bracing Yourself: How To Process Breast Cancer After Treatment Ends – Bezzy BC. “You won’t be told how to manage survivors’ guilt or how to respond to the continuous stream of messages that will no doubt flood every inbox you own. You won’t be prepared for the fake quick fixes your loved ones will tell you about because they heard it from a complete stranger in a grocery checkout line. You won’t be told how to feel when people you have contact with every single day drop off the face of the earth because your cancer diagnosis is too much for them.” Another thing I wasn’t told is that there’s this weird space between treatment and after treatment. I’ve rung the bell, signifying that the big three – chemo, surgery, radiation – are done. But I still have the port because I’m still getting immunotherapy treatments every three weeks, and I still have routine checkups and tests in the upcoming months to confirm that what we did actually worked. Is it really “after” if there are still appointments on the books? If I still feel the lingering symptoms from radiation and chemo (or maybe even surgery)? Part of processing involves knowing exactly where I stand, and I’m not really sure how to do that. The ground under me feels pretty shaky right now.

I am staring down the last few hours of work and then I am looking forward to a restful weekend.

Hope your weekend is everything you want it to be!

And I hope you’re enjoying my reading reflections this month.

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