I’m feeling very festive-song-in-minor-key today. It’s been a good week, but a busy one, and the busy isn’t really over until Sunday at noon-ish. My body is giving me small warning signs, so I figure I have about 5 days before it absolutely crashes unless I get some slow-down soon. Noted. My planner on Sunday afternoon reads “NOTHING NOT A DAMN THING.” So that’s where we’re at.
If someone rich wants advice on what to do with their money, Bryan Fuller and the cast of Pushing Daisies are ready to give us more antics at the Pie Hole! I NEED SEASON THREE!
Busy seasons have me sitting at the keyboard more often than usual. I just play through my theory books or some Bach variations – predictable, methodic, simple. Instrumental and ambient music are great stress relievers, which this piece explores beautifully.
Speaking of ambient music, I’m playing in the Joan of Bark Fest tomorrow with Wenepa. It will not be the same without Des, but I know we’ll still make some beautiful sounds together. Come see us if you’re local!
The James Garfield Miracle is one of my favorite things that happens every year, and I want y’all to know about it.
And an extra bonus at the end of this busy, busy week. Because The Great Unfuckening is nigh, and I feel like mine is going to be a doozy. My brain is so tired, and my stockpile of fucks-to-give is quickly dwindling.
Next week’s schedule is much calmer. It’s still busy and social – just not every day. There are real pockets of rest on the horizon, and I am excited about that.
I’m super psyched about next year’s theme word. I have a post planned about it for New Year’s Eve. But I can’t wait that long.
Spoiler – it’s “cozy.”
This isn’t really a new theme or value for me. I leaned pretty far into cozy the year I explored what it meant to be at home in the world. Quiet and cozy went hand in hand. It’s seeped pretty steadily into wonder this year.
And for the past 20 years, I’ve been working in housing, helping people find ways to feel as cozy as possible in their home away from home.
Throughout the year, I’m going to be looking at how I can make my spaces (physical, social, emotional, mental, etc.) cozier. I’ll also excavate some of the more negative aspects of the definition of cozy, particularly when it acts like a verb.
This month, I want to take the time to acknowledge and honor what I’m already doing. I’m not sure if this statement of my intentions will be the only post about it in December, or if I will find more to say. But in the spirit of Advent, I’m paying attention to how coziness is already having an impact on how I interact with the world.
The whimsy of the ever-present office bats who change hats with the season. Sharing baked goods with coworkers and friends. Making this soup just as soon as possible. My nightly tea ritual.
The many choices of ways to get warm should the need arise (it rarely does, but I’m so ready for it).
I’m sad today. My friend Des died. He was a gentle, kind person, and the world is worse without him in it.
So much of my own grief and general sadness processing is so internal that it is a challenge for me to understand those who work these things out socially. Understanding is not necessary for acceptance, though, so I’m leaving this here as a reminder to myself not to isolate too much, for their sakes.
There’s a lot going on otherwise, too. Work and life and the world are all pretty overwhelming right now.
One of the things I love about reading is that it’s not just a pastime. It’s a comfort, a balm, an inspiration, an excitement, a focus.
Any month is a good mood-reading month, but reading exactly what I need at the time I need it is especially essential right now. There are a lot on this list, so this will likely extend into September.
Book Clubs
Talking about books with other people is one of my favorite things.
I love when someone lends me a book they think I’ll like. I automatically feel closer to them when I read it. And then I get to see them and bond over what we liked about it when I give it back to them.
Ah, the excitement of a new release! I enjoy being among a book’s first readers (even if that group is in the millions). It’s a specific part of the larger global-ish book community that I particularly enjoy. It inspires me to keep working so that I may be able to experience it as an author someday.
Also, I need to get these back to the library so folks in my larger local-ish book community who have them on hold can read them, too.
When an author develops their characters well (or builds a fascinating world, or tells a great story), I will read (and sometimes re-read) every book in the series. I just can’t get enough.
Still Life by Louise Penny (deluxe edition comes out at the end of September – I may hold out until then to start this series over)
Heir of Fire by Sarah J. Maas, and since I devoured both the first and second books in this series as well as the collection of five prequel novellas in less than four days last week, I’m going to go ahead and add…
When I need something lighthearted where everything works out in the end or at least a reminder that sometimes things do work out. If we can subvert some tired expectations and/or gender roles, throw some sunshine into a grump’s life, or redeem a villain – even better!
A bit of a catch-all category for anything homey, whimsical, charming, cozy, or quirky, these are tea and a warm blanket in book form. The characters are lovable, the storylines are typically low-risk/high-reward, and there is a general sweetness to all of it that is particularly useful when I feel like that sweetness is lacking everywhere else. Or there’s just really good food involved/promised.
Lenten season is upon us. I haven’t engaged in the common practice of giving something up for Lent in the last few years, and I don’t feel the need to do so this year. I’ve become quite Lutheran about the church seasons in general, but Lent has been the biggest change from how I observed it before I joined a Lutheran church. I do, however, want to acknowledge the season with practices that may help set my mind and spirit right again. I’ve been having a rough time lately, so most of what I want to do for Lent is strip things down to the bare essentials without taking out everything that gives me joy. I’m not sure this will look too different on the outside, but I just want to be more observant of my daily doings myself. Some journaling is likely in order. Additionally, since one side effect of rough times is my disinterest in things that usually bring me fulfillment, I’m going to see if Madeleine L’Engle’s Walking on Water or Meik Wiking’s The Art of Danish Living can help nudge me out of that.
I’m taking the whole week off for my 50th birthday later in the month. I’m going to go visit my parents the first weekend of my vacation. I have a few fun outings with friends during the week. And then Maggie and Michelle are coming to visit! Otherwise, I’m going to spend that week relaxing, which typically means reading, organizing, and random cleaning as I feel like it. I planted tomatoes yesterday, and I may plant more things if I feel so moved. I may visit some bookstores, but I may also just luxuriate in the fact that I don’t have to be anywhere for most of the week. Enjoying the simple life whenever I can.
I’m pretty stoked about my reading plans for March.
Barbara Isn’t Dying by Alina Bronsky – book in translation [general fiction]
The Bookshop by Penelope Fitzgerald – book adapted into a movie or show [books about books/writing]
OWC Challenge
A Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas – a book over 400 pages [fantasy/nonrealism/sci-fi/etc.]
The Reformatory by Tananarive Due – a book tagged as horror, cosmic horror, or speculative fiction [mystery/suspense]
Library Books
People have the following books on hold at the library, so I want to finish them quickly and return them. Waiting for books you’re longing to read is so stressful.
Whew. What a year to explore wonder! I mean, I guess I am, in fact, frequently astonished (Am I really? Or is it all playing out exactly as expected?) and full of doubt, both of which were phenomena featured in the definition. But damn.
My focus last year was technically learning how to embrace quiet but realistically, it was also a lot of trying not to die. My community was instrumental in helping me achieve that goal. Of course, people are only able to help others insofar as they have the spoons/energy/resources to do so. Therefore, in addition to capturing some wonder along the way, a big part of my mindset this year leans more toward getting my shit together so that I can be in a position to be there for those who are having their try-not-to-die year(s) now. I mean, I have been a moderately-functioning adult for a long time, and I have most of the adulting basics down, but there are areas I could be stronger. I find myself veering toward pieces that talk about cultivating sanity and joy and community and love and stability amidst *gestures broadly* so here are some of my favorites this week.
Reckoning with This Vicious World from Ask Polly, aka Heather Havrilesky – “Every opportunity to dance, to seek pleasure, to love with an open heart, to create freely, to show yourself without shame, and to celebrate what you are makes you stronger and more helpful to this struggling world.”
Power: What It *Truly* Is – Tori Dunlap with Kasia Urbaniak – “If you’re focused on how you’re being perceived, your attention is inward and you lose the power to lead the conversation.”
This is Happening by Nadia Bolz-Weber – “…this is not the time to concede the faith to nationalists, and I do not want those of us who believe Jesus’ message was one of mercy, humility, hospitality and forgiveness to give into despair.”
How Do You Know: The Consequences of a Lack of Media Literacy and Where We Go From Here by Ashlie Swicker via Book Riot – “We all know that the internet twists thinking and that this leads to large swaths of people buying into misinformation…Still, I think we imagine that this is happening somewhere else, to other people…We don’t hold ourselves accountable for the same kind of open mind and fact-checking that we demand from people who think differently than us.”
On HillmanTok University, Black Educators Are Sharing Invaluable Info by Kaitlynne Rainne via Her Campus – Professors dropping lots of knowledge on TikTok. They’ve posted syllabi, resources, etc., on everything from basic adult skills like budgeting and personal wellness to courses on literature and entrepreneurship. Teachers are going to teach, regardless of the hurdles they face. Love to see it. I also love that it’s called Hillman.
I’ll leave you with this quote from Bernice King: “There’s a difference between being informed and being consumed.” I invite you to take that into your weekend and beyond.
Whew. This week. The first week of classes is always a wild ride but I am pretty sure this week has lasted 14 years. It’s been a lot. Add my own personal not-doing-great-mentally to the mix and…I’m just really, really glad this weekend has an extra day. I hope I’ll actually be able to take a mental break from work and to deal gently with all the other nonsense going on in the world so that the stress doesn’t just keep compounding.
I love that Joy the Baker’s word of the year is joy. I also love a gentle January (which this one has definitely not been for me thus far), and this post is full of inspiration for unabashed moseying.
I enjoyed this extensive list of ways to get involved if you are concerned about book bans.
My friend is seeking legal assistance with getting her son the help he needs. Please donate if you can.
In light of my general overwhelm about financial…anything…I have enlisted the help of Tori Dunlap’s community, The $100K Club. It is way outside my comfort zone but in just the last three days is already helping me. The monthly membership fee ($47) is somewhat steep for my budget, but that is still less stressful than trying to piece together all this info myself and weed through all the advice people like to give (omg the mounds of opinions – most of them either completely irrelevant to me or just plain bad advice).
Edited to add this bonus because it’s so good and something I need to remember about myself this month as a reminder to breathe first and then respond. I don’t have to perpetuate bad history by making anger my default. People lash out when they’re sad.
I hope that you are well and that your weekend is easy/fun!
[Prime reviewing/contemplating/reflecting space – a blanket and a cup of tea in front of twinkly lights]
How many times can I say this year has been a doozy without it becoming redundant? Welp, here’s one more time.
This year was a doozy.
I’ve tried reflecting and looking back for the past week, as is my custom. Most years – but particularly this year – I resonate with Kate Bowler’s feelings on reflection. I get stuck on certain things and forget so many others, even with the aid of my journal and planner (which in many ways is even more telling than my journal). The older I get, the more I realize that maybe the end of a year is too soon to reflect on it. I am usually still too close to it to ponder it with any real clarity.
But what I can do is look at the goals I set and see how I fared in measurable ways. So let’s dive in.
2024 Theme – Quiet
In many ways this year was very loud. But that especially drove home my need for carving out quiet time, and I had a small amount of success with that.
The intentional pursuit of quiet helped me to find space to heal both mentally and physically.
It also revealed how much work I still have to do in those areas. I didn’t always succeed at finding space, and my medical challenges this year made sure that it was really obvious when I didn’t. Getting quiet time is a lot of work, but it’s necessary and worth it.
Even when I’m “quiet,” I’m still anxious. It takes a lot of time I don’t always have to calm my brain enough to get the needed benefit from quiet moments.
Another challenge is that I don’t really have physical places to find quiet. My upstairs neighbors are loud and active, so even when I’m quiet, my environment still isn’t. And to go anywhere else is to inevitably have to socialize or be perceived or get distracted. Going forward, I need to find a way to really be at rest. I would prefer it to be an actual physical space, but earplugs have been a little helpful in the meantime.
I’m not quite done with quiet, nor do I think I’ll ever be. I have goals for the upcoming year that will help me continue to explore it.
Read 180 Books
I’m so close. I have read 175 so far. It’s possible to reach 180 by midnight tomorrow, but I don’t see myself forcing it just to meet my goal. I am enjoying looking at my Storygraph charts, and I may share one or two tomorrow when I talk about reading goals for 2025.
Even if I don’t finish any more books this year, aiming for this lofty goal still helped me read 20 more books than last year. I consider that a success!
Creative Education
All things creative pretty much tanked for me this year. I did have a few performances with beloved friends, and I have been able to be more active in choir this fall. But with the exception of a few brief inspired frenzies, my writing has been at a standstill.
I am not any further on The Artist’s Way than I was last year at this time, and I haven’t really cared about creative education at all. Looking back, I can admit this goal was a little unreasonable.
What has changed is that I would have felt really dejected about this pause in the past. But I don’t feel that way today. I am satisfied with how I’ve spent my time this year, even if that meant I didn’t heavily pursue a lot of the things I love. My attention was simply needed elsewhere, and I honored that. I am proud of myself for doing so.
Health Goals
I’m alive! I did it!
I survived cancer and cancer treatments, both of which tried to take me out.
As part of that survival, I also built some stronger, healthier skills that I hope to take into the new year. Also, I’ve learned to call them skills instead of habits, because apparently habit isn’t a thing my brain does. This was one of the helpful revelations that came out of therapy this year. For me, there’s no doing things without thinking about it. Even if I do something every day for a year, the moment I don’t remind myself (that is, actually set reminders or leave lists in a place I know I’ll see them), I drop it like I’ve never even heard about it. Everything has to be a conscious choice every time.
Which sounds exhausting (and it can be). But it’s also liberating. It frees me from trying to make progress the way other people do. Instead, I can focus on my goals in a way that actually works for me.
And it’s working beautifully so far.
So that’s the year. That’s 2024. Overall, I’m pretty satisfied with it.
I hope you are satisfied with your year, too. Feel free to brag on yourself a little in the comments.
December 22 last year was a Friday. I was talking about books (of course). I had just wrapped up work and parties and performances for the month and was looking forward to traveling to see my family. This day last year was one of my favorite moments of the holiday season – that little transition between work and rest where I get to take a breath.
It was also a little over a week before I got my diagnosis.
So on December 22 last year, the appointment for the follow-up scan that eventually revealed the cancer had been made, and I was anxious. The first reference I see to news about health issues in the blog is on December 30 in my year-end review. This quote is…something.
“I was ahead of schedule for most of the year, until work and health issues exploded. I don’t know how much those things will actually settle down, but I’ll keep the same goal for next year and see how it goes.”
Yeah, it did not settle down. At all, in any way. If November/December 2023 was an explosion, 2024 was a supernova.
What I enjoy about re-reading this post, though, is how well my 2023 goals had prepared me for what was to come. As challenging as this year has been, it would have been so much harder if I hadn’t already learned some practical ways to take care of myself – not just physically but also mentally and financially. I’m not sure I would have made it without those skills. Good job, past me!
Out of necessity, I’ve sharpened those skills this year. I know I’ve made some progress, because otherwise, today would not have gone the way that it did, and I would be in worse shape for it.
Yesterday was a good day, but it was also a loud day. A very social day. I woke up this morning still feeling the sensory overload. I got up and started getting ready to leave home. I noticed it was not easy.
I paused to check in with what I was feeling:
Irritation, almost to the point of panic
Itchy skin, particularly anywhere it touched fabric or whenever the breeze from the fan blew over it
Dull, throbbing headache
Strong aversion to the smell of my lotion (which is “unscented”)
Nausea due to all of the above
Yep. That’s still overload. Probably not a great time to go sit in a room with an organ. Or people.
A year ago today, I might have forged ahead and gone to church. After all, the choir was singing and I love being part of that. I’ve missed out on it so much this year.
But nowadays I am more likely to choose getting well over doing almost any other thing. I choose slowing down. I don’t like it. I still want to do all the fun things and dislike that I can’t. But I know that taking a break when I need it is the better choice.
Ah, December. Wonderful and wild. Full of parties and Advent festivities. My favorite time for reflection and anticipation.
I’m equal parts excited and tired already.
Because the first part of the month is always so busy, my reading needs to be generally lighthearted and easy. I need books that soothe my mind and soul after a busy day. I’ve already finished the books we’re discussing at book clubs this month, and I’ve lost interest in actually finishing the remaining reading challenges this year. So I can really just read whatever I like. I mean, I can do that all the time, but I’m not putting any self-imposed parameters on my choices this month.
Except for one. I need to get some of my library books back to the library. I have an excessive amount checked out. It’s absurd. So I need to read the ones I’m actually still interested in and just return the ones I’m not. I would love to blank-slate my library check-outs this month, but I’ll settle for cutting them in half.
Also, I’m still planning on finishing my main goal of 180 books for the year. It will be a tight race, but I think I can do it.
Here are my plans as of now.
Books for Advent (i.e., read as part of my daily Advent practice, so finish before Christmas Day)
Happy November! It is a blustery, rainy day with potential for storms. I guess Texas is just gonna have two tornado seasons from now on? Cool. Cool cool cool.
Sounds like a good reason to stay inside and read.
I’ve got a few things lined up to discuss in book clubs this month:
Killers of a Certain Age by Deanna Raybourn (already read, so will probably just review a synopsis for discussion next week)
Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt (already read and will absolutely be listening to it again because I love it)
It is at this point of the year that my interest in actually completing all the reading challenges I’ve taken on starts to fizzle. I begin to relish the idea of reading only for enjoyment for a couple of months. I’m still on track to finish my 180 books (my main reading goal), but my passion for the smaller challenges I chose to broaden my interests and knowledge is seriously waning. Right on schedule, as soon as the first crisp breeze blew through last week, I stocked up on more things at the library just because they caught my eye and started to comb my own collection for “hey – I forgot I had and wanted to read this!” selections.
So while I have finished the libro.fm challenge (post coming up in a few days) and will likely still finish another challenge or two, I’m not gonna sweat it from here on out. I’m just going to do what I want (I mean, even more than usual). I’m going to finish up some of the cozies I listed last month. Then I’ll likely turn to the books below.
But no real promises.
First, there are some library books that need some attention:
One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig (finished this one last night – immediately put the second on hold at the library. So good!)
Then I may read through some things on Modern Mrs. Darcy’s list of quiet novels. Quiet is the theme of the year, after all. I do really love “compelling, character-driven reads,” and if the rest of these are anywhere near as lovely as Bel Canto (the last one on the list), I’m sold.
M. Suzanne Terry 