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Archive for the ‘Mental Health’ Category

When the alarm went off this morning, my first thought was “last time I have to hear that this week.” It’s the small things. I have a pretty easy weekend ahead, so I’m looking forward to that.

Here are many things from the internet (mostly from Instagram) that I loved this week.

  • This made me laugh and laugh. Substitute “report card” for “cleaning my room” and this is spot on. My favorite is “You know everybody’s business on the street but you can’t remember what the doctor said?” Actual words that have come out of my mouth – “DO I NEED TO COME TO YOUR APPOINTMENTS AND SIT NEXT TO YOU?” My parents don’t think it’s so humorous when their own words come back at them, but here we are. 
  • Do you have someone in your life who is obsessed with Heated Rivalry? Yes, you do. It’s me. I recently preordered the 7th book that’s coming out in June and also all the special editions of the first six coming out in October, and I’m not even sorry, bank account. This is my joy. Thanks to HR, my Instagram algorithm no longer sends me immediately into a downward spiral (courtesy of the ongoing wtf-ness of the news cycle), and I’m so grateful. HR has gentled the spiral. My May/June TBR (or as soon as I can get my hands on all of them in some form – I’m next on the library waitlist for the first two eeeee!) will basically be this. I have watched the first three episodes with friends, but I am 96% sure I’m going to cave and subscribe to HBO Max for my birthday next week so that I can just watch them all on repeat on a daily basis. My favorite reel right now is of an episode I haven’t even watched yet that shows a whole sports bar’s reaction to a pivotal scene. Spoiler alert – episode 5 (but really, if you have any interest in HR and you are on the internet at all in any way, you have seen this scene). The sheer, unbridled, effervescent joy. Also – Representation matters.
  • Because the representation in HR deserves another bullet point. “It’s about a kid seeing someone loving the same thing he does, trying to stand fully in himself, realizing that the different parts of him don’t have to cancel each other out for him to belong.” The writers and cast are hearing from professional athletes in the closet who are so thankful for the show. “Queer people need to see gay people win. Gay love doesn’t have to end in tragedy. The other shoe doesn’t have to drop.” “Obviously, it’s important to have people who have the experience of autism playing roles who are autistic, but there’s also so much value in having somebody who loves someone who’s autistic playing this role” Finally, this is one of my favorite scenes so far (because there’s gonna be a Season 2 yay) – the apology, the acknowledgement, the space to just let the hurt and the apology exist in the same conversation without trying to smooth either one over. Just…*happy sigh*
  • Excellent breakdown of what good research actually is. Also, Ground News, y’all. Such a good resource. “Let your truths guide your politics; don’t let your politics tell you what’s true.”
  • And finally – I love this energy. “I’m not doing favors today.” “Your request is denied.” And my favorite – “Learn your rights – I can’t learn them for you.” That’s fed-up mom/teacher energy, and I second that emotion.

I hope both your day and your weekend are wonderful!

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Ideal Home

This week, I have early voting and Lenten services and some community events on my plate. I’m particularly overbooked on Sunday, which means part of my Saturday plans may have to fall by the wayside. There seems to be an urgency afoot – not just with me but with others in general – and it’s all good, but also I need to take a breath occasionally.

Fortunately, this is my cozy year, so I have built those breaths into my plans. Note for future self – don’t stop doing this just because the year ends. This is a good thing to learn and incorporate into your life.

This is the second post in the series I have planned to explore the theme of cozy for the year. I am starting with Montana Happy’s list of hygge journal prompts, but I will probably incorporate others as the year progresses.

Prompt #2 – What elements are the most important in designing your dream house?

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. One of my favorite hobbies is sketching out floor plans to visualize what I want in a house (if ever the opportunity should arise). At this point, I could plan a whole neighborhood, which is not a bad idea. Anyone want to make our own mini-town with me?

A few disclaimers to begin:

  • This is not a judgment of your home. Your home is lovely. 
  • I don’t often entertain, at least with large guest lists. I used to entertain regularly. I might decide I like to entertain again someday, but I am also cool with that part of my personality fading into the background. My home is introvert-coded, and that has turned it into a place I can really be at peace. Again, if that’s not you, that’s not a judgment. It’s just what I prefer for my own living space.

While I could make just about any house work right now just to have the luxury of my own parking space and all my walls, floors, and ceilings to myself (i.e., not shared with neighboring apartments, along with their sounds and smells), here are some preferences I’ve discovered as I dream and draw:

  • Garage – attached with the doors facing the side or back (i.e., not the street). Not only do I find this more aesthetically pleasing, but it also seems more secure. The fewer points of entry on the public-facing side of the home, the more effort it takes to breach. Safety measures are important in general, but especially for a woman living alone. As you enter from the garage…
  • Large laundry room that I don’t have to walk through the kitchen to get to from the primary bedroom. I hate tracking my clean clothes through the kitchen, which is generally the most aromatic room in the house. In my ideal home, there is a straight line from the laundry room to my bedroom. Bonus points if there is a pocket door between them that opens directly into the primary closet.
  • Primary bedroom – I don’t necessarily want this to be a large room. The larger it is, the more distractions I will be tempted to add to it, and the less conducive to sleep it will be. I don’t need anything that makes sleep harder for me. It just has to accommodate my bed, two side tables, a small bookshelf and chair, and a corner to put down a Pilates mat for night and morning stretches.
  • Primary bathroom – Large bath and shower (separate – oh, to be done with the shower/bath combo that apartment living necessitates). My arrangement of elements varies, but the overall size and structure mimic most homes on the market these days.
  • Private reading nook as part of the primary suite bedroom suite. One of several reading pockets tucked around the house. Generous shelving with all my self-soothing books – cozy mystery and fantasy, foodie fiction and memoir, etc. –  comfy chair(s), a side bar for tea/coffee-making, and a small fridge for cheese, fruit, and other snacks.
  • Full library, of course. I flip between wanting separate areas for each genre and putting all fiction together and just separating nonfiction by genre (i.e., like in the public library). A mix of the two (to accommodate certain genres being in other rooms) is where I am currently sitting, but…I have thoughts that are beyond the scope of this post. Designing the library is a whole subsection of this hobby.
  • Private office that you can only get to via a secret bookshelf/door in the library. Walls lined with shelves that hold all my writing books, journals, and research notes, with file drawers on the bottom of each bookcase. The nook also accommodates the appropriate tea/coffee-making paraphernalia and snack storage to fuel long bouts of writing and reading. 
  • Large kitchen – I like an island with a large worktop, a huge farmhouse sink under a window, and a whole separate upright freezer in addition to the small one that comes with the fridge. I want the pantry to be its own separate room and for the door to it to actually open into the kitchen (not in the utility area with the rest of the storage). Speaking of storage, I want plenty of it, including bookshelves where all my cookbooks live. I also want seating around the island so people can hang out while I cook without having to stand.
  • Dining area – A house with all this other stuff will likely have a whole dining room. I’ll probably have a table if it’s far enough away from the entry to keep it from accumulating a lot of stuff. But I’ll definitely line the walls with bookshelves and cozy the room up to use as another reading space. Maybe this is where I will host book club when it’s my turn to do so.
  • Living room – pretty standard. Lots of comfortable seating. Console with a TV and stereo, including a turntable, and shelves for my records.
  • Studio space – Room for a piano, organ, dance floor (and at least one mirrored wall with ballet bars), and craft area. I want designated spaces for all the arts I try to do. There will be lots of shelving for storing supplies and creativity/inspiration books.
  • At least two guest rooms (that – let’s face it – will also be filled with books, likely my most recent acquisitions) with ensuite baths.
  • Alright, you got me. The whole house is basically a library.
  • There are also plants in every room. My ideal home also includes an ideal self who keeps multiple plants alive.
  • Shared backyard with the whole block – indoor and outdoor pools, community garden, outdoor kitchen, brick pizza oven, firepit, community library shed, maybe a pickleball court if the neighbors like that sort of thing? Anyway, a large semi-private/semi-public outdoor area shared with the neighbors whose houses back up to mine in a large, quasi-commune situation – just with our own houses. This, of course, implies that I get to pick my neighbors. Otherwise, this is significantly less than ideal.

I know that I will probably never live in a house like this, but it’s fun to think about. And when I start looking for a house, I can keep these elements in mind.

What would your dream home look like?

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I want one of these days. Oh, to be a crocheted frog! That looks so cozy and nice. Maybe soon. 

In the meantime, here are some good reads that also feel cozy. Enjoy!

  • I love Jenny Lawson, and I cannot wait to read How to Be Okay When Nothing Is Okay. That is all.
  • On embracing the inner crone, from Stefanie Vallejo Monahan. Yes, please.
  • I have many favorite authors. My authors page on my working TBR rivals my series page as the longest. However, I don’t know that there’s even a single author about whom I can say I’ve read all their works. I mean, I wanna. I have the drive to do so. I will read something I love and immediately devour three or four other books that person has written. I will drop everything I’m doing to read the newest Fredrik Backman (or at least make sure it gets on one of my book clubs’ lists). And I am (slowly) working through Isabel Allende’s work in order of publication. But I do not yet have a completist author of my own, and I WANT ONE. I am looking forward to this series.
  • Ash Wednesday is NEXT WEEK. What in the world. Anyway, I have practiced Lent for many years and in several ways. I like the way this post breaks it down into four intentions to pursue.
  • And finally, I’m gonna make Joy the Baker’s one-pot French onion pasta tomorrow. I’ve got a fairly busy weekend, and this little dish is going to help me slow down a little and remind me that it is, in fact, my day off, regardless of what my activities may suggest.

Have a good weekend, friends!

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Happy February, friends! As long as January felt, I didn’t quite read as much as I’d hoped. Too much doomscrolling. So I’m going to put a healthy limit on that and carve out some specific time in February for reading. Here are some of the things I hope to dive into.

Book Clubs

Cozy

I am approaching this year’s theme a little differently than I have in the past. Inspired by the curriculum portion of the Anti Brain Rot Reading Challenge, I’ve put together a monthly curriculum for it. I haven’t decided if I’m going to post each month’s lesson plan separately, but just in case I don’t, here are my cozy nonfiction and fiction choices for February.

Series

Reading Challenges

  • Anti Brain Rot 
    • Little Organ Book by Flor Peeters and Pedal Mastery by Joyce Jones – Part of my organ curriculum that will span the rest of the semester (and, I imagine, further after that as I improve my organ-playing skills)
    • Lovely One by Ketanji Brown Jackson – A memoir/biography
    • The Reformatory by Tananarive Due – A horror book
  • Bad Bitch Book Club
    • If This Is Love, I’ll Take Spaghetti by Ellen Conford – A book that has been on your shelf the longest. I thought it would be the Hank the Cowdog series, but I’m pretty sure I owned this one first. I still have the copy I bought from the Scholastic Book Fair!
    • Difficult Women by Roxane Gay – A book you meant to read in 2020
    • The Buffalo Hunter Hunter by Stephen Graham Jones – A book from President Obama’s summer reading list (2025, but it didn’t specify a year)
  • Book Riot Read Harder
  • Nowhere Book Bingo
  • PopSugar
    • Fangs by Sarah Andersen – A book in a different format than your usual: physical, audio, eBook – I usually have one of each format going at any given time, so I took a little license with this prompt and chose a book that’s mostly illustrations
  • Tournament of Books
  • Read Your Bookshelf
    • A Quiet Life by Ethan Joella – Three or more objects on the cover
  • Alphabet Challenge
    • A Quiet Life by Ethan Joella – J (I know I had a J from last month, but I’ve decided to go only by author’s last name and books I own)
    • Difficult Women by Roxane Gay – G
    • Mate by Ali Hazelwood – H
  • Libro.fm
  • 52 Book Club
    • Everything Is Tuberculosis by John Green – A Goodreads recommendation for you
    • Mate by Ali Hazelwood – Publisher starting with the letter B
    • The Hacienda by Isabel Cañas – A diacritical mark on the cover

I hope you get a lot of reading time this month, too!

Disclosure – As a Bookshop.org affiliate, I get a cut of any purchase made with most of the links above.

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After a winter storm last weekend that expanded into icy conditions pretty much all week here, I have spent a lot of time working from home. Grateful to have a reliable setup to do so. Here are five things on my mind this Friday.

I hope your weekend is wonderful, friends.

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Well, friends. The day has come. My last day of working for UNT Housing. From my start as a night desk clerk to the leader of our amazing tour team, it’s been a little over 20 years of meeting loads of people I love and helping students feel at home on campus. I’m excited about my new adventure as an academic advisor, though!

Here are some lovely things that have given me much-needed pauses as I plowed through the to-do list of things to make next week easier for the staff.

  • I love this poem by Rudy Franciso. I love the “Amen” chorus from the audience, too. “It’s hard being alive, but it looks so good on you.”
  • I miss Let It Be Sunday, but I love the new Joy the Baker monthly series, The Bakehouse Almanac. I think I shall subscribe to a new analog magazine (for free through my AARP, of course. Because I’m old enough to qualify for AARP, and I have a lot of participation points to burn.)!
  • I am grateful for this reframe of “This Will Be My Year” from Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes. Regardless of what happens to me and in the world, did I do my best? Did I take care of myself? Did I take care of my relationships (or, in the case of 2024, did they take exceptionally good care of me)? Did I experience joy? In that light, yes. 2020, 2024, 2025 – each of these has indeed been my year, and I expect that 2026 will be as well. There will be lots of opportunities to practice those four things.
  • There is hope for Patchouli Joe’s! They have a GoFundMe to raise money to transition to a new location. Please donate to help if you can.
  • I love The Residence so much. I wish it had gotten renewed. It was worth every dollar of production costs, and Netflix is a fool. I’m glad these actors are getting recognition for their great work.

And one bonus salve for the weary – A Blessing for the Weak by Nadia Bolz-Weber

Have a good weekend!

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The coziest (and the best) way to ring in the new year? Snacks, wine, comfort of my own home.

I love the Montana Happy newsletter. It’s always full of cozy crafts, recipes, and tips. It’s a much-needed shelter in the storm of the world. In exploring cozy as a theme this year, I am working my way through this list of prompts.

  • Hygge prompt #1 – What advice would you give your younger self with your current knowledge if given a time machine? What changes would you make?

Not that my younger self would have listened…but here goes.

That interdisciplinary major you’re considering during grad school (the one that would give you a foot in the door to library science)? DO IT. You can still teach public speaking and work night desk and be an assignment coordinator. These will be the jobs that give you the best stories and where you will meet some of your favorite people. But it would also be nice to have some sweet librarian training in your back pocket when you’re ready to branch out.

Don’t stop dancing and running. It’s hard to get that momentum back after you lose it, and you will miss it when it’s gone.

Ditto re: playing piano and French horn. 

Don’t sell your French horn. Maybe stick with a digital piano/full-sized keyboard instead of the upright grand, though. That was…a lot.

The pavement on Fry Street is dangerously uneven. Tread cautiously. Your left knee, in particular, will thank you. Also, maybe don’t drink the WHOLE beer tower. Just a thought.

In fact, go ahead and slow down on the drinking in general. One or two glasses of wine at a time is fine, and it is definitely less expensive. If you need to be buzzed to feel comfortable at a place, just leave the place. You could be home and reading. 

We still love home and reading.

You don’t want to live in the downstairs apartment. Having upstairs neighbors is THE WORST.

Look closely for bug problems before you move in. No apartment is cute enough to be worth the hassle of getting rid of an infestation.

Those things that you keep seeing ads for that you think you’d really enjoy having? You won’t. Just keep scrolling. I guarantee there’s a cute cat video coming up, and it’s free.

The cancer diagnosis isn’t the end of the world. You survive, and your friends really come through for you. Go ahead and push for the reconstructive surgery while they have you on the table, though.

When the church you love dissolves, don’t rush into replacing it. Save yourself some religious trauma and take a real break. But keep that weird little liturgical one you visited in the back of your mind. You’re going to love them someday.

I know loneliness sucks. And it will suck for a long time, especially when it seems like everyone around you is pairing off, so buckle up. But don’t waste so much time wanting a partner. Your life is already rich with love, and you will absolutely adore living alone. Once you get there, you will realize that it would take a truly exceptional connection to merit giving that up. Hold out for it.

When you feel like you have to choose between loving others well and wanting to hold them to your own moral code (which, despite everything you’ve been taught, they are not – in any way – obligated to adhere to), choose love. Every time. Your moral code will change as you learn and grow, and you will regret the harm that you did before you knew better. But you will never regret loving extravagantly. 

Love extravagantly.

Love yourself. To quote Tova Goodman’s six-word memoir, “Little me would’ve liked big me.”

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This was my first week back at work after the break, and it really acted like it. As expected, the ambition of well-rested, cozy, mostly-feral Suzanne has cooled, so I’m trying to find my bearings with all the resolutions I made. 

Also, the world is spiraling (and our country bears more than our fair share of blame for that, especially right now. Just…what are we doing. And CAN WE NOT?). ICE needs to stay in their lane (and by “stay in their lane” I do mean “be dismantled”) and held accountable for literally everything they do. 

I would not be the least bit surprised if we discovered dragons were real this year. The big, fire-breathing kind – not the small, cute ones we already know about. Given the propensity of people with more money than sense to poke around in the depths of the ocean and other places we would do well to leave alone, it’s a distinct possibility.

Nevertheless, I have managed to find some nice things to share with you. I have a couple of recipes that I tried this week, and some cozy items that might give you a brief respite from *gestures broadly* 

So enjoy!

  • Matthew Bounds’s White Chicken Chili – I’ve never made a recipe of his that I didn’t like, and this is no exception. Most white chicken chili uses heavy cream, but this one thickens with instant potatoes (I used the garlic ones), which makes it the clear frontrunner for me. Anything I can eat without taking a Lactaid (and bonus if it includes potatoes in any form) is superior in my book.
  • Dan Whalen’s Deviled Pickles – Deviled eggs are not my favorite. Part of my aversion is due to the use of mayonnaise, but mostly I am not a fan of the texture and smell of boiled eggs. Deviled pickles, however? All the delicious things about a deviled egg with none of the things that tend to give me the ick. I used whipped cream cheese and used a plant-based (ergo, non-eggy) mayo in this recipe, leaving the filling mostly just cheese and happiness. I 100% ate the leftover filling with chips. Delightful.
  • I like these cozy prompts from Montana Happy’s hygge list and will likely turn some of them into posts this year. I’ve already started with the advice to my younger self and my dream house. Stay tuned.
  • At some point this weekend, I’m going to take down the Christmas tree. Epiphany has arrived. It’s time. Also, I have plans for that corner, and the tree is in the way. But it always makes me a little sad to put it back in storage. As luck would have it, Modern Mrs. Darcy’s “Links I Love” featured this gem from the Nester on making the seasonal transition less gloomy. I think I can conjure up some things with my excess of twinkle lights and jars around the succulents that have come indoors for the winter (assuming winter ever manages to actually get here). Maybe I’ll incorporate them into the plans for that corner.
  • While one of my favorite local indie bookshops is closing, did you know that over 30 either opened in the past year or will open soon in Texas? That’s good news!

I hope you have a good weekend. I hope you get a much-needed hangout with friends or take a much-needed break from hanging out with people, whatever the case may be. Good wishes for you and yours.

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I usually post resolutions on New Years Day, but I decided not to rush it. Yesterday was nice. I got to hang out with Sarah and friends, eat some delicious food, and read a little bit. It’s hard to believe that I go back to work in less than 48 hours. Before I do, though, you know I want to share my resolutions for the year with you.

Technically I have seven (large) goals, but all of them are divided into many small steps that help me get there. 

Start Checking Off That 10-Year Bucket List

The bucket list I put together in 2025 ended up with way more than 50 things on it, and some of them are bigger goals that are going to take the whole 10 years to accomplish. Additionally, if I know me (and I do), I won’t stop dreaming up things I want to do, so the list is likely to grow over the next decade. Clearly there are more than five things I’m going to cross off that list this year. 

I’m already going to address some of them in pursuit of my financial and cozy goals (see below), but I’ve identified 11 things off the list that I want to do this year. As I’m currently looking for a new job and/or an additional income stream, the order in which they happen will depend on how fast that comes to pass, as a new job would likely have a different busy season to work around, and some of them cost a little money. But right now, this is roughly the order I’m thinking of starting them:

  • Learn to play the organ
  • Learn to play mahjong
  • Establish a consistent exercise practice
  • Join an online book club (likely MMD)
  • Join the Plot Twist Book Bar dark academia book club
  • Enjoy a personal reading retreat in a hotel with room service
  • Renew my passport
  • Write a score or a song
  • Upload an original recording to Bandcamp
  • Finish a fiction manuscript
  • Take a small town road trip

Read 200 Books

This is…lofty. But I think it’s possible. What I like about this goal is that having it in mind will remind me to give myself regular downtime, which I have a hard time remembering (shocking, I know). I am also attempting quite a few reading challenges throughout the year, and gamifying anything almost always makes it more fun for me.

Establish a Regular Journaling Practice

One thing that keeps me grounded the best is journaling. It not only helps me decompress and slow down my brain before sleep but also improves my awareness of how well I’m taking care of myself in general. 

One thing that I often put off and forget to do is journaling. I am hoping to establish a regular practice. 

Daily is ideal, but any regularity is an improvement that I will consider a success. I’m using the guided journal that accompanies Shonda Rhimes’s Year of Yes. I may decide later in the year I don’t need the prompts but for now the questions provide a good framework.

Have 100 Cozy Moments

I couldn’t figure out how to phrase this one, because it could encompass a lot of things. “Cozy moments” sounds a little woo for me, but it will have to do. 

Basically, I want to be intentional about pursuing my theme for the year. 

This may look like actually noting when moments are cozy or actively seeking them out. It may look like rearranging spaces at home, work, or elsewhere to be more welcoming. It may look like clearing out some clutter to give my brain a rest. There are many different ways this could play out, and I bet I can catalogue at least 100 of them!

Set and meet 100 small financial goals

This sounds like a lot, but it’s fewer than I met last year, so it’s doable. My focus this year (other than increasing income) is on three main things:

  • Mapping out a solid plan for retirement
  • Having a solid purpose for each savings bucket
  • Building a solid knowledge base

The keyword is solid. That’s how I want to feel about my finances at the end of the year (and have the evidence to back the feeling up).

Write 50,000 Words

For real, this time. Something tells me that finishing a fiction manuscript would be an excellent way to make this happen. 

Go on 25 Microadventures

A lot of the items on my 10-year bucket list surprised me. Apparently, I want to go places. Did not know that about myself. I’m not sure if I actually want to go places, or if I think I should want to go places.

Welp, we’re going to test it out this year with 25 small microadventures. I’m defining a microadventure as any outing that takes from an hour up to a day. It can be almost anything. It just has to include a place I’ve never been or something I’ve never done. Bonus points if it’s free. 

I may ask for suggestions later, but I have a pretty good list going already. It might be telling that this is the resolution I’m least excited about, but maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. It doesn’t hurt to try (I hope).

And there you have it. Those are the plans. It looks like a lot, but it’s mostly a continuation of things I’m already working on. It just gives them a little structure.

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From Wednesday, Season 2: “I don’t evolve; I cocoon.” 

I feel this.

Cozy seems like a fluffy word to have as a theme for the year. But it’s essential for me, and that’s becoming more apparent the older I get. 

People say you have to get out of your comfort zone to learn. And I see the merit in this reasoning.

One question, though – what’s a comfort zone? That sounds nice. Mythical. Soothing. I bet it’s just delightful.

Do neurotypical people have places and situations in which they actually feel at ease? What’s that like?!

When I think back to the last place I felt truly comfortable – no social anxiety, no worry, no counting down all the things in my head that I had to do before it was over or I could leave – I landed on the trip I took to Cape Cod with Hope and her friend Alison. 

Easy mornings where I would drink coffee and write, read, or journal. Then we’d have brunch together and do something fun for the afternoon. Then we’d all meet up again for a long, decadent dinner – sometimes just us, sometimes with guests. 

It’s the coziest week I’ve ever spent away from my own home. It left space for spontaneity in ways that I rarely experience. And it was absolute magic for my creative process.

I don’t form habits; I have rituals, and even for my favorite ones, I sometimes need some kind of reminder. For example, on Sunday, I woke up, got a few things accomplished, and then got ready for church. On the drive there, I noticed I was feeling super scattered and grumpy. And then it hit me – I had forgotten to have coffee. Yes, you read that right. Not a typo. I – the coffee snob/addict – simply did not remember to brew a cup. I knew my executive function was wonky lately but jeez. This is why I keep a to-do list posted of how to get ready in the morning. Because on days like that, when I am extra steeped in discomfort, I don’t always remember all the steps. 

[Shout-out to coworkers who always remind me to take a break and go upstairs to get coffee at work. Y’all are the best.]

I don’t necessarily even follow ambitions, although I do have a lot of them. My most lasting successes all started in a space I felt free to think and experiment – where I felt relaxed enough to be my full creative self.

I say all of this to demonstrate that learning should follow the spirit of the “out of your comfort zone” rule rather than the literal directive. Essentially, learning requires doing something different. Neurotypical people live in a world that tends to work the way their brains do and in ways they are comfortable operating. In order for their brains to form new pathways (i.e., learn), they have to jolt themselves out of that (i.e., stepping out of that comfort). For many neurodivergent people, it’s the opposite. The world does not work the way our brains do. We are already – perpetually – out of our comfort zone. Pushing ourselves further out of it is more likely to result in burnout and shutdown rather than discovery. My learning process (and I suspect this is more often true than not for most ND folk) needs a soft space to land where my overactive brain can rest well enough to focus on the new thing I’m trying to do.

I need cozy.

And it starts at home.

Making my home cozy for myself inevitably means dampening the assault on my senses. My home right now? Chaos, which reflects my state of mind in this, the yearly Wild West Week that straddles the transition between the old and new year. The chaos in my home not only reflects but also contributes to my mental chaos, though, and I’d like to work on that this year. I can’t control most of what happens outside my home, and there are many elements of rental living that are likewise beyond my grasp. I can, however:

  • Declutter and adjust lighting and decor to make my space more visibly soothing
  • Cook amazing food and clean with non-smelly products so that my first reaction to walking in isn’t a shaking of the head and an exclaimed, “Oh! What is that smell!”
  • Marie-Kondo the textures of items in my home. Even if something is useful, if my first reaction to touching it is, “Nooooo, thank you,” I will not use (or wear) it very often, which means it’s not actually helpful to me.
  • Make playlists to mask/offset the 14,351 buzzing sounds and background noises that routinely plague apartment living. Green noise is my go-to for this purpose, but I’d like to mix it up a little this year. Maybe even compose something myself.

One thing I really like about cozy as a theme is that it has an element of preparedness to it. Yes, it’s nice to make physical and psychological spaces warm and comfortable for myself and others. That alone is valuable. But the practice of doing so also prepares the space for stressful situations. For example, making my home a cozy place was useful for times when I had to stay there longer than planned (ahem, pandemic and cancer diagnosis). Paying attention to and taking care of my body not only helps me feel more at home in it but also strengthens it for dealing with health issues and other physical challenges that arise. Working so hard on my financial stability this year really came in handy when it was suddenly time to qualify for a car loan in September. Effective therapy doesn’t just help me feel better; it helps me be better.

So this year, I am cultivating coziness in my life. And I am going to cozy up to the things that matter to me. 

Cocoons may seem unimportant on the outside (and may just seem like a big blob of mindless goo on the inside). But these cozy little spaces are what help their inhabitants turn into exactly who they need to be to fly.

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