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I almost chose “if” for my word of the year.

If I want this, then I’ll need this in place.

If this happens, this is how I’ll respond.

If I’m going to stay at the same place, this is how I want it to improve.

If I wasn’t careful, this theme would lead me into a world of rabbit holes and contingency plans. I’m not opposed to either of those things, but I’m not sure I’m at a place to take on a whole year of them.

In other words, “if” isn’t quite ringing true for me. I want a word that captures the mystery of “if…” without the ellipses. Without boxing myself into its implied necessary action. I’m not opposed to taking action. I’m just wary of obligation. 

So instead of “if” and all its intense expectations, I’m going to dive deep into wonder and all of its questions.

Merriam-Webster has several definitions of wonder that I love:

  • A cause of astonishment 
  • The quality of exciting amazed admiration
  • Rapt attention or astonishment at something awesomely mysterious or new to one’s experience
  • To feel surprise
  • To feel curiosity or doubt
  • Marvel
  • Miracle

Yes, please. All of that. I want a year of being open to mystery. I want a life that leaves room for both curiosity and doubt. I want a year on which I can look back and marvel.

After all, I’m turning 50 this year. I want to be open to big things. 

This is one of my favorite days of the year – the day that I make resolutions and set goals for the next 12 months. It seems contrary to the nature of wonder, however, to predetermine what is going to happen the whole year. So I’m going to jot down some wishes – things that might be fun or interesting – with just enough structure to be measurable in case they develop into actual goals but also enough room for interpretation to allow them to evolve or disintegrate as needed, depending on…*gestures broadly*

My wishes for 2025:

  • To read 180 books (per yesterday’s post).
  • To look for opportunities for wonder. I want to be charmed by the world. I want to recapture the delight in simple things and little kindnesses. I crave whimsy. And I don’t want it just for me – I want to share it.
  • To buy 50 books (one for each year I’ve been alive) in person from independent bookstores. Originally, this goal was to buy 5 books each at 10 different bookstores, but then I started listing bookstores I want to visit..and it’s more than 10. So still 50 total, but I’m going to spread the love a little more broadly.
  • To cook at least 50 meals. This past year was unusual, and there were whole months in which I did not cook at all. To be clear, that doesn’t mean I just ate takeout (although I did that more frequently than usual). A lot of the food I buy is premade and ready to assemble and eat as snacks or salads or sandwiches, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Fed is best. But I also miss cooking, and I feel better when I do so on a regular basis. I want to average at least one cooked meal a week (with a couple of weeks off during staff training or holidays).
  • To set and meet 50 small financial goals. I didn’t talk about the goal I set for my finances last year, because medical expenses are expensive and I didn’t have the confidence that I’d actually be able to make it. But I did. I saved a month’s salary in an emergency fund. And then I made the first payment on a medical bill (which is exactly what emergency funds are for, I guess). And I built my savings back up. And made another first payment on a different medical bill. And I have – for the third time – almost reached a month’s salary in savings again. This didn’t happen spontaneously, though. I did it by setting monthly financial goals for both my outgoing budget and my savings. This year, there are additional things I want to do that will help me (eventually) draft a retirement plan, so I’m going to work those goals in as well. I do not harbor delusions that I will be able to retire fully any time soon (if ever), but with a little preparation, I think I can see a lighter workload on the distant horizon.
  • To write 50,000 words. This may be one story, or it may be 100. I just want to get back into a regular writing practice.
  • To consistently meet daily goals on my Finch app. Most of my reminders to eat, or drink water, or do something creative (whether that be writing or knitting or music or whatever), or take a walk/stretch break, come through Finch. Neurospicy folk, gamify the daily activities everyone else thinks of as habits. This app has helped me so much.
  • To make a list of 50 fun things to do in the next 10 years. I already have a few ideas, but I am going to take the whole year to decide what makes the final cut. Something to look forward to!

This is a long and ambitious list, and I fully expect my intentions to wax and wane as the year throws whatever curve balls it’s got up its sleeve. After all, sometimes just surviving is the only accomplishment a person needs to achieve.

But these wishes give me hope and spark a little bit of the type of wonder that I desperately want this year.

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Fall Fun List

It was 67 degrees outside this morning. I mean, it’s already hotter and is still going to get up into the 90s today. BUT IT WAS 67 DEGREES THIS MORNING YAY.

Of all the seasons, I love fall the most. I wish Texas got more of it. It’s a busy season, though. So I’m taking a page out of Joy the Baker‘s book and making myself a fall bucket list. Except I’m calling it a fall fun list, because 1) alliteration, and 2) when I hear the word “list” every ounce of ambition I have rises up in me and soon I just have another list of chores to do. That’s not the energy we’re going for here. I want to take the time to notice the leaves changing and enjoy it. And also maybe come out of my heat-induced social slump a little.

So here are a few things I love doing in the fall and hope to enjoy in the next few months:

  • Baking something with apples in it
  • Making delicious soups
  • Using fresh bread from the bakery as a utensil for eating homemade soup
  • Taking walks
  • Sitting around a fire with friends
  • Drinking all the warm beverages (except pumpkin spice anywhere near my coffee – I’ll leave those for y’all- please enjoy)
  • Listening to live music outside while drinking a warm beverage (and maybe there’s also a fire or heater nearby)
  • Getting new boots
  • Exploring cozy spots in town (alone or with friends)

This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s a good start. What are some things you enjoy doing in the fall?

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Dewey’s Reverse Readathon was so much fun! While the event itself was technically only Friday night and most of Saturday, I’ve had a few days off, so I took the liberty of extending it through yesterday. It did not disappoint. 

As previously mentioned, links to books are affiliate links to my Bookshop.org page.

  1. Lucky Red by Claudia Cravens – I started this book back in June and just couldn’t get into it. I read a couple of chapters every few days and slogged my way through the first half. When I started the readathon, it was still perched at the top of my book pile, judging me. So I finished it. Quickly. Turns out, it picks up pretty fast at about the halfway mark. I ended up really liking it. 
  2. The Dewey’s Discord – This was the first readathon I spent on the Discord, and I really liked it. I already knew I liked the layout and organization of Discord much more than other platforms where the community congregates; it’s so much easier to find the posts I’m looking for so I was able to engage in more meaningful ways. I always love connecting with other readers all over the world during these events, but I felt more like I was a part of it this time. 
  3. Tiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less, edited by Daniel Jones and Miya Lee – I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER THAT WAS THIS BOOK. I mean, I probably should have been. To tell a story in 100 words or less, you need to be pretty intentional about which words you use. You have to pack a lot of meaning into a small amount of space. Perhaps I was expecting it subconsciously, though. Perhaps that’s why I waited until I had almost used up all the renewals I had for my library copy before reading it and letting it in. I’m glad I did, and I used the red ribbon bookmark to mark my favorite story for its next reader. I hope they like it as much as I did.
  4. Multiple cups of the coffees my sister and brother-in-law brought back as my prize from their recent trip – Specifically, the Stiff-Legged dark roast from the Fainting Goat Coffee Company and Project Sunrise from First Watch Coffee. Thanks to them, I stayed well caffeinated throughout my reading time.
  5. The Bar Harbor Retirement Home for Famous Writers (And Their Muses) by Terri-Lynne DeFino – If I must live in a retirement home someday, I hope it is with a bunch of writers/artists. To collaborate with them until the day I die sounds like the perfect end to a life lived well. I am a sucker for stories about found family, and this one was lovely. 
  6. Simple food – I cooked exactly twice in the last six days, and even then it was just pasta with tomatoes and basil and eggs for breakfast. As much as I like to create delicious meals, I also like the freedom that having a lot of fruit, veggies, cheese, crackers, etc., on hand to snack on when I am feeling peckish. It freed up the time I would typically spend cooking and cleaning the kitchen for more reading and relaxation. 
  7. Sobremesa: A Memoir of Food and Love in Thirteen Courses by Josephine Caminos Oria – I almost took a break to make empanadas while reading this book. While the overall narrative lagged sometimes, the descriptions of the food and the lovingly written family recipes were fantastic.
  8. Adding to my TBR – One of my favorite things about any of the bookish communities I’m in is that they always lead me to read something I never would have known about or picked up on my own. This community is huge and global and has diverse reading tastes. So many possibilities!
  9. Not To Disturb by Muriel Spark – What a quirky story. I loved the dark wit. I could easily see this onscreen. I even started picturing which actors I’d like to see play the characters. Not your typical murder mystery, but I enjoyed it!
  10. Five days of staycation – With the excitement of the new job and office and the impending busyness of August on the horizon, this break was exactly what I needed. I took a few hours off during the actual readathon event to nap because I knew I’d have the time to get in more than 24 hours over the next few days. And I did. I still left the apartment almost every day to go to lunch or take a Pilates class or get my hair done, but I mostly rested and enjoyed the slow pleasure of getting lost in stories. I’ve been in kind of a reading slump lately; it felt good to come back to it.

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Favorite trip to date – Cape Cod

It seems that a lush life would involve travel to some extent. I’m pretty much a homebody, but I do like to get away occasionally. I’m not a packed itinerary, see-all-the-sights person (on account-a I believe vacation should be a change from my usual pace, not just the same busyness in a new location), but if I’m at a place for a week or more, a couple of main attractions are nice.

My favorite trip to date was the week I spent with a few friends in Cape Cod. We rented a cottage and cooked most of our meals. In the morning, we woke leisurely. Those of us who got up earlier had coffee and some sort of pastry, usually from dessert the night before, while we read or journaled or stared at the trees. Later in the morning, once all of us were up, we had brunch together and discussed what we would do that afternoon. We spent an afternoon at the beach where I read Like Water for Chocolate in one sitting. We had tea in Sandwich, and drove up to Provincetown one afternoon. In the evenings, we made or went out for supper and had many wines (observe a selection of the week’s corks above). Sometimes other friends joined us; sometimes it was just the three of us. It was perfect.

A proper vacation for me is something super laidback. If there is a schedule involved or activities for which one could be considered on time or late, I’m probably not interested. I want to eat delicious food, drink copious amounts of adult beverages, and have coffee at irresponsible times of the day. I am hardly ever spontaneous at any other time, but on vacation, it’s a requirement.

Of course, vacations also require money, so I don’t take them that often. When I do, it’s usually somewhere in the U.S., and I typically drive. Sometimes the vacation portion is only a part of the trip because the main reason I’m going is for a retreat or conference. I do have a running list of places outside the U.S. I’d most like to see:

  • Italy
  • Lisbon
  • Denmark
  • New Zealand
  • Argentina
  • Nepal

Perhaps someday.

But that doesn’t mean life can’t be lush with smaller trips. I like day trips to bookstores that aren’t necessarily local but are within reasonable driving distance. Discovering new bookstores and coffee shops is one of the reasons I’m fond of road trips. I also enjoy visiting friends and family, and I want to find time (and funding) to make these trips more often.

I’m writing about ways to make my life more lush (lusher? I think it’s lusher) this month.

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Reading Challenges

As mentioned in my TBR posts, I’m participating in several (four, to date, but….well, we’ll see how these four go) reading challenges. I love challenges for one of the same reasons I love book clubs – they alert me to books that I may never have picked up myself. If you are wanting to broaden the scope of your reading life but don’t have time/energy/desire to join a book club, a reading challenge may be just what you’re looking for.

The challenges I’m participating in this year:

It’s not unusual for me to choose multiple challenges, and I don’t use the same book for two different categories on the same challenge. I do, however, cross-post books between challenges when possible. For example, in January, reading Okorafor’s Noor met Read Harder’s “adventure story written by a BIPOC author,” 52 Book Club’s “recommended by a favorite author” (it was the January selection of Roxane Gay’s Literati Club), and POPSUGAR’s “featuring a man-made disaster.”

Sometimes, it’s fun to specifically look for a book that counts toward all the challenges I’m participating in. This month, I’m reading Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore, which satisfies all the following categories:

  • A book set in a bookstore (Read Harder)
  • Featuring a library or bookstore (52 Book Club) – ok, a little cheaty as it mirrors Read Harder almost exactly, but let’s be real – you know I’m going to read more than one book that fits this category anyway.
  • Keyword “midnight” (Girlxoxo)
  • About a secret (POPSUGAR)

I also find myself reading multiple books throughout the year that fit a certain category, especially if it’s a category that I had to do a little searching to find a book that fits because that search always yields more than one book that sounds interesting to me. So you may see the same category with different books pop up throughout the year. I have just started tracking them this month, so other than the ones I’ve already listed, I don’t have a lot to add right now, but once I’ve got at least three finished for each challenge, I’ll post the updates here.

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This is nowhere near the whole stack – just the ones that were on the unshelved/library cart. Also, this month has a lot of ebook and audiobook selections.

So listen. I got really excited about being three books ahead of schedule on my Goodreads challenge and super happy about the 24in48 marathon this coming weekend and…I kinda overplanned. I fully admit that it is HIGHLY unlikely that I will finish all the books listed below but I do not care because I want to read them all RIGHT NOW and will probably start them all this month anyway because what even is an attention span.

I’m just going to list them this month because to list AND talk about them would be a little tl;dr even for me. So here we go. At least I’ve divided them up into categories for you.

Books I’ve started and will continue to read/finish this month:

Whew. I told you I have no attention span. Definitely about 20-150 pages into each one of these so far. And we press on.

After my joy selections from last month were of the “ok, Type A, calm down and maybe sit still occasionally” variety, and I am not good at following that advice but I am super great at overcompensating by going the exact opposite direction, my restless soul has gone into super cleaning mode. I’m not complaining, but it seems like a good month for these three:

I also find joy in revisiting things that I’ve read before or series that connect me to people. So I’m dabbling in a little:

Book club selections for the month:

Recommendations from friends or continuing reading from an author or timely re-read or just because I grabbed it from the library because it sounded interesting and now I only have it for 21(ish) days:

And why not finish it off with some poetry?

It’s only…35 books. In a month.

This goal is so ridiculous, I’m making a guessing game out of it. For every $5 you give to Denton Bail Fund, you get one guess about how many I’ll *actually* finish from February 1-February 28. I’ll send the person whose guess is the closest (or the person whose name I draw out of a hat, if there’s a tie) the book of their choice from this list. Because of who I am as a person, some game rules:

1. To qualify as an entry, you must email coffeesnob@gmail.com:

  • Screenshot of your donation confirmation to Denton Bail Fund with date and amount showing
  • Which of the 35 titles you would like to receive if you win
  • Your mailing address (I will not sell your information – just use it this one time to mail you your book if you win)
  • Your guess(es) – one per $5 donated, whole numbers from 2-35 (I’ve already finished 2 – don’t guess lower than that) – about how many books I will finish between February 1 and February 28.

2. Donations made to DBF must be dated between 12:01 a.m., January 1, 2021 (because yes, I reward being already on this) and 11:59 p.m., February 10, 2021, to count toward an entry.

3. Deadline for receiving email entries is February 11, 2021, at 5:30 p.m., CST.

4. I will send a confirmation email when I get your entry. If you do not get a confirmation from me, you have not successfully entered.

All other things being equal, I will have a final total posted by March 5 and will place the order for the winner’s book by March 10, 2021.

Okay, so I’m going to go read now. I have so many choices! This is the best month!

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Some of my favorite images from the year

Well, here it is. The end-of-the-year review. I feel like a lot has been said about the world in general, and I’m tired and a little sad tonight, so I’m not interested in recapping it (didn’t I do this last year, too? I remember being very melancholy last year at this time. Maybe that’s just who I am now.). So I’m going to go through the year I thought I was going to have, how it changed for me personally, and maybe some more things as I ramble on.

First, some goal-setting changes:
1. I love resolutions, but I maintain the flexibility to adapt them. I did this really well this year – mostly out of necessity but also because it just makes sense to set goals that way. To work toward what you want until you get it or don’t really want it anymore or figure out something you want more.
2. Instead of plotting all the short-term tasks needed to reach goals in a chart for each month at the beginning of the year, I plotted one month at a time and based the new standards for each month on the previous month’s actual accomplishment (it’s like I KNEW) (I did not know) (No one knew). I like this much better, and it gives me a much clearer picture of the real progress I’m making.
3. I took the month of December off from the reward system of checking things off. Mostly I did this to just take a break from it, which was needed. But also it gave me a chance to see what habits actually stuck when I removed the reward of a check mark or a crossed-off item. Very illuminating.

Official resolutions I made at the beginning of the year and how they went:
1. Read 120 books. I did not quite make it. But, considering that I went for about four months where I had the attention span of a gnat and couldn’t read for more than five minutes at a time (I read a total of six books during those four months), I think my final total of 96 is still pretty respectable.
2. Finish Fishbowl again – nope. Although I’ve made considerable progress.
3. Keep up with microfictions on Ello – yes…ish. I haven’t even checked lately to see if Ello is still a thing. But I have written a LOT of microfiction and short stories. I didn’t set a specific number to write every month, so I didn’t keep count, but that was the main creative writing I did.
4. Perform with Spiderweb – yes x2! I was in the last in-person show, collaborating with Sarah Ruth for Spiderweb Loves You on Valentines Day. And I had a spot in our online Spiderdead in November playing an original not-really-a-composition-but-more-like-a-prompt called Maybe Hope is a Terrible Idea.
5. Find a doctor – yes. Done.
6. Find a new dentist and eye doctor – not yet. Have people picked out to try, though, in the first few months of the new year.
7. Continue to build Pilates practice – yes, but not back with the in-person classes yet (although my studio has been great with upping the cleanliness standards and thinking outside the box and serving customers – really proud of the way they’ve done things). When we started working from home in March, I accepted a 30-day strength challenge with Jessica and Mary in my office, though, and I incorporated a lot of Pilates stuff in that and have expanded it and kept up with it pretty well. I may be able to test into Level 2 classes when I return.
8. Work – vague resolution about continuing to figure out what I want to do with my life that got put on the back burner when I was just happy to still have work.
9. Word of the year was “alive” and we know how I feel about that. So that’s that.

Goals I didn’t have at the beginning of the year but added and met anyway:
1. Reduce plastic use and trash production. I started putting trash day as Monday on my calendar (I needed help remembering some things – see note above re: attention span). I soon found myself finding ways to prolong it to another day to see how long I could go without filling up the trash cans. I’m up to three weeks (except in the kitchen because food-adjacent waste really shouldn’t sit in my house for three weeks but I just use smaller bags).
2. Reduce food waste – my fridge had a hard year and I think it’s on its way to dying. My freezer still works great, though, so I began freezing leftovers. I’m down to almost zero food waste, so I think that’s a habit I’ll keep even when I have a fixed/new fridge.
3. Automate shipments – toilet paper, toothpaste tabs (the Bits ones – plastic free packaging!), laundry sheets (also plastic free!), etc. I needed to take things out of my headspace this year, so I automated a lot of shipments of things I normally would just run an extra errand to get when I ran out. Now I don’t run out. Great decision – 10/10 – highly recommend.

Things I learned about myself:
1. I’m way more adaptable than I thought I was. Like…my response to chaos has mostly been to fight and thrive (relatively speaking).
2. I am very particular about who I trust. And I like that about me. I mean, I’ll extend a basic trust to most people – I don’t want into new relationships assuming they’re shady – but past that basic trust? It has to be earned.
3. I can like and get along with someone without trusting them or letting them affect me. This makes me good at standing up for other people, and I want to practice that more in the future.
4. I need to be touched. Like…regularly. I knew this already but I really really know it now.

I lost a few people I love this year (some COVID-related, some not), and that’s been hard. I also had a few heartbreaks, one in particular that was really heavy and terrible. I feel like I’m in perpetual heartbreak these days, and I don’t know how to not be. I’m really trying to seek joy in the midst of it anyway.

Finally, to end on a sort of positive note, some highlights:
1. Staying connected to Spiderweb even though it’s online and particularly to the You Are Here support group
2. Monday night text study
3. Book clubs!
4. So many artists adapting to online performance and sharing really beautiful things
5. So many local businesses adjusting to changes and finding new ways to serve customers
6. The Science of Well-Being – free course from Yale
7. Wake and Bake fundraising boxes of baked goods
8. Backyard hangouts with people who love me

Goodbye, 2020.

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I’m participating in Susannah Conway’s April Love challenge on Instagram, and today’s prompt is “five things about me.” So here goes:

  1. I have a sister who is one of my favorite people. She lives in a state of delight, getting excited about every joy. It’s captivating. I did not always want a sister, though. The whole time my mom was pregnant, I kept saying I was having a brother. I talked about it, prayed for it, dreamed about it. When a sister was born, I was flummoxed. It didn’t make sense to me. Our family already had a girl (me) so we needed a boy to make everything balance out. Gender roles were a big deal and part of my raising, so I figured a brother would have the necessary skills and traits to complement my own. So obviously I thought a mistake had been made and I wanted to speak to the manager. Offended at the audacity of God to deny my request and armed with a supreme practicality (even at the age of three), I set out to find ways to remedy this situation. I called her Tommy for the first three weeks of her life, perhaps hoping it would catch on. MeMaw told me that, if she kissed her elbow, she would turn into a boy. Excellent. Finally, an actual solution! I often snuck into her room to talk her into doing it herself. When she did not comply, I tried to help (don’t worry – no little sisters were actually harmed in the making of this story. I didn’t want to hurt her. Also, her crying would have alerted Mom to my subterfuge, so…not prudent.). But at some point, I discovered how rich life can be with a sister, and I’ve been pleased to call her mine (and also by her actual name) ever since.
  2. I grew up in a small town in the panhandle of Texas, and my parents still live on the farm there. When you grow up in an environment with a lot of narrow, rigid rules and expectations where compliance is valued over authenticity, you learn a few key skills, particularly if you do not naturally fit within those rules/expectations. I learned to pretend that I did by only revealing the aspects of my person that were deemed acceptable. As a result, to this day, it’s pretty difficult to get to know me because I walk into every social situation trying to figure out which parts of me are acceptable there. I’m getting better, but I’m still trying to work out how to turn that off. On the upside, I can get along with just about anybody. I can cheat the system.
  3. A better upside to growing up where you don’t belong is that, to make room for all that I couldn’t reveal, I developed a pretty large, pretty spectacular inner world. I have this world to thank for all the characters I’ve created and every story I’ve ever written. When I have a big decision to make, it’s a great place to walk through various potential outcomes. All my best decisions have been made there. It taught me the pleasure of my own company. It’s not a suitable substitute for actual intimacy, but it’s coming in really handy right now in the isolation
  4. Talk to me for even five minutes, and you’ll probably hear about something I’m reading.  I’ll suddenly get really animated and bouncy about it. I love books. I have a large collection, and I read 4-5 books at a time. I like choices, and this allows me to choose the one that most fits my mood or is in an audio format that allows me to knit or doodle at the same time. In addition to the books we’re discussing at my various (four…maybe five if I finish in time to join the discussion for the daytime book club at church) book clubs this month, I’m currently reading my Isabel Allende collection in the order she wrote them. I’ve read some of them before, but I’m excited about re-reading each of them when it’s their turn.
  5. I have so much yarn. On the one hand, I’m glad. I’ve been able to share some of it and also I am in zero danger of running out of things to knit (Keep Denton Warm is gonna be chock full of blankets, scarves, and hats this year. If that’s a thing we get to do. Someone, somewhere will need them. Surely.). But I thought I had it all organized last year and I just found another bag this week. *sigh* I come from a long line of yarn hoarders.

 

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Sweet note on the dry erase board in the office this week

We are finally working from home. The students no longer are answering the telephone. We are having our first Zoom meeting tomorrow morning to check in. Denton’s stay-at-home order kicks in tomorrow night. I have plenty to do here to keep me busy, as my apartment looks like a tornado hit it (yes, ’tis the season, but in this case, just a simile) and thus is in desperate need of some attention.

Also I have books. Hundreds of books.

But I also need a little structure to maintain even a little bit of a sense of well-being. I can’t be alone in my house for weeks (months?) on end with no structure.

My goal checklist that I’ve been using this year to track the progress of my resolutions has thus far been extremely helpful for helping remain calm(ish). Every day I’m home all day, I make sure I’m:

  • drinking enough water
  • practicing Spanish, either through the Duolingo app or by reading a book in Spanish while keeping the dictionary close
  • dancing, whether for just a 10-minute break or a Zumba video or an online dance class (the tap classes Chloe Arnold is hosting through Instagram? Very cathartic. Highly recommend.)
  • exercising with Pilates on demand or with something that helps me stretch/strengthen
  • playing the keyboard (currently brushing up on some theory)
  • doing at least one thing to rest or pamper myself (e.g., relaxing foot soak, face mask, nap, etc.)
  • working on a crafty/creative project (e.g., knitting, poetry, coloring, etc.)
  • picking a different small area of the apartment to clean each day
  • taking a walk (weather permitting)
  • finishing the daily to-do list (e.g., keeping up with bills, checking in with friends, etc.)

I’m also taking the free Yale course, “The Science of Well-Being”. I’m just in the introduction, but I can already tell I’m going to like it.

I knew this weekend that I needed to go ahead and put these things in place now. I had a whole weekend at home. Normally, this would delight me. A whole free weekend? Paradise. But I spent a lot of the time overwhelmed and anxious and terribly lonely, despite the fact that I had a lot of interaction online. I thought when this started that this experience would be a good test of whether or not I could really work from home, but I may need reminders that this is a whole other animal. It’s not going to give me an accurate picture of what working from home would really be like.

What adjustments are you making to make this phase of life work?

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First page of new planner. A reminder for when I forget.

I love resolutions. Even the ones I abandon halfway through the year (although I would not mind getting to a place where I don’t get all riled up about something just to fizzle out). I like looking forward and fostering hope for making new magic and dreams (and yes, a little madness). I have a lot of small goals for the year, but they all center on a few themes:

  1. Reading – I exceeded my original goal of 100 books last year (by two!), and so I’ve upped the challenge to 120 this year. I have three book clubs, because I love talking about books with people. I think it would be nice if I did that more here, too. Possible posts to look forward to are periodic recaps of what I’ve read and what I’m about to read. I really love what Brenda at Don’t Stop Believing did here, and I really adored some of the things I read in 2019, so you may see something similar around these parts soon. For this year, my focus is going to be on actually finishing the book club choices before we meet (I did this about 60% of the time last year) and reading some of the hundreds of books on my own shelves that I have squirreled away for “someday.” Someday is 2020.
  2. Writing – I finished Fishbowl in 2018…and then I edited it. Now I need to finish it again, because as it turns out, I have no problem killing my darlings. I may enjoy that too much, actually. So this year’s main writing goal is to get it ready to go to beta readers (yes, Maggie – you first)/an editor. I also have a short story project that I am working on, and I want to continue my microfictions on Ello (anyone else on Ello?). I haven’t posted there in a while, but I have a few that I should be ready to upload by the end of the month. I anticipate writing (maybe performing) something in collaboration with Spiderweb Salon this year, too.
  3. Health – I need to be better at keeping up with doctor’s appointments. Just…all of them. I’m terrible at this. That’s a big goal for the year. With my Pilates practice last year, I re-discovered how good I feel when I’m paying attention to strength and flexibility and alignment (hello again, dance!), so I want to continue to build there.
  4. Work – I want to continue to explore the next direction my work life should go. I don’t have a lot of answers here, but I have lots of advice and guidance. Sifting through all of that. We’ll see.
  5. Word of the year – I wasn’t going to have a word of the year, but then I kept seeing quotes about coming alive or being alive and every one of them made me tear up a little bit so now my word of the year is “alive” and I’m pretty enthused about it. My gut reaction for how to pursue this is through music, dance, learning new things, making beautiful things and feeding people, but I’m leaving the possibilities open. I have a short-term bucket list for the year that includes things like “read a book in Spanish with minimal need for a dictionary” and “start learning sign language” and “walk/run more miles each month”  and “brush up on music theory” and it will be fun to see how many of those I stick to. In related news, I may be in the market for a French horn or trumpet soon. You’re welcome, neighbors (but let’s be honest, you kinda have it coming).

Do you make resolutions? If so, I’d love to hear them!

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