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Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

Every year, June tries to make me love summer. It doesn’t succeed, but it’s persistent in its effort. This summer it almost had me.

I mean – just look at it –

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June, you gorgeous thing.

Of course, now the temperatures are climbing, and I’m in a constant state of being a snack for bugs, so any potential goodwill I had toward summer is now out the window. But June tried. Oh, it tried!

I started the month off at my parents’ farm. I originally planned the trip to help with their planters, but they had already finished the ones they are going to put out this year by the time I got there. So I helped them watch TV and eat a lot of food. I am very helpful in both those regards. It was such a relaxing week.

I saw two movies in the theater this month. Of course, I had to go see Pitch Perfect 2. It was pretty funny. Before I went to see it, my friend Kim said, “I just want to say two words – We Belong. Best part.” It really was. I laughed and laughed. I also went to see Spy. It was hilarious, but that’s not even the thing I liked most about it. When I read that Melissa McCarthy was cast as an agent, I expected the movie to make her out to be this bumbling, lovable character who succeeds despite her incompetence. But no. She kicked ass. They specifically cast someone who doesn’t fit the physical stereotype of the role and then make her awesome at it. Also, Jason Statham is adorable and funny. Favorite thing I’ve seen in a theater in a long time.

It has been a roller coaster of a news month. Between the police incident in McKinney and the shooting in Charleston and all consenting adults actually being able to marry the consenting adult of their choice in all 50 states and black churches burning…whew.  I really have to get a computer at home again, because my poor little phone just can’t keep up. I’m going to write more about this tomorrow, but this month, I’m really into my church. The way they have brought these stories to the foreground of our discussions and have not shied away from the parts that make us uneasy and constantly ask what work we have to do – I just love it there.

Another wonderful thing that happened this month is a little cherub named Savvy turned three:

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She started out pretty subdued at her party, but before long, she was a little burst of joy:

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I just love that giggle.

I read so much this month. Most of the things I read has some sort of justice theme running through them, which seems fitting. My favorite novels were Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor (AMAZING end to this trilogy) and Peaches for Father Francis by Joanne Harris. I also bathed in the poetry of Nayyirah Waheed – Salt was my favorite collection.

My dad and I bond over The Chew, so I took a couple of Carla Hall’s cookbooks with me when I visited. I liked Cooking with Love, but I liked Carla’s Comfort Foods better. I blame her for my newfound obsession with tarragon (particularly in a lemon cream sauce). And if I ever meet her, I’m going to thank her for teaching me what no one else in my life has before – how to get perfect rice by baking it. Did any of you know how to do this and just not tell me? It’s so simple, and it makes so much sense (basically, bring water and rice to a boil and then cover it and put it in a 350-degree oven to steam). How have I lived this long and not known this?!

You can see more of what I’ve read this month (and this year, for that matter) at my Goodreads page.

My favorite thing about this June is that it has been infused with dance.

I read Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habit, and seventeen pages of notes later, all these stories of dance have kicked my writing life back into gear. I am going to be processing it for a long time.

As always, I am loving So You Think You Can DanceI haven’t made it through all the auditions yet, because I keep rewatching the ones I like. I get so excited for them when they get that ticket to Vegas!

And I don’t know if you heard me squealing with delight all the way from where you are, but Misty Copeland, one of my favorite dancers of all time, became the first black female principal dancer of the American Ballet Theater.

This June made a beautiful case for summer.


I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer – come join us and tell us what your June was like!

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Cheese

I just sat here for ten minutes trying to come up with a witty title for this post. But then I said to myself, “Self, it’s finals week. Forget the wit and move on.”

Today, I’m going to talk about cheese.

I’ve been reading cookbooks lately – even more so than usual – and the recipes that get me the most excited are the ones where cheese is a significant part of the show. So when Andi suggested to our writing group that we write about cheese this week, I knew I could meet that challenge.

I love cheese.

I love the way it melts and oozes. I love the way it binds things together in my favorite baked comfort foods. I’ve already written my ode to goat cheese, but today, I bring you ten things I’m excited to try with cheese when classes are finished and I have time to cook again.

  1. Harvest Breakfast Braid – So I’m totally going to replace the cranberries with dried apricots and replace the apples with peaches (because seasons), but this looks delicious.
  2. Goat. Cheese. Risotto. If a person were to design the perfect comfort food for me, this would be it. And if I manage to have leftover risotto (because no to the fast risotto…just no)…
  3. Kale and Goat Cheese Risotto Cakes – I would like to think that I would make these for appetizers to share. But that would require me NOT to eat all the risotto and then NOT to eat all the fried things before the guests arrived. This might be the greatest feat of willpower I have ever conquered.
  4. Ham and Gruyere Thumbprints – A savory answer to one of my favorite cookies. We might skip the ham.
  5. Mediterranean Dip – Oh, feta. I love you so.
  6. Pizza Pasta Casserole – One big bucket of happiness.
  7. Caprese Skillet Eggs – I love this for sentimental multiple reasons. First, I just love a caprese anything. It’s hard to mess that up. Second, I love eggs. Third, one skillet = easy cleanup. This is something I would make when I wake up late enough to still want breakfast but it’s almost time for lunch.
  8. Breakfast Enchiladas – They had me at “cheese sauce.” And “enchiladas.” And “breakfast.” Basically, they just have me.
  9. Roasted Butternut Squash and Bacon Pasta – WHAT?! There’s at least three kinds of happiness in that dish.
  10. Any (or all) of these grilled cheese sandwiches – Think you can’t improve on just bread and cheese? Click on that link and bask in the glory of how wrong you are. Deliciously, fantastically wrong.

What are some of your favorite things to do with cheese?

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More Than One Way

There is more than one way to love a body.

“Love your body! Strip away the things that hide you! Be proud of how you look!” The woman behind the table on the campus lawn can’t hide her disappointment when I take her flier, thank her for what they’re doing, and then walk away, still fully covered from neck to foot. “Your body is beautiful – you don’t have to be ashamed,” she yells as I walk away.

That’s true. Thank you, random stranger, for the compliment (and the reminder).

But my skin is the color of almond milk, and it is sensitive to chemicals. So I can expose it to the sun during my twenty-minute trek across campus to prove to you that I love it. I would probably enjoy the feeling of the sun and the warm wind…for about ten minutes. Then I would burn. First my shoulders, then my arms, then my legs. I cover them because it’s hard to find a sunscreen that doesn’t break me out (at least one that doesn’t cost a kajillion dollars an ounce – that, I save for my face). I love my body, so I protect it.

Sometimes, body love looks like covering up.

“Do you want a brownie? Come on – you know you do!” The resident waves his hand over the plate he’s holding, causing the amazing smell to waft in my direction. It’s the week before Christmas, and he has been practicing. He wiggles his eyebrows, clearly proud of his baking skills.

They smell delicious. I kinda do want a brownie.

But I remember that I am having dinner with a friend this evening, and that about an hour after I eat that brownie, I will feel sluggish and get a great big dose of the physical don’t-wannas. It only takes a few moments of reflection on how feeling that way will make me want to cancel my dinner plans and take a nap instead. So I say, “No, thank you. They smell fantastic, though. Good job!”

Sometimes, body love looks like saying no to things we want.

“Are you sure you want to wear that? It’s a little…sheer. Don’t you want to dress more modestly?” We are getting ready to go out, and it’s the first time she’s been to the club with me. She is nervous, but she doesn’t want to say so. It’s interesting how insecurities come out.

I know she’s anxious and that this comment isn’t really about me, so I swallow the lecture on how modesty is not a measure of how much skin I’m showing. I look in the mirror, and I like what I see. It’s the end of summer, and I can see the definition in my arms that inevitably happens after three months of lifting toddlers full-time. And this is the only shirt that is clean that shows off the tiny coffee cup that my friend drew on my shoulder earlier that day. And I look adorable. So I decide that context matters. Intention matters. I reply, “It’s fine for the club. But you don’t have to go sheer. You wear what makes you comfortable.”

Sometimes, body love looks like showing it off a little.

“Where do you want to go for our one-on-one?” It’s Friday, and it’s been a hard week. It’s balancing two jobs and having fever and the world is discriminatory and awful and oh, by the way – Jesus is dying today.

So I recognize that my mood is not about food. Not really.

But kinda.

The cereal I had for breakfast was filling, but the salad I picked at for lunch was lackluster and unsubstantial. Why did I even bring lunch to work with me, especially one that I knew would be so disappointing? I know my body and its needs, and I knew the sad salad would not satisfy any of them. I am as hangry as I was before I ate it. It doesn’t help that I have a great supper – a veggie frittata on a bed of baby spring greens – planned for tonight, the very thought of which is making me salivate as I type this.

So where do I want to go? Hypnotic. Comfort food, right next to Cultivar’s really good coffee.

Chicken biscuit, get in my belly.

Is this the healthiest choice I could possibly make? No. Will it feed my soul and brighten my day and help me avoid the inevitable food coma that the huge donut I really want to eat would cause? Yes. And fried chicken is good funeral food, so while it seems silly to type that, it seems an appropriate meal for Good Friday.

Sometimes, body love looks like the occasional indulgence.

I’m reading Embracing the Body by Tara M. Owens, and what has captured me so far are the stories of Jesus and the ways he used his body to comfort, heal, protect, and nourish. He used his body, and it didn’t mean the same things his culture thought it did. He touched people (and allowed them to touch him) in ways that were deemed inappropriate. He accepted kindness from and dined with people he wasn’t supposed to be seen with. He loved righteously and physically. He loved as God incarnate. He loved as God with us.

Sometimes, love looks different than we expect.

There is more than one way to love.

I am linking up at Tara’s blog with others talking about their embodied experiences during Holy Week. There’s some good stuff over there. Come and see. 

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Well, it’s here. Spring. My nemesis. And I feel bad talking about how much I despise it, because:

1) People are so happy, and while none of them cared to spare my feelings when they were endlessly (soul-crushingly, tediously) whining about my beautiful winter, I just can’t bring myself to do the same (most of the time, that is, because clearly, I’m having no problem doing so right now).

2) I literally feel bad. Spring brings out all my allergies, so working up a nice rant uses too much energy – energy better spent trying to breathe and stop itching.

I have the good drugs, though, so at least there’s that.

And at least it’s not summer. Yet.

But rather than focus on what I’m not into, let’s talk about what I am into.

My favorite thing I did this month was turn 40.

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The weather was nice (and by “nice,” I do mean rainy, overcast, and mid-50s), so that was my birthday present from Jesus. We tried out a new breakfast place – Crickles and Co. – and it was amazing. Everyone basically purred through the whole meal (the biscuits – omg, get the biscuits!). After a very leisurely breakfast, a few of us went to Barnes and Noble and browsed for a while.  Then I went home and spent the afternoon my favorite way – reading and napping. I woke up refreshed and ready for my birthday dinner at Greenhouse. Then we went to my sister and brother-in-law’s house for cake and coffee. The cake was coconut and pineapple, and the coffee was strong. And Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer came on the music mix right as we were about to cut the cake, so they sang the chorus instead of the traditional happy birthday song. Tammy’s explanation: “It fits. You’re halfway there. Halfway to death,” which was hilarious and pretty much my favorite thing anyone said all day. We then watched The Whole Nine Yards while everyone recovered from/embraced their food coma.

It was a great day.

What made it even more enjoyable is that I didn’t worry about the planning. Rather than try to make it this huge event, I picked a couple of places I wanted to go and limited the guest list to people who had asked what I was doing for my birthday or who regularly include me on invitations to theirs (and I kept adding people all week, because I am old and forgetful – an excuse I plan on using a lot from now on). So the group stayed small enough that I didn’t have to make special arrangements or reservations. It was relaxing in both planning and execution.

And then, of course, I have enjoyed spending time on other days with people who couldn’t make it. I have had outings and been treated to so many dinners. I love March.

Another fun thing I did this month is the Wicked Wine Run. Or rather, the Wicked Wine 1K mosey, in my case. It took place at the Lost Oak Winery in Burleson, and we had a lot of fun. Two of us dressed up like Pikachu and a unicorn. I wore a headband and funky socks (not pictured).

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That’s my way to race – with four wine-tasting stops. Actually, the energy of the race atmosphere makes me want to train for an upcoming 5K, so starting on April 26, I begin my training, and I am actually excited about it. We’ll see how that goes.

In entertainment/arts news:

  • I’ve been binge-watching The Mindy Project. So many people have recommended it, and I finally heeded their recommendations. It did not disappoint. I love this show.
  • The Angry Women Blog. This blog understands me. I will be submitting posts to it within the next few months.
  • I tried watching Entourage. Meh. I am four episodes in, and I can’t decide if I’m actually bored with it or if, after hearing the HBO sound, I’m just disappointed that The Newsroom doesn’t start. But after four episodes, I still can’t think of a single moment that got any sort of enjoyment reaction from me. So I might have to throw in the towel on this one.
  • This has been a good reading month. My top three recommendations are The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles, The Cellist of Sarajevo by Steven Galloway, and the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy (I’m about to start #3) by Laini Taylor. So good.

My favorite thing I made to eat was lasagna with spinach and goat cheese (instead of ricotta.  DO IT.). It looked like a bad accident:

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…but it tasted so good.

And my favorite non-coffee thing to drink was this tea:

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It might actually replace Earl Grey as my favorite. It’s that good.

So that was my March. How was yours? I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer – you should join us!

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My Funny Valentine

This Valentine’s Day was a weird one. Usually, I’m in one particular mood. I either love all the gush and mush, or I want to wear black all day (convenient, as black makes up the majority of my wardrobe) and ignore all of it. There is seldom any in-between to it.

But this year was different. I was all over the place all week long. It was exhausting.

One minute, I would get all teary over a sweet thing that a friend did for a beloved one, and the next minute, I was cackling over a friend’s “No one really likes your squishy heart vomit; we’re all lying to you” post.

I told residents “We love you every day.”

I responded to the snorty quip, “Bitter much?” with “Um…yeah. Unashamed and card-carrying, actually. Go ahead. Share your naive, uninformed commentary on that. I dare you.” [She declined to share. I have smart friends.]

I loved myself with three of my favorite meals on Saturday – biscuits and gravy (vegan, because love means not having to take a pill) for breakfast, poached eggs and hash browns for lunch, and risotto (with Parmesan…and a pill…because some things are worth it) and roasted Brussels sprouts for dinner.

I mused about how long it would take someone to find my dead body if I died from a heart attack (and I would die, because there would be no one with me to call 911 while it was happening, much less to unlock the door and let them in when they arrived. I’m pretty much doomed.) and worked myself up into a nice, respectable panic attack, which kind of feels like a heart attack. Well played, Universe.  You asshole.

I barely managed not to live-tweet Chocolat. I sort of regret not live-tweeting it. I love that movie.

I made this list of awesome things I do as a single person living alone that would probably change if I had a boyfriend or a husband or a roommate:

  • Making my bed with the flat sheet on the bottom so that I can sleep curled up inside the fitted sheet like it’s a cocoon
  • My Friday night ritual of staying home and resting in solitude with a TV marathon or reading binge or a big batch of whatever-I-damn-well-please
  • Eating popcorn dipped in goat cheese and calling it dinner
  • Planning my “Family? Nope – just me and the Christmas mice” card (my inspiration is hilarious, and I wish her buckets of love and happiness, whatever that looks like for her. People this funny deserve a willing and enthusiastic audience.)
  • Coming home and EVERYTHING BEING EXACTLY WHERE I LEFT IT. It’s like Christmas every day.
  • Having all the risotto to myself (this might remain a thing even if I do meet a fella. He’s grown. He can make his own risotto.)

So my Valentine’s Week was emotionally chaotic. Just like my love life. I guess that’s appropriate.

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January felt productive. Maybe it’s because it’s the start of the new semester, so it’s productive by design. Maybe it’s because it’s a new year, so I have a new zest for getting things done. Whatever it is, I’m happy about it.

1. I am in love with the Duolingo app. Every day, I learn new language skills. I started with just brushing up on my Spanish. Then I added Italian. Then I added French. Then I added German. So I have daily practice with each language right on my phone. Spanish and German are the easiest so far, since I have a little background in them. Italian is easier than expected. Of the romance languages I’ve studied, it seems the closest to Latin (I knew those four semesters of Latin would not be in vain!). French is kicking my butt. That’s okay. I enjoy a challenge. I know how to order coffee and affirm my singleness by declaring “I have four cats,” so the basics are covered.

2. I am almost done with my taxes. I am going to have them sent by the end of next week. This is curious new territory for me. This will be the earliest I have ever filed.

3. Speaking of curious new territory, I have displayed some mad budgeting skills this month. January is usually a pretty sparse month, because I don’t get my first teaching paycheck until February. Yet here it is, the end of January, and I still have a nice little cushion in the bank. I am so proud of me I don’t even know what to do with myself.

Last month may have been the month for food scavenging, but food prep has made a roaring comeback in the new year.

1. I am obsessed with a certain espresso-infused balsamic vinegar. My friends Beth and Kim are in the process of starting an oil and vinegar shop in town (Denton Olive and Co. – click and like!), and I might have to have them order it for me by the case. I put it on sausage and roast. I pour it on goat cheese and eat it with crackers. I may or may not have poured some in a shot class and sipped it like a fine brandy. It’s so delicious.

2. I made a lot of shortbread this month. It’s an easy thing to throw together and take to a party, and if I make two batches on the Friday night of a busy weekend, that covers every party that weekend, as I am not interested in any party where shortbread is unwelcome. It all started with this Earl Grey shortbread. From there, I discovered that you can pretty much substitute anything (lemon zest, cocoa powder, chocolate shavings, espresso powder, etc.) for the tea, and it will be delicious.

3. My supper club helped with the first round of testing for Feast. It was a glorious success. Steak, potatoes, chipotle mayo, and peppermint cocktails. Happy.

I enjoyed a lot of outings with people.

1. My new hall director, Jessa, and I had our first one-on-one. We had lunch at Seven Mile Cafe, and I splurged on an almond milk latte. Sooo good.

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2. We threw a tea party at the Aubrey Area Library, and it was a lot of fun. We had scones, cookies, tea, costumes, and trivia. I felt fancy. Check out this spread:

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3. Story Feast was also this month. We gathered at Adela’s house and had so much food and got to hear about what everyone is working on.

I have done quite a bit of reading this month, and it’s all been good. I can’t choose a favorite, but I especially loved Eleanor and Park (Rowell), Nocturnes (Ishiguro), Tables in the Wilderness (Yancey), and Still (Winner).

If I lived in Austin, I would be into having food delivered – quite possibly on a weekly basis, because every menu has looked amazing – from The Lavendar Goat. If you are in Austin, you should order every week and then tell me all about it. If you are not in Austin (like me), you can also get help with meal planning and follow him on Facebook or sign up for his email newsletter. We learned basic knife care this week. Do it!

I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer. Come join us! What were you into this month?

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A Spot of Tea and Reflections

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Saturday, the Aubrey Area Library hosted an afternoon tea, complete with dainty cups, fancy hats, and Downton Abbey trivia.

I started at the Lady Mary table and live-posted trivia questions on their Facebook page.

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Then I moved to the Great Britain table to chat with some friends who also attended. You can’t really see my favorite bear, because it’s hidden by the books, but whoever designed that white bear really, really loves the flag.

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I was also on cookie duty for the tea. I baked three types of cookies – my mom’s surprise cookies (the surprise is coconut and pineapple), Earl Grey shortbread, and blueberry jam thumbprint cookies.

Some baking observations:

  1. I remember why I lose weight when I bake on a regular basis. The smell is enough to satisfy the craving. By the time the cookies are cool, I don’t really want one anymore.
  2. Also, baking makes the house hot, so I drink more water when I bake.
  3. My house should always, always smell like butter and sugar. Heaven.
  4. I enjoy baking, but I forget that I enjoy it. So I dread it…until I give in. Then I remember. I’m not sure why I forget. Maybe writing it down will help it stick.
  5. Shortbread is delicious.
  6. I am a planner in the kitchen…except with baking (which is the thing in the kitchen that one really should plan). This often results in catastrophes and/or starting a recipe only to discover that I don’t have one of the vital ingredients. Of course, this is how I discovered that I could leave the eggs out of the surprise cookies and have them still turn out amazing.
  7. This cavalier attitude is also responsible for not remembering that my mixer was broken until I had cookies in the oven and butter for the next type of cookie already in the bowl, room temperature and ready to be creamed with the sugar. Do you know what takes a long time to do without a mixer? Creaming butter and sugar. My arms were so angry afterwards.
  8. I remember now how my kitchen stayed cleaner when I baked regularly. What else is there to do while eight dozen cookies bake?
  9. Seriously.  I could sell this shortbread.
  10. I always end up with a baker’s dozen on the last batch.  Not sure how that happens.

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And now, after tea parties and DFW Story Feast night and spontaneous cookie giftings, I am all out of cookies. Time to bake some more!

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So my amazing Supper Club friends let me test things out on them. It’s a symbiosis, really. I get feedback; they get steak and fancy drinks.

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They also contribute new ideas and courses. Adriana and Josh brought the first course and the wine and the chipotle mayo, and Becky brought chili to accompany the second course, which was a grand idea that I am totally going to keep. Hats off to them!

Each Feast test will have three courses and be served with a champagne cocktail (for which I will never actually use champagne but rather my favorite Prosecco) and a similar mocktail for those who do not wish to imbibe. This first round tested the recipes from the week we will be enjoying the Holiday Menu.

Holiday Menu:

  • Appetizer – Mixed greens salad with vinaigrette or chipotle mayo
  • Main – Steak, seared in ghee, and baked potato with chili and cheese (OR, alternatively, garlic mashed potatoes with ghee and coconut milk – great idea, Adriana), served with red wine.
  • Dessert – Butter cake (or one of the ten thousand desserts you still have sitting in your fridge after the family leaves)
  • Cocktail – White Christmas
  • Mocktail – Stick and Ale

Notes and Observations:

  • We seared in ghee because one of us is doing Whole 30, and butter does not go on Whole 30, but ghee does.  Which was awesome for us, because steak seared in ghee?  AMAZING. I highly recommend it.
  • The plan was to sear the steaks for two minutes on each side and then slide them under the broiler for a couple of minutes to get them to the preferred level of done-ness, which for me is medium. The reality was that I seared the steaks, broiled them, and then second-guessed myself and put them back in because I cut into them (the cardinal sin of steak – I know – I’m sorry!), and they weren’t where I wanted them to be yet. If I had just let them sit for five minutes like you are supposed to do, it would have been fine. They were overdone. I mean, everyone liked it and ate it anyway, because they’re proper humans who don’t complain about steak. It was fine. Tasty, even. But it could have been better if I would just let them rest. Perhaps I should write out 100 times, “I will let the steak rest. I will let the steak rest,” like my teachers made us do in elementary school when we did something wrong.
  • You know what’s delicious on steak? Chipotle mayo. That’s the drizzle you see on the steak at the bottom of the picture above. Happy.
  • Baked potatoes are super versatile. They’re good with butter and cheese. They’re good with chili. You know what else is good on a baked potato?  Chipotle mayo.
  • The White Christmas cocktail can be found under many names. White Christmas. Christmas Kiss (which makes me think it has chocolate and subsequently makes me disappointed that it doesn’t). Merry Kissmas (ick. Just no.). Frosty the Snowman (*blinks*). I chose “White Christmas” because I like my cocktails to have practical names. This is one of my weird pet peeves. I cannot abide a cocktail with a cutesy name that is also impractical. If it’s cutesy, the name better tell me how to make it. For example, a Southern Peach? Southern Comfort and peach schnapps. A Slow Comfortable Screw (other than its obvious purpose of sounding dirty)? Sloe gin, Southern Comfort, orange juice, and vodka. White Christmas? White creme de cacao and the essential Christmas candy icon – the peppermint stick. See? The recipe is basically in the name.

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(Look how cute!)

  • I was skeptical about the mocktail. It’s ginger ale and peppermint…and that’s it. I wasn’t sure how those two flavors would mesh. It was delicious. In fact, if I made it with a better ginger ale, I might actually like it better than its cocktail counterpart. As an added bonus, if enjoyed with a meal that makes your stomach angry, between the peppermint and the levels of ginger found in proper ginger ale, it will actually help settle your stomach.
  • If anyone offers you dessert as a reward for a favor you’ve done for them or as leftovers to take home from a party, take them! They can be a delicious end to a meal you share with friends – with absolutely no effort on your part. Shout-out to Kim and Beth for the delicious butter cake.  All the people thank you.

I consider this fantastic evening a successful first test!

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I am taking liberties with the goal of NaNoWriMo this year. I am writing 50,000 new words, but instead of fiction, I am writing a book of prompts for a course I am planning to launch next April called Feast. Here’s a teaser of the course-to-be.

Sometimes life just needs celebrating.  And by “sometimes,” I do mean “pretty much all the time.” Any excuse for food, really.

This is my favorite reason to feast – nothing.  No reason at all. I am prone to making elaborate dishes on a whim to savor just for the sake of savoring them.  If you were to ask me what the special occasion was or why I was doing it, you would get an answer like, “Because…Tuesday,” or “Because I can.” I might even turn it around on you – “Why not?” It’s not that there isn’t a reason but rather that life itself is the reason.

You are alive.  Celebrate!

But it’s not quite that easy, is it?

The first seedlings of thought about this course sprung out of my need to bring celebration back into my everyday life. It’s so easy to go through the motions, looking forward to that next fun event on the calendar so much that I sail past all the rest of my days, eyes glazed and barely seeing everything that I’m passing by. If the next fun event is Friday night relaxing at home (and yes, this is on my calendar – it’s very important), and it’s Tuesday, that’s a whole lot of time to check out mentally.

This is no way to live. I want to make my days matter as much as possible. I don’t want to kill time until an acceptable hour to collapse into bed arrives. I want to live.

So I was going to call the class Celebrate because I wanted to explore all the ways we enjoy life.  While doing so is certainly part of the course, something was missing. Celebration alone didn’t seem like exactly what I was going for.  The word that kept coming up – the one that tied my vision together – was feast.

This was both exciting and terrifying.

I was excited because I love the idea of feasting. I love holidays where there is a ridiculous amount of food – ten times what the people present should actually ingest in the allotted time. I love the security and the hominess that excessive abundance implies. I love feeding people and being the one who supplies the ridiculous amount of food. I might not have a big house or a fancy car, but when you are invited over to my place, you will never leave hungry.

The excess is also the terrifying part.

Feasting and I have a sordid history. We can get a little codependent if I’m not careful. I love feasting so much that it’s easy for it to infiltrate my life on an identity level.

I was raised to be great at it. When people remark that hosting seems to come naturally to me, I take it as the compliment it was meant to be and say, “Thank you.” But let’s be clear – it’s not talent; it’s training. I have worked hard to become good at it, and I take a certain amount of pride in that. I love having people over, and they usually have a pretty good time. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s important to remember, however, that being a good host is a seductive minx to my ego, and because of that, it’s also important to remember that hosting the occasional flop does not define (and therefore cannot diminish) me.

At the heart of feasting is the food, and with the food comes the seedy underbelly of food issues.

In some ways, I do have a healthy relationship with food. I’m not really one for restrictive diets. I know a lot of them well, because when I have guests that are on limited choices, I prefer to know how to fix something they will eat without having to interrogate them about their dietary needs. I’ve been vegetarian or vegan at different phases of my life, but that was less a function of a plan to diet and more a function of a Lenten fast or having just read something like Fast Food Nation and thus simply losing my taste for meat. And I have to confess that I’m one of those annoying folk who, if I just eat like a normal person and get a moderate amount of exercise, the excess weight falls off pretty easily.

It’s that “eating like a normal person” thing that trips me up.

My issues with food are mainly emotional rather than physical. I am a chronic over-indulger. There are various things that I cannot keep in the house – soda, snack cakes, certain candy bars – because I cannot leave them alone. Since I am hypersensitive to sugar and most of my compulsive food choices are sweets, they’re extra bad news. I know in my head that having only one Kit Kat is the prudent choice, yet minutes later there I stand over four empty wrappers with a darty feeling behind my eyes, a budding headache, and no real memory of where one indulgence ended and the next one began.

I tremble to write that. As you are reading it, I am nervous, knowing that you know something that is a source of shame for me.

But shame doesn’t get to win.

I will remember that I am not what I eat.

I will remind myself that growth is a process and that by my mid-twenties, I had overcome my habit of bingeing to the point that purging was not physically optional.

I will go look at my well-stocked kitchen, full of real food, not junk food, and I will declare aloud, “I did that.  I made those good choices.”

And I will sit here and savor my half a glass of wine and my two little squares of decadent dark chocolate. And I will be satisfied.

And then I will drink a bucket of water, because wine dries me out. I will listen to my body and give it what it needs.

I will honor who I am, where I came from, and how far I’ve come. I will celebrate myself. I will feast.

Just because.

Journal prompt: What do you need to celebrate about yourself today? Where can you show yourself a little more kindness? What do you need to acknowledge?

Activity prompt: Go for a walk for a minimum of five minutes.  Don’t come back from the walk until you have noticed at least five things that you think you would normally miss. Go out and see your world today.

Marvia’s prompt for this Real Talk Tuesday is “celebration,” so I’m linking up over there as well.

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An Ode to Goat Cheese

We interrupt this 31 Days of Movement to bring you a guest post at Mary Beth Pavlik’s blog.  I wrote about my undying devotion to goat cheese. It’s my favorite thing (aside from coffee – and possibly Chianti – of course).

Follow me over to Pink-Briefcase to read more!

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