M. Suzanne Terry

Greetings.

I am sure that you are all concerned about when grades and attendance will be posted online.  The due date for these postings is Monday, December 17.  That’s right – the Monday after finals week.  That’s when all of that is technically due.

But here’s what I’m going to do for you, because I’m so nice:

I will have attendance posted by your class time next week.  That way, you will know for certain whether you are exempt from the final or not.  You will have an actual print-out from me that says that you are exempt or that says that I will have the pleasure of seeing you again the following week for the final exam, along with instructions on how to prepare for said exam.

I will have your grades posted by the end of finals week.  I realize that this is a long time to wait for them, but the good news is that you don’t have to wait.  You can figure out what your grade is on your very own, with no additional input from me whatsoever.  Take the grades that I’ve handed back to you (as of this week, that will be six grades total – three individual speeches and three group speeches).  Add these grades together, and divide by six (or, the total number of grades).  This gives you up-to-date information on where you stand in the class.  Do not email me to ask me what your grades are.  I don’t email grades because I cannot verify privacy via email, and because I believe that if you really cared, you would keep up with them.  If you have failed to do so, congratulations – you’ve learned a life lesson (i.e., keep up with your grades).  And you thought you were only here to learn public speaking.  Bonus for you!

In the past, students have felt the need to express their disagreement with my time schedule regarding these issues, and I certainly recognize your right to express yourself.  Before you do, however, do me a favor.  Ask yourself how many assignments you have handed in a week before they were due to me.  Is that answer “zero” (hint:  it is)?  If so, perhaps this should be a sign unto you that the more realistic perspective to adopt is one of gratitude (or even mere acceptance – I’m happy with acceptance) that I’m getting it done early, rather than annoyance that I don’t have it done already.

Bonus helpful hint:  That figuring-out-your-own-grade thing?  You can probably do that in your other classes, too.  A visit to the section in the syllabus where the grading scale is located and some elementary math skills (or a friend with those skills) should be all you need.

I was sick yesterday, so I stayed home and mostly slept and watched TV and read (when I could stand it).  I returned this morning to work, still sniffly but at least vertical.  My first hour of work has been what I typically get on Monday morning – a bombardment of neediness.  Work orders that need to be filed.  Paperwork that needs to be proofread or completed.  Everyone who was told over the weekend, “Come back on Monday morning when the full-time clerk is here,” needing me to do what they really needed to be done over the weekend the first time they asked.  And the classroom isn’t any better.  If I have to answer one more question that is clearly outlined on the assignment sheet, “going postal” may have to be renamed “going educational.”  Part of me thinks, “Come on.  They’re just 18…19…20.  Remember how you were at 18…19…20?”  But a louder part of me thinks, “Yes.  I do remember.  That’s why the neediness is annoying – because I didn’t do that.  I read the instructions and followed them and only asked questions after trying numerous times to fix it or figure it out on my own.”  Except for that one time when I called a professor in his office to get a grade instead of walking across campus to get it in class.  Dr. Critelli, I am so, so sorry.  Thank you for being kind enough to answer my question and not fail me.

I’ve never had an answer to “What do you see yourself doing in five or ten years?”  When I was in my early twenties, it freaked me out when I didn’t have an answer, because you’re supposed to know, or at least that’s what everyone tells you.  In my later twenties/early thirties, it stopped freaking me out, because while I still didn’t really know what I wanted to be when I grew up, I enjoyed teaching well enough, so I was happy to stay there.  But not having an answer to this question has its drawbacks, because sooner or later, well enough isn’t good enough.  I’m no longer frustrated by people who ask me to make long-term goals.  I get it now.  They weren’t trying to pressure me; they just wanted more for me than being 37 years old with an advanced degree and lots of experience, but still teaching the same class part-time I’ve been teaching for fifteen years and working another job for which I am ridiculously overqualified.

I finally have an answer to the question, though. What do I see myself doing in five years?  Not this.  I am thankful for this, but it’s not a forever plan.  I’ve never been ambitious, and I can’t really say that I am now (at least not where work is concerned), but having jobs for which I don’t think that I’m well-suited is driving me to find something for which I am well-suited.  And that gives the neediness a whole new look.  Now, they’re motivation.

I am tempted to direct this post to people of a certain age, specifically people in their late teens and early twenties.  It would be easy to make this one of those “kids these days!” posts, because that’s who most of my customers are, so from my vantage point, it would be easy to assume that this behavior is a generational trait.  I was reminded yesterday, however, that this particular behavior isn’t so much a trait of people of a certain generation as it is just people who don’t listen in general, because while most of  my examples might be from young “adults,” yesterday, I spoke to someone who reminded me that people their parents’ age aren’t so great with the information-processing/instruction-following either.

So I will just direct it to people of the world.  Actually, that’s a lot more fun.  Try it.  Say “people of the world,” out loud with your arms spread wide, as if you’re addressing a multitude.  Good times.

Anyway…

Dear people of the world,

There is a fine line between persistence and poor listening.

When you ask a question, listen to the answer that you’re given, and follow the instructions outlined in said answer in order to get what you want.  If you do not like the answer, however, do not just ask again.  Neither the answer nor the process have magically changed in the twenty seconds that have passed since you last asked, even if you rephrase the question.

The room change process STILL starts with the hall where you currently live, regardless of how many different people you ask or how many times you ask them for special treatment.

You still cannot have alcohol in your possession in our building if you are underage.  Even if you’re using it to cook.  Even if your parents buy it.  Go to their house and cook.  Problem solved.

No, I do not make exceptions to the “no make-up speeches” clause in the syllabus.  No make-up speeches.  Period.  There’s simply not time.  That you have a good excuse for missing does not change how time works.  You can give me all the scenarios that you want, but that will not change the policy.  If you have to miss a speech, write the paper to make up the points.  That’s the only other option.  Well, no.  There’s one more option.  It’s called “getting a zero.”

I cannot reserve a room for you until you are ready to commit to moving there.  I cannot guarantee that what is available now will be available when you do make a decision.  I hear that you are frustrated, and I empathize.  I would like to propose, however, that the cause of your frustration is your inability to make the decision needed to start the process, not the process itself.  We can’t hold two rooms for one person.  That would be chaos.

The U.S. Postal Service does not deliver door-to-door.  You’re thinking of UPS and FedEx.  We did not send the package back, so please stop yelling at me.  The USPS sent it back, on account-a you asked them to deliver to an address that has no mailbox, and they don’t do that.  I understand that you did not want this to happen, but on the bright side, now you know how the post office works.

You cannot roll a joint in class.  That is not an appropriate speech topic.  That you have asked me multiple times should be a sign unto you that perhaps you could benefit from a little more clarity in your life.

I will not give you your adult child’s room number.  I am sorry that they’re not answering their phone.  I would be upset with them, too.  But it is my job to safeguard the privacy of our residents, even residents who  ignore their mamas or forget to charge their phones.  You can ask again, but that doesn’t change the policy or my answer.  At least you know that I’m not handing out room numbers to people, so you can be comforted by the knowledge that there’s someone here who’s almost as protective of them as you are.  Silver lining?

You can’t take the weekend off if you can’t find anyone to cover your shift.  And you’re not making a great impression by asking me over and over again.  Sometimes, it does hurt to ask.

Seriously?  You cannot roll a joint in class.  Make better choices!

All of you – please remember – customer service  and servant leadership is just that – service, not blind obedience.  Sometimes, the best service is doing for you what you need, not what you want.

Especially if what you want is stupid.

Love,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Coffeesnob