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One Year Ago

December 23, 2024 by Suzanne

December 22 last year was a Friday. I was talking about books (of course). I had just wrapped up work and parties and performances for the month and was looking forward to traveling to see my family. This day last year was one of my favorite moments of the holiday season – that little transition between work and rest where I get to take a breath.

It was also a little over a week before I got my diagnosis.

So on December 22 last year, the appointment for the follow-up scan that eventually revealed the cancer had been made, and I was anxious. The first reference I see to news about health issues in the blog is on December 30 in my year-end review. This quote is…something. 

“I was ahead of schedule for most of the year, until work and health issues exploded. I don’t know how much those things will actually settle down, but I’ll keep the same goal for next year and see how it goes.”

Yeah, it did not settle down. At all, in any way. If November/December 2023 was an explosion, 2024 was a supernova.

What I enjoy about re-reading this post, though, is how well my 2023 goals had prepared me for what was to come. As challenging as this year has been, it would have been so much harder if I hadn’t already learned some practical ways to take care of myself – not just physically but also mentally and financially. I’m not sure I would have made it without those skills. Good job, past me!

Out of necessity, I’ve sharpened those skills this year. I know I’ve made some progress, because otherwise, today would not have gone the way that it did, and I would be in worse shape for it.

Yesterday was a good day, but it was also a loud day. A very social day. I woke up this morning still feeling the sensory overload. I got up and started getting ready to leave home. I noticed it was not easy.

I paused to check in with what I was feeling:

  • Irritation, almost to the point of panic
  • Itchy skin, particularly anywhere it touched fabric or whenever the breeze from the fan blew over it
  • Dull, throbbing headache
  • Strong aversion to the smell of my lotion (which is “unscented”)
  • Nausea due to all of the above

Yep. That’s still overload. Probably not a great time to go sit in a room with an organ. Or people.

A year ago today, I might have forged ahead and gone to church. After all, the choir was singing and I love being part of that. I’ve missed out on it so much this year.

But nowadays I am more likely to choose getting well over doing almost any other thing. I choose slowing down. I don’t like it. I still want to do all the fun things and dislike that I can’t. But I know that taking a break when I need it is the better choice.

Posted in Alive, Church, Health, Mental Health, Quiet | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – Cultivating Joy

December 20, 2024 by Suzanne

I love transitional periods. This fondness makes today one of my favorite days of the year. The short last day of work before the break that starts another transitional period between the year we are finishing and the year ahead. Other than the time surrounding my birthday, this is usually my very favorite week.

It’s also joy season.

I mean, joy is for always. But I am paying particular attention to it these days, trying to find it wherever and whenever I can. I love this piece by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes where she shares her secret for finding joy, especially this quote: “I cultivate joy as a discipline, attentive to finding it in life’s everyday moments, determined to ride this thing until the wheels fall off. In a death-dealing culture, joy is a form of resistance. I am decidedly oppositional in my joy.”

Seeing joy as resistance to the junk of the world is a nice motivation to pursue it more assertively.

Here are some ways I plan to do that over my break from work:

  • Spending quality time with family and friends
  • Making art (writing, music, baking, crafts, etc.)
  • Reading for long, luxurious stretches of time
  • Cleaning out the parts of my apartment that seem cluttered to make them cozy and functional again
  • Unraveling my year and preparing for the new one

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, friends!

Posted in Beauty, Friday Five, Home, Joy, Revolution, Seasons | Leave a Comment »

A Minor Blogger Rant

December 17, 2024 by Suzanne

I have a bone to pick with Substack (and other platforms that constantly harass you to pay for subscriptions to individual blogs). Or maybe my beef is with some of its users? My Substack doesn’t have a paywall (which is a good thing, since I haven’t posted since August), so I am not sure if they (the writers) can choose how paid posts go out. But my minor annoyance today is receiving an email from a person whose free content I subscribe to, only to get a few paragraphs into it and get the prompt “Like what you’re reading? Upgrade to a paid subscription to read the rest!”

No, thank you.

First of all, I realize maintaining a blog is a lot of work, and it is disheartening to work for free. I have been blogging since 2002-ish, and for about 8 years, I wrote blogs for companies as part of my copywriting job, so I totally understand wanting to get paid for it. And companies should absolutely pay their bloggers, because their writing enriches the company’s online presence and is thus instrumental in selling a lot of the products or services the company offers. 

But unless the blogger is offering truly unique content that reads more like a chapter of a book I would buy than a blog post (which several of the bloggers I follow are, and I am happy to pay for as many of those subscriptions as my budget will allow), their blog is most likely just marketing. Artful marketing, to be sure, but marketing nonetheless. It is a useful tool to build an audience (or, brand, if you must call it that). But that’s still marketing, not final content to be purchased. Readers shouldn’t have to pay for companies or organizations (or – dare I say it – even authors) to advertise to them. 

It also feels like not wanting to do the work of writing, editing, proofreading, and publishing a whole book but wanting to get paid for doing so anyway. After all, $6 a month = $72 a year. That’s two or three books I could have bought instead. And again, I get it. Just because you haven’t gone through all those specific steps, that doesn’t mean your content isn’t valuable. But regardless of what capitalism would have us believe, valuable doesn’t automatically equal a paycheck. Sometimes what’s most valuable is the ability to show readers the kind of literary citizen you are committed to being. 

There is something to be said about generosity. A free blog is a generous thing to do. And even if it is money you’re after, let it be noted that I am more likely to buy the books of authors who are generous with their fans/audience than those who nickel-and-dime us at every opportunity. 

Yes, there are blogs I pay for, because they offer high-quality content that either informs my own writing, helps me keep up with current events, or provides access to services I enjoy. Also – related rant – I am 100% on board with food bloggers putting their recipes behind a paywall for those who click “skip to recipe.” I’ve never gotten so many “tl;dr” or “just give us the good stuff and stop yapping” comments as I do when I post about food. They’re the reason new commenters to this blog have to be approved before I’ll allow the comment to post. No matter how you spin it or justify it, this attitude is just rude. You want Aunt Gale’s secret ingredient that she added to her hummingbird cake? That’ll be $5. Unless, of course, you want to act like you remember there’s a person behind that post and thus take a few minutes of your time to listen to the story of Aunt Gale first. If you can answer some key questions about the content, then thank you so much for your kind attention, internet stranger/friend who understands how reciprocal human communication works. Here is the recipe without charge, and I hope you enjoy the cake. But if all you want from me is a transactional exchange, then a transactional exchange you will get. If you come into my space acting like a demanding customer, please be advised that the small amount of time I am willing to set aside for putting up with that is expensive.

All this is to say…I get why some people charge for their content. I truly do. There are many spaces and situations where this is absolutely appropriate. But if I’m subscribed for free, I don’t want the upsell. I’ve already made my choice. Find a way to put mechanisms in place so that I don’t get all these emails junking up my inbox, teasing content that I can’t actually access without shelling out the dough.

 All I want for Christmas is fewer commercials. 

Posted in Rants, Work, Writing | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments »

Friday Five – Biggest Lesson

December 13, 2024 by Suzanne

Today is officially the end of the semester. All the students are moving out (well, all who are not staying for winter housing, which is a whole thing). I’m working tomorrow just to supplement the office/make sure my people are sane and fed. 

The prompt for Susannah Conway’s December Reflections challenge today is “Biggest lesson in 2024.” Always the overachiever, I’m listing five things I’ve learned this year. Some even have links. Enjoy!

  • Taking care of myself is not selfish. Or, even when it is, it’s the good kind of selfish – the kind that helps me be a whole person who isn’t constantly stressed out and mad at everything I’m doing for everyone else instead of taking care of my own needs and/or sanity. This lesson can be for you, too. Take care of yourself. Decadently, even. If you don’t know where to start, here are some ideas on romanticizing your life, some of which may seem extravagant (gentle pushback on that – is it actually extravagant, or are you a people pleaser?) but some of which are also just “remember to drink water.”
  • An important subset of taking care of myself – keep up with your health screenings. It literally saved my life this year. Here are some basics but you may need others depending on your personal health risks. That’s a good question to ask during your annual physical.
  • I can’t care enough for everyone. Still working on this lesson, particularly at work. My toxic trait is that if I feel like someone is not invested or caring enough about something, I try to care on their behalf. Turns out, caring does not work like that. It just makes me tired and stressed, and I do not need that in my life. “Find out whose business you’re in,” and get out of it.
  • Ask for help when I need it, and expect that it will come. My people showed up this year in multiple big ways, and I’m so grateful. I was afraid to ask for help, particularly financial assistance. I could have saved myself so much worry just by having more realistic expectations of my friends and family. This has turned out to be my greatest joy of the year.
  • It’s OK to feel multiple things at a time. I can be grateful and angry and resentful and hopeful and grieving and curious and awestruck at the exact same moment. This has pretty much been my mood since October, and I don’t see it going anywhere any time soon. Side note: people do not know how to handle this. Side-of-the-side-note: people can learn how to handle this, or they can go away.

What has been your biggest lesson(s) this year?

Posted in Alive, Friday Five, Getting It Together, Health | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – ‘Tis the Season

December 6, 2024 by Suzanne

The season of Advent, that is. It’s (probably) my favorite season of the church year and one of the reasons I tend to say “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” during most of December (you know, other than the usual reason of wanting my well wishes to others to be as unconditional, as free of strings and assumptions, as possible). I am especially glad today that the weather seems to understand it’s December and is behaving accordingly.

Here are five things I’ve read in the last few weeks that I thought you might enjoy, too.

  • How To Have Cancer by Cory Doctorow – I resonate with so much here. The hoops you have to jump through. The inevitable “I wish I’d done it this way to make it a little less stressful/more effective.” I’m glad Doctorow is OK. I’m glad we’re both (generally) OK.
  • A Brief What, Why, & How of Advent by Tsh Oxenreider – I was recently asked what Advent was about and I rambled a lot. Enthusiastically, but still so much rambling. Here is a much more succinct version. I don’t do everything on this list (and my tradition uses blue candles – for hope/peace/healing – rather than purple – for royalty/penance – during Advent), but this is a lovely explanation.
  • But How Do You Read So Much? by Pandora Sykes – “I will find ways, as I always do, to not do the other stuff, so that I can find time to read.” Yes, that’s it. That’s the big secret. I read so much because I really, really want to read so much. I thoroughly enjoy it. When I’m not reading, I’m usually thinking about what I have read recently and counting the minutes until I can get back to it. But if you only want to read as much as I want to do Pilates every day (i.e., only a little – usually more of an “I should” than an “I want” situation, unless I’m feeling particularly tight or sore in an area I know it will help), then maybe give yourself a break about how infrequently you read and focus on all the wonderful and life-giving things you do instead.
  • Why Walking Helps Us Think by Ferris Jabr – This piece was a fantastic motivation to take more walks. If you only get one free New Yorker article a month, this would be a good one to use it for!
  • “Comfort in, dump out.” This is a clear, easy lesson in How Not To Say the Wrong Thing by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman.

And a bonus bullet point this week – I joined Bluesky  – Roxane Gay said it best – “Some people don’t get exposed to other points of view in their day-to-day lives so they need social media for that. Some of us have friends and colleagues and family. And it shows.”

I hope you have a good weekend, friends!

Posted in Alive, Books, Church, Friday Five, Health, Mental Health, Seasons | Tagged , , | 2 Comments »

December 2024 TBR (-ish)

December 2, 2024 by Suzanne

Ah, December. Wonderful and wild. Full of parties and Advent festivities. My favorite time for reflection and anticipation.

I’m equal parts excited and tired already.

Because the first part of the month is always so busy, my reading needs to be generally lighthearted and easy. I need books that soothe my mind and soul after a busy day. I’ve already finished the books we’re discussing at book clubs this month, and I’ve lost interest in actually finishing the remaining reading challenges this year. So I can really just read whatever I like. I mean, I can do that all the time, but I’m not putting any self-imposed parameters on my choices this month.

Except for one. I need to get some of my library books back to the library. I have an excessive amount checked out. It’s absurd. So I need to read the ones I’m actually still interested in and just return the ones I’m not. I would love to blank-slate my library check-outs this month, but I’ll settle for cutting them in half.

Also, I’m still planning on finishing my main goal of 180 books for the year. It will be a tight race, but I think I can do it.

Here are my plans as of now.

Books for Advent (i.e., read as part of my daily Advent practice, so finish before Christmas Day)

Library Books Other People Are Waiting On (i.e., finish this week or next)

Ebooks (i.e., lunchtime/standing-in-line/waiting-in-waiting-rooms reads)

Audiobooks (i.e., commuting/doing-housework/staring-at-the-Christmas-tree reads)

Library Books I’ve Renewed a Lot (i.e., read or abandon, but make a choice)

Other Books – Library or Otherwise – That I Am the Most Excited To Read Soon

This is quite a long list, but I remain perpetually optimistic.

What are you most excited to read this month?

Posted in Books, Church, Fun, Mental Health, Quiet, Reading Challenges, Resolutions | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – It’s Friday

November 8, 2024 by Suzanne

It’s Friday, everyone. We made it. 

I am anxious about my health, my job, my friends (especially those of us whom the prevailing culture seems to want to annihilate), my country, and the world in general. I am not ok.

This week has been a lot, and it’s Friday.

It’s Friday, and I love you, and here are some things I want you to remember to do.

I hope your weekend is restful, and I hope you get to spend it with people who have your best interests at heart.

Posted in Alive, Denton, Friday Five, Getting It Together, Health, Lament, Mental Health, Revolution | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

Libro.fm Reading Challenge

November 6, 2024 by Suzanne

[I forgot that I scheduled this post for this day. But there’s never a bad time for reading broadly and hearing from people who experience life differently than I do. In fact, this may be a very good time to do so.]

I may have listened to more books this year than any other year of my life. Audiobooks are great when I’m in the car, but they’re also good for reading when my hands are too numb/weak to hold a print book. Or when I want to lie in my bed and have someone read me a story (without all the pesky work of another person actually being physically present).

So I’m not surprised that I’ve finished the 24 prompts on Libro.fm’s 2024 Audiobook Listening Challenge already. Here are the prompts, what I read, and what I liked (or didn’t).

  1. Listen to a bookseller-recommended audiobook – Tom Lake by Ann Patchett. I love Ann Patchett, so I would have eventually read this one even if every single bookstore I follow on social media wasn’t parading it around. It was, of course, wonderful. Well written with great characters and a good story. Oh, and Meryl Streep narrates it. That, too, was delightful.
  2. Read an audiobook discussed on the Libro.fm podcast – Gay the Pray Away by Natalie Naudus. I enjoyed this book, and many people would benefit from reading it. I especially think it would be helpful not only to those who have escaped religious persecution but also those who have been their persecutors.
  3. Listen to an audiobook by a Latine author – Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. Sweet story that explores coming of age, friendship, first love, identity, and family dynamics.
  4. Listen to a celebrity memoir – Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry. It was nice to hear his story told in his voice. I recognize that the added emotion of listening to it so soon after his death probably inflated my impression of the book, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
  5. Read a newly-released audiobook the day it comes out – The Wedding People by Alison Espach. I didn’t quite finish it the day it came out but I definitely finished it within 24 hours of starting it. It’s witty, handling a heavy topic with levity and engaging characters.
  6. Listen to an audiobook by a transgender author – Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas. I loved this book. It is about finding where you fit and making a space if there doesn’t seem to be one. I loved the magical elements and how they played into the gendered expectations in Yadriel’s culture and family.
  7. Listen to a banned book – The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo. Unfortunately, it’s not hard to find a book that’s been banned in some school in America these days. Most of the books in this post have probably been cut somewhere. This lyrical novel has gorgeous prose, and Acevedo weaves the story around themes of religion, identity, love, independence, and family. It was powerful to hear the words in the author’s voice, too.
  8. Read at least ten minutes of an audiobook every day for a month – 10% Happier by Dan Harris. This was the second hardest book on this list to get through (see #20 for the hardest). Not because it was a drudgery but because I was trying to stretch it out and maintain interest over the course of a month (per the prompt). That is definitely not my audiobook reading style. It was read by the author, and some parts were mildly insufferable, but the content overall was good and made me feel a lot better about my struggles with meditation.
  9. Listen to an audiobook by an Arab American or MENA author – The Stardust Thief by Chelsea Abdullah. The pacing of this story was perfect. Abdullah created complex characters and had me on the edge of my seat for a lot of the action of the book.
  10. Listen to an audiobook adapted for TV or film – Murder in the Dark by Kerry Greenwood. I love the Phryne Fisher mysteries. I don’t remember watching this episode, so I may have cheated a little here, but the TV series is just as good as the books.
  11. Listen to an audiobook in translation – What You Are Looking for Is in the Library by Michiko Aoyama. I adored this book. The stories of the interrelated characters and how the librarian impacts their lives were charming and satisfying.
  12. Listen to an audiobook by an author with a disability – Sitting Pretty by Rebeka Taussig. I learned a lot from these essays. Each one addresses her experiences – both good and bad – with kindness.
  13. Listen to an audiobook by a Black author – The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw. Fantastic read. It’s spicy and touching and sad and hopeful, and I loved it.
  14. Read an entire series on audio – Cinder (or, The Lunar Chronicles) by Marissa Meyer. I re-read this whole series this year on audio this year. It’s a series of sci-fi retellings of fairy tales, and the narrator, Rebecca Soler, is excellent.
  15. Choose an audiobook solely based on your favorite narrator – Funny Story by Emily Henry, narrated by Julia Whelan. This story was a wild ride. The main characters worked at a library and a winery, and that’s really all it takes to get me interested in a book. Henry’s words in Whelan’s voice, as always, are a winning combination.
  16. Listen to an audiobook by an Indigenous author – A Council of Dolls by Mona Susan Power. The story follows three generations of women and is told through the stories of their dolls. Beautifully written.
  17. Listen to an audiobook outside of your genre comfort zone – The Hundred Years’ War on Palestine by Rashid Khalidi. I can probably count on one hand the number of history books I’ve read in the last five years, but this one was well worth the trouble. It was not an easy read, but if you’re looking to expand your knowledge beyond the information on Israeli-Palestinian conflict that you get from most American sources, this would be a good place to start.
  18. Recommend an audiobook on social media (and tag us @librofm) – The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. Secret underground world full of books? How is it the year 2024 and I’m just now reading this? As easily predicted, I loooooved it. Such exquisite world-building, character development, and storytelling!
  19. Listen to an audiobook by an LGBTQIA+ author – The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. I am a sucker for found family stories, and this one did not disappoint. I am excited to read the second one this month.
  20. Listen to an audiobook that has been on your TBR for more than two years – American Gods by Neil Gaiman. I was terribly disappointed when I heard the allegations of sexual assault against Gaiman. Such news tends to color my enjoyment of an artist’s work (also, assault is bad). He could be the best person in the world, however, and I still would have despised this book. Just…dreadful. Did not like it at all.
  21. Read an audiobook by an API author – Vera Wong’s Unsolicited Advice for Murderers by Jesse Q. Sutanto. Soooo cute. I loved and rooted for every character except the dead guy (good riddance). I am excited to read the next in the series when it comes out.
  22. Listen to an audiobook over 20 hours long – Fairy Tale by Stephen King. Fantastic read. Did not feel like 24 hours. Mostly because I read it at 1.5x (as I do most audiobooks), but technically the recording was still over 20 hours long. It totally counts.
  23. Pre-order an anticipated audiobook – Lies and Weddings by Kevin Kwan. I think this would be a cute movie, but I did not enjoy the book. It’s hard for me to care about the problems of super rich characters for more than a few hours. I spent way too much of the novel yelling, “You can afford good therapy! You have no excuse to keep being this way!”
  24. Read an audiobook set in your favorite city – Scorched Grace by Margot Douaihy. I love New Orleans, and I enjoy a good murder mystery. I would read others in this series.

So that’s it! Whew. If you like audiobooks or if you’re looking for a good one to try, there are quite a few great reads on this list.

Posted in Books, Church, Reading Challenges, Resolutions | Leave a Comment »

November 2024 TBR

November 4, 2024 by Suzanne

Happy November! It is a blustery, rainy day with potential for storms. I guess Texas is just gonna have two tornado seasons from now on? Cool. Cool cool cool.

Sounds like a good reason to stay inside and read. 

I’ve got a few things lined up to discuss in book clubs this month:

It is at this point of the year that my interest in actually completing all the reading challenges I’ve taken on starts to fizzle. I begin to relish the idea of reading only for enjoyment for a couple of months. I’m still on track to finish my 180 books (my main reading goal), but my passion for the smaller challenges I chose to broaden my interests and knowledge is seriously waning. Right on schedule, as soon as the first crisp breeze blew through last week, I stocked up on more things at the library just because they caught my eye and started to comb my own collection for “hey – I forgot I had and wanted to read this!” selections.

So while I have finished the libro.fm challenge (post coming up in a few days) and will likely still finish another challenge or two, I’m not gonna sweat it from here on out. I’m just going to do what I want (I mean, even more than usual). I’m going to finish up some of the cozies I listed last month. Then I’ll likely turn to the books below.

But no real promises.

First, there are some library books that need some attention:

Then I may read through some things on Modern Mrs. Darcy’s list of quiet novels. Quiet is the theme of the year, after all. I do really love “compelling, character-driven reads,” and if the rest of these are anywhere near as lovely as Bel Canto (the last one on the list), I’m sold.

One thing is for certain – I will enjoy my reading this month. I hope you enjoy yours as well.

Posted in Books, Quiet, Reading Challenges, Resolutions, Seasons | Tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – Hello, November

November 1, 2024 by Suzanne

It’s rainy and cool outside, and I’m enjoying a nice cup of tea. Hello, November. It’s wonderful to see you.

Here are some things I read that I found enjoyable. Hope you do, too.

I hope you have a great weekend, friends!

Posted in Books, Hope, Mental Health, Writing | Leave a Comment »

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