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Day 30 – Readathons Gone Awry

Posted in 31 Days, Books, Getting It Together, Health, Home, Joy, Quiet, Seasons, tagged , , , , on October 30, 2024| Leave a Comment »

“One doesn’t need magic if one knows enough stories.”

“I was delighted to sit in the corner with my food and a book and speak to no one.”

Heather Fawcett, Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries

This past weekend, I participated (loosely) in Dewey’s 24-hour Readathon. The official time was 8 a.m. Saturday to 8 a.m. Sunday (EST). But I (and various others in the Discord and in the Facebook group) rarely actually stick to the time of the event. My goal, for example, was to simply read a collective 24 hours. I think the Dewey’s team is on to us – instead of hourly challenges, they just listed a handful of challenges to complete “at any time during the readathon.”

I completed no challenges.

I didn’t read a full 24 hours.

I barely remembered to post the picture of the stack I was choosing from (see above) on the group’s social media pages.

I carried on with plans to attend my favorite yearly Halloween party and Spiderdead, brazenly cutting into the hours I would usually set aside on readathon weekends to read.

I finished three books, but only one of them is actually in this stack (Fang Fiction – pretty cute!).

What I got out of the readathon was still pretty magical.

I got to tuck into stories about found families and books and several other favorite themes. I ate good, simple food, so I rested better (weird how that happens) and thus felt more refreshed when the weekend was over (despite it being a “busy” one). I embraced my full homebody self without the usual twinge of guilt about what a person who lives alone should want to do on the weekend.

These twinges are getting smaller and less frequent as I age. One reason for this is that I’m accepting who I am more and becoming less apologetic about it with each passing month. Another reason is that I get so much joy and restoration out of my alone time that there is little to no room left for feeling bad about it.

At any rate, I had a great weekend, and I look forward to many more like it as the season changes.

Reading more makes me want to write more. I’m reflecting on my reading this year.

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Friday Five – Extraordinary, Mundane Fall Bucket List

Posted in 31 Days, Alive, Beauty, Bookshops, Coffee Shop Road Trip, Dance, Denton, Food, Friday Five, Home, Joy, Mental Health, Music on October 18, 2024| Leave a Comment »

“My bucket list of little things aims to live every moment as if it’s my first. To find the glory in what a seasoned eye might falsely consider mundane.”
Andrea Gibson, Things That Don’t Suck (Substack)

It has been a long week. Nothing particularly bad has happened. I’ve just felt puny and tired. The weather, however, is gorgeous. It was 52 when I left home. I am wearing a light sweater!

Today, I need a list of things to look forward to this season that aren’t super ambitious but still give me ways to ground myself and remind myself that I’m alive and meant to be living and not just muddling through.

  • Buy a delicious cup of coffee and drink it while browsing a bookstore. Take all the time I want.
  • Take shorter, more frequent walks. Not everything has to be hard all at once. A little bit multiple times a day is better than pushing myself and getting too exhausted to do anything else for hours.
  • Keep my hands warm and nimble with piano and knitting.
  • Make soup without rushing. Pan roast the veggies slowly. Add one ingredient at a time. Fill my home with cozy smells.
  • Take drives. Drive down winding country roads just outside of town and find the few trees in Texas that know what time of year it is. Drive down my favorite streets and let the memories of every time I’ve been there before flow over me.

This is what I want my season to look like.

What are you looking forward to this fall?

Reflecting on reading this month (and hopefully beyond).

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Day 9 – Practice

Posted in 31 Days, Alive, Beauty, Books, Core, Getting It Together, Home on October 9, 2024| Leave a Comment »

“I mean, I just worry… I don’t think about what I want, I just worry about what might happen to me and then figure out how to keep those things from happening.”

“…becoming who you want to be is just like anything else. It takes practice. It requires belief that one day, you’ll wake up and be a natural at it.”
Alison Espach, The Wedding People

This whole book was a roller coaster for me, and this was a good year for me to read it. I’m glad it came out when it did.

I live most of my life bouncing between these two goals:

  • Throwing all my energy into doing what I can to avoid bad things like losing my job (and thus my insurance and all the things I rely on my paycheck to cover) or death
  • Creating a life that actually feels worth living

I suspect it’s the same for a lot of people.

For the most part, I can trace my best days to the ones when my focus is on more creative aspirations than when I’m just trying to elbow my way through it. The energy required is about the same – I don’t tend to half-ass things, even when they’re not technically my passion – but the reward is far greater when I can see a tangible path toward the life I imagine to be ideal.

Imagine, because I haven’t actually lived it yet. I’m not quite who I want to be when I grow up. I’ve gotten fleeting tastes of the good life and my ideal self but have yet to make either my standard.

It’s a life surrounded by books and bookish people/events. It definitely starts later in the day than my current schedule usually does. It involves occasional travel, but it’s more about creating a life I don’t need a vacation from.

My future self is a person whose default is grace and generosity of spirit (and also resources, as long as we’re wishing for things). She is curious and has the time and space to drop everything for a good story. She is a solid but soft place to land for those who need it. However, when she invites people in, she lets them sort out their own feelings about whoever else shows up rather than doing their emotional labor/conflict management for them (I think this is one of the lessons I’m learning this year).

I love planning for this future self and the life I want for her. I hope they’re both possible, and I hope they’re everything I have imagined them to be.

I’m reflecting on what my reading is teaching me this year.

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Day 3 – Echo

Posted in 31 Days, Beauty, Books, Core, Home, Mental Health, Quiet, tagged , , , , on October 3, 2024| 2 Comments »

“Give yourself permission to make your networks echo chambers.”
Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes, Sacred Self-Care: Daily Practice for Nurturing Our Whole Selves

I’ve gotten a lot of advice on how to take it easy this year. Most of it was wisdom I specifically sought out, whether in reading or asking questions of people who had either gone through what I was going through or at least seemed like they were doing something right.

When I read this quote, it punched me in the gut a little. It was gentle enough for me to be amenable to it but strong enough for me to take notice.

One of my core values is curiosity. I love learning new things. I am fascinated by perspectives and experiences different from my own. I aim to start conversations by being open to explanations and trying to understand rather than by assuming I already know their intentions and have decided they’re the worst.

This practice has served me well. I am more liberal than the average Democrat (Two-party system? More like two sides, same coin) and I live in Texas. I have a lot of…opportunities…to listen to people with whom I disagree. And with many people (not all – some people really are just assholes full of hate), when I listen to them, they let their guard down enough to listen back. And we both learn that we have more goals in common than we thought. They no longer see me as the enemy they imagined me to be.

Changing hearts and minds, one radical conservative at a time.

An echo chamber (wherein you surround yourself only with people who agree with you) is not generally conducive to this practice. My gut reaction to Dr. Walker-Barnes’s advice was immediately no.

Then the curiosity kicked in.

As I read on, I thought about all the places that I carve out in my life where I feel safe. Places where every word isn’t a constant struggle and every nuance doesn’t have to be analyzed and defined. They still challenge me and make me think (because I like that) but they at least give me a soft and loving place to do it.

I see this all over my environment. For example, the picture above was taken in my office at work. I have

  • Twinkle lights (that need new batteries but still – they’re there)
  • Pretty bottles and rocks
  • A nice mix of inspiring nonfiction, fiction, and poetry
  • Fun stuff for play and art

A visual echo chamber, if you will.

The more I read, the more I wondered what it would be like if at least one of my social media networks was an echo chamber. What if, when I opened the app, I wasn’t immediately bombarded with every snarky, petty dig someone could think to take at people who are doing what I consider to be good in the world? What would that be like?

So I tried it on Instagram. Mass unfollowing. That alone was pretty cathartic.

The days that followed, though? Heavenly. There is so much wonderful going on out there. Did you all know this? I’m a little sad that I missed out on it for so long.

It’s still not all shiny happy news, but it’s very grounding. It’s a reminder that I’m not alone (because in Texas, I often feel very, very alone).

How do you feel about echo chambers? What purpose (if any) do they serve in your life?

I’m reflecting on what I’ve read this year.

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June 2024 TBR

Posted in Beauty, Books, Food, Health, Home, Mental Health, Quiet, Reading Challenges, Resolutions on June 6, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Happy June! I am nearing the end of my post-surgery convalescence. I have had a few doctor’s appointments and dealt with a nasty bout of nausea last week, but otherwise, I’ve pretty much been spending the past two weeks eating, sleeping, and reading. In other words, living my best life. I won’t go so far as to say it’s been a vacation – healing from surgery isn’t my idea of a good time – but it’s definitely been restful and quiet.

I’ve become a fan of DoorDash. I just ordered an omelet this morning, and it was on my doorstep by the time I put in a load of laundry and made coffee. I could get used to this. 

Another wonderful thing is that I’ve regained some of the focus I lost during chemo. I’ve already finished several books this month, and I have ambitions to finish many more. My reading lately has been cozy and homey with a nod to Pride Month sprinkled in, and most of my selections for this month seem to continue this trend. 

Book Clubs (which I may actually be able to attend again soon!)

Reading Challenges

I’m definitely making up for my lost year with the number of reading challenges I’m attempting. It’s been a fun way to choose what to read next. This month, I’m mostly focusing my efforts on the summer reading challenges. My yearly favorite is Modern Mrs. Darcy’s Summer Reading Guide. As a Patreon supporter, I have access to the whole guide in all its glory, but I’m working through the books that are out so far from the Minimalist list first:

  • Spitting Gold by Carmella Lowkis
  • skin & bones by Renée Watson
  • The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley
  • There’s Always This Year: On Basketball and Ascension by Hanif Adurraqib
  • Lies and Weddings by Kevin Kwan (already read and…maybe my last Kevin Kwan. Or maybe I try reading only print copies, because I really did not enjoy the audio of this one or Crazy Rich Asians. Or does he write any books about people whose biggest problems aren’t gaining or maintaining ungodly wealth and prestige? Because he’s a good writer – I might enjoy a story of his if he wrote about characters I could actually sympathize with or if I could care at all whether they get what they want in the end.)

In addition to its year-long challenge, the 52 Book Club also has a summer mini-challenge. For extra kicks, I’m going to try finishing off these prompts in the order they’re listed. June’s selections include:

  1. Set in Paris – The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery 
  2. Flame on the cover – How Can I Help You? by Laura Sims
  3. Go for gold – Spitting Gold by Carmella Lowkis (I get a little thrill when books satisfy more than one challenge)
  4. 100 M Spring (a short story collection) – Bobcat by Rebecca Lee
  5. Longjump (audiobook is 15+ hours) – The Making of Another Major Motion Picture Masterpiece by Tom Hanks
  6. Steeplechase (character is a spiritual leader) – The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
  7. Boxing (a strong opening hook) – The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern
  8. Wrestling (a heavy read) – The Cancer Journals by Audre Lorde
  9. Fencing (dialogue with witty banter) – Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Fairies by Heather Fawcett

A lot of these also fit prompts from some of my year-long challenges, so bonus!

Miscellaneous Reads

As with every month, there are books that I’m reading either because I’ve borrowed them from a friend, they’re due at the library soon, or I just couldn’t resist picking them up. 

I realize this is quite an ambitious list, but at the rate I’ve been reading, it’s not impossible. This is, of course, assuming that my attention span doesn’t crash and burn again, but there’s really no predicting these things. I prefer to keep my plan pretty optimistic anyway.

I hope you are having a great June so far!

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Spring To-Do List

Posted in Alive, Beauty, Denton, Fun, Health, Home, Mental Health, Quiet, Resolutions, Seasons on April 29, 2024| 1 Comment »

The past few years, I’ve made a summer bucket list. Mostly, I’ve done it because I have to talk myself into liking summer as a season because it is so, so hot in Texas and that’s the worst. It also keeps me more grounded in the present instead of always focusing on future plans. And of course, making these lists is also a good way to check in with goals to either make sure I’m on track or get myself back on track. 

So why not do that with every season?

Here are some things I want to do this spring. 

  1. Buy fresh flowers. I have received so many flowers this year, and it’s been lovely. I mean, some of them have made me sneeze and thus had to live elsewhere for a little while. But I really love seeing fresh flowers when I come home. Bonus to picking out/buying them myself? I know I’ll get what I love and still be able to breathe normally. 
  2. Plant citrus trees. My friend Jessica gave me a bunch of citrus seeds, and soon (this weekend, maybe?) I’m going to plant them in buckets to see if they come up. I’ve already got the pots and the soil, so all that’s left to do is plant!
  3. Drink tea and read when it rains. It rains so much this time of year, and I don’t take advantage of that nearly as often as I could. A cup of tea and a good book are excellent accompaniments to a chorus of rain. It’s my ideal quiet morning/afternoon/any time.
  4. Play springy playlist when cooking. Cooking is relaxing to me, but lately it’s been mostly a utilitarian, get-in-get-out, cutting-corners process. I want to reintroduce my former habit of playing music to set the mood and make cooking more fun. I have all sorts of playlists for this already (brunch, spring, etc.); it’s just a matter of remembering to put one on when I start.
  5. Get my feet ready for sandal season. I often neglect my feet during winter. I’ve been doing better this year out of necessity (the neuropathy side effects of chemo are no joke), but I still want to give them a little extra TLC before I expose them to the elements with summer footwear.
  6. Re-establish my strength routine and take some long walks. My back seized up for the first time ever last week. Clearly a sign that I’ve been slacking on my core strength. Or that I’m just getting older. But a solid strength routine and regular walks can only help with both physical and mental health, so I want to make both a priority again.
  7. Visit the Denton Community Market. This is the best place to get local, seasonal produce. Also, it’s just one of my favorite things Denton does. Bonus to going in spring rather than summer – the weather outside may actually be bearable.

Do you have any special plans for this spring?

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Friday Five – Happy Birthday Weekend to Me!

Posted in Alive, Books, Food, Friday Five, Fun, Health, Home, Writing on March 15, 2024| Leave a Comment »

My good friends Maggie and Michelle are coming into town today and spending my birthday weekend with me, and I’m so excited!! We are going to eat cupcakes, binge-watch comfort TV, and just bask in each other’s presence all weekend. 

Up until very recently (i.e., a couple of days ago), I have been operating under the assumption that I will have the energy to do everything I really want to do. I mean, I knew in my head that this was not probable. But I cling to the idea that I’m extraordinary. Well, I am. Extraordinarily sensitive to treatment in that I have had almost every one of the milder side effects of chemo so far. Apparently, that means it’s working, so I’ll take it. But still. 

Could it also mean that maybe I don’t stretch myself to the very end of my energy every single day? I think so. I think that would be a good thing to stop doing. Every week, I find more and more that I usually love to do that I just don’t have the energy for, and that’s going to have to be ok for now. The things I love will still be there when I’m well.

In the meantime, here are some things I love that take relatively little bandwidth.

  • Oh, gosh. Ruth Reichl, Laurie Ochoa, and Nancy Silverton have a podcast together. It’s called Three Ingredients and I am obsessed (with a PODCAST?! I know, right?!). 
  • Five ways to trick yourself into decluttering. The timer works really well for me. I can do anything for five minutes, and I can get a surprising amount of things done in that time.
  • Dorie Greenspan has a new book coming out, and it’s about simple cakes. I feel like I need to pre-order it, because simple cakes are my favorites. Give me anything I can throw in a bundt pan and maybe not even ice, and I’m happy.
  • My writing is hitting a slump, so I’m going to refresh a little next week with the Healing Through Writing Festival. It’s all online, and most of the sessions are free. You can upgrade for a pretty reasonable price to get All Access, but per my energy level, I may just need to stick to the other sessions. But if you are a creative and need a boost, too, you may want to check it out. The presenters I recognize are top-notch, so I’m excited to learn what everyone else has to say.
  • Finally, a very helpful product that my friend Steph introduced me to. My skin has been so sensitive – to heat, allergens, etc.  More than usual, I mean. It is a mess. Enter Active Skin Repair Hydrogel. I can put it on cuts, burns, allergy rashes…anything. And it soothes and heals. It has been a godsend and if this product were a person I would marry it. Highly recommend if you are similarly afflicted.

I hope you have a great weekend!

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Friday Five – Rest for the Puny

Posted in Books, Friday Five, Fun, Health, Home, Poetry, Quiet, Work on March 8, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Feeling a little puny this week, but otherwise, it’s been a pretty good one. I have a slow weekend ahead, and I’m looking forward to that. I actually get to sleep in tomorrow morning!

Next week is the students’ spring break, but I’m also taking off a couple of days and then a few days the week after that to make a long birthday weekend. Shaping up to be a good rest for the next couple of weeks!

  • “In another life, I’m a booktuber.” Susannah Conway is one of my favorite people on the internet, and I love this short piece. I like my life and my choices in general. But I’ve been a bit blue this week and musing on the lives I could have had is a little bit of a breather. 
  • In niche news, I’ve been into villanelles lately (e.g.,  “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”). I find their rhythm both inspiring and soothing. Might try doing something with that. Stay tuned.
  • A little inspiration for getting my garden started this weekend. That’s the one big task I have planned for home for this weekend. I have my soil and seeds and here’s hoping another big freeze doesn’t come through before Texas spring really springs.
  • I love this piece on embodiment and approaching living as an art form, taking into account possibilities as well as limits – The Art of Living (The Convivial Society)
  • Happy International Women’s Day! Here’s a little light reading to celebrate. In addition to being Women’s History Month, March is also National Reading Month. Also, the longlist for the Women’s Prize for Fiction has been announced. So…take time off work for a reading staycation? I feel like that’s what all of these things are telling me to do.

I hope you are having a good day and that your weekend is everything you want it to be!

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Friday Five – Sort of Normal

Posted in Beauty, Church, Denton, Food, Friday Five, Home, Quiet, Work on March 2, 2024| 1 Comment »

This week has been a mix of ups and downs, but it has felt like the most normal week I’ve had so far this year. I got to see some friends and had enough energy to put in almost a full week of work. I’m about to hunker down with a book and a cup of tea for the evening, but I thought I’d share a few things with you first.

  • One of the main things on my mind this week is the wildfires in the Texas Panhandle. My parents live a few hours south of where most of the blazes happened. So much loss, and here is how you can help.
  • The title “Warm House on a Quiet Day” stuck out as a cozy invitation in my inbox, but when I clicked to read it, it was so much more. Laura Grace Weldon’s words read like my constant internal monologue. 
  • I’ve been trying to find a small, portable snack and ran across this little gem – savory oatmeal cookies. I made the rosemary/parmesan ones. This weekend, I may experiment with subbing thyme, adding dried cherries, and leaving out all the dairy for the next batch. I feel like the possibilities are endless, and I am committed to exploring them with reckless abandon.
  • This piece by Lisa Bartelt is beautiful. My church is coming through for me in lovely, astounding ways these days, and it’s been a good reminder of why I picked them and why I choose to keep coming back. But even during more normal seasons, the rituals and the community I have there work wonders in my soul. 
  • And finally, I got to go to a vigil for Nex Benedict last night, and it was lovely. Following up a bit from last week, here is a list of resources from OUTreach Denton that can help you learn about how to get more involved in advocating for LGBTQ+ folk, particularly youth. Most of these are based in the DFW area, but I encourage you to look for resources around where you live if you’re not local to me.

I hope you’ve had a good week, and I hope you have an even better weekend!

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Friday Five – YAY WEEKEND

Posted in Books, Food, Friday Five, Home, Mental Health, Quiet on February 9, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Next week is gonna be…something. Chemo is starting, and I’m hella nervous (and super angry about billing, but more on that later, probably in the next few days). Even more reason for this weekend to be a lot of staying in and resting and nesting and reading all the preparation materials. 

Knowledge is power, even when it’s scary.

Some great things to add to your weekend reads:

  • My friend Beth published a story, and it’s just 0.99! Click over and buy it and give it a read. 
  • We Are Not Okay by Roxane Gay – As you know if you’ve been here long at all, I love Roxane Gay, and I love this piece. In related news, the Sesame Street responses on social media and the reminder of how much I adore Tracy Chapman’s music (I love watching how much Fast Car means to so many performers – give yourself a five-minute break to enjoy Chapman and Combs’s Grammy performance) were a couple of uplifts that I desperately needed this week. Super grateful for that.
  • One of the things I love about Susan Cain (other than Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which is easily one of my top five favorite book titles ever) is how well she tackles finding the balance between taking care of your soul (specifically if you are an introvert, but I think the general premise applies to everyone) and contributing to the world in the unique way that only you can. This post is a great example of addressing the tension between those two values that many of us feel.
  • I’m starting to wrap my head around replacing my beloved bean-shaped loveseat (like, within the next year. Not now. My proverbial plate and my literal stack of bills is full right now). I think I want a loveseat like this. A sofa that I can rearrange that can serve not only as guest bedding but also as storage? In pretty peacock blue (or ooh- blue or green velvet)? Yes, please. On the other hand, this is also very cute and looks similar to what I have and love now.
  • And finally, I have been feeling pretty sugar-averse these days. It’s funny how eating less of it for just a short amount of time can make most desserts seem too sweet. It’s almost as if my body is relieved I’m eating less sugar. Ahem. Rude, but ok, body. I guess I can continue to listen. Whatever. Anyway, I would make an exception for this Ding Dong cake. I bet it’s DELICIOUS. 

I hope your weekend is fun/restful/exciting. Have a good one – whatever that looks like for you!

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