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Day 3 – Lush at Work

Posted in 31 Days, Lush, Mental Health, Resolutions, Work on October 3, 2022| Leave a Comment »

Still life at work

Clarification: Regardless of how the title sounds, I do not get sloshed at work. I get sloshed AFTER work, like a damn professional.

The place I spend 40+ hours a week has an inevitably large impact on the lushness of my life. It also, ideally, would fund a life that is periodically decadent and rich. A lot of my revision of the original ideal of what lush looks like in the life I currently have is affected by my job, so I thought I’d take at least one day to mention it. Let’s go ahead and get it out of the way.

Because many places I’ve worked have been big fans of the compliment sandwich [which is a misnomer, because sandwiches are named according to the things inside the bread, not the bread on the outside, which is where the compliments are positioned, and also because sandwiches are good, as opposed to this concept, which is a terrible way to deliver feedback], that is how I’m going to structure this post about work. *places tongue firmly in cheek*

I enjoy certain aspects of my job:

  • The people I work with are awesome. We’re a good team, and we get along well.
  • I have my own space to decorate and do with as I wish (to a reasonable extent – it’s a no on the margarita machine and the hammocks, apparently).
  • Employer-paid health coverage is good. So are university holidays that I get to take off without having to use the PTO I’ve earned (i.e., days we get in addition to our PTO).
  • I like helping students discover that they actually do know what they’re doing and can figure out where to go to get their questions answered. I also like telling them yes as often as possible.
  • I like the looks on the students’ faces when I have to gently remind their parents who dragged them into my office that they’re adults and thus afforded all the rights and responsibilities that go with that. It makes (most of) them so happy. Smug, even. Hold on to that, young friends.
  • I enjoy certain things we do on campus during the year. For example, I’m looking forward to the opportunity to attend the World Mental Health Day conference next Monday. Also, we get free food on a fairly regular basis, so that’s nice.

There are other aspects of the job that are nonsense, though.

There are general labor practices I take issue with, and of course, a large portion of the staff here are grossly underpaid. And save the argument – I don’t care about market value, or debt accrued because someone somewhere who makes more than most of us fucked something up, or politically motivated lawsuits, or that we hope to maybe do something about it next year if all the planets align correctly. I care that our full-time custodians have to have other jobs to make ends meet this month and that our rents that we don’t have the luxury of putting off until Fall 2023, when we are allegedly getting it together and moving people up to what they should already be making today, are rising exponentially but our paychecks are not.

I also don’t think we’re taken very seriously. I guess I can’t speak for everyone. I don’t think I’m taken seriously. I think I’m an afterthought. Even when I say, “This plan is probably not going to work well because of XYZ reasons, so let’s do this much more reasonable thing instead,” that doesn’t seem to have any effect, even though we’ve spent a lot of money and time as a department learning to recognize and hone our strengths, and I think a well-honed connectedness, input, ideation, intellection, strategic person such as I am, probably has the skills to foresee some things. It’s sort of what I do. What I’m best at, if you will.

A lot of the mental health challenges I’ve faced this year are due to a not-great plan that was implemented in the office at the beginning of the summer. I don’t want to go into details here – but my new work environment is bad for me. Yes, I’ve said so. Repeatedly. Broken-record-ly.

I don’t know what to do. I’m looking for other jobs. I’ve even done the math to see if I can expand my side hustle full time (with my current teams, I’d have to write 45-50 hours a week and pray that there are no assignment lulls ever. Not interested in that instability at all.). But most days, I’m having to focus way too hard to put a sentence together to speak intelligently to a customer on the phone by mid-afternoon, and my executive function has plummeted overall, so something has to change, because this is not sustainable.

As promised, here’s the other side of the sandwich. I’ve joined the Neurodiversity Professional Network on campus, and I really like them. I’m tabling with them at a staff event this Friday, and I may do so at the conference on Monday, too. It’s good to learn ways to advocate for each other, and this provides a forum for doing so that extends beyond what even the best session or seminar can teach. Being a part of this group gives me hope that changes and reasonable solutions are possible.

I’m writing about and seeking the lush life I crave this month.

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Day 2 – A Typical Lush Week

Posted in 31 Days, Church, Food, Lush, Mental Health, Writing on October 2, 2022| Leave a Comment »

Today, I want to daydream a little. Journey with me, if you will, to what a typical week of lush life would look like to me. Some of these things are already firmly in place in my life; some will have to wait until I retire (at least partially. Eight. More. Years.) and have the time to incorporate them. This life as a whole also requires a somewhat bigger, definitely steadier income (I really just need to make every month what I make in a good month). 

It’s good to have goals.

Overall, the things I think of when I imagine a lush life basically boil down to five elements:

  • Good balance of company and solitude
  • Good food
  • Cozy environments
  • Meaningful work
  • Lots of time for play

So let’s begin.

At no point in a truly lush life will I wake to an alarm. Each day starts with waking up naturally, whenever I am fully rested, as God and nature intended. As a night owl who tries (and perpetually fails) to overcome my natural tendencies in order to make life with a work schedule created by capitalism and sadistic morning people more manageable, I may actually have a ceremony where I dispose of my alarm clock when I retire. 

Even if I’m rested, any activities where I have to be dressed, social, and coherent before noon are just the worst. So my ideal day is one that allows me to ease into it. A French press of coffee and a good breakfast (mmm…veggie omelet with toast…or poached eggs over potatoes) are required. As long as we’re dreaming, I would like to insert the company of a partner who shares both cooking/cleaning duties and my preference for rampant lounging at the start of the day. Alternatively, I am content listening to whatever audiobook I’m reading, show I’m currently bingeing, or background music softly crooning from the record player. The rest of the morning is likely to be spent reading or working on a craft/art project such as knitting or art journaling.

Afternoons are for responsibilities, because no matter how lush my life becomes, someone still has to do laundry (and also I sort of love doing laundry so, by someone, I am happy to mean me). Having said this, I want the luxury of being picky about which work I do and which work I delegate. For example, I am usually pretty good about keeping up with most daily chores, such as washing dishes or tidying, but I fall behind on things like dusting and vacuuming because I can’t just do part of the house and be satisfied, so I find the size of the job overwhelming to the point of inaction. I want to be able to hire someone to do all the chores and errands that I dislike (and thus avoid until they’re really out of control).

Three or four days a week, my main goal for the afternoon is to write. Most of the time will be spent on creative works in progress, but I also want to maintain my current writing job or something like it to keep a steady income. On the off days, I’ll probably spend the non-chore time running errands, which includes frequenting my favorite local coffee shops and bookstores.

I will likely spend most evenings pretty much the same way I do now – book clubs, choir, attending (or performing in) shows and concerts, hanging out with beloved folk, or staying at home to read. Maybe this fabled partner and I go out dancing occasionally. How lovely that would be. Another habit I would like to resume as I mold my life into something more manageable is to have people over for dinner and drinks on a fairly regular basis. It’s a lot of work, as there are several things (many of which are mentioned above) that have to be in place for me to be relaxed enough to enjoy it, but sometimes I miss it.

Of course, there will be exceptions to this general structure. There will be day trips with friends, library book club or church in the mornings on some weekends, and doctor’s appointments that I almost always schedule at the beginning of the day so I can cross them quickly off the list. And at least three times a month, I’m going to need a mental health day in which all scheduling, planned productivity, chores, and socializing go out the window. Just a slow day spent in my favorite comfy pants that I don’t wear in public, enjoying copious amounts of hot tea, books, music, blankets, naps, and maybe a walk. Opportunities for extended rest are important even when I’m living my most charmed life.

There is more to lush living, of course, but this is the basic lifestyle I’d love to have.

I’m writing about lush life this month. Click here to see the whole series (so far).

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31 Days of Lush Life

Posted in 31 Days, Church, Food, Getting It Together, Lush, Mental Health, Resolutions, Writing on October 1, 2022| Leave a Comment »

When I chose lush (pardon me…LUSH) as my theme word for this year, I imagined quite a few possible scenarios:

  • Home and patio full of healthy plants
  • Delicious, wholesome (and sometimes decadent) meals
  • Calm, unrushed afternoons spent in coffee shops or bookstores
  • Good cheese, wine, and coffee
  • Regularly designated time to make art
  • Organized nooks throughout the apartment designed to maximize coziness
  • Fun outings with friends and family

It seemed so simple and exciting. But it turns out, there are reasons those things weren’t happening on a regular basis already. 

First of all, these things cost money. Not a lot, for the most part, but still more than I have coming in on the regular. My budget is very basic, and until I get a better job or become inexplicably wealthy, it’s got to stay that way. So one challenge I’ve been tackling is to envision a lush life that doesn’t depend on spending more.

Second, these things take time. Extra time to do more of anything turns into a scarce commodity when you have two jobs and a lot of other responsibilities that (allegedly) come first. I stepped down from a few things I was doing last year, but then I became church council president this year. I am glad to be asked to serve, but it’s been a lot, and I am counting the days until it’s over. In fact, I am working on significantly streamlining how I use the free time I have available. For example, at church, maybe I have fewer weeknight meetings but more engagement on Sunday mornings when I’m already attending the service anyway. At work, maybe I stop volunteering for everything that looks vaguely interesting so I can focus on things I enjoy and not be so overwhelmed all the time (to the small extent that I can control that. More on this later in the month).

Also more breaks. Particularly at and from work. I’m not great at taking breaks.

Third, I forgot to factor in mental health. I set the bar for lush life really high. There’s nothing wrong with high standards, of course. A cozy, tidy home with lots of greenery, comforting homemade meals, large blocks of time to be creative, and also adequate quality time to spend with people I love? Sounds lovely. Wonderful. A fantastic way to live and a grand life to have.

It also sounds like a lot of work. 

I have had some heightened mental health struggles this year that I did not anticipate. Burnout, executive dysfunction, and sensory sensitivity make getting through even the simplest to-do list a challenge some days. And by some, I do mean most. On those days, does lush life look like cooking good meals (and cleaning up afterward) and trying to find scraps of focus/energy to do creative things or hang out with friends? Or does it look like eating a bowl of cereal and calling it a night with a cup of tea and a good book? I know I’m worth the effort it would take to do the former, but I’m also worth the rest I get from doing the latter. Some days, it’s hard to tell which is better.

This month, I’m going to write through more of these thoughts on what I thought lush life would be, what it’s actually turning out to be, and what I think of that. I have some feelings. You’ve been warned.

Day 2 – A Typical Lush Week
Day 3 – Lush at Work
Day 4 – October TBR
Day 5 – Artsy
Day 6 – Lush and Hygge
Days 7 & 8 – A Social Shift
Day 9 – Trips
Day 10 – World Mental Health Day
Day 11 – Community Care
Day 12 – My Ideal Home
Day 13 – Wise Counsel
Day 14 – Nooks
Day 15 – Comfort Crafting
Day 16 – Food
Day 17 – Socializing for Introverts
Day 18 – The Challenges of Reading Challenges
Day 19 – Maintaining a Lush Space
Day 20 – Cozy Office
Day 21 – A Lush Life for All
Day 22 – A Little More Love
Day 23 – A Thousand Words
Day 24 – Sabbatical
Day 25 – Unrestricted Sabbatical
Day 26 – Moving On
Day 27 – In Praise of Subscriptions
Day 28 – Spring and Summer Cozy
Day 29 – Fall and Winter Cozy
Day 30 – Holiday Cozy
Day 31 – Whimsy and Creativity






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Resolutions for 2022 (or, what I’m gonna keep doing)

Posted in 31 Days, Books, Epic Meal Planning, Feast, Fishbowl, Resolutions, Writing on January 2, 2022| Leave a Comment »

UGH HOW CUTE IS MY NEW PLANNER

In addition to focusing on LUSH as my word of the year and continuing my work with Sarah on our album, I am also setting a few tangible personal goals. Most of my resolutions this year are measurable, longer-term versions of some of the habits I am already tracking. Having a specific, larger goal in mind is useful for days when I’m like, “Hmm…maybe I just watch another episode…”

So here are some things I’m going to keep doing and the in-about-a-year goal that goes with them.

Read 150 books – Given that I almost read this many books in 2021, I feel like this is a gentle reach. It’s still challenging but perfectly attainable, even when my schedule stays busy. In addition to reading for book clubs, I’m participating in Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge because I particularly like the prompts for 2022. Girlxoxo’s Monthly Key Word Reading Challenge looks interesting, too (and some of the books I’m reading in January already fit).

Write 5 short stories – My first instinct was “write a short story every month!” but since I finished a whole two stories in 2021, that high of an expectation might sabotage me before I even get started. Specifically, I want to practice writing dialogue. Fishbowl rewrites have been dry lately, and I think this will help me practice my skills for that long-term project as well.

Finish expanded rough drafts of Feast and Epic Meal Planning – My 31 Days series in October 2021 about books was challenging but also exciting. I forgot how much I enjoy writing essays. Over the past few years, I have started drafting two different essay collections (some of you may remember the epic meal planning series), and I want to finish the expanded drafts this year. I’ve already kinda planned the menu for the celebratory gatherings when each one is complete. Because priorities.

Earn $7500 with copywriting job – Last year, I set a word count goal for this job to write more articles. But what’s better than more work? More money. I’ve stayed within the $6500-$7000 range the last few years, but I want to give it a little boost in 2022. Depending on what is available on my teams, this can either mean adding an article or two to each pay period or focusing on articles that pay more per word. My preference heavily leans to the latter, so this will be my focus whenever such things are in my control. Is this what they mean by working smarter, not harder?

Build a consistent practice of an average of 30 minutes/day of movement – I have added activity to my life this past year, but the draw to sit for long spells is strong. As I continue to get older, I want to make sure I don’t lapse into a sedentary state and lose more agility/balance/etc, than necessary. So I want to be more intentional about making sure I keep and expand good habits. Also, some performances this year may include a little dancey action, so I want to be ready for that.

This is a solid list to start with. I’m sure I’ll amend them as needed, but I feel pretty good about these goals.

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One Year Ago Today

Posted in 31 Days, Joy, Mental Health, Resolutions on December 24, 2021| Leave a Comment »

This was not a Christmas Eve 2020 fire. I was definitely fantasizing about throwing parts of 2020 into a fire, though.

Today’s December Reflections prompt is “one year ago today.” On this specific day, I was likely driving to the farm to spend time with the family. The vaccine wasn’t a thing yet, so I was still in general isolation – working from home, social distancing, endless Zoom meetings – and even more so in the week or two prior to seeing my parents. But in anticipation of the new year, I was also already starting my reflections on joy. I talked about comfort food and books and animals and the parts of being outside that I find least objectionable.

Throughout the month, I also wrote quite a bit about the difficulty of holding on to joy (and hope and other good things that we’re often told we’re supposed to feel, particularly around the holidays). I remember not being excited about joy being my word for the new year. There were too many moments it seemed too far-fetched to be a possibility. I felt particularly lonely last year at this time.

But there were already little sprouts of joy poking up through the soil. If you’ll indulge the navel-gazing (and you’re reading my blog, where that phenomenon often runs rampant, so I trust that you will):

“When I think of the characteristics I particularly love in a partner – and especially when I meet someone new who embodies a lot of those characteristics – there is that jolt. The familiar memory of loving someone combined with the anticipation of the possibility of feeling that way again? That feeling is pure magic. This is the sneaky good thing about joy that may just be my favorite part. It doesn’t just show up in the middle of a particular difficulty. It shows up, in part, specifically because of it. Joy will tailor itself to you.”

And that’s precisely what joy did all year long. Several things about the past year have not been easy or great, and a big part of how I handled them had to do with where the joy showed up. It’s become a bit of a navigator, and I really like that.

I wonder where it will lead next.

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31 Days – Final Thoughts

Posted in 31 Days, Books, Seasons on November 1, 2021| Leave a Comment »

“You know what made The Girl on the Train happen? Book clubs.” Damn right, we did. (From Emily Henry’s Beach Read)

This month has been a lot of fun for me. I hope you have enjoyed the series. I hope you have been able to relate to a few of the things I’ve said and that you are inspired to find the perfect book club for you. Whether you enjoy reading audiobooks in your car, thumbing through ebooks in the line at the market, or cuddling up with a cup of tea and a novel in your favorite chair, I can’t wait for you to find the next book that makes you come alive.

As seasons change, I notice that I look for books that have elements of wonder and magic. It fits right into my own rhythms that our theme for November’s meeting at the library is magical realism. I think I’ll be picking up Morgenstern’s The Night Circus and other similar books that people who know my reading style best have recommended. As the days darken, I long for things that feed my imagination, and I think it’s clear from this month’s posts that few things do that as quickly and thoroughly as a well-written book.

I am currently five books away from meeting my yearly goal, so as we get ready to head into another new year, I’m going to be thinking about whether keeping up this momentum is feasible or if I keep the same goal again just to show myself it’s not a fluke.

Let me know if you read any of the recommendations that I made this month, and tell me what you thought of them!

I’m not great at goodbyes, so it’s fortunate that I have no intention of ending my chatter about the books that I am reading and loving any time in the near future. I’ll just see you later this week when I post my November TBR list and my five favorite things I read in October.

In the meantime, happy reading, friends!

Click here to see the whole series list.

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Day 30 – For the Love of Bookshops

Posted in 31 Days, Books on October 30, 2021| 2 Comments »

I’m finishing up a week off from my job at UNT. I used the week as intended for the most part. I got some things done around the apartment that I had been neglecting, worked a few extra hours than usual on my writing job, and got to do some things (long weekend at the farm, long lunch with a friend, late night listening to live music) that I don’t usually get to do. It was busy but manageable. I was able to take care of both my life and myself. I actually slept well and drank enough water and ate well-planned meals.

The only thing I wanted to do that I ended up not doing was driving to San Antonio to visit Nowhere Bookshop in person. I could have done it – I technically had the time and the money. I could have spent a few hours in the hotel working on articles and been frugal with my spending so that next month’s budget wouldn’t be strained.

The only problem with that is that I don’t have frugal feelings about bookshops.

I love the way they smell. While it varies a bit depending on whether I’m walking into a used bookstore like Booked Up or a store that sells only new books, that underlying scent of ink and paper is always there. I am generally an impatient, get-in-and-get-out shopper in most places, but I can completely lose track of time in a bookstore. If I have someplace else to be that day, I actually have to set an alarm because otherwise hours sail by unnoticed. I always assume I’m going to spend at least $50 with each trip, and that’s if I’m very careful.

My favorite places are the ones with cushy armchairs and coffee shops inside. They invite patrons to stick around and thumb through what they find. It would be easy to be stingy – to have a strict buy-before-you-try policy. But bookshops that are owned by people who love books are designed to give everyone who walks through the door the opportunity to do the same. They want you to take all the time you need to find a book you adore. They would rather risk you walking out empty-handed than end up with something that sullies your reading experience. They have faith that if you find what you’re looking for, you’ll be back time and time again when you seek your next literary loves.

I have a list of bookshops I want to visit. Nowhere is at the top, but the list also includes:

I’m happy to add your favorite shop to my list, so feel free to drop a link in the comments. Even better – go give them some love yourself. I know Amazon is easy, and I don’t begrudge anyone taking extra work out of their busy lives. But if all of us committed book lovers could manage to spend in an independent shop at least once a month, it could really make a difference. It could keep the places I love alive.

I’ve talked about books all month, and it’s been so much fun.

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Day 29 – Five Books That Inspire Me

Posted in 31 Days, Books, Friday Five on October 30, 2021| Leave a Comment »

I am skeptical about self-help books. I want to know the author’s credentials (formal or experiential) before I commit to taking what they have to say seriously. But credentials are not enough. If, at any point, I get the sense that the author is trying too hard to make a point or wrap something up in a neat, little trite bow, it’s hard for them to get my attention back. I will DNF* a book meant to advise or inspire me faster than any other type of book if I am the least bit dissatisfied with it. Or worse, I will finish it out of spite just so I can rant about how bad it is on the internet.

Sloppy advice books are the Twilight saga of nonfiction.

But when the writers get it right, these books become some of my favorites. I 5-star them on Goodreads, give them away as gifts, and recommend them with reckless abandon. Here are the first five that come to mind.

  1. Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes – I didn’t expect to like this one as much as I did. I thought it would be a fun weekend read from the person who writes some of my favorite TV dialogue. But I hadn’t even finished the first chapter before I was reaching for my notes journal and scribbling down all the lessons I was learning. If you feel stuck and suspect it may be nerves or fear holding you back, this is just the kick in the pants you need.
  2. The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp – Speaking of kick in the pants, this is one of the best books I’ve ever read to get out of creative slump. Tharp’s main art is dance, but the principles in this book can easily be applied to any creative pursuit. Highly recommend to artists of any kind.
  3. Burnout by Amelia Nagoski and Emily Nagoski – In all my therapy sessions, not once have I ever been taught how to complete a biological stress cycle. Or – that’s not completely true. I have been given good advice on things I can do to relieve stress, but this book breaks down why it works and what to do when it doesn’t. Reading this book cut the occurrence of my panic attacks in half because I learned how to identify the signs that lead up to them so I can head some of them off at the pass. Eternally grateful.
  4. Quiet by Susan Cain – I apparently have not marked this one as read or rated it on Goodreads, but I have pages and pages of notes on it. Before reading this book, I knew in my head that there was nothing wrong with being an introvert, but Cain’s social commentary showed me that it’s not just not-wrong. It’s a superpower. This is a very gratifying and encouraging read.
  5. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo – Ok, hear me out. This book is not just about having an organized home. I mean, it is, and it will absolutely help you do that. But it also reminded me not only of the importance of surrounding myself with beauty and joy but also just how easy that is to do.

Honorable mention goes to The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and Professional Troublemaker by Luvvie Ajayi Jones. Both of these books remind me to stay focused and give practical advice for doing so. Also, if Luvvie doesn’t make you cackle out loud, your sense of humor is broken.

What books inspire you?

I’m writing about my favorite books this month.

*DNF = Did not finish

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Day 28 – Follow The Reader

Posted in 31 Days, Books, Dance, Spiderweb on October 30, 2021| 4 Comments »

Tabbed for discussion

For years I had seen signs around town for Spiderweb Salon shows. I may have even stumbled into a few of them. They were odd and subversive and breathtaking and challenging and magical and haunting and angry and hopeful.

In a word, perfect. Exactly what art is meant to be.

True to my observer persona, I watched and admired from afar, happy to get a once-in-a-while glimpse of this lovely art collective. Sometimes I considered introducing myself, but I held back. After all, I already had two thriving online writers groups and a group of writer friends I met sporadically with in person. I kept in touch with writing/artist friends from fandom and other spaces through Facebook groups and blogging. And while I was an active member of my church choir, I hadn’t really performed or played piano or danced in so long that I was sure I would never find time to practice enough again to pursue it for real.

Then in January 2019, Sarah invited me to the first meeting of Follow the Reader, Spiderweb’s new book club. We had a main book selection and a supplemental read. Sphinx, written by Anne Garréta, was the centerpiece, and it was unlike anything I’d ever read before. I don’t want to give away the linguistic restraint the author used, because I really want you to read it and discover it for yourself. Garréta is a member of Oulipo (Google it if you’re a fan of rabbit holes. And welcome to freakin’ Wonderland), which is the experimental literary collective that Daniel Levin Becker writes about in Many Subtle Channels, our supplemental reading that month.

These book selections would have been enough to keep me coming back. But that’s not all I found that evening.

The people in this group talk about books, reading, and literary life the way I talk about books, reading, and literary life. We discussed the books we read, but we didn’t just muse over the content within, as if something written by a human being could ever be discussed in a vacuum, separated from its place in humanity. The conversation flowed from art to history to oppression to current events to community support and back to art.

Spiderweb had my full attention and loyalty from that first meeting.

I went home and immediately committed to being a monthly supporter of their Patreon (shameless plug – support artists!). It took me a couple of months to start making an appearance at shows, but soon I was showing up at every performance and event scheduled.

I thought I was coming to this book club to reconnect with a friend from high school in a way that guaranteed we’d at least see each other once a month. And I got that (we’re currently working on an album together!). I also found a loving and beloved community that invites me to their stage and supports me in whatever I’m working on. We’re collaborators but we’re friends first, and that fosters an inspiring space for creation of all kinds. They’re the reason I’m dancing again and considering perhaps one day even doing it on stage again (maybe).

And, of course, it all started at book club.

I’m writing about books and people who love them as much as I do this month.

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Day 27 – Memoirs

Posted in 31 Days, Books, Writing on October 29, 2021| Leave a Comment »

Memoirs take up about half of my nonfiction shelf. Well, memoirs and good advice (more on those on “Day 29″…later today)

I know I spent a whole post on food memoirs, which are my absolute favorite nonfiction books. But I also read/own a lot of other types of memoirs as well. I love hearing people’s stories. It’s one of the (only) things I miss about teaching public speaking. No matter what the assignment, if you give people a chance to share themselves, most of the time they will.

I like funny memoirs, family memoirs, travel memoirs, and cultural memoirs. I even like sports memoirs (particularly ones about running, it seems). A friend in my writing group once took my willingness to read just about any memoir as proof that I really will read anything. I understand her general sentiment – it feels good to read stories from people with lives and interests similar to your own – it’s comforting to know you’re not alone. But it’s also good to step outside of the inherently limited experience of one human life and learn how other people experience the world. That’s the real draw of memoir for me.

In a way, reading memoir is research (well, research-ish. Focused research is a lot more intense and intentional.). Writers are often admonished to write what we know, but even if you’ve lived the richest, fullest, most adventurous, long life, what you know firsthand is still just the information you can glean from one person’s experience. In the grand scheme of knowledge, that’s not a lot to go on. So if I’m going to write – about anything – why wouldn’t I want to know as much as possible about as many experiences and perspectives as possible? I need to hear other people’s stories to do that. For example, the main character in the novel I’m working on is dead but can see the effect his passing has on the ones he loves most. I know how I experience grief, but reading what others have gone through when a loved one died helps me understand my own characters in a way I could never get to on my own.

[Important aside – I am not a proponent of writers telling (and profiting from) other people’s stories, particularly when those people are perfectly capable of and actively telling those stories themselves (and inevitably doing a much better job of it). Even if a writer is going to write about another person who is no longer available to tell their story, they must do a hell of a lot of work and give credit (and even payment) where it’s due in order to write about them in an honorable way. Andi Cumbo-Floyd put in countless hours of piecing together genealogy records, researching local history, conducting interviews, and learning from those who write about slavery and racism before writing her young adult novels that delve into the subject, and as a result, her main character in the Steele series models this self-education process in a realistic way. Jennifer Koshatka Seman wrote Borderlands Curanderos, and her bibliography and research notes take up a solid third of the total pages of the book. That’s how you write about other people’s lives with integrity, and there’s no shortcut.]

Anyway…

A few memoirs I recommend (that I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet this month):

Do you have any favorite memoirs?

I’ve spent October writing about books.

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