I have a busy calendar this month, and I’ve (sort of) accepted that I’m not going to make it to everything. Yesterday, for example, was National Coming Out Day, and my art collective partnered with a local advocacy group to host an open mic. I had planned to go but was utterly drained by the end of the day, so I went home and went to bed early instead. Tonight there is a performance that I want to attend, and I am hoping to make it. I am mourning the days when I had the energy to plow through a full day of work (or school), go to class or meetings in the evening, and then still go out afterward and have no problem getting up and doing it all again the next day.
Or am I just forgetting how tired I was then?
A big part of the reason I keep putting things on the calendar and trying to make it is that I firmly believe that showing up is part of community care. I have been in groups that practice mutual compassion well, and I have been in places where it was every person for themselves. I’ve had friends who cooked me meals and did my dishes when I was sick. I’ve also had times when I felt so alone I wondered how long it would take for someone to find my body if I died. Self-care is important, but community care is equally essential.
Sharing resources and helping when it’s needed are both aspects of community care. Maintaining connections, listening to others’ points of view, showing up, and offering validation are vital components, too. I know I shouldn’t feel like I’m failing my friends when I just can’t make it to an event after a difficult day, but the feeling persists. It’s hard to shake the notion that, if I were practicing lush life correctly, I would have the time and the energy to do so.
Perhaps part of lush living is letting go of my lingering perfectionism. Or remembering that I, too, am included in community and thus am allowed to receive/take care when needed.
M. Suzanne Terry 
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