Edited: At the community vigil in Owasso, Nex’s friends confirmed that he used he/him/his pronouns with friends and they/them at home. I have updated this post to reflect how Nex is known among his friends.
It’s been a hard week personally. Long saga, but the gist is the chemo port was successfully placed but they did not put me under during the procedure so I’ve been dealing with the fallout of that trauma (it took a full day and a half of “I’m fine everything’s fine it’s ok” to finally call it trauma, just in time to have a meltdown about it when I had labs done on Wednesday so maybe we journal more consistently and maybe make an actual appointment with the nice therapist soon). But some good news – no spread to the uterus, so that was a huge relief.
And after the excellent care – physical, emotional, and mental – from the awesome team at Texas Oncology and some much-needed social support from friends over the course of the week, yesterday was much better. But I’m still exhausted.
This is, of course, added to the heartbreak of the ongoing updates on the death of Nex Benedict, the trans student who was murdered by bullies in Oklahoma this month (full disclosure – I have no energy left for diplomacy and I don’t see that changing this year while I’m undergoing cancer treatment, so buckle up – we’re going to be blunt and call things what they are around here for the foreseeable future…and maybe longer if I discover I like it as much as I suspect I will).
If you are similarly heartbroken, make sure you are taking care of yourself extra this week. If you are trans or nonbinary, I want to tell you what I can never say often enough – your life and your right to just fucking exist in peace are important to me. If you are not heartbroken, do some soul-searching and examine why (I’ve put a few resources below if information will help). I say this especially to people who share my faith, because the God you follow is heartbroken about the horrific treatment and negligence that led to his death, so either return to said God and repent your hard-heartedness or start being honest about what spirit you are actually following, because it’s not a holy one. Also note that sometimes repentance starts with donations (see below).
- Information about the incident and also Freedom Oklahoma
- Background info to familiarize yourself with the hazards and harm nonbinary and trans students often endure:
- National Library of Medicine (via National Institutes of Health)
- Another study on heightened risks experienced by this population compared to other adolescents
- Williams Institute via ULCA School of Law
- Duke University Press (gosh, I like this method section)
- Breaking news – basic, adequate medical care is helpful – University of Washington, Department of Epidemiology
- Not just a problem here (which absolutely does not negate in any way that it is a problem here, so take any what-abouts you may be tempted to entertain and throw them in the garbage where they belong – that it’s also awful elsewhere obviously means there’s more work to do, not less) – JAMA Network
- The VAWnet project from the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
- Btw, these sources were found by a Google search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks” and, when that pulled up mostly .org sites (i.e., usually solid, accurate studies but also often called out for being slanted, as every organization inherently has an agenda simply because it exists to further a certain cause, which naysayers like to point out, forgetting that their own pet organizations also have agendas because that’s what organizations do /rant), I spent a little extra time vetting before adding them to the list. Then I added a second search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks site:edu” (i.e., typically the most heavily scrutinized studies) to supplement. All of this took ten minutes, so take heart that it’s pretty quick and easy to find more good info if you are looking for it.
- Search “trans and nonbinary blogs” and you will find a treasure trove of people who are putting their own stories and experiences out there to help people better understand (usually free of charge, which is incredibly generous, given how much emotional labor this level of public vulnerability requires. That being said, it would be appropriate to donate if they have a button or widget installed to do so.). The stats can give you general facts, but these personal sources are the ones that have had the greatest impact on my own empathy and understanding by seeing how navigating the world affects specific people.
- If you are reading and you have sources you want to add, please do so in the comments (especially if you want to share your own blog and stories). Sources that sympathize with aggressors or pose arguments that trans/nonbinary or LGBTQIA+ in general are not real identities will be deleted. Those are not valid viewpoints on this issue, and I am not making room in my online space to pretend that they are. No exceptions.
- I am angry, but I am not angry with you (unless you happen to be a Texas or Oklahoma lawmaker or school board member. In that case, every single one of you is on my list. Do better. Tell your little work friends to do better. Do it now.). Okay, fine. Here’s a little diplomacy. Enjoy.
- Go Fund Me for the family
- Advocate for the actual protection of all children and youth, not just the comfort of straight/cisgender ones. Some info on getting started –
It’s been one of those weeks, friends. Take care of yourselves, and I hope you have a good weekend.
M. Suzanne Terry 
It’s a damn shame that pro-lifers are a huge part of why we live in a society that doesn’t value people nor their lives.