Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Reading

October 10, 2012 by Suzanne

At the beginning of the year, I always make a reading goal for myself.  It’s usually grand, and I usually don’t meet it.  That’s not the point.  The point is that I have a view of what I want my year to look like, and even working toward that view ends up making the year wonderful.  The goal is a wish that someday, I’ll be doing the kind of thing with my life where I have time to read all of those books.  Someday, I’ll be getting paid to write, and while the main thing a writer does is write, every successful writer I know will tell you that another thing a writer does is read.  Oh, to have a life where part of my job is to read!  One of these years, it’s going to come true.  Then I will always meet my reading goal.

The things that get me stuck on reading goals are reading things that are “good for me” rather than only reading the things that I want to read.  There is merit in this.  It’s a way of learning to take the perspective of the other rather than just feeding yourself more of what’s entertaining or otherwise immediately valuable to you, which is a grand skill to have.  We see what happens when people can’t fathom any point of view but their own (i.e., the circus that is the Presidential race).  It’s why your English teacher made you read The Red Badge of Courage, or Wuthering Heights, or Lord of the Flies, or anything by Shakespeare.  I actually enjoyed those books (well, except for The Red Badge of Courage.  Screw that noise), but I remember many of my classmates didn’t. But if they actually read the book instead of scouring a summary for testing purposes, they didn’t just fulfill an assignment for a high school class.  They practiced an important skill in being a proper citizen of the world – listening to others who may think very differently from them.  And here they thought they’d never use what they learned in high school!

I’m currently reading a book entitled A Queer Thing Happened to America.  It was loaned to me by a friend who posted something on Facebook that was opposed to gay marriage, and of course, I compulsively responded.  I’m tempted to look back and chide my then self for getting involved in yet another Facebook debate, but I’m glad I did.  Well, I’ll be glad I did once I finish this tedious book.  My friend told me that it was a well-reasoned argument for his position, and I was intrigued, as I’ve never actually read a well-reasoned argument for that position, and as my friend is himself a fairly logical person, I figured he’d know how to spot such an argument.

So that’s what I went into the book expecting.  Reason.  Logic.  An as-objective-as-possible review of the research on both sides of the subject, followed by the author’s deductive method for coming to his point of view.

So far, it’s been a little over a hundred pages of whining and finger-pointing.  “Look what they said about me.  They say we’re hateful?! They’re hateful!”  Apparently this author is a well-known, much maligned spokesperson for the traditional family, and people who have less traditional families don’t like that (or, by extension, him).  And so far, this book has been nothing but his attempt to convince the reader that he’s the good guy in the scenario – that it’s Those People who are really the hateful ones.  And while some hateful things have been said to him, I’m growing tired of all the rehashing.  I’m beginning to imagine him as a really tall, petulant child, stomping his foot, screaming, “But it’s not fair!!”

This is not all his fault.  If the book had been presented to me or marketed as his memoir (which is what it actually is), the extreme navel-gazing and “please understand me” feel would be acceptable.  But I went in wanting a defense of the position, not a person.  And that’s not what I’m getting.

I am drawing a couple of conclusions thus far:

1.  We need to stop throwing around the word “hate” so much.  Sure, there is hate in the world.  And sure, we could stand to be less uppity with each other where such sensitive issues that affect quality of life are concerned.  We could all stand to be a little more loving.  But someone disagreeing with me is not what hate looks like.  Automatically branding the opposing position (whichever side one is on) as “hate” shuts down dialogue on the subject, and that leaves all of us sulking in our own corners, licking our wounds, and just getting madder and madder, because we’ve stopped listening to the people we now label hateful, so everything coming from them sounds like a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal (thank you, St. Paul, for the imagery).  And they just keep talking, not realizing that their failed attempts at coming across as loving  or open-minded are really just pouring salt into a wound.  And suddenly we’re “us,” and they’re “them,” and we can’t agree with them no matter what, because that violates our pronouns.  It’s a maddening cycle, and it needs to stop.

2.  Church and state need to be separated.  Not just as a neat, inspiring, yay-America concept – for real.  They’re just no good to each other.  Separation of church and state protects the legal freedoms of both.  The author paints this doomsday picture where, if we allow the government to change the definition of marriage, it will automatically change it for the church and what the church is allowed to teach, and he’s not wrong.  In countries where separation of church and state is not practiced, that absolutely happens – all entities under the state, which basically means all entities period, have to comply with state philosophy.  Some might even argue that that’s a good thing, particularly where this issue is concerned.  But I am more of (read: firmly implanted in) the “I may disagree with what you’re saying, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,” school of thought.  Separation of church and state protects the church’s (and other philosophical groups) freedom of speech.

But it works both ways.  If we want government to relinquish control of what the church teaches (and my guess is that Mr. Brown very much does want this), the church has to relinquish control of the government, which is essentially what the opposition to the legalization of gay marriage is, as far as I understand it (like I said, I’ve yet to hear a logical, non-religious support of the position).  Advocates of this position often hide behind the upholding of the legal definition of marriage and the slippery slope that might (I’m being conservative – many of them would substitute “definitely will” in place of “might” here) occur if we expand it.  I don’t often hear any of them opposing the expansion of the legal definition of other things to be more inclusive, which pretty much happens constantly, though.  So what’s different about this proposed definition change?  It offends their religious beliefs, which, under separation of church and state (you know, the thing that’s protecting their right to voice those religious beliefs), should have no grounds for controlling legislation.

What is most baffling to me about this issue is that expanding the legal definition of marriage wouldn’t actually change anything personally for any of the people I know who oppose it.  Their marriages would still be just as legally binding as they are now, and all the rights associated with that legal marriage would stay the same.  No one is asking them to give up any of their rights.  Ultra-conservative citizens have just as many rights as other citizens to vote as they choose, believe as they choose, and live as they choose.  They just shouldn’t have more rights.  Maybe this is the thing that they don’t want to give up – the extra-special privilege that they’ve been enjoying that is special simply because it’s denied to others.  I hope there’s more to it than that, because that seems a little greedy.  I hope that this book answers my bafflement.

Posted in Books | Leave a Comment »

You know it’s bad when the supervisor is dreading the meeting…

October 8, 2012 by Suzanne

I’m leading a staff meeting today.  Normally, staff meetings (well, the one I’ve done this semester) are happy times, complete with baked goods and multiple opportunities to tell them what a great job they’re all doing and perhaps even a festive happy dance.

But this is not going to be one of those meetings.  This is the dreaded meeting that always happens around midterms where I say a lot of things to the tune of “Hey, you guys are acting like you have midterms or something.”  There will be no baked goods, because baked goods make people feel warm and loved and cozy, and that might be confusing when I’m telling them how uncomfortable they should be feeling about their performance.  There shouldn’t be dancing, because it would probably come across in a half-crazed, dancing-on-the-grave-of-your-happiness sort of way.

There will be good points, because they’re not doing a bad job, especially considering that they are mostly new.  They just need a few dozen reminders, and they’re getting them all at once.  It’s going to be the most epic Band-Aid ™ pull-off ever, the kind where it rips out all the hair and most of the scab.

Oh, I’m sorry.  Is that an unpleasant image?

Welcome to today’s meeting.

Posted in Work | 2 Comments »

“Happy Spook-tober!”

October 4, 2012 by Suzanne

When I opened my desk drawer yesterday, this is the sight that greeted me.

Image

Well played, Stefanie.  Well played.

Posted in Work | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

Top Ten Least Favorite Things That People Do on the Internet

October 3, 2012 by Suzanne

My actual least favorite things people do on the Internet are things like identity theft and hacking and being a child predator (or any kind of predator, really).  The things listed below are just things that really annoy me.  So maybe they’re more “Most Annoying” rather than “Least Favorite.”  Whatever.

Just to get this out of the way, a disclaimer:

10.  Posting about how annoying some people are on the Internet

The Internet is optional.  One can live a full, meaningful life without ever even knowing what a Pinterest is (or so I’ve heard).  My parents do.  My parents live on a farm and do not have Internet access at their house.  The only time they go online is when I take my laptop with broadband capabilities home and force them to look at something -usually a Pampered Chef product or baby pictures posted by someone with whom I went to high school on “The Facebook,” as my mom calls it.  They do crazy (read: wonderful) things like go outside and grow food and make jam and build furniture and feed the deer and sip coffee on the porch while they watch the sunset.  They accept my Internet addiction, because they watch hours and hours of HGTV, so they understand obsession.  They just don’t participate in this particular obsession themselves.   And they like it that way.

So I know that life without Internet is possible, and thus that annoyance with people on the Internet is somewhat self-inflicted, which means that this post has the potential to be annoying itself.  Negativity in any form is bound to annoy someone.  So if that someone is you, feel free to skip this entry.  Because one thing that is not annoying about the Internet?  There’s always the option to log off.

9.  Chronic retweeting (RT…ing)

Dear People I Follow on Twitter,

If I cared what the ten people you retweeted in the last hour had to say, I would be following them.  If I am following them, I already know what they said (you know, because I’m following them), and I don’t need you to repeat it.  I follow some pretty funny people, but it probably wasn’t so funny that I needed to read it twice.  I follow you, because I care what YOU have to say.  I understand the occasional retweet, but if the majority of your posts are just regurgitating what others say, perhaps you’ve missed the point of having your own account.  Twitter – you’re doing it wrong.

Love,

Coffeesnob

8.  Unwanted advances

On the one hand, it can be flattering when someone finds you attractive and wishes to pursue a relationship with you.  On the other, much larger hand, if the point of a person’s post was not to say, “Look at me and how attractive I am,” (which for the record, you will never get from me personally) then that very public forum is perhaps not the place to comment on it, much less proposition said person for a date, hook-up, etc.  For example, I had a friend who is a yoga instructor recently post a video of herself doing a headstand, because it was a personal milestone for her, and she wanted to inspire and help others reach that milestone as well.  She received a lot of kudos for her work, but she also received some pretty gross comments on how well she filled out her yoga pants.  Yes, she knows the Internet is creepy.  Yes, she knows that posts like that (or any post, ever, really) run the risk of attracting creepy comments.  But focusing on what she could do to avoid the situation sounds a lot like blaming the victim to me. Just as it is not okay to rape someone just because her skirt is shorter than conventional skirt length (whatever that is), it’s not okay to post flirtatious or lascivious comments online where they are clearly not welcome.  And if it’s not specifically invited (with actual come-hither-esque words or a duck face), it’s okay to assume that it’s not welcome.

7.  TMI on my Facebook feed

The people with whom I interact on Facebook vary greatly in their familiarity to me.  I’ve met most of them in person, but some I have not met.  Some of them are my best friends – either face-to-face or online – but I know little more about others than their names and what their Farmville farms looks like.   I don’t use a lot of privacy settings on Facebook, because I don’t post something on Facebook if I would mind anyone in the world (e.g., all my supervisors, the director of Housing, UNT Dean of Students, some of my students, just about everyone with whom I graduated high school, some of my parents’ friends, etc.) reading and posting a response to it.  I would like for my Facebook friends, particularly those who are not close friends, to behave likewise.  I would like for my acquaintances to realize that my Facebook feed is not the place for minute details about their medical conditions or a rundown of their intense family drama.  This is what privacy settings, blogs, and therapists are for.

Facebook has a lot of privacy options.  You can set up custom groups and choose which group you want as a post’s audience.  Learn it; love it; live it.  But that is not enough.  One must also accept the inconvenient truth that the Internet is not private.  I’ll say it again.  The Internet.  Is.  Not.  Private.  Just because you are careful to place a comment under a particular filter does not mean that everyone in that filter will notice the privacy setting and keep his/her mouth shut.  Their blunder is probably not malicious; they probably just didn’t think about it, because they saw it on the Internet, and the Internet is not private.  While I would like to believe that certain social graces and discretion that seem like common sense to me are universal, I have to admit that Voltaire was right – common sense is not actually all that common.  For example, I once posted something under a filter that I later found quoted by someone in that filter on her own status, and wanting to give credit where credit was due, she tagged me in it.  I caught it before a mutual friend of ours who would not have taken it well saw it, and she graciously removed it, but that was a close one.  As stressful as that experience was, I’m glad that I had it, because it taught me a valuable lesson.  You know where this is going.  Say it out loud with me – the Internet is not private!

Blogs are a different animal.  Sure, it’s still the Internet, which is not private, but a blog is a space where one can vent feelings and rant and really work some things out.  Write about your medical procedures and intense family drama there.   If I want (and your privacy settings allow me to), I will read it there and respond, hopefully with the level of compassion you’re needing.  I read quite a few bloggers who often post very personal experiences in very public posts, because their hope is that others will benefit from hearing their experience, and I love them so much for it.  It’s a brave, generous thing to do.  But public posts of private matters are not for everyone. You can’t control other people’s responses.  Sure, you can delete and block the trolls, but at that point, the damage to your psyche has already been done.  Before making such posts, it’s important to know what you can and cannot handle, and if reading critical, argumentative, or your-frustrating-adjective-of-choice responses will do you more damage than good, then please consider making it a private post, hashing it out in a Word document, or going old school with a handwritten journal.  Take care of you.

Speaking of taking care of you, if the responses to your posts leave you feeling more alone, misunderstood, or confused, this should be a sign unto you that perhaps the issue you’re confronting merits a level of assistance that your Facebook flist simply cannot provide.  It’s not that your friends don’t care or don’t want to help; they just don’t know how, because they haven’t been properly trained to do so.  And if there are people on your flist who are properly trained to help, schedule an appointment with one of them, because it’s rude to ask someone to work for free.  But do get help.  In case someone has never told you this, I’m going to tell you now:  there is no shame in therapy or the possible subsequent drug prescription.  Just as most of us would not hesitate to seek medical assistance for chronic physical pain, it is equally wise to seek assistance for chronic psychological pain.  If cost is an issue, you still have some options.  Universities with psychology programs tend to offer services at reduced rates, even to non-students.  If you are religious, chances are that there is a minister nearby within your faith group who also has extensive training in counseling, and they often have reduced rates or may even have the financial backing of a church so that they can counsel people free of charge.  You don’t have to face problems alone, even if they go beyond the expertise of your friends.

6.  Using text message shorthand on anything other than text messages

I’m not as strict about this as some of my friends (read: English majors) are.  I will occasionally “lol” or “omg” in a tweet or on a blog post (in fact, I might have done so in this particular post).  But if I have to say a message out loud to figure out what in the world the writer means, it’s annoying.  I like for people to save texting shorthand for texting, and I barely tolerate it there.  Regular use of such things in your blog or other online writing pretty much guarantees that I will not be a regular reader.   It’s “you’re” or “your,” not “ur.” Using “ur” makes me suspect that you’re too illiterate to know and too lazy to learn the difference between the proper words.  Closely related to this is the failure to capitalize where capitalization is necessary (as defined by standard English guidelines).  Things like “i was so excited that my friend roxie came to see me when i was in charleston!!!” are not okay.  You are not e. e. cummings, so stop it.

5.  Causing drama on Pinterest

I expect a certain amount of drama on Facebook.  I have even been known to participate in it, because sometimes, I need for people to hear that they are wrong, particularly if they are Republican and/or in a fraternity (and yes, I have many non-annoying Republican and fraternity friends.  They’re not the ones I’m talking about here, so just settle down).  I expect – nay, demand – drama in fandom, because that’s just how twelve-year-olds (a formidable subset of fandom) are supposed to behave, and it’s freaky when kids try to act older than they are.  I even expect drama with blogging, because people get really upset about the things that other people think, observe, and eat, and their voices are important, too (one might suggest that these people get their own damn blogs and project their own damn voices there.  I’m not saying that I’m suggesting that, of course.  But one might.).

But Pinterest is my happy place.    Pinterest is where I go to escape the drama.  Pinterest is my proverbial farm away from the farm.  It’s a magical place where I collect thousands of recipes for ooey, gooey treats, and then I collect thousands of ideas for how to work off the calories gained from eating said treats.  It’s where I can pin things that I think are funny and things with pictures of beautiful men at whom I like to gawk and inspirational things said by awesome people whom I admire, and no one has to care or follow me or comment at all.  I like the likes and nice comments (see #2 on my favorite things that people do on the Internet list), but if you comment on my post with something argumentative or critical (even if it’s constructive or even if, technically, you are right), I will delete that post.  And if you don’t get the hint, I will report and block you.  Anyone who wants to do so can follow my boards, but that does not obligate me to follow theirs, because some of them often say things that piss me off, and I am already putting up with their bullshit on Facebook.  I don’t need the double dose.

4.  Facebook profiles for children

The most obvious example of this is children having profiles themselves.  For me, the earliest age people should be trusted to interact online – and more importantly, for others to be trusted to interact with them – is 16.  And still I would mama-bird a 16-year-old like crazy, because the world is broken, and there are a lot of batshit crazy people out there who want to do dirty, wrong things to your precious, unsuspecting lamb of a child.

But the even-weirder thing for me?  People posting as their children, seen often with babies and toddlers who can’t talk or type, so you know they’re not to blame for what they’re “saying.”  To be fair, I understand the temptation to do this.  When friends have children, it is not uncommon for me to visit and be perfectly happy spending an hour or two just watching the wonder that is a brand new person experiencing all the things that we take for granted for the first time.  During that hour or two, it is also not uncommon for one of us to do a voice-over for what the child might be saying if s/he knew words and how to say them.  But the things that are funny to sleep-deprived new parents and the friends who love them enough to be entertained by staring at their spawn for two hours are not funny to the world at large.  They’re annoying.  They’re the very worst kind of cutesy – the kind that makes people (and by people, I do mean me) exclaim, “UGH!  ARGH!  Blech!” and scroll past quickly, lest any of that vile syrup taint the rest of my day.  Just say no, and go watch your baby while they sleep, because there is a small window of time where your child will not think that that’s creepy, and you’re missing it while you update their Facebook status.

3.  Animal abuse presented as comedy

If your dog gets spooked when you walk around the corner, or your cat freaks out when there is a laser beam, or they do something silly or cute, or you happen to catch them on film running away from a bird protecting its nest, that’s one thing.  Post away.  That’s not what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about intentionally putting an animal in harm’s way as a means of entertaining yourself and others.  That’s abuse, and people who do this should be prosecuted and heavily fined and/or jailed, not rewarded with “lol’s.”  All animal abuse pisses me off, but it is especially infuriating when animals are put in situations where they are hurt or struggling to preserve their lives, and some asshole is just standing there, making it happen or letting it happen, and laughing about it.  Do not comment and defend these people.  They are not just “acting like jerks,” or “making bad choices.”  It is not a temporary lapse of judgment.  To do something like this, an individual has to be a straight-up bad, demented person.  Period.

2.  tl;dr

Occasionally, I will ask for feedback on my writing.  In those specific instances, I don’t mind getting the inevitable “too long; didn’t read” (or “tl;dr” for short) criticism.  I know I write long posts, and while I’m not likely to stop writing them, I understand if that is a factor in someone’s decision to read or not.  In fact, I go ahead and assume that when I don’t get a lot of response on a long post, tl;dr is the specific reason why, and I’m at peace with that.

But for someone to volunteer this criticism, randomly and unbidden, is totally unwelcome.  It’s like rejecting someone’s company before they even ask you to join them.  “Just in case you were thinking of asking me to go somewhere with you, I’m going to go ahead and tell you that I’m not interested in you or your conversation.”  In fact, it’s not just like that.  It’s EXACTLY that.

The sheer amount of asshattery a person must possess to go to the trouble to scroll all the way through a ridiculously long post just to point out that s/he did not read it is staggering.  Just don’t read it.  No comment is necessary, or in my case, even wanted.  Just scroll past peacefully.

Don’t be a dick about it.

1.  Writing ridiculously long posts and complaining when people don’t read/respond/respond the way the author wants them to respond

Don’t get me wrong – I am a big, big fan of ridiculously long posts, on account-a I have been known to write them on occasion (and by “on occasion,” I do mean  “pretty much all the time”).    But I am also a human being with a life, so I understand that reading said posts isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, or, even if it is, that their boss might appreciate it if they accomplish something else that day other than reading and responding to my ridiculously long post.  As a rational person, I also understand that it’s not personal when they don’t read everything that I ever write, even if they are close, personal friends of mine.  People have other things to do (i.e., lives), and that’s okay.  When people whine that they are not receiving enough or the right kind of Internet love, I want to find a way to lean through the Internet and thump them on the noggin in classic could’ve-had-a-V8 style and remind them that the whole world isn’t about them, because clearly, such a reminder is in order.

Posted in Top Ten | Leave a Comment »

October Unprocessed

October 1, 2012 by Suzanne

A few weeks ago on Facebook, I said, “I’m going to try this: http://www.eatingrules.com/october-unprocessed-2012/”

Ahem.

Then this weekend, I went through my cabinets to purge all the yucky, processed foods and make room for real food.

I wish I’d taken a picture, because that pile was massive and terrifying.

So now I am faced with the uncomfortable decision of 1) throwing away – i.e., wasting – a lot of food, which really bothers me; 2) pawning off all of this deeply unhealthy food to my unsuspecting friends; or 3) using October Unprocessed to wean myself away from processed foods, hopefully adopting an unprocessed lifestyle altogether eventually.

I think I’ll go with Option 3.

So far, today, I have had:

  • Three cups of coffee – freshly ground – check!
  • Pizza from the local pizzeria which prides itself on its whole ingredients, but I haven’t personally read the labels on everything that went into my pizza, so I’m going to count that as a half check.
  • 20 oz. bottle of Cherry Coke. *looks at ingredient list* I don’t even know why I looked.  There’s nothing unprocessed on that label.  Not a single thing.

So I’m off to a solid “meh” start.

In other news, Kim and I finished Veronica Mars last night.  Most unsatisfying ending to a show ever.  But we also watched the Castle and Revenge premieres.  Now I have to go watch all the other Revenge episodes that ever were, because that show was intense and awesome.  Also, we had donuts, the leftovers of which are currently in my house…during October Unprocessed.

This is not good.

Posted in Food, TV | Leave a Comment »

My Top Ten Favorite Things People Do On the Internet

September 27, 2012 by Suzanne

I really want to just bitch about the top ten most annoying things people do on the intrawebs, but I’m Southern, so I am going to sandwich it between two nice lists.  You can drink sweet tea or lemonade (or both!  Mix those suckers up for a delicious treat!) while you read, if you want.

Today, I’ll start with my top ten favorite things people do on the Internet:

10.  Links to their fundraising pages on social media sites

Okay, I’m probably in the minority here, but I really like this.  It serves three purposes for me.  It lets me know what they’re up to, which is the point of social media.  It gives me a tangible way to support what they’re doing but with fairly minimal effort, which reinforces my laziness.  And it’s just nice to see people getting involved in something beyond themselves.  Kudos all around!

9.  Funny animal videos

To be clear – funny means adorable animals doing adorable things.  Not “I trapped my cat in the washer – watch it struggle to breathe.  Isn’t that hilarious?”  No.  It is not hilarious.  It’s abuse, and those people need to be shot.  Not killed, necessarily, because then how do they learn and warn others?  They definitely could use a little light injury, though.  Nothing educates like a mild maiming.

But things like this –

make my LIFE.

8.  Suggestions of blogs that they enjoy reading

Almost all of my favorite bloggers were found through links sent to me by other people, and they have inspired me and made me laugh.  Sharing is caring!

7.  Theme Tweets

Most people who use Twitter use it as a glorified Facebook status.  I have no problem with that, mainly because that’s exactly how I use Twitter.  But there are some inspired individuals who tweet in themes, and of all the people I follow, the Theme Tweeters are my favorite (no offense to Nathan Fillion.  Or, you know, my actual friends whom I follow).  Little gems like omgthatspunny (pun tweets), ronswansoncats (cats who look like Ron Swanson – also found on Tumblr), shitmydadsays (also a book and a short-lived TV show), and my favorite – charliemcdowell (who tweets to the girls who live in the apartment above his – soon to be a book and OMG I’M SO EXCITED ABOUT THAT!!!) – are the main reasons I didn’t dump Twitter long ago.

6.  Music suggestions

I love music, but I tend to find something I like and listen to it twenty dozen times until I just can’t stand it any longer.  Then I wistfully glance through my friends’ posts on all my social media outlets, and I am rewarded with various selections of things that I never would have even thought to give a listen until they suggested it.  As an added bonus, that song or artist will also serve as a pleasant reminder of my good friend Whats-His/Her-Face.

5.  People helping others through their own life experiences

Life is hard, but people still manage to go through it.  People make mistakes and learn from those mistakes.  Now, all these people could just keep the treasure of their experiences to themselves, or they could just share it with the people who are lucky enough to know them in person, but the Internet lets them share it with a potential million strangers who are going through similar things but might not have a good support system face-to-face (or they do, and online support is still welcome).  That’s so nice.

4.  Admission of failure, social awkwardness, or clumsiness (particularly of the Autocorrect variety)

I love omg-you-will-not-believe-what-I-just-did stories.  I tell these stories often, so hearing them from others indicates that I have found a friend or further cements said friendship, if it already exists.  Blogs, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, the company website – no matter where they post them, I will read them and look at pictorial proof (bonus points), and I will laugh and be really happy that, for once, the story wasn’t mine.

But no fail report gives me more joy or makes me laugh more unattractively than http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/.

I have banned myself from reading this website at the front desk, because it makes me laugh until I cry, and it’s hard to provide quality customer service when I am gasping for breath and generally looking like I might need medical attention.  I love it when technology makes us look foolish by being foolish itself, and that is the joy of http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/.  The fouler, the better, as far as I’m concerned.

3.  Social network pages or memes for fictional characters/inanimate objects/pets

This is one of the greatest indications that someone has way too much time on their hands, and I love how they have chosen to use that extra time.  Going to the trouble to create an online profile for someone or something else who does not have the ability to speak for themselves (on account-a they are not real and/or aren’t supposed to talk in the real world) shows creativity and provides hours of entertainment for others (i.e., me).  Pet profiles make me laugh and laugh.  Pets have attitude, y’all.

There is one key exception.  I do not – and I cannot stress this enough – DO NOT enjoy it when people make Facebook profiles for their children.  I am going to discuss this more on my next post (Top Ten Least Favorite Things People Do On the Internet), but suffice it to say that I think speaking for another actual human being, even ones who cannot yet speak for themselves, is weird (the bad kind) and creepy.  I dislike it so much that, if you are a friend who has done this and are now reading about how much I dislike it and are offended by my dislike, I don’t even care.  I am not even sorry.

You know what else I’m not sorry about?  My fond memories of the summer when Magnolia Blossom was born.  If you’re ever bored on Facebook, look her up and say, “Hi.”

2.  Personal attention

I don’t require a lot of personal attention in real life, but on the Internet?  I am an attention whore.  I mean, I don’t *NEED* attention.  I’m not THAT person (and I hope that I don’t come across that way).   But I really, really, really love it.  I keep Facebook up all day at the desk, just so I can go back once every few hours or so and see how many likes or comments my posts have gotten (your student fees at work, UNT).  I love how many people are following me on Pinterest; it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.  You know, the way real affection is supposed to make you feel.  And when people tell me that the video I posted made their day, it makes my day right back.  Instant pay-it-forward.

So if you should feel the need to respond to this post, I wouldn’t mind.  In fact, I would love it.

No pressure, though.  Live your life.

And my number one, most favorite thing that people do on the Internet?

1.  FOOD BLOGS.

I love food blogs.  I love trying new recipes.  I also love reading people’s stories about things that have gone terribly wrong, because they’re humorous, and they make me feel better about things that go terribly wrong in my own kitchen.  Stayed tuned, and in a couple of days, I’ll tell you where I find almost all of the amazing food blogs I read.

Don’t tell me you’re not excited.

Posted in Music, Top Ten | 2 Comments »

The Lazy Person’s Way to Blog

September 25, 2012 by Suzanne

Fifty Questions Meme, stolen from Noel:

1. Do you like blue cheese?
GROSS.  I mean…no, thank you.

2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
Yes.

3. Do you own a gun?
No.

4. What flavour do you add to your drink at Sonic?
Vanilla to Coke (it tastes like a Coke float, but without all the subsequent cramping from my lactose intolerance), or cherry and vanilla to Diet Dr. Pepper (i.e., crack)

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Sometimes. Usually, I’m nervous about the thing that drove me to the doctor in the first place (the ailment, not my car – just to be clear), but not the doctor visit itself. I’m super nervous about the dentist, though. Every time. HATE.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
My official answer is that they are a gross, disgusting food.  My actual answer?  While I fully admit that a hot dog is a gross food, and I do not want to talk about what’s in one, I will enjoy that bad boy on occasion. Sausage usually weirds me out, with its gristle.  But hot dogs?  Okay!

7. Favourite Christmas Song?
Hark the Herald Angels Sing

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee. But let’s not limit it to mornings.

9. Can you do push ups?
I can do one. Then I have to go lie down for an hour. And maybe have a glass of wine.

10. What’s your favourite meal?
Antipasti. Give me a nice loaf of bread, some goat cheese, some prosciutto, a simple bean salad or slightly wilted greens, maybe some hummus or baba ganoush (sp?), a nice bottle of wine (or four), and some friends to share it with, and I could eat that meal for every meal for the rest of my life.

11. What’s your favourite piece of jewellery?
I don’t wear it often, but I really love the necklace my sister gave me a couple of years ago.

12. Favourite hobby?
Reading

13. Do you work with people who idolise you?
I wouldn’t say I’m their IDOL. Maybe a cool big sister (or an aunt.  Wow, I’m old). They like me well enough. They help me out a lot, and I reward them with snacks.  It’s a symbiosis.

14. Do you have A.D.D?
No.

15. What’s one trait that you dislike about yourself?
I am easily annoyed, especially around lots of people. It makes it hard to enjoy parties without medication. And by medication, I do mean tequila.

16. Middle name?

Suzanne

17. Name 3 thoughts at this moment.
1. Of all the TVs in all the world, you had to watch soap operas on the one in my lobby.
2. Is it Friday yet?
3. “Baby arugula in the deep blue sea…”  All.  Day.  Long.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday:
1. Lunch (salad with fried chicken. And sweet tea. I know. Shut up.)
2. Coffee at the NCTC coffee cart
3. Yoga shorts (VS, I wish I could quit you)

20. Current worry right now?
That my gastrointestinal issues might be more than lactose intolerance. Right now, WebMD has me convinced that I clearly have stomach cancer.

21. Current hate right now?
This book I’m reading – “A Queer Thing Happened to America.”  It’s part of my “read things written by people with whom you disagree” goal.   What a terrible idea that was.  I mean, it’s not a terrible idea.  It’s a good idea.  But it’s like arguing constantly.  Alone.  Which just makes me sound crazy.

22. Favourite place to be?
On a beach with nothing to do but read

23. How did you bring in New Years?
I…have no idea. That’s going to bug me all day.

24. Where would you like to go?
Overall, I would like to visit everywhere in Europe and South America. I am also mapping out several road trips (one heading east, one heading west).

25. Name three people who will complete this?
No. I’m too tired.  Also, three people might not even read this.

26. Whose answer do you want to read the most?
If you do it, I will read it.  Today is just that slow.  I mean, I am totally interested.

27. What colour shirt are you wearing?
Easter egg blue

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
No. Too slippery. I have a funny/sad story about that. Suffice it to say, the punch line is this – I rolled over to change sides and kept on going…right onto the floor.

29. Can you whistle?
Sort of. I think my whistle is more annoying than most. Maybe because it’s just closer to me, so it seems more annoying to me.

30. Favourite colour(s)?
Orange. And red. And green (to wear…also, go UNT!). And yellow (but not to wear, because it makes me look dead)

31. Would you be a pirate?
Only if Johnny Depp agrees to come along.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Mostly jazz standards. You’re welcome, neighbors.

33. Favourite girl’s name?
Georgia

34. Favourite boy’s name?
No real favorites. I have never met a Sam I didn’t like, so I’m fond of that one. I also like Nick (although I have met a few Nicks that acted like the thing their name rhymes with). If I ever lose my mind and decide to have children (or, more likely, lose my birth control and have one accidentally), and the child doesn’t have the good sense to turn out to be a girl named Georgia, but rather a boy, I would probably name him Simon or Marvin or something slightly nerdy, because I love names like that.

35. What’s in your pocket right now?
No pockets, so nothing.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
The trip down memory lane that is The Llama Song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbPDKHXWlLQ You’re welcome, everyone.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Holly Hobby. I loved her. I told her so every night before I went to sleep. This was an early sign. I think my parents kept hoping I’d grow out of treating fictional characters as if they’re real. Nope. Hey, Mom and Dad – at least I have a job.

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Knee injury when I fell crossing the street. I maintain that the street was uneven; my friend Hunter maintains that it was my beer-induced equilibrium (or lack thereof) that was uneven. Either way, I had to drop out of what was to be my glorious return to running races and wear a huge brace for six months. But at least I didn’t have to have surgery.

39. Do you love where you live?
Sort of. I love Denton. I don’t love the weather. But I love the town. I don’t so much love living in an apartment, but I am saving up to put a down payment on a house in a few years.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Michelle. She is in graduate school in China and comes back for a couple of months every year to visit.  She has this ridiculous, awesome laugh.

42. How many dogs do you have?
None. I really enjoy dogs, though. In other people’s houses.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
If they do, they’re awfully secretive about it, which is useless to me.

45. What is your favourite book?
I always say Why Girls are Weird is my favorite. It’s the one I perform the most when I’m tipsy enough to believe that everyone present *NEEDS* to hear me read aloud to them. But I have so many favorites, I can’t really choose.

46. What is your favourite candy?
Skittles

47. What is your favourite sports team?
Something hockey. Dallas, I guess. I’m clearly a big fan. Or the Olympic swim team. Because…well, do I really have to explain?

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
‘Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus and Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead – back to back.

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Trying to sleep

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
“no no no No No NO NO Do not want! Shut up, alarm!” Then, “mmm..coffee. Do want. I will get up after all.”

Posted in Memes | Leave a Comment »

Welcome to Texas!

August 26, 2012 by Suzanne

“The A-Train is the only thing that takes you to the DART station?”
“Look at it this way – it’s an improvement over a year and a half ago. Then, the only thing that took you to the DART station was your car.”

That incredulous look that I get? Never gets old.

Welcome to Texas!

Posted in Work | 1 Comment »

Transition

August 16, 2012 by Suzanne

Several times a year, my building is in transition, and it all seems to swirl around the desk.

This is one of those times.

Skills I have the opportunity to practice during transition times:

1.  Saying, “No, I don’t know where your supervisors are or where they’ve gone,” just as nicely the fiftieth time as I said it the first time.

2.  Answering the phone and sounding professional while clearly talking over a staff meeting/gathering, power tool, or vacuum cleaner.

3.  Taking countless breaks from getting the desk ready for opening day (i.e., my job) to have meaningless conversations with random people working in the building (see also: being nice, like I’m a human being who enjoys human interaction).

4.  Welcoming change.  Welcoming back old friends and making new ones.  This part is nice.  It’s one of my favorite things.

5.  Relinquishing control.  Of my surroundings, of my desk, of the noise level, of the smells wafting through the area – basically of everything I mother-hen throughout the year to make it a pleasant place to work and be.  This is good for me, I’m told.

6.  Explaining to concerned callers (always parents – never our actual customers) why, while I certainly understand their predicament, it is not dire enough to completely rework our schedule to better fit theirs.  Basically, I’m telling them “You are not special enough to be the exception,” but in a way that is as nice the 500th time as it was the first time.

Today’s thanks:

1.  I have two jobs, both of which I generally enjoy.

2.  I am making serious strides on the putting-the-apartment-together.

3.  I am addicted to Pinterest and have learned all sorts of new tricks that are making the apartment whimsical AND functional.

4.  Fresh peaches. *loves*

5.  It’s almost the weekend.

Posted in Work | Tagged | Leave a Comment »

Vegan…ish

September 7, 2011 by Suzanne

Much of my life and many of my life decisions seem to revolve around food.

Every new year, I have at least one food-related resolution.  Sometimes, it’s to try new recipes (or a hundred).  This year, it’s to embrace my love of feeding people (i.e., do it more often).

I became a Pampered Chef consultant primarily to get a discount on cooking paraphernalia.

My favorite memoirs are foodie memoirs.  I have a specific portion of a bookshelf dedicated solely to this genre.

My favorite memories take place in a kitchen or around a table (if you count my coffee table, where most meals eaten and shared throughout my adult life have taken place).

When I am planning a vacation, I base decisions on where and what we will be eating.

When people ask what I am planning to do on the weekend (or ask what I did), I hear, “What are you having for dinner this weekend?”

Food, particularly as it relates to people, how it affects them, and the stories they tell about it, is important to me.

I am going vegan for Lent.  I have been moving toward a more vegan lifestyle for a while.  And I think that Lent will be a good time to give it a real test run.

I have many reasons and thoughts on this.  I am hoping to share some of them throughout the season.  Confession – part of my reason for doing it during Lent is cowardice.  I’m not even vegan yet – I’m vegan…ish – and people already give me so much crap about it.  It really makes them angry.  I don’t understand.  I’m not asking THEM to go vegan (although when they complain of health problems, such as high blood pressure and asthma, I’m tempted to draw certain parallels). Still they lecture me.

But when they hear that it’s something I’m doing for Lent, they suspend their judgments long enough to actually listen to me tell them why.  I’m not sure if it’s the thought that it’s temporary or for God that wins them over, but I’ll take it.   Forty days of why.

I’m not promising to stay vegan after Easter.  It’s a possibility, though.  The evidence in favor of it is overwhelming, and when personal experience and evidence collide, habit’s voice gets weaker and weaker.

Posted in Food | Leave a Comment »

« Newer Posts