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What I’m Into – December 2014

December 31, 2014 by Suzanne

December has seemed really long. Thanksgiving seems like it was a year ago. I guess that’s good, since there’s usually a lot to cram into December. It’s also a little overwhelming, so much so that I’m almost at the end of my two and a half weeks of vacation, and I feel like I’m just getting started. But no – work comes back on Monday. I told Steph last night that what I really need is two weeks vacation and then another two weeks secret vacation where I’m still off work but no one else knows about it. Because you know what happens when you tell *cough*brag*cough* people you have oodles and oodles of free time? They trip over themselves to try to fill it up. Then you no longer have free time, which to me is the whole point of vacation. And I let them fill it up, because seeing them is wonderful, but while I have not done a single thing these last two weeks that I didn’t want to do, I have still done a lot of things and *omg tired* I need a break.

Here are some of the things I’ve been into this month:

1. Advent. It feels weird to say I’m “into” Advent. It’s not a club or a hobby. But yeah. I’m into it. It’s one of my favorite seasons of the liturgical year. I get waiting and anticipation, and it’s nice to take time to sink into it. Brenna D’Ambrosio’s In the Edges of the Day group has been vital to my ability to abide in Advent this year.  Thank you, Brenna!

2. The Newsroom. I have devoured all three seasons this month. I waited until after final speeches and papers were graded, because it’s just not fair to watch Aaron Sorkin while grading undergraduates in a freshman-level course. It’s too high a standard. But after grades were in, this is pretty much the main thing I did for the next week.

3. Food scavenging. I have been shameless. I can’t remember cooking once this whole month.  I take that back – I made meatballs. But other than that, I basically scavenged. I took home a vat of leftovers from Thanksgiving, and freezing some of them took me all the way through finals week. Every time I went to a party or gathering (and it was December, so I went to A LOT), and the host at the end of the night said, “Please. Everyone take some of this home,” (this might be a Southern thing) I did. I said yes to every freebie food that was offered to me this month. Favorite score – half a dozen everything bagels.

4. Reconnecting. I visited my hair stylist/colorist for the first time since August. We had a lot of catching up to do. I saw lots of family at Christmas, spent a day with Michelle, Steve, and Savvy, and have had dinner with beloved ones whom I hardly ever get to see when we’re living our normal lives. It was nice.

5. Dog sitting. I have been spending the week with these two little nuggets:

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I caught them sharing a pillow, even though most of the time they act like they don’t like each other. Sleep shots don’t lie, pups.

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D’aw. They’re so cute and cuddly. I just want to squish their faces with love. Some of their cutest moments are when they are sleeping. You know, when they are NOT staring at me or following me around the house or smacking their gums or barking at absolutely nothing. That is NOT cute. But most of the time – cute.

Buddy, Maddie, and I have enjoyed the crisp weather from the backyard, taken naps, and binge-watched New Girl. Good times.

Another thing I am into this month is nostalgia. December is a looking-back month. Five things I’ve been into this year that I want to carry into 2015 –

1. Meeting online friends in person. I haven’t done that since fandom, and I forgot how much I love it.

2. Feeding people and entertaining. That’s going to be a theme for me this year.

3. Poetry – writing it, reading it, reciting it to innocent bystanders/students.

4. Art journaling. My art journal is less art/more journal, but it’s mine, and I enjoy it.

5. Playing around with the blog. I’ve guest posted and hosted others here, and I have plans to do more of that (invitation coming next week, in fact). I also have enjoyed having themes and series. I want to continue the Coffee Shop Road Trip this coming year, and I haven’t given up on Getting It Together, although I am willing to admit that it might be a life project. I think it is for everyone, though, so I’m okay with that. I can’t wait to see what happens here this coming year!

So that’s my month/year in review.  What are you into?

I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer – join us?

Posted in What I'm Into | 2 Comments »

The Year of Beauty

December 30, 2014 by Suzanne

This year has not gone exactly according to plan (do they ever with me?). I didn’t read 100 books (which is two books a week – really not hard for me if I just read every day). Or finish Fishbowl (started Feast, however, and I’m pretty psyched about that). Or try 100 new vegan recipes (or probably not, anyway. I did eat a lot of vegan food.  However, I also really love goat cheese).

But I did embrace beauty.

I had all these preconceived notions of what having beauty for my word for the year would mean. I set up a Pinterest board to track them. Take a few minutes and peruse it. There are some pretty awesome things there. Beauty longs to be found, and it was pretty easy to do.

I found beauty where it was hidden. I looked around my world and, with the help of Jennifer Upton’s Re-Frame course, found beauty hiding in all sorts of overlooked places.

I found beauty where it had been neglected. I rediscovered things I liked about the way I look and see things, and I discovered new ways to look and see things that make them even more beautiful.

Most of all, I found beauty in a way that evokes a response. The most important thing about beauty that I learned this year is that once you see it, it’s hard to ignore. Beauty makes me want to create. I want to honor and celebrate the beauty in my life and the world. I want to embody it. I want to share it with others.

I thought for a while that my word for 2015 would be dance. Because that’s what beauty makes me want to do, both figuratively and literally. I want to celebrate my way through the year, basking in all the beauty that has been unleashed around me.

But dance is only part of it. Stay tuned.

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Dwarves are very upsetting…

December 30, 2014 by Suzanne

Yesterday, I went to see the new Into the Woods with my sister and Mel and Hope.  It was really the only way we could have seen it, since Mel and Hope were the people who introduced us to it to begin with. We giggled all the way through it, sometimes before the line was even finished. It was a great outing.

Amendment: Tammy and I totally saw the filmed version of this play in high school. We have loved it even longer than I remembered.

On the movie itself, I have some thoughts.

1. I know what was missing from my life.  Chris Pine singing Agony. It made me so happy.

2. How dare they cut out the reprise of Agony from the second act! I know the whole play is too long to do as a film.  But come on!  “There’s a dwarf standing guard?” That’s just good comedy. Imagine Chris Pine singing this:

Excellent, no?

3. I really liked Anna Kendrick as Cinderella.  She did a great job.

4. Okay.  I know I’m going to lose some people here.  Meryl Streep. She’s awesome. She’s amazing. She’s fantastic. She did a fine job – a job she should be proud of. Worth every penny.

But.

She’s no Bernadette Peters.  There.  I said it.

Let’s move on.

5. This movie really should be a sing-along.  I know at least four people who would really enjoy that.

6. Just because it’s Disney and involves fairy tales does not automatically make it a movie for children. At least, not a public movie for children. Sure, it was funny when a certain character said, “May I kiss you?” and a kid in the theatre shouted out “NO!” But there were some moments when it was really uncomfortable that the children were there. Maybe they could watch it when it comes out on video at home, where they are free to ask questions or be redirected or distracted by puppets or something when scenes come up that raise questions that parents aren’t prepared to answer yet. That’s what a parental guidance rating means – that some parental guidance might be necessary, and that’s hard to do (and terribly annoying to others who are old enough to understand the movie without it being explained to them) while whispering in a theater.

7. Speaking of moments (or whole, complete scenes) that are not necessarily child-friendly, Johnny Depp as the wolf was everything I imagined he would be.

8. I didn’t enjoy Lilla Crawford as Red Riding Hood.  She wasn’t bad, and she has a nice voice.  But…the timing or something was off.  There were some great lines that she just didn’t hit right.

All in all, I liked it, and I really love that Hope drove in for the afternoon just to see it with us. That made it spectacular. Good friends.  Good times.

Posted in Lists | 2 Comments »

Portals of Water and Wine by R. L. Haas

December 22, 2014 by Suzanne

In the wee hours of this morning, I finished Portals of Water and Wine, the first in what promises to be a terrific trilogy by R. L. Haas.

powaw

My first reaction to finishing was to implore Rachel to “Write, Faster.” Because I’m gonna need the next one as soon as possible.

There are many reasons why I think you should buy, read, and fall in love with this book, but I’ll stick to my top three.

3. The Twists

Without giving away any of the plot, suffice it to say that when one is writing a story where ____ happens or someone does ____, it is tempting to get to resolution as soon as possible. We like good things to happen to good people and bad things to happen to bad people, and we want it to be straightforward and easy. But that’s not real, and that’s not good storytelling.

That’s not a problem in this book.

There are twists and turns, and they happen as jarringly in this story as they do in life. I kept glancing down at the percentage bar on the bottom of my Kindle. 85%. 90%. 95%. I kept thinking, “Whew.  That’s it. The book’s almost finished. It’s done. We can all relax.” Nope. The twists kept coming just as strongly at the end as they did in the beginning. The end is an excellent setup for the next installment.

2. The Imagery

This beautiful fantasy world that Rachel has created is so easy to picture. Her descriptions are gorgeous. I was right there with the main character, going breathless at the sights before us.

Better yet, she somehow avoided what many authors seem to think is a necessary dullness in describing the characters’ appearances like they’re walking down a runway, so everyone has to stop what they’re doing and watch politely before the story can go on. She describes them by weaving the descriptions into the story in a way that it not only gave us a description of what they looked like but of who they are and, in some cases, even helped move the plot along.

Which leads me to my number one reason…

1. The Characters

Getting to know the characters in this book – and growing to love them – was a gradual process. That is exactly as it should be. Too often, first chapters read like the characters’ social media profiles, telling us what the author wants us to think of them. As a reader, though, I don’t want to be told by a third party what to think or how to relate to a character. I want to observe the character and draw my own conclusions.

Rachel trusts her characters to reveal themselves. And they do.  And I love them.

This will mean very little to anyone who doesn’t know me from fandom days or who has never been an active part of a fandom themselves, but I have to say it – these characters are so alive that I want to write fanfiction about them.

For a point of reference, when I say that, it puts them up there with such iconic characters as Superman and Lex Luthor. Pippin and Merry. I’ve only read the first of this trilogy, and I already have an OTP (and no – I’m not going to tell you who it is…it’s too soon…maybe after the second book…maybe).

Buy this book. Buy the paperback. Buy the ebook. But buy it.

And Rachel – thank you.  And write faster!

Posted in Books | Leave a Comment »

Wisdom Streaks

December 18, 2014 by Suzanne

In a few months, I will be turning 40. I plan on celebrating the whole year.  I plan on being thoroughly obnoxious about it.  So there’s that for you to look forward to.

I usually dye my hair, but this semester, partly out of curiosity as to what was really going on under there and partly out of the more pressing matter of dealing with the whale of semester it has been, I have let my natural hair grow in a little.

Observation: I have some pretty serious wisdom streaks going on.

photo 1

“Wisdom streaks” is the term one of my beloved friends uses for the effect created when gray hairs are growing among the rest of the hair. One of my residents called it “tinsel.” Acceptable.

I like to play with my hair color, so I’m not quite ready to go all gray. And really – neither is my hair.  As you can see in the picture above, there’s still some brown peeking through. But in another ten years, when I imagine the majority of it will have turned, I just might.

It is beautiful. The picture doesn’t do it justice. My tinsel hairs are shiny and silver. This means that when I am old enough for all my hairs to be gray, not only will I be even more well-rounded, well-read, and generally badass than I am now, I will have the metallic rock star hair to match.

For now, though, I am having fun with the mocha color.  And in the new year, I’m going red again. Or copper streaks. I haven’t decided. But I’m still having fun with colors.

I also love the little flippy thing the long bob (or lob, as it was called in the magazine I was reading while waiting for the color to set) does at the end. Observe:

photo 2

Underneath it all, though – I know. Shiny wisdom streaks. I’m going to look awesome when I’m old.

Posted in Beauty | 4 Comments »

December

December 1, 2014 by Suzanne

photo (15)

We are in the final two weeks of the semester.  I had grand plans for grading, decorating, writing, and art journaling last week that just didn’t happen. I had plans this year to get it together, to focus on beauty, and to read 100 books, and I feel like all of those have fallen short of expectation as well. It would be easy to be discouraged. It would be really easy to power through and forget about Advent for the next two weeks, but I am pretty sure that doing so would have the exact opposite of the intended effect.

So I am engaging in intentional reflections. I am reading, journaling, and poetry-ing my way through Isaiah. I am joining Susannah Conway’s community project called December Reflections, and I am finishing up my year of beauty by looking for beauty in the ordinary through Awake the Bones. They will mostly be found on Instagram, but I’m sure they will make an occasional appearance here.

Right now, I’m just going to mind the mug and drink my coffee in peace.

Posted in awake the bones, Beauty, Church | Leave a Comment »

Black. Lives. Matter.

November 25, 2014 by Suzanne

As the grand jury’s decision in Ferguson was announced, I did something unusual for me. I have ignored my Facebook feed and have clung to the hashtags #Ferguson and #blacklivesmatter. I am not quite myself today. This is the fourth or fifth version of this post, and this is the nicest way I can say it. I know I’m usually Ms. Every-Voice-Matters, but the truth is that some of them don’t to me.  Not today.  Maybe not ever again.

I am ignoring my feed because I don’t want to see any of my friends’ faces next to a defense of this decision. I am nervous about going home for Thanksgiving and hearing it there. I am combing through the documents of evidence presented to the grand jury, but if anyone wants to have a conversation about it that is not tempered by grief and loss, they’ll have to have that conversation with someone else.

I am unwilling to believe that a system in which a young man can be denied due process and killed by a one-man judge, jury, and executioner without the case inevitably going to trial is a system that works.  At all.

I don’t understand how anyone, knowing anything about our country and its history, can hear an officer describe how he looked into the black face of his alleged (because remember – never forget – Mike Brown never got his trial) attacker and saw a demon – something subhuman – and not be triggered by how much that REEKS of Jim Crow.

Sitting here and reading this little bit of history repeating, I cannot view anything other than further investigation as justice.

People can hide behind The System and How It Works and shut their eyes against anyone for whom it doesn’t, but they don’t get to do it with me. I know it looks complicated, but it’s really not. Black lives matter.  You either agree with that, or you don’t. And if you don’t, I don’t see myself putting my precious effort into taking anything you say seriously.

I used to talk about laying down privilege, but there was always something inside that bucked against that notion. I assumed it was my own privilege talking – the fear of being without its protection. And that’s probably part of it. But when I look at the benefits afforded to me by my white, well-educated, employed, straight(ish), cisgendered, healthy(ish), beloved daughter of two still-alive and still-married parents existence, I see another reason for my hesitation. I see my ability to walk – or even run – up to a police officer of any race and not get shot. I see my ability to walk into an establishment with my currently imaginary significant other and not be denied the same service enjoyed by others. I live, move, and work in a world where my mental, emotional, and physical states are not treated as arguments against my humanity.

I hesitate to lay down privilege because I am angry that these benefits are considered privileges. They are basic human rights and should be the shared experience of everyone who is human, not doled out selectively, based on arbitrary demographics.

Nor will I wear my privilege like a cape as I swoop in to save the day. I am not anyone’s savior. In fact, I’m sure there are areas in which I am so blinded by my privilege that I don’t even realize I’m part of the problem.

But I am listening. And I will not stop speaking up. When I see injustice, I will say so. If you find that annoying, maybe you should examine why. Look for a little chunk of privilege wedged in your own eye, because that’s probably where that’s coming from. You might want to get that checked.

I had planned to extend an invitation during my Easter Feast course to other people to guest post about what it means to them to be invited to the table. I’m not sure it can wait until then. More information coming soon.

Posted in Rants, Revolution | 6 Comments »

Real Talk Tuesday – God in the Everyday

November 18, 2014 by Suzanne

The quiet season has begun.

November and December are busy months in the everyday, but they are quieter months as far as blogging goes. During the last two months of the year (particularly November), it’s normal for me to average a post or two a week. Part of this phenomenon is taking a break after the madness that is 31 Days. Part of this phenomenon is due simply to my writing being directed elsewhere.

Mostly, though, I’m just more reflective during these days.  While reflection tends to make me more melancholy, it also makes me more…me. When the weather starts (finally and hallelujah) getting cooler, my soul cools down its surface angst and mindless busyness as well. I am more content to get slow. I am more content to savor small things.

I am more content – happy, even – to focus on simple things and to focus on one thing at a time. Other times of the year, my mind would be focused on what is coming up at work or my to-do list. Those things are there, but they stay at work and on the list until it is their turn. That leaves focus for important things, like inviting the spider family who keeps trying to come in from the cold to hang out in the tree outside instead.

[Seriously, spiders.  Just feel free to make that whole tree your home. You don’t want to come in my house anyway.  It smells like tea tree oil and lemon (and, coming soon, cinnamon and peppermint). You would hate that, spiders.]

photo (14)

I am more content to go to bed early – and to get up early – to read.

A good predictor of my mental state is whether or not I am reading or writing. If I’m not reading or writing (or, God help us all, if I’m doing neither), I am not myself. All the ordinary, wonderful things become just more annoying things on my list to get through and check off. I forget this so easily. I am relieved to be in a season of remembering and watching again.

I am re-reading Barbara Brown Taylor’s An Altar in the World.* I am reading it a chapter a night and making room for it to sink in. It’s no coincidence that I’m taking more walks, drinking more tea, and seeing the daily activities that I often view as chores as spiritual disciplines.

I’m linking up with Marvia’s Real Talk Tuesday. Join us?

*Affiliate link

Posted in Books, Real Talk Tuesday | 4 Comments »

Feast – Just Because

November 11, 2014 by Suzanne

I am taking liberties with the goal of NaNoWriMo this year. I am writing 50,000 new words, but instead of fiction, I am writing a book of prompts for a course I am planning to launch next April called Feast. Here’s a teaser of the course-to-be.

Sometimes life just needs celebrating.  And by “sometimes,” I do mean “pretty much all the time.” Any excuse for food, really.

This is my favorite reason to feast – nothing.  No reason at all. I am prone to making elaborate dishes on a whim to savor just for the sake of savoring them.  If you were to ask me what the special occasion was or why I was doing it, you would get an answer like, “Because…Tuesday,” or “Because I can.” I might even turn it around on you – “Why not?” It’s not that there isn’t a reason but rather that life itself is the reason.

You are alive.  Celebrate!

But it’s not quite that easy, is it?

The first seedlings of thought about this course sprung out of my need to bring celebration back into my everyday life. It’s so easy to go through the motions, looking forward to that next fun event on the calendar so much that I sail past all the rest of my days, eyes glazed and barely seeing everything that I’m passing by. If the next fun event is Friday night relaxing at home (and yes, this is on my calendar – it’s very important), and it’s Tuesday, that’s a whole lot of time to check out mentally.

This is no way to live. I want to make my days matter as much as possible. I don’t want to kill time until an acceptable hour to collapse into bed arrives. I want to live.

So I was going to call the class Celebrate because I wanted to explore all the ways we enjoy life.  While doing so is certainly part of the course, something was missing. Celebration alone didn’t seem like exactly what I was going for.  The word that kept coming up – the one that tied my vision together – was feast.

This was both exciting and terrifying.

I was excited because I love the idea of feasting. I love holidays where there is a ridiculous amount of food – ten times what the people present should actually ingest in the allotted time. I love the security and the hominess that excessive abundance implies. I love feeding people and being the one who supplies the ridiculous amount of food. I might not have a big house or a fancy car, but when you are invited over to my place, you will never leave hungry.

The excess is also the terrifying part.

Feasting and I have a sordid history. We can get a little codependent if I’m not careful. I love feasting so much that it’s easy for it to infiltrate my life on an identity level.

I was raised to be great at it. When people remark that hosting seems to come naturally to me, I take it as the compliment it was meant to be and say, “Thank you.” But let’s be clear – it’s not talent; it’s training. I have worked hard to become good at it, and I take a certain amount of pride in that. I love having people over, and they usually have a pretty good time. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s important to remember, however, that being a good host is a seductive minx to my ego, and because of that, it’s also important to remember that hosting the occasional flop does not define (and therefore cannot diminish) me.

At the heart of feasting is the food, and with the food comes the seedy underbelly of food issues.

In some ways, I do have a healthy relationship with food. I’m not really one for restrictive diets. I know a lot of them well, because when I have guests that are on limited choices, I prefer to know how to fix something they will eat without having to interrogate them about their dietary needs. I’ve been vegetarian or vegan at different phases of my life, but that was less a function of a plan to diet and more a function of a Lenten fast or having just read something like Fast Food Nation and thus simply losing my taste for meat. And I have to confess that I’m one of those annoying folk who, if I just eat like a normal person and get a moderate amount of exercise, the excess weight falls off pretty easily.

It’s that “eating like a normal person” thing that trips me up.

My issues with food are mainly emotional rather than physical. I am a chronic over-indulger. There are various things that I cannot keep in the house – soda, snack cakes, certain candy bars – because I cannot leave them alone. Since I am hypersensitive to sugar and most of my compulsive food choices are sweets, they’re extra bad news. I know in my head that having only one Kit Kat is the prudent choice, yet minutes later there I stand over four empty wrappers with a darty feeling behind my eyes, a budding headache, and no real memory of where one indulgence ended and the next one began.

I tremble to write that. As you are reading it, I am nervous, knowing that you know something that is a source of shame for me.

But shame doesn’t get to win.

I will remember that I am not what I eat.

I will remind myself that growth is a process and that by my mid-twenties, I had overcome my habit of bingeing to the point that purging was not physically optional.

I will go look at my well-stocked kitchen, full of real food, not junk food, and I will declare aloud, “I did that.  I made those good choices.”

And I will sit here and savor my half a glass of wine and my two little squares of decadent dark chocolate. And I will be satisfied.

And then I will drink a bucket of water, because wine dries me out. I will listen to my body and give it what it needs.

I will honor who I am, where I came from, and how far I’ve come. I will celebrate myself. I will feast.

Just because.

Journal prompt: What do you need to celebrate about yourself today? Where can you show yourself a little more kindness? What do you need to acknowledge?

Activity prompt: Go for a walk for a minimum of five minutes.  Don’t come back from the walk until you have noticed at least five things that you think you would normally miss. Go out and see your world today.

Marvia’s prompt for this Real Talk Tuesday is “celebration,” so I’m linking up over there as well.

Posted in Feast, Food, Getting It Together, NaNoWriMo, Real Talk Tuesday, Writing | 17 Comments »

Flash post

October 31, 2014 by Suzanne

The Internet is on my nerve today, so I’m going to run away (or just focus on Pinterest and Instagram). But in case anyone is unclear on (or cares about) my position on privilege, here it is:

To acknowledge my privilege is not humiliating. It’s humility.

To have someone else point out a privilege when I did not see it on my own is not humiliating.  Even if they are mad about it – the injustice of it – it is not humiliating to me. It’s really not actually about me at all.  If I were to assume it’s about me? To expect the societal default that it’s about me?  That’s a sign of privilege – an effect of the privilege of living in a world that goes out of its way to make all the things about me.

Is it sometimes hard for me to remove my head from my ass and listen to their point of view?  Sure.  But I have found that if I will check my defensive reaction long enough to listen, I will hear the heart behind the anger.  It still may not be easy for me to hear, but my personal difficulties don’t invalidate their experience.

If you are white (in this country at least – I can’t speak to white experience in other countries), you are person of privilege, whether you feel that way or not. There may be other ways in which you are not privileged, or ways in which others are more privileged than you, but that doesn’t erase that you have it easier in some ways than others do. This is not your fault, but it is also not the fault of the person who is angry (and justifiably so) about it.

Just.  Listen. There is a time to tell your story, but in the middle of someone else’s story is not that time.

Posted in Rants | Leave a Comment »

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