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Friday Five – What a Year This Month Has Been

January 31, 2025 by Suzanne

Whew. What a year to explore wonder!  I mean, I guess I am, in fact, frequently astonished (Am I really? Or is it all playing out exactly as expected?) and full of doubt, both of which were phenomena featured in the definition. But damn.

My focus last year was technically learning how to embrace quiet but realistically, it was also a lot of trying not to die. My community was instrumental in helping me achieve that goal. Of course, people are only able to help others insofar as they have the spoons/energy/resources to do so. Therefore, in addition to capturing some wonder along the way, a big part of my mindset this year leans more toward getting my shit together so that I can be in a position to be there for those who are having their try-not-to-die year(s) now. I mean, I have been a moderately-functioning adult for a long time, and I have most of the adulting basics down, but there are areas I could be stronger. I find myself veering toward pieces that talk about cultivating sanity and joy and community and love and stability amidst *gestures broadly* so here are some of my favorites this week.

  • Reckoning with This Vicious World from Ask Polly, aka Heather Havrilesky – “Every opportunity to dance, to seek pleasure, to love with an open heart, to create freely, to show yourself without shame, and to celebrate what you are makes you stronger and more helpful to this struggling world.”
  • Power: What It *Truly* Is – Tori Dunlap with Kasia Urbaniak – “If you’re focused on how you’re being perceived, your attention is inward and you lose the power to lead the conversation.” 
  • This is Happening by Nadia Bolz-Weber – “…this is not the time to concede the faith to nationalists, and I do not want those of us who believe Jesus’ message was one of mercy, humility, hospitality and forgiveness to give into despair.” 
  • How Do You Know: The Consequences of a Lack of Media Literacy and Where We Go From Here by Ashlie Swicker via Book Riot – “We all know that the internet twists thinking and that this leads to large swaths of people buying into misinformation…Still, I think we imagine that this is happening somewhere else, to other people…We don’t hold ourselves accountable for the same kind of open mind and fact-checking that we demand from people who think differently than us.”
  • On HillmanTok University, Black Educators Are Sharing Invaluable Info by Kaitlynne Rainne via Her Campus – Professors dropping lots of knowledge on TikTok. They’ve posted syllabi, resources, etc., on everything from basic adult skills like budgeting and personal wellness to courses on literature and entrepreneurship. Teachers are going to teach, regardless of the hurdles they face. Love to see it. I also love that it’s called Hillman. 

I’ll leave you with this quote from Bernice King: “There’s a difference between being informed and being consumed.” I invite you to take that into your weekend and beyond.

Have a good one, friends!

Posted in Alive, Friday Five, Getting It Together, Health, Mental Health, Quiet, Wonder | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – First Week Blues

January 17, 2025 by Suzanne

Whew. This week. The first week of classes is always a wild ride but I am pretty sure this week has lasted 14 years. It’s been a lot. Add my own personal not-doing-great-mentally to the mix and…I’m just really, really glad this weekend has an extra day. I hope I’ll actually be able to take a mental break from work and to deal gently with all the other nonsense going on in the world so that the stress doesn’t just keep compounding. 

  • I love that Joy the Baker’s word of the year is joy. I also love a gentle January (which this one has definitely not been for me thus far), and this post is full of inspiration for unabashed moseying. 
  • I enjoyed this extensive list of ways to get involved if you are concerned about book bans. 
  • My friend is seeking legal assistance with getting her son the help he needs. Please donate if you can.
  • In light of my general overwhelm about financial…anything…I have enlisted the help of Tori Dunlap’s community, The $100K Club. It is way outside my comfort zone but in just the last three days is already helping me. The monthly membership fee ($47) is somewhat steep for my budget, but that is still less stressful than trying to piece together all this info myself and weed through all the advice people like to give (omg the mounds of opinions – most of them either completely irrelevant to me or just plain bad advice).
  • Susan Cain’s post about what she learned from her father on living a quiet life resonated with me. Today the encouragement to do beautiful things just for the sake of doing them was exactly what I needed. 
  • Edited to add this bonus because it’s so good and something I need to remember about myself this month as a reminder to breathe first and then respond. I don’t have to perpetuate bad history by making anger my default. People lash out when they’re sad.

I hope that you are well and that your weekend is easy/fun!

Posted in Beauty, Books, Friday Five, Mental Health, Quiet, Resolutions | Leave a Comment »

January 2025 TBR

January 2, 2025 by Suzanne

More than any other month of the year, my January TBR most closely resembles what it’s like inside my brain. It’s a unique blend of structure and chaos. Between my ambitious “these are the topics/challenges I’m most excited to explore right now” and my book clubs’ equally ambitious “let’s start the year off with a bang” and also my “maybe I should also read something light and fun because rest is resistance/important” tendencies, the list is all over the place. It’s also super long, because this is Ridiculous Optimism Week, and I love it. 

As one of my reading goals for the year is to read more broadly across the different genres on my TBR, I’m going to note the category that I have each book listed under in brackets. 

Book Clubs

Wonder

I loved starting my word for the year during Advent (the start of the church year). It’s especially useful to do so when the word of the year is wonder, and both Slowing and Enchantment [both are inspire/self-help/community care] were a great place to start. So I’m going to continue with both of these books and add a few more. 

Goals

When I set a goal for myself, one of the first things I do is gather information (sometimes I gather too much and get bogged down in all the scintillating details, but that’s another story for another day). So here are some books I’m reading/starting this month to get me started on my resolutions.

Reading Challenges

My two main reading challenges this year are from the 52 Book Club and Libro.fm, but if/when Overeducated Women With Cats and Nowhere Bookshop post theirs, I’ll probably jump on those as well. I joined another online book club and I’m not sure where I’m going to put the prompts, but they’ll probably be in this section as I ease my way into the community. For now, though, here are the books I’m reading this month for specific challenges.

52 Book Club:

  • Couplets by Maggie Millner – told in verse [poetry]
  • Search by Michelle Huneven – title is ten letters or less [foodie fiction]
  • Small Rain by Garth Greenwell – “I think it was blue” [queer lit]
  • Go as a River by Shelley Read – set in the 1940s [general fiction]
  • Two Twisted Crowns by Rachel Gillig – last sentence is less than 6 words long [gothic fiction]
  • The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx (et al.) – explores social class [essays/short stories]

Libro.fm

  • The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, read by Richard Gere and Haley Joel Osment – Reread an old favorite on audio [fantasy/nonrealism/sci-fi/etc.]
  • The Third Gilmore Girl by Kelly Bishop – Read a winning audiobook from our 2024 Bookseller Choice Awards [memoir]
  • One of the prompts is to share Libro.fm with a friend or family member. I’m still trying to figure out how to pick a book for that prompt for my StoryGraph tracking, but in the meantime, click this link to check it out!

Bad Bitch Book Club

  • The Grey Wolf by Louise Penny – an anticipated sequel to a book you loved [series]
  • House of Light by Mary Oliver – a book under 150 pages [poetry]

Additional Reads

I’ll probably also start the next/first books in a few of the series I want to read.

Here’s to a new year of reading!

Posted in Books, Bookshops, Poetry, Reading Challenges, Resolutions, Wonder | Tagged , , , | Leave a Comment »

Wonder and Wishes

January 1, 2025 by Suzanne

I almost chose “if” for my word of the year.

If I want this, then I’ll need this in place.

If this happens, this is how I’ll respond.

If I’m going to stay at the same place, this is how I want it to improve.

If I wasn’t careful, this theme would lead me into a world of rabbit holes and contingency plans. I’m not opposed to either of those things, but I’m not sure I’m at a place to take on a whole year of them.

In other words, “if” isn’t quite ringing true for me. I want a word that captures the mystery of “if…” without the ellipses. Without boxing myself into its implied necessary action. I’m not opposed to taking action. I’m just wary of obligation. 

So instead of “if” and all its intense expectations, I’m going to dive deep into wonder and all of its questions.

Merriam-Webster has several definitions of wonder that I love:

  • A cause of astonishment 
  • The quality of exciting amazed admiration
  • Rapt attention or astonishment at something awesomely mysterious or new to one’s experience
  • To feel surprise
  • To feel curiosity or doubt
  • Marvel
  • Miracle

Yes, please. All of that. I want a year of being open to mystery. I want a life that leaves room for both curiosity and doubt. I want a year on which I can look back and marvel.

After all, I’m turning 50 this year. I want to be open to big things. 

This is one of my favorite days of the year – the day that I make resolutions and set goals for the next 12 months. It seems contrary to the nature of wonder, however, to predetermine what is going to happen the whole year. So I’m going to jot down some wishes – things that might be fun or interesting – with just enough structure to be measurable in case they develop into actual goals but also enough room for interpretation to allow them to evolve or disintegrate as needed, depending on…*gestures broadly*

My wishes for 2025:

  • To read 180 books (per yesterday’s post).
  • To look for opportunities for wonder. I want to be charmed by the world. I want to recapture the delight in simple things and little kindnesses. I crave whimsy. And I don’t want it just for me – I want to share it.
  • To buy 50 books (one for each year I’ve been alive) in person from independent bookstores. Originally, this goal was to buy 5 books each at 10 different bookstores, but then I started listing bookstores I want to visit..and it’s more than 10. So still 50 total, but I’m going to spread the love a little more broadly.
  • To cook at least 50 meals. This past year was unusual, and there were whole months in which I did not cook at all. To be clear, that doesn’t mean I just ate takeout (although I did that more frequently than usual). A lot of the food I buy is premade and ready to assemble and eat as snacks or salads or sandwiches, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Fed is best. But I also miss cooking, and I feel better when I do so on a regular basis. I want to average at least one cooked meal a week (with a couple of weeks off during staff training or holidays).
  • To set and meet 50 small financial goals. I didn’t talk about the goal I set for my finances last year, because medical expenses are expensive and I didn’t have the confidence that I’d actually be able to make it. But I did. I saved a month’s salary in an emergency fund. And then I made the first payment on a medical bill (which is exactly what emergency funds are for, I guess). And I built my savings back up. And made another first payment on a different medical bill. And I have – for the third time – almost reached a month’s salary in savings again. This didn’t happen spontaneously, though. I did it by setting monthly financial goals for both my outgoing budget and my savings. This year, there are additional things I want to do that will help me (eventually) draft a retirement plan, so I’m going to work those goals in as well. I do not harbor delusions that I will be able to retire fully any time soon (if ever), but with a little preparation, I think I can see a lighter workload on the distant horizon.
  • To write 50,000 words. This may be one story, or it may be 100. I just want to get back into a regular writing practice.
  • To consistently meet daily goals on my Finch app. Most of my reminders to eat, or drink water, or do something creative (whether that be writing or knitting or music or whatever), or take a walk/stretch break, come through Finch. Neurospicy folk, gamify the daily activities everyone else thinks of as habits. This app has helped me so much.
  • To make a list of 50 fun things to do in the next 10 years. I already have a few ideas, but I am going to take the whole year to decide what makes the final cut. Something to look forward to!

This is a long and ambitious list, and I fully expect my intentions to wax and wane as the year throws whatever curve balls it’s got up its sleeve. After all, sometimes just surviving is the only accomplishment a person needs to achieve.

But these wishes give me hope and spark a little bit of the type of wonder that I desperately want this year.

Posted in Books, Bookshops, Fun, Getting It Together, Hope, Lists, Resolutions, Wonder, Writing | Tagged , , , , | Leave a Comment »

2025 Reading Goals

January 1, 2025 by Suzanne

In just a few hours, we will welcome the new year. I have some anxiety about it for many reasons. Some of those anxieties will likely be warranted, and others will turn out to just be the story I’m telling myself in my head. But one thing is for certain – my 2025 involves reading a lot of books!

I’m keeping the same goal as I’ve had the past two years. Third time’s the charm. So I’m aiming for 180 books next year, and I think I can make it!

I am going to attempt fewer reading challenges, though. My favorite challenge is the 52 Book Club (plus their summer reading challenge and mini-challenges!), so that’s the main one I’m focusing on this year. I also love the Libro.fm Audiobook Listening Challenge, and the Overeducated Women With Cats challenge (link to come if they decide to do one this year), both of which I actually managed to finish in 2024. The Modern Mrs. Darcy team has its own summer reading challenge, as well as spring and fall previews, so that will give me seasonal reading boosts as well.

I’m dropping POPSUGAR and Book Riot but also linking you to them because they’re still good challenges with some great prompts, if anyone reading is looking for that sort of thing. POPSUGAR is a great challenge that often gets me to read something I otherwise wouldn’t have, but my interest fizzles really quickly. Looking at 2024 specifically, there were only two books I read for this challenge that didn’t also fulfill prompts on others, so clearly it was an afterthought at best. And Book Riot is great at encouraging readers to step outside their comfort zones, but it has put a lot of its bookish posts behind a paywall, which…that’s their choice but also – no thanks.

I also want to read at least one book from each category on my TBR spreadsheet every quarter. I often scoff at pretentious ideas about what it means to be well-read. I don’t think we get to define what that means for other people. Reading each genre has its own benefits, so no matter what someone reads, they’re getting something wonderful out of it.

For myself, however, I define “well-read” as reading broadly. I want multiple benefits from my reading life. I want the empathy gained from reading fiction in general, the camaraderie and hope that come with reading romance and found family stories, and the creativity that fantasy and science fiction inspire. I also want the awareness and understanding that come with reading nonfiction.

With 24 separate categories on my TBR, I need to read books in at least 8 different categories a month in order to read one in each group per quarter. Of course, I will read several books in certain categories, particularly my favorites, but as long as all 24 get represented on a quarterly basis, I can meet my goal.

In case you’re curious, here are the 24 categories I have on my TBR spreadsheet:

  • General Fiction – I have a lot of fiction categories that are particular favorites, so what ends up as “general” is simply what doesn’t specifically fit anywhere else. Historical fiction, family fiction, and many delightful books are on this very long list.
  • Dark Academia – This is a mood category. I’m not always in the mood for dark academia, but when I am, I really, really am and need a quick reference.
  • Gothic Fiction – Ditto for gothic fiction.
  • Queer Lit – This category is pretty broad, so I added it as a section of my TBR because I am often asked for recommendations for specific aspects of LGBTQIA+ lit, and this gives me a space to make notes for a faster search.
  • General YA – On my bookshelves, YA and adult fiction are together, but separating them on my TBR helps me with recommendations when asked for something “not too scary” or “not too spicy” for friends’ kids. It’s hilarious that they’re asking me, the person who was reading Danielle Steel and Stephen King in 5th/6th grade, but I try to help when I can.
  • General Nonfiction – Most of the nonfiction that I want to read is on this list. Nonfiction is hardly ever my go-to, but I want to make sure I’m reading beyond how-to and memoir.
  • Mystery/Suspense/Horror – All of these could be categories on their own, but they often overlap so I threw them together. Usually standalone novels, although some series sneak their way in there occasionally.
  • Memoir – Most of the nonfiction I read is memoir. I particularly enjoy celebrity memoirs as audiobooks read by their authors. 
  • Romance-ish – Some of these are traditional romance, but many are close to the general fiction category with just enough romance to pull them over to this category. Hence the “ish.”
  • Series – These are fiction books written as a series. This is by far my largest category. I love a series. If a book club is reading a book that is part of the series, I will read the entire series up to that point before I read the book. I am pretty fanatical about reading the things on this list in order.
  • Cozy – This is a hazy category. The elements I consider cozy (i.e., take place in a bookshop, coffee shop, pastry shop, near the sea, etc. – mostly about setting or lifestyle/occupation of the main character) are not the same elements others consider cozy. Most people don’t consider something cozy unless it’s low stakes, but high stakes is not a cozy dealbreaker for me. In fact, I tend toward the “there’s no such thing as truly low stakes” camp, so that differentiation is blurred for me anyway. Subcategories of this one include fantasy, sci-fi, autumn (which is just a cozy season in general), romance, horror (yes, horror). 
  • Fantasy/Nonrealism/Sci-Fi/etc. – I know these are each huge categories, but so many of these books fit in more than one of these categories that I lump them all together in a huge list. Unless they’re part of a series (which takes out a chunk of them). Or by one of my favorite authors.
  • Favorite Authors – There are some authors who could write an instruction manual for an outdated printer and I would still read (and probably buy) it. Anything they write is on this list.
  • Travel Memoir/Novel – Both fiction and nonfiction, this list is my answer to wanderlust when I don’t have the funds to actually go places.
  • Cookbooks/Entertaining – I love reading about food. I will read a cookbook front to back like it’s a novel. I also love reading about entertaining, even though I don’t necessarily enjoy entertaining. If I do choose to entertain, I like to have the information ready to go.
  • Foodie Nonfiction – Memoirs that are food-centric or include recipes, how-to books, and a few travel books that are predominantly about the food you should make sure to eat when you go there make up this category. This is my favorite nonfiction category.
  • Foodie Fiction – Any fiction that involves recipes or revolves around food. I have a whole bookshelf at my apartment – one of my favorite genres.
  • Books on Books/Writing – This is a fiction/nonfiction hybrid category. Any story that is predominantly about books or essays on books or how to start a bookstore or how to write the books that are in the bookstore is included.
  • Small Press Books – Just as I predominantly buy books from independent bookstores when I shop, I also make a special effort to purchase books published by small, independent presses. Many of the local authors I love publish through small presses. 
  • Essays/Short Stories – When my attention span is not at its best, I need full pieces that I can start and finish in one sitting. This category is my go-to during those times, but they’re also nice for reading a little before bed on nights when I have a shorter amount of time to read than usual.
  • Graphic Novels – This is probably the category I read the least, but it’s fascinating and artistic, so I want to read more. I am also taking recommendations – drop a comment if there’s a graphic novel you particularly love and think I should check out.
  • Inspire/Self-Help/Community Care – I am hyper-picky about self-help (i.e., I find most of it unhelpful), but I continue to give it a chance because when I do find something that helps, it can be life-changing (little shout-out to Marie Kondo). Also included in this category are how-to books and community care (which is intrinsically tied to self-care, so if it’s a self-care book I like, it probably includes a lot of these elements as well).
  • Design/Architecture – I love, love, love design books. It usually takes me longer to read them than most books – even though they’re mostly pictures – because I make notes and dream all the way through. My goal for organizing the books in my living room is to have a section to showcase design books. They’re so pretty and they have such good ideas.
  • Poetry – This section includes chapbooks, traditional volumes of poetry, and novels or stories in verse.

So there you have it. That is a long-winded way of saying that, no matter what happens in the world this year, I am excited about what I get to read.

Posted in Books, Reading Challenges, Resolutions | Tagged , | Leave a Comment »

2024 Reading Recap

January 1, 2025 by Suzanne

The results are in – I read 177 books this year. I didn’t quite reach my goal of 180, but I did exceed last year’s count by 22. I logged on both Goodreads and StoryGraph, and I’ll probably continue to do so this next year (or at least until most of my community on Goodreads moves over to StoryGraph).

My second favorite thing about StoryGraph (the first being that it’s not owned by Amazon) is the end-of-year graphics. This is my favorite part of this year’s reading synopsis:

My top five genres were all fiction, of course – contemporary, romance, fantasy, literary, and historical, in that order. The average length of the books I read was 319, and it took me an average of 9 days to finish a book (or, at least, to record it). It probably took me less time in reality to finish most of the books, but I do have a habit of putting something on my currently-reading list, getting distracted, and coming back to finish it later. Of all the books I read, 63 were part of a series.

I do enjoy spending extra time with my favorite characters.

I finished two reading challenges – the Overeducated Women With Cats and Libro.fm Listening Challenge. I averaged about 40% completion on the other four I started.

I participated in four reading retreats – three in conjunction with my online community at Dewey’s and one extended retreat on my own while I recovered from surgery. I hope to do more of these in 2025. A reading retreat is one of my favorite things to do.

All in all, a very successful reading year!

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2024 in Review

December 30, 2024 by Suzanne

[Prime reviewing/contemplating/reflecting space – a blanket and a cup of tea in front of twinkly lights]

How many times can I say this year has been a doozy without it becoming redundant? Welp, here’s one more time.

This year was a doozy.

I’ve tried reflecting and looking back for the past week, as is my custom. Most years – but particularly this year – I resonate with Kate Bowler’s feelings on reflection. I get stuck on certain things and forget so many others, even with the aid of my journal and planner (which in many ways is even more telling than my journal). The older I get, the more I realize that maybe the end of a year is too soon to reflect on it. I am usually still too close to it to ponder it with any real clarity.

But what I can do is look at the goals I set and see how I fared in measurable ways. So let’s dive in.

2024 Theme – Quiet

In many ways this year was very loud. But that especially drove home my need for carving out quiet time, and I had a small amount of success with that.

The intentional pursuit of quiet helped me to find space to heal both mentally and physically.

It also revealed how much work I still have to do in those areas. I didn’t always succeed at finding space, and my medical challenges this year made sure that it was really obvious when I didn’t. Getting quiet time is a lot of work, but it’s necessary and worth it.

Even when I’m “quiet,” I’m still anxious. It takes a lot of time I don’t always have to calm my brain enough to get the needed benefit from quiet moments.

Another challenge is that I don’t really have physical places to find quiet. My upstairs neighbors are loud and active, so even when I’m quiet, my environment still isn’t. And to go anywhere else is to inevitably have to socialize or be perceived or get distracted. Going forward, I need to find a way to really be at rest. I would prefer it to be an actual physical space, but earplugs have been a little helpful in the meantime.

I’m not quite done with quiet, nor do I think I’ll ever be. I have goals for the upcoming year that will help me continue to explore it.

Read 180 Books

I’m so close. I have read 175 so far. It’s possible to reach 180 by midnight tomorrow, but I don’t see myself forcing it just to meet my goal. I am enjoying looking at my Storygraph charts, and I may share one or two tomorrow when I talk about reading goals for 2025.

Even if I don’t finish any more books this year, aiming for this lofty goal still helped me read 20 more books than last year. I consider that a success!

Creative Education

All things creative pretty much tanked for me this year. I did have a few performances with beloved friends, and I have been able to be more active in choir this fall. But with the exception of a few brief inspired frenzies, my writing has been at a standstill.

I am not any further on The Artist’s Way than I was last year at this time, and I haven’t really cared about creative education at all. Looking back, I can admit this goal was a little unreasonable.

What has changed is that I would have felt really dejected about this pause in the past. But I don’t feel that way today. I am satisfied with how I’ve spent my time this year, even if that meant I didn’t heavily pursue a lot of the things I love. My attention was simply needed elsewhere, and I honored that. I am proud of myself for doing so.

Health Goals

I’m alive! I did it!

I survived cancer and cancer treatments, both of which tried to take me out.

As part of that survival, I also built some stronger, healthier skills that I hope to take into the new year. Also, I’ve learned to call them skills instead of habits, because apparently habit isn’t a thing my brain does. This was one of the helpful revelations that came out of therapy this year. For me, there’s no doing things without thinking about it. Even if I do something every day for a year, the moment I don’t remind myself (that is, actually set reminders or leave lists in a place I know I’ll see them), I drop it like I’ve never even heard about it. Everything has to be a conscious choice every time.

Which sounds exhausting (and it can be). But it’s also liberating. It frees me from trying to make progress the way other people do. Instead, I can focus on my goals in a way that actually works for me.

And it’s working beautifully so far.

So that’s the year. That’s 2024. Overall, I’m pretty satisfied with it.

I hope you are satisfied with your year, too. Feel free to brag on yourself a little in the comments.

Posted in Alive, Books, Getting It Together, Health, Mental Health, Quiet, Reading Challenges, Resolutions, Writing | Tagged , , | Leave a Comment »

One Year Ago

December 23, 2024 by Suzanne

December 22 last year was a Friday. I was talking about books (of course). I had just wrapped up work and parties and performances for the month and was looking forward to traveling to see my family. This day last year was one of my favorite moments of the holiday season – that little transition between work and rest where I get to take a breath.

It was also a little over a week before I got my diagnosis.

So on December 22 last year, the appointment for the follow-up scan that eventually revealed the cancer had been made, and I was anxious. The first reference I see to news about health issues in the blog is on December 30 in my year-end review. This quote is…something. 

“I was ahead of schedule for most of the year, until work and health issues exploded. I don’t know how much those things will actually settle down, but I’ll keep the same goal for next year and see how it goes.”

Yeah, it did not settle down. At all, in any way. If November/December 2023 was an explosion, 2024 was a supernova.

What I enjoy about re-reading this post, though, is how well my 2023 goals had prepared me for what was to come. As challenging as this year has been, it would have been so much harder if I hadn’t already learned some practical ways to take care of myself – not just physically but also mentally and financially. I’m not sure I would have made it without those skills. Good job, past me!

Out of necessity, I’ve sharpened those skills this year. I know I’ve made some progress, because otherwise, today would not have gone the way that it did, and I would be in worse shape for it.

Yesterday was a good day, but it was also a loud day. A very social day. I woke up this morning still feeling the sensory overload. I got up and started getting ready to leave home. I noticed it was not easy.

I paused to check in with what I was feeling:

  • Irritation, almost to the point of panic
  • Itchy skin, particularly anywhere it touched fabric or whenever the breeze from the fan blew over it
  • Dull, throbbing headache
  • Strong aversion to the smell of my lotion (which is “unscented”)
  • Nausea due to all of the above

Yep. That’s still overload. Probably not a great time to go sit in a room with an organ. Or people.

A year ago today, I might have forged ahead and gone to church. After all, the choir was singing and I love being part of that. I’ve missed out on it so much this year.

But nowadays I am more likely to choose getting well over doing almost any other thing. I choose slowing down. I don’t like it. I still want to do all the fun things and dislike that I can’t. But I know that taking a break when I need it is the better choice.

Posted in Alive, Church, Health, Mental Health, Quiet | Leave a Comment »

Friday Five – Cultivating Joy

December 20, 2024 by Suzanne

I love transitional periods. This fondness makes today one of my favorite days of the year. The short last day of work before the break that starts another transitional period between the year we are finishing and the year ahead. Other than the time surrounding my birthday, this is usually my very favorite week.

It’s also joy season.

I mean, joy is for always. But I am paying particular attention to it these days, trying to find it wherever and whenever I can. I love this piece by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes where she shares her secret for finding joy, especially this quote: “I cultivate joy as a discipline, attentive to finding it in life’s everyday moments, determined to ride this thing until the wheels fall off. In a death-dealing culture, joy is a form of resistance. I am decidedly oppositional in my joy.”

Seeing joy as resistance to the junk of the world is a nice motivation to pursue it more assertively.

Here are some ways I plan to do that over my break from work:

  • Spending quality time with family and friends
  • Making art (writing, music, baking, crafts, etc.)
  • Reading for long, luxurious stretches of time
  • Cleaning out the parts of my apartment that seem cluttered to make them cozy and functional again
  • Unraveling my year and preparing for the new one

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, friends!

Posted in Beauty, Friday Five, Home, Joy, Revolution, Seasons | Leave a Comment »

A Minor Blogger Rant

December 17, 2024 by Suzanne

I have a bone to pick with Substack (and other platforms that constantly harass you to pay for subscriptions to individual blogs). Or maybe my beef is with some of its users? My Substack doesn’t have a paywall (which is a good thing, since I haven’t posted since August), so I am not sure if they (the writers) can choose how paid posts go out. But my minor annoyance today is receiving an email from a person whose free content I subscribe to, only to get a few paragraphs into it and get the prompt “Like what you’re reading? Upgrade to a paid subscription to read the rest!”

No, thank you.

First of all, I realize maintaining a blog is a lot of work, and it is disheartening to work for free. I have been blogging since 2002-ish, and for about 8 years, I wrote blogs for companies as part of my copywriting job, so I totally understand wanting to get paid for it. And companies should absolutely pay their bloggers, because their writing enriches the company’s online presence and is thus instrumental in selling a lot of the products or services the company offers. 

But unless the blogger is offering truly unique content that reads more like a chapter of a book I would buy than a blog post (which several of the bloggers I follow are, and I am happy to pay for as many of those subscriptions as my budget will allow), their blog is most likely just marketing. Artful marketing, to be sure, but marketing nonetheless. It is a useful tool to build an audience (or, brand, if you must call it that). But that’s still marketing, not final content to be purchased. Readers shouldn’t have to pay for companies or organizations (or – dare I say it – even authors) to advertise to them. 

It also feels like not wanting to do the work of writing, editing, proofreading, and publishing a whole book but wanting to get paid for doing so anyway. After all, $6 a month = $72 a year. That’s two or three books I could have bought instead. And again, I get it. Just because you haven’t gone through all those specific steps, that doesn’t mean your content isn’t valuable. But regardless of what capitalism would have us believe, valuable doesn’t automatically equal a paycheck. Sometimes what’s most valuable is the ability to show readers the kind of literary citizen you are committed to being. 

There is something to be said about generosity. A free blog is a generous thing to do. And even if it is money you’re after, let it be noted that I am more likely to buy the books of authors who are generous with their fans/audience than those who nickel-and-dime us at every opportunity. 

Yes, there are blogs I pay for, because they offer high-quality content that either informs my own writing, helps me keep up with current events, or provides access to services I enjoy. Also – related rant – I am 100% on board with food bloggers putting their recipes behind a paywall for those who click “skip to recipe.” I’ve never gotten so many “tl;dr” or “just give us the good stuff and stop yapping” comments as I do when I post about food. They’re the reason new commenters to this blog have to be approved before I’ll allow the comment to post. No matter how you spin it or justify it, this attitude is just rude. You want Aunt Gale’s secret ingredient that she added to her hummingbird cake? That’ll be $5. Unless, of course, you want to act like you remember there’s a person behind that post and thus take a few minutes of your time to listen to the story of Aunt Gale first. If you can answer some key questions about the content, then thank you so much for your kind attention, internet stranger/friend who understands how reciprocal human communication works. Here is the recipe without charge, and I hope you enjoy the cake. But if all you want from me is a transactional exchange, then a transactional exchange you will get. If you come into my space acting like a demanding customer, please be advised that the small amount of time I am willing to set aside for putting up with that is expensive.

All this is to say…I get why some people charge for their content. I truly do. There are many spaces and situations where this is absolutely appropriate. But if I’m subscribed for free, I don’t want the upsell. I’ve already made my choice. Find a way to put mechanisms in place so that I don’t get all these emails junking up my inbox, teasing content that I can’t actually access without shelling out the dough.

 All I want for Christmas is fewer commercials. 

Posted in Rants, Work, Writing | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments »

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