This week has been busy, work-wise. I had an interview for a new position in our office, and I think it went OK. So we’ll see!
As far as reading goes, I’ve been basking in some super sweet meet-cutes this week. This is one of my favorite summer/comfort genres. I’ve listed one of the ones I finished below (others coming up in reading challenge updates), and I am looking forward to basking in more of them during the long weekend.
Here are some recent notables I wanted to share. Enjoy!
I love this reflection from Andi Cumbo – Writing Lessons from a Lawn Care Channel. I love laundry for the same reasons. And I concur with Andi – that channel is really satisfying.
That Summer Feeling by Bridget Morrissey was a great summer read. If you’ve ever fantasized about going to an adult sleepaway camp, this might be right up your alley. Of course, you know what will happen pretty early on, but that doesn’t make it less fun. And there are some really wonderful relationship moments – familial, platonic, and romantic – that tug on all the heartstrings. Stayed up late to finish it – no regrets.
Getting Word is one of my favorite literary projects, and their annual fundraiser starts Monday. Check them out and donate if you are so inclined.
I haven’t solidified my summer bucket list yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that icebox pies and other no-bake desserts are going to take up a lot of space on it. I am currently finishing a coffee/Kahlua pie (which is really just Nigella Lawson’s no-churn ice cream in a chocolate cookie crust). After the lemon pie that I’m making this weekend, I expect that this no-bake tres leches will be on deck.
Cleverly cautious – a classic horse trait. “CAN IT EAT US ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION JULIA.” Shout-out to Jessica who shared this with the office this morning. It made me laugh and laugh.
Summertime is not my favorite for several reasons, but there is a perk:
More free time + higher temperatures outside = more reading inside.
Summer (June in particular) is one of the main seasons when I clock more reading hours (and get rewarded for them through our library’s summer reading challenge!) than usual. I was nervous about raising my reading goal this year from 150 to 180, but I’m three books ahead of schedule, so it seems it was a reasonable goal to set. It’s at least having the intended effect of ensuring that I’m taking the downtime that I need, which is the most important thing.
As the summer progresses, a lot of the books I read will be chronicled in the post I write for all the books on the Modern Mrs. Darcy Minimalist Summer Reading Guide, and I will still be working on my Alphabet and Girlxoxo challenges. But that leaves a lot of others that don’t fit into the spaces left in those three categories.
So this is a Friday More-Than-Five. Friday Five-Adjacent. Friday Five-ish, if you will.
Anyway, here’s what I thought of the books I’ve read since my last update.
Laziness Does Not Exist by Dr. Devon Price – This fantastic book outlines the ways that we overwork ourselves and refuse to rest and, instead of being properly horrified by our actions (and the economic system and cultural climate that inspire them), either wear them as some weird badge of honor as if there is somehow glory in being exhausted all the time or completely ignore reality and call ourselves lazy because we’re not doing even more than we already are. There was a lot in here that I needed to hear, and Dr. Price presented it clearly and graciously and backed it up with a ton of research. Triple win for me.
The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green – John Green is a gem of a human being, so I am not surprised that I liked this book, in which he talks about several people/events/phenomena/products/etc., and rates them on a scale of 1-5. Apparently, he also has a podcast by the same name, which one might argue is very similar to the audiobook – read by the author – that I just listened to. I would like to say I’ll now listen to the podcast faithfully, but knowing my propensity to give my attention to just about any other type of media before I listen to a podcast, I’m not going to promise that. However, I do give John Green’s delightful book 4.5 stars.
Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner – I loved this book. It was a hard read, as it deals with her mother’s illness and death, but as tributes go, it’s amazing. This was a beautiful way to honor her memory. I highly recommend listening to Japanese Breakfast while you read it.
The Plot by Jean Hanff Korelitz – This one started a little slow and whiny (on purpose – the main character/narrator is pretty navel-gazey), but when it did pick up – whew! I sort of suspected the ending but it was still interesting to see it play out.
Resistanceby Tori Amos – Tori Amos was a fundamental part of my coming-of-age experience, so I was excited to listen to her read her memoir about what was happening on the other side of the songs that accompanied some of my most formative years. I loved this book. My only complaint is that she recited rather than sang the lyrics that graced each chapter. But they’re beautiful as poetry, too, I guess.
Animals Eat Each Other by Elle Nash – If you want to know how to do polyamory wrong, this is a good example. It was a well-written (Nash’s scene descriptions are especially poignant) account of rampant confusion resulting from poor communication and (in my view) unfounded jealousy. I feel protective of the main character, though. She’s just trying to figure things out, and while she makes mistakes, she is treated with an unnecessary amount of harshness. It’s a good book, but I’m glad it was short. It was very stressful.
The Beauty of the Husband by Anne Carson – I love Anne Carson, and this is a lovely book. I especially liked the structure of it – a story of the disintegration of a marriage told in small, lyrical essays. I can see myself reading this one again someday.
I hope you have a good day and a fun weekend with all the time to read you want!
Hello to June! The weather is pretending it’s going to be a mild summer (for now – I’ll not be lulled into a false sense of security this year, Texas June!), and it’s Pride Month, and I bought cherries this week, and my first snow cone of the year is in my near future. Happy!
Also, Modern Mrs. Darcy’s Summer Reading Guide is out! The full guide is for Patreon or MMD Book Club members, but you can get the minimalist guide (her team’s favorites and my starting point for the yearly challenge) on the website.
Here are most of the books on my radar this month.
Follow the Reader’s choose-your-own-adventure theme for June is, appropriately for Pride Month, queer lit. So I’m reading Ander & Santi Were Here by Jonny Garza Villa. One of my favorite BookTokkers (Jaysen Headley, whom you should all follow, and yes, I know I linked you to his Instagram and not the Tiktok, but…I do what I want) posted a particularly heartfelt recommendation for this one. I’m also going to finish up Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake. Also maybe Orlando by Virginia Woolf if I have time.
Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld – This recommendation has come from so many places, so it was no surprise that it was on MMD’s minimalist list. Excited to tuck into it!
Something Wild & Wonderful by Anita Kelly – This is exactly how I like to experience hiking the most – sitting on my couch or at my desk in the air conditioning, reading about others’ zany misadventures. This title is also my Girlxoxo read for the month (keyword “wild”).
No Two Persons by Erin Bauermeister – A story about how a book changes the lives of 11 people. Anything about the importance/influence of books is going to jump ahead on my TBR list.
The Secret Book of Flora Lea by Patti Callahan Henry – Working at a rare bookshop. Story of sisterly love. Mystery revolving around a book. This one checked a lot of boxes for me, and it helped me work through my remaining Audible credits. Sweet story.
Resistance by Tori Amos – This is my current car book, read by Tori Amos herself. In related news, I’m definitely listening to all her albums on repeat nonstop. I love her so much.
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain – I bought this audiobook a long time ago because Nick Offerman reads it. If you, too, are trying to use up all your Audible credits, I recommend it!
Collection
So that shelf that’s in my living room with all the books I’ve meant to read in the last year or so but didn’t quite…it’s pretty full. And what it’s full of are a bunch of books that I have been super psyched about relatively recently. This month’s collection selections are from that shelf.
“Home wasn’t a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.” – Sarah Dessen, from What Happened to Goodbye
In exploring the concept of home, I’ve noticed that certain things stand out to me. For the rest of the year, a few of our Friday Fives are going to focus on books and think pieces that have sparked reflections about some of those things.
Shawn Smucker’s piece On the Road Again – “Now that I”m 46, homesickness is more of an ache for the place and the people where I belong, where I fit.” I spent most of last weekend on my parents’ farm, with a brief stint at the cousin’s place to attend a graduation party for his oldest child who is now an actual grown-up. [Aside – WHAT. I swear he was just born a minute ago.] It was so good to catch up with the extended family I came from, and we’re going to need to do that more often. I also really love coming back to Denton after a weekend away, though. Walking into my messy apartment where everything is mine and is just where I left it gives me a special kind of peace.
The Secret of Poppyridge Cove by Rimmy London – Should you use an inheritance to buy a great house that comes with some land and a private beach entrance but that is also possibly haunted and/or frequented by a (maybe) serial killer? I know the “responsible” answer to this fantasy scenario is probably no, especially when the money is not all in the bank account quite yet, but then I had to keep turning up the volume on this audiobook to hear it over my upstairs neighbors and their cute dogs committing the grievous act of walking across the room in their own apartment, so WHERE DO I SIGN?! I am inspiring/torturing myself with a lot of books lately that revolve around the act of buying a home and making it yours (even if there are bumps and possibly corpses along the way). I liked both this one and A Traitor at Poppyridge Cove, and I’m looking forward to the rest of the series.
The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg – I’m not saying that, when I retire, I’m going to put everything in storage and just drive until I find the town and house I want to live in, but this book makes a good argument for it. I really enjoyed it. Yes, as a couple of the online reviews state, it does read a little bit like a Hallmark Christmas movie (minus the Christmas). But there are so many poignant moments about grief and friendship and delicious food and community that it might have well had my name in the title because clearly it was written for me. It wasn’t just finding a place to land that helped the main character through her grief but also remembering to find joy in small, ordinary pleasures and with the people who showed up alongside her. I could use that reminder myself from time to time.
I love the way Christie Purifoy writes about place. In this guest post, she pursues the answer to the question, “What if our homes could be places that bring us back to life?” I love being at home, but sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things I want to get done there. I get started with one project and then have to work or be somewhere else, so it takes longer than I would like to make a dent or a difference. But at other times, I look out my patio door at the tiny garden that is thriving, or I sit in my office among my books and glance up to see one I’d forgotten I had, and I’m filled with gratitude for this little space of mine. More of these life-giving moments, please.
How To Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis – This is the book I didn’t even know I needed right now. Usually with advice-laden books, I take notes because 1) that’s my best learning style, and 2) I want a succinct list of highlights to review later. I didn’t do that with this one because it’s short and I own it so I just decided to tab the pages. I have so many tabbed spots. It’s the tabbing equivalent of highlighting the whole book. But at just over 150 pages (if you include the appendix and the acknowledgments), it’s so rich in information. My favorite takeaway is that care tasks (whether for home or self) are morally neutral. You are not a better or worse person/adult based on how much you get done. I want this lesson to permeate my whole life this year. I already know it in my head but my heart and soul take a minute to catch up.
I’m very much looking forward to an easy weekend. Rest. Recoup. Also, dishes and maybe dusting. Putting some of those principles from Davis’s book into practice.
This is the second closedown day/summer move-in weekend at work. This one is a little slower than last week, so I figured an update was in order. I know that to everyone else it’s Saturday, but I definitely woke up to an alarm and I’m wearing shoes and sitting at my desk at work, so it’s Friday in my heart.
This week’s edition includes recipes of things I have been tinkering with and a few books I have finished in the last couple of weeks. Enjoy!
One of my book clubs met last Tuesday, and we usually each bring a snack or some type of food to share. The snack I brought this month was margaritas. My go-to recipe is one I found in one of the Sweet Potato Queens’ books (I believe it was The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book of Love), because it’s four ingredients I can pour together, stir, and call it a day. Well, I like Triple Sec in my margaritas, so my version is technically five ingredients. And the grocery store didn’t have frozen limeade on Monday night, so I used the Simply Limeade, and now I have a new favorite way to make them that’s not quite so syrupy sweet. Anyway, combine 12(ish) oz. each of tequila and/or triple sec, Corona (or a Corona-esque beer – they’re actually better with Sol if you can find it), 7-Up (not Sprite or any other lemon/lime drink – it makes a difference), and frozen limeade (or Simply Limeade that you’ve slightly frozen). Stir, serve, and enjoy. It’s the perfect hybrid of frozen and on-the-rocks margaritas, and it is potent.
I’ve been dabbling with no-churn ice creams, and I took two flavors to Cookbook Club last Friday – Nigella Lawson’s no-churn coffee ice cream and Eric Kim’s no-churn Scotch ice cream. In related news, I enjoy boozy ice creams. And the no-churn is so easy to make (it’s essentially frozen whipped cream). This may become a habit. Cottage cheese ice cream is the next experiment.
The Seven Stones: The Seastone by Robb Arbuckle – This is the first book in a new middle-grade series, and it’s a pretty standard good vs. evil, magical academia trope. It incorporates a lot of mythology and elementals and historical references, so it’s also pretty ambitious. I’m interested to see if many of those things will become significant to the plot of the series or if the author will focus on a few of them to tighten the narrative (I can see clear arguments for both, depending on what the author wants the story arc to be, so this interest is curiosity rather than criticism at this point). It made me want to read more of the story, so it was a successful first installment!
I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver – This was my second time reading this book because I recommended it for my church book club. I loved it just as much the second time (and listened on audio, which is also good). The main character is nonbinary, and this is the story of their coming out and finding the people who love and support them. Deaver does a great job of showing the anguish and self-doubt that often accompanies this process. I wanted to fight everyone who hurt Ben throughout the book.
The Bullet That Missed by Richard Osman – I really love the Thursday Murder Club series. I was feeling puny Sunday so I was not up for much else but lying about and drinking tea and reading this book. I started and finished it that day.
Added bonus – a morning routine is so important, and this kid is going places. But not until he’s had his morning lemon and honey constitutional.
Welp, Book Riot’s gone and done it. An alphabetical list of queer lit recommendations, just in time to start stockpiling for Pride Month in June. Or, you know, to read any time throughout the year, especially in places where administrators and lawmakers and other nefarious busybodies want to pretend LGBTQIA+ folks don’t exist.
Anyway, an update on my own alphabet project.
For the main list of book titles I’ve finished for this challenge, see this post. For reviews on specific books, see previous posts:
The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley
C
The Castlemaine Murders by Kerry Greenwood
The Postmistress of Paris by Meg Waite Clayton
D
Dear Bob and Sue by Matt and Karen Smith
Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz
E
Excuse Me While I Disappear by Laurie Notaro
F
Florence Adler Swims Forever by Rachel Beanland
Rock Paper Scissors by Alice Feeney
G
Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Winter Recipes from the Collective by Louise Glück
H
How To Be Perfect by Michael Schur
The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris
I
The Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne
J
Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry
The Friend Zone and The Happy Ever After Playlist by Abby Jimenez
K
Writers & Lovers by Lily King
L
Lucky Turtle by Bill Roorbach
Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón – This was one of my favorite poetry collections I read during April. A lot of them center around grief over a parent’s death, but the images extend to other types of grief as well. I need to buy it to have in my own collection to revisit later.
M
Marie Kondo’s Kurashi at Home – If you’ve been here awhile, you know how big a crush I have on Marie Kondo. She infuses kindness into every book she writes. I never knew tidying could be kind. This one has gorgeous pictures, and that alone would have made me love it. The main takeaway I got was setting a project deadline for my bulk tidying (November 18. I think I’ll put up the Christmas tree in celebration), and I also set smaller deadlines for each room/section of my apartment so that I don’t get to November 11 and discover I’ve done nothing.
Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire
N
The Last Graduate by Naomi Novik – How dare you, Naomi Novik. How. Dare. You. *immediately puts the next in the series on hold at the library*
O
The Opposite of You by Rachel Higginson
The Book of Form and Emptiness by Ruth Ozeki
P
The Pisces by Melissa Broder
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath – I first read this during grad school, so it had been a few years. What drew me to revisit it was that the audio version is read by Maggie Gyllenhaal. Not only did the book itself stand the test of time with me, but Gyllenhaal’s voice is perfect for it. I loved it.
Q
Queen of the Flowers by Kerry Greenwood
R
A Rhythm of Prayer, edited by Sarah Bessey
S
A Study in Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle
T
Ten Steps to Nanette: A Memoir Situation by Hannah Gadsby – I loooove Hannah Gadsby and their humor, and I love this book. Highly recommend the audio, read by the author. It’s basically a glimpse into their formative years and the start of their success as a comedian. This is easily one of my top five favorite reads so far this year.
Women Talking by Miriam Toews
U
V
Verity by Colleen Hoover – The pace of this story is amazing. That was what took it from the 3.5 stars that I gave it for the writing (which was fine…but it had been hyped up so much that I expected better) to a solid 4. My copy didn’t have the bonus chapter (if yours ends with Chapter 25, neither does yours, and you NEED IT). Thankfully, my book club leader had it. I have never read a chapter so fast in my life.
W
A World of Curiosities by Louise Penny
X
Y
Z Welcome Home: A Guide to Building a Home for Your Soul by Najwa Zebian
Hello, friends! We are heading across the street for lunch today because it’s staff discount day in the cafeteria and also because there are empanadas there. We are going a little early because it’s Reading Day at UNT (i.e., no classes are held), and we want to make it to the cafeteria before it is teeming with the students who are hopefully using this small break before Finals Week to sleep in and catch up on some rest.
It’s also Cinco de Mayo (i.e., the reason for the empanadas, probably). Please consider supporting local Mexican-owned businesses (particularly if they make tasty drinks because yay Friday) or donating to one of the following organizations:
I’m so happy it’s the weekend (soon). Here are five things I enjoyed this week:
As an aspiring older female writer, I’m excited that people are seeking them out. Keep seeking, folks. I’m coming. Also, I love all the books listed in this article that I’ve read (e.g., if you haven’t read Lessons in Chemistry, you’re missing out), and I expect that June’s TBR is going to include some of the ones I haven’t.
Carrie Fisher is being honored with a Hollywood Walk of Fame star, which was appropriately announced on May 4.
Nigella Lawson’s Cook, Eat, Repeat is the audiobook I’m currently listening to. Nigella reads it herself, and I love how her humor comes across not only in her words but in her voice. I wouldn’t usually listen to a cookbook (and honestly, I skipped right through the recipe for black pudding meatballs just like I would if I were reading through the print copy because the description was already sufficiently vivid and…yuck), but I am enjoying this one. I’m going to need the print copy, though, because I’m now craving some of these foods. Just not the meatballs.
And finally – I have jumped on the Substack bandwagon. Eventually, I want the paid portion (which is not active yet, so everything that’s there can be perused for free) to be an opportunity to share some of the fiction I’m writing. But for now, I’m having fun musing about how to be/feel like/identify as a writer when you have multiple jobs/gigs, a full-time job, children, volunteer work, high-maintenance pets, or other time-consuming responsibilities. I’m currently posting once a week on Wednesdays, so subscribe if you want to hear more!
I hope you get a chance to do something fun today. Have a good weekend!
Welcome to May! My allergies are at war with nature, and we are closing down most of our residence halls for on-campus housing and transitioning to summer housing/conferences. Both sound like excellent reasons to use the downtime I have to stay inside and read and not talk to anyone at all.
The section of my TBR that is the longest is the series section. This is where I list not only all the series that I’ve started (and all the books still left to read in them) but also all the series I’m interested in. That number is constantly expanding, and I’m becoming resigned to the truth that it is probably infinity. This group is listed only by the first book on my TBR spreadsheet, though. I’m not going to commit to the series unless I really like the first one.
[This is a new rule that I’ve made for myself this year as part of my commitment to learning to accept that it’s OK not to finish books/series when I realize I’m just not that into them.]
So most of this month’s selections in this category are helping me whittle down that section-within-a-section of my TBR (can you whittle down infinity? I’m not sure that’s a thing). A couple of the following selections are from series I already know and love, but the first five are first installments that I have been meaning to try out for a while.
Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo – One of my friends gave the book this ringing endorsement – “It’s like Hogwarts and Buffy had a baby and sent it to Yale.” OF COURSE I NEED TO READ THAT.
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon – I think I have the boxed set in ebook form somewhere, but I’ll have to look. If not, I’m sure the library or friends who love historical fiction have a copy I can borrow.
The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie – You know I love a detective story. Can you believe I’ve never read any Hercule Poirot mysteries?!
Fable by Adrienne Young – I don’t remember who suggested this one, but their recommendation clearly made enough of an impression that I immediately put it on hold at the library, and now it’s in my borrowed pile. It does sound like something I’d like, so we’ll see.
The Printed Letter Bookshop by Katherine Reay – This is a judging-a-book-by-its-cover/title situation. I have high hopes for this one.
The Bullet that Missed by Richard Osman – Have I gushed thoroughly enough about the Thursday Murder Club yet that you want to read it? Excited about getting to know these characters a little better in the third book.
Tricked and Trapped by Kevin Hearne – More of the Iron Druid Chronicles!
Why Design Matters by Debbie Millman – Not a series selection, but I’ve been waiting for it at the library for forever, and it’s finally my turn! It’s also a good choice for this year’s home theme.
The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg – Also not a series selection, but very “on brand” (as the capitalists say) for me. So…also a good home theme selection. Thus, I started it immediately after picking it up at the library and will probably be finished with it early this month. I’m probably going to end up buying it.
Collection
The Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King – This is the first Stephen King book I ever read, but that was in 6th grade. I remember loving it, so it will be interesting to see what I think of it now. Bonus – it fulfills the prompt for Girlxoxo’s Monthy Key Word Reading Challenge (keyword “dragon”).
A Complicated Kindness by Miriam Toews – After reading Women Talking last month, I’m interested in how this one compares.
Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro – I loved Never Let Me Go, so I pick up any Ishiguro I see at a book sale. Looking forward to reading this short story collection.
Placemaker by Christie Purifoy – This has been on my nightstand for a few years. Hoping to tuck into it as another home selection this month, if time allows.
Cook, Eat, Repeat by Nigella Lawson – continuing my Audible countdown with one of my favorite cookbook writers narrating her own book. It is delightful to have it read to me, and I’m already planning to buy the hard copy as well.
Laziness Does Not Exist by Dr. Devon Price – I enjoyed Dr. Price’s presentation last week, so I immediately used an Audible credit to pick up this gem to listen to this month.
Whew. That’s a lot. I probably won’t finish them all, but hope springs eternal!
I had a readathon this weekend, and I forgot how nice and relaxing they are. I needed that. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I looked at my calendar Friday evening, saw that I only had one additional thing scheduled the whole weekend (dinner at my friends’ house where I was plied with delicious food and wine and got to see their dog Charlie and catch up with them and watch TV – so, even the one thing was super low key), and burst into tears of relief.
Welp, that’s telling.
In mental health news, it has been noted that I am describing a greater number of stress responses than usual in sessions. There are probably several factors. First, it’s the end of the semester, and transitions between application periods always have the potential for instability and extra wackiness. Even when the work week is reasonably calm – like last week was – just the awareness that this time of the year is particularly prone to changing in an instant is stressful.
I am also – once again – trying to do too much and not taking the time I know I need for proper rest and restoration. The writing project I’m focusing on is deeply personal and is uncovering some things I probably need to address in future sessions. And then there’s the ongoing, underlying theme of my brain’s particular neurospicy cocktail, which ensures that common elements in several environments I frequent often trigger an acute stress response, just as a matter of course.
A reasonable question might be, “Can’t you just avoid environments that hurt you?” As we discovered during the stay-in-place times during the height of the pandemic, the answer is yes – absolutely I can. That is technically a possibility that I could put in place if I really needed to, as these responses are rarely triggered at home. But since the aforementioned environments do allow me to do nice things like pay for food and rent or engage in creative pursuits and also socialize ever, they’re not really situations I would want to avoid, even if, technically, I could.
Up until recently, any time someone would mention the concept of fight vs. flight, I would state that I’m almost all fight. But while that may have been true at certain points in my life, I don’t think it is anymore. I still occasionally react in a tight jaw/tense muscles/knotted gut sort of way, but even then it tends to stay bottled up and internal, in ready-to-fight mode. More often, I get fidgety, which is more flight, or preparing to run away.
To my great dismay, though, the most common acute stress response I have these days is fawn. Particularly when the stressor is social. And it doesn’t have to be a big stressor – just something catching me off guard, conflict (even mild ones), someone talking more loudly than I can readily process, a slamming door (i.e., the doors at work all day every day), etc. I turn into this over-the-top people pleaser, which is not at all my usual personality. I switch into accommodation mode, giving the other people/person in the situation whatever they want or letting them control it completely. I become overly complimentary, saying things that, while they are truly what I think, are also in that moment specifically spoken to soothe their stress and, by extension, my own. I do anything I can to appear compliant, non-threatening, gracious, and useful.
These things are not bad ways to be in general. But because I know it’s a stress response, and thus that the intention behind it is more about avoiding further stress than actual helpfulness, it doesn’t feel good. It’s not an honest interaction, but it seems to come across as one. It feels phony, and it’s hard not to judge myself harshly for that, even though stress responses are typically harder (impossible? I wonder) to control. At any rate, it’s my least favorite version of me, especially when I comply by doing something I didn’t actually want to do, but did do, and then felt compelled to either keep pretending that I wanted to or end the madness with an awkward conversation where I say all these convoluted things out loud and utterly confuse/hurt/disappoint everyone involved.
[That last sentence is what everything in my brain sounds like right now.]
Also, my skin hates it when I feel this way, and it’s acting out. That’s annoying. And itchy.
So that thing I was doing during Lent – taking the two time-outs per week instead of just one? I’m going back to that. It requires some creative corralling of my schedule for my second job, but it’s so worth it. I look forward to being myself most of the time again.
What are some things you do (or stop doing) to relieve stress?
This week’s recap is going to be a little different. As you know, it’s National Poetry Month, and I’ve read a lot of poems! There were a few collections that were just meh for me and one that fell so flat that I couldn’t even bear to make it through, but I finished and enjoyed most of the ones I planned on:
I have also been bookmarking poems to share with my beloved Follow the Reader friends. I only shared a few snippets that night because I’m misfiring all over the place this week, so transporting from the page to my brain to my mouth is hard. But here are five of my favorites from the month:
“A Song for the Status Quo” by Saeed Jones (Alive at the End of the World) – This whole collection is amazing. I also like this interview about his work.
“The Noisiness of Sleep” by Ada Limón (Bright Dead Things). I love the concluding line – “I want to be the rough clothes you can’t sleep in.”
Elizabeth Wilder (Balefire) – “There is not much I trust so wholeheartedly as the musty-scented pages of a book.”
“Perhaps the World Ends Here” by Joy Harjo (Weaving Sundown in a Scarlet Light). Of course, the line about coffee charmed me – “Our dreams drink coffee with us as they put their arms around our children.”
To continue the celebration of poetry (does it ever end, really?), I’m currently reading and enjoying Clint Smith’s Counting Descent.
And finally, a little something to start your weekend off right. For your aural enjoyment, half an hour of Tom Hiddleston reading poetry. You’re welcome.
M. Suzanne Terry 