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I met Miah Oren through an online writers’ group called Story Sessions (now The Coterie), and I’ve enjoyed getting to know her and watch the process of this story making its way into the world. Her first book, The Reluctant Missionary: A Journey From Failure to Faith, released on Tuesday, and you should all buy it immediately.  And yes, Mom and Dad, it comes in paperback as well.

1. I can’t wait to dive in to your book! Tell us about The Reluctant Missionary.

The Reluctant Missionary: A Journey From Failure to Faith describes my journey from idealistic young missionary to depressed, cynical teacher who was just trying to make it through each week. I had unrealistic expectations for myself, my team, and my hosts. And I didn’t know what to do when those expectations weren’t met.

2. What sets your book apart from other books written about mission experiences?

I haven’t read a book about missions that addresses failure. But I wish I had before going overseas. I wrote the book so others in missions and Christian ministry will know that they’re not alone in worrying about failure and that failure isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

3. What was the biggest joy you faced in writing the book? The biggest hurdle?

The biggest joy in writing the book was discovering how all the pieces of that experience fit together. Even in draft 17 (of 23) I was adding characters. Of course they were there all along, but I hadn’t realized how their words and/or actions fully impacted my decisions.

The biggest hurdle was probably making the decision to publish in the first place. Originally this was an email to someone who was struggling as a missionary. Then I decided to expand the story “for posterity.” When I had 200 pages and was 95% done with the first draft, it finally occurred to me that it could be a book. But I was nervous about sharing the story because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I also know that my perspective probably isn’t correct. So many things I heard via rumors and gossip, through mangled translations from another language, or that I just misunderstood because I really wasn’t doing well personally. But this was the data I had at the time.

4. If you could give one piece of advice to aspiring mission workers, what would it be?

You are not responsible for any outcomes. It’s all up to God. Whether wonderful or terrible things happen, your obedience is more important, and you’re not responsible for “results” or “success.” Only God knows what success looks like. Whether fifty people come to Christ or no one, you are doing God’s important work by showing up.

5. What projects are you working on now?

Currently I’m working on the second draft of the mystery novel I wrote for last year’s NaNoWriMo. It’s about a girl who thinks she’s joining a convent, but it’s actually a secret international spy/detective agency.

Writing a memoir was hard. It’s a nice change to write about fictional characters whose feelings I don’t need to consider upon releasing the book.

I’m also working on a course called Photography for Writers. It keeps growing – it might be as long as a book by the time I’m done.

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Miah is the author of The Reluctant Missionary, a memoir about the two years she spent overseas teaching English. She writes about learning to let go of perfectionism and embracing God’s plan for her life. She lives in Dallas where she dreams of someday having another cat. Connect with Miah online at http://www.miahoren.com.

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Night-Driving-Synchroblog

“You can’t be The Lone Ranger. Christianity can only be done in community.”

Then why is faith such a lonely place sometimes? How do I explain the seasons when the more I engage, the more people I seek out, the more people I pray with, the more isolated I feel?

I used to think that getting married would obliterate my loneliness. I don’t think that anymore. Getting to know people and being around them hasn’t gotten rid of it, so maybe that’s too much of an expectation to heap upon my future spouse.

[Having said that, I’m still more than willing to give marriage the old college try, Jesus. I’m just sayin’.]

Did I choose my dark places, or have they chosen me?

Probably a bit of both.

If you look only at the facts of my early life, I probably shouldn’t (ick…speaking of unreasonable expectations. Can we just ban this word from the English language already?) be so worried about being abandoned. I had an enviable childhood. My parents are good role models. They’re responsible, faithful people who are still together, just like they’ve been since they were practically teenagers. They have always had high expectations, but they’re fair expectations. And they love their children – oh, how they love us.

Yet I distinctly remember in the church I grew up in, when we watched that terrible 70s film about the last days, as the song’s line repeated, “You’ve been left behind,” my fear of being left didn’t have anything to do with the apocalypse. It was very much a then-and-there fear.

It’s a fear that’s stuck around.

I didn’t sleep a lot that week. I don’t sleep a lot many weeks of the year.

Adult life has had more examples of people going away, and oddly, that’s a comfort. A see-how-I’m-not-totally-crazy consolation. I’ve been through church splits and dissolutions, and that’s been hurtful, especially when it means we don’t see each other anymore, indicating that our bond was not as strong as it appeared. Friends come and go, show up and then get married or have children or move or all of the above, and my heart’s not built to be a pit stop. Maybe most people’s hearts are. Maybe that’s my problem. I can’t make my heart do what it’s supposed to do. I can’t make my heart let go; a part of it always goes with them.

I don’t bond easily, but when I do, it’s forever. Even when the other person goes away. And I’m afraid that they all will go away eventually.

In my darkest times, I get angry about it. In my darkest times, I imagine pouring my heart out and being told, “Excellent sharing. Really top notch. Thanks for telling us. Okay, goodbye now. Have a nice life. Good luck!” And that makes me so mad. I argue with these imaginary people in my head who say things like that, who would be cavalier enough about my heart to walk away from it.

This is not a plea to tell me how you’ll stay. Please don’t promise that. You don’t know what tomorrow brings. I want you to do what you need to do, and I don’t want you to feel bad about it. Guilt is not welcome here. For any of us.

And I’m thankful that I’ve seen fewer of these darkest days recently. I think spending more time with my sister has helped. And I think my church – specifically, joining the choir – has helped.

They feed me. They listen to me. They surround me with song.

These are the things I cling to when it’s dark. It doesn’t always drive the darkness away, but it’s a bit of light to see by.

I have learned not to be so scared of the dark places.  I have learned precious things that my stubbornness would not have allowed me to learn any other way. I have grown more confident in my navigation skills. It has made me more self-sufficient but also more willing to be interdependent. It has made me stronger…and also weaker. It teaches me how to hold opposing forces in the same hand.

Addie Zierman’s new book, Night Driving: A Story of Faith in the Dark, releases on Tuesday, March 15, and she’s invited her readers to link up to her synchroblog. Come back after the release date to read more stories of faith in the dark.

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Happy packages from Maggie!

This post may seem disjointed. Welcome to where I’ve been recently.

These last few weeks have been busier than usual, and I’ve handled it in my own stellar way – freak out, get sick, and cancel everything.

On the one hand, I’m pleased that I chose to say no instead of powering through and keeping my schedule packed when my body needed to rest. On the other hand, if I could make better (i.e., more life-giving and less exhaustion-producing) scheduling choices before I freaked out and made myself sick, that would be awesome.

No is important sometimes. But no is not always the best choice for me. Sometimes, what keeps me from getting to the freak-out stage is remembering that I’m not actually alone.

I live by myself, so if I want to engage in supportive relationships, I have to make an effort to do so. I’m not talking about the being-mentally-present effort that all relationships require. I mean actual physical effort. To be social, I usually either have to put on my shoes and leave the house or bring the people to me.

There are exceptions. Maggie is in Houston, and Michelle is in Fort Worth (ish), and we usually text on a daily basis. We get together when we can, but that doesn’t happen very often. We text about TV but we also talk about life stuff. It’s an easy way to keep in touch. Maggie and I have started reading books together again. We’re currently working on all Jen Lancaster’s (or JenLan, as we – and probably no one else – like to call her) memoirs.

But most showing up requires…well…showing up.

It doesn’t have to be an organized event. I like going to people’s houses and having them over to mine. I like reading in the wine shop on the square. I also like listening to live music and browsing bookstores.

I don’t mean for this to sound like a personals ad.

I want to do more than go through the motions of my day-to-day schedule. I want to be show up mentally and physically, and I want to have the energy to do so. Honestly, I’m afraid that I have forgotten how to do that in a way that is energizing instead of exhausting.

But I am still trying.

I am linking up with Marvia Davidson’s Real Talk Tuesday. Even though it’s Thursday. See? Disjointed. Hurry up, Spring Break.

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The books in that stack were the first five things I planned to read this month. But then I remembered I have a book club reading to do for next week, and things are due at the library, so I’ve pushed most of them back to later in the month.

But the one I read and devoured in a day and now have to buy for myself and possibly everyone I know?

  1. Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. It took me three days to read this, but I’ll be unpacking all the good it will do me for a long time. I experienced a lot of joy and a lot of discomfort reading this book, for I, too, am an introvert who has gotten very comfortable saying no to a lot of things when I would be better off saying yes. Many things she said hit very close to home. I believe I need to continue my education by binge-watching her shows. Okay, maybe that’s not the point of the book. Maybe I can watch an episode a day or as a treat for saying yes to something scary/exciting?
  2. Speaking of the book club, In the Skin of a Jihadist by Anna Erelle is our church book club’s selection for next Tuesday, so naturally I waited to start it until today. Whoa. Intense. This should be a good discussion.
  3. In preparation for reading next month’s selection for a different book club (I may have a problem…an awesome, wonderful problem) – Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates – I’m re-reading The Case for Reparations.
  4. For Black History Month, Austin Channing Brown is highlighting a different educational resource every day. 
  5. Speaking of BHM, if you’re wondering what you could possibly read (other than the resources on Austin Channing Brown’s page), here is QBR’s list of 100 essential black books. And here is a list compiled by The Woke Folk of books on race, gender, sexuality, and class to download for free.

What are you reading these days?

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Steele Secrets

I met Andi Cumbo-Floyd by joining the online writing community she leads. She has helped me with my work and has taught me a great deal about making time for getting it done. I am very excited for you to get the opportunity to read her first novel, which comes out February 9, so I invited her to talk about it here today. Enjoy! And order her book!

  1. Tell us about Steele Secrets.

Steele Secrets is my new YA novel, and it tells the story of Mary Steele, a 15-year-old girl who finds herself unexplainedly in an abandoned cemetery.  While she’s there, she meets the ghost of a slave named Moses and has to fend-off a bulldozer sent to destroy the cemetery.  In the course of her fight to save the cemetery, she learns a great deal about her small mountain town, about her neighbors, and about herself.  And not all of what she learns is good, and all of it challenges her sense of history and self.

  1. What prompted you to write it?

Over and over again, I have read about – and personally witnessed – the destruction of historic African American places, particularly slave cemeteries.  As a country, we do not value these places as they should be valued, and so we let them be destroyed because of our apathy. Sometimes, we destroy them with malicious intent or because of shame.  None of those reasons is acceptable.  So Steele Secrets comes, in part, from that experience and is my way of working through why we don’t care to save these houses, cemeteries, and other historic sites as much as we do, say, a presidential mansion.

I also wrote this book because I wanted to investigate my own heritage – note, small spoiler ahead – as a woman who identifies as white but is a direct descendant of African Americans.  I wanted to study my own thoughts and feelings about that identity, of which I am very proud but still unsure of how to wrap into myself fully.

Finally, I wrote Steele Secrets because at our 200-year-old farmhouse, I often feel the presence of a woman who was enslaved here.  I call her by the name Judith, but I do not know her real name; it’s not recorded anywhere.  So in these pages, I wanted to explore this idea of slave hauntings as beneficent gifts to us in the 21st century.

  1. Describe the research process that went into writing this story.

I actually didn’t do any particular research for this book, BUT I did draw on the research about slavery that I did for my previous book, The Slaves Have Names.  I also used a lot of the knowledge I’ve gained as a member of the Central Virginia History Researchers, a group of professional and independent historians who have worked to save a local African American cemetery and who strive tirelessly to recover the stories of African Americans and their communities in our part of the world.  Plus, I was able to draw from the work I’ve been honored to do with local historical societies; in fact, one of my characters – Shamila – is based loosely on my friend Elaine, who directs the Louisa County Historical Society.

  1. From which character did you learn the most?

What a great question! Without a doubt, Moses taught me the most. . . about what it might feel like to be enslaved, about what it is to forgive but not forget, about what family means.  I don’t want to say too much more because I don’t want to give away too much of the book, but Moses was my favorite character.  I fashioned him after Primus, a man who was enslaved at the plantation I call home.

  1. Which character frustrated you the most?

Oh, Mary, the protagonist.  In many ways, she and I are alike, so her foibles and failings are much like my own. . . and so when she messes up, I get frustrated because I do the same things.

  1. After reading Steele Secrets, I wanted to know more about how burial grounds and other sacred historical spaces of slaves are treated in our culture. What resources would you suggest?

Another great question.  The first resource I’d suggest is Lynn Rainville’s book Hidden Histories: African American Cemeteries in Virginia. The book is chock full of advice about finding old cemeteries, tips on preserving them, wisdom about how to understand the gravestone carvings, and an array of insight about historic preservation.

I’d also suggest that if you live in a place where there are plantations – i.e. most of the East Coast and all of the South – check with your local historical society. Ask them what places of import to African Americans are in danger.  Talk to property owners and see what they know about burial sites, slave quarters, etc., are on their land.

But honestly, we simply don’t have enough resources going into this work.  Every day, historic cemeteries are destroyed.  Every day, houses and other buildings that relate to enslaved people and their descendants are torn down.  So our best resource is ourselves – we can learn about these places and gather people to save them. . . we can take Mary’s lead.

Andi

Andi Cumbo-Floyd is a writer, editor, and farmer who – with her husband – runs God’s Whisper farm at the edge of the Blue Ridge Mountains, where they have 4 dogs, 4 cats, 6 goats, and 23 chickens.  Her books include The Slaves Have Names, Writing Day In and Day Out, God’s Whisper Manifesto, and the forthcoming Steele Secrets.  You can learn more about her at andilit.com.

 

 

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The thing I’m into the most right now? These boots.

Most of the month has involved making and talking about plans for the year. What I spent most of January doing was talking about what I’m going to be into, so it seems fitting to discuss both here.

I got off to a slow start with my reading this year. I only read four books, but I enjoyed them all. The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah and Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson were beautifully written. Andi Cumbo-Floyd’s first novel, Steele Secrets, is officially coming out on February 9, but I got a sneak peak, and I loved it. Thursday, I’ll post an interview with Andi in which she talks more about the book and the characters, but you should just go ahead and order your copy now. I also read Jen Lancaster’s The Tao of Martha, and she was hilarious and fantastic as always (except for that part about her dog. That wasn’t funny. I know – spoilers. I just want you to be emotionally prepared, if that’s even possible.).

I enjoyed The Tao of Martha so much that I am reading her My Fair Lazy now with Maggie. We used to read books at the same time, and I’m happy to be doing that again and even happier that it’s a book by someone we both fangirl pretty hard over. I’m pretty sure I’ve read this one before, but it’s been a while. The details are fuzzy in my memory.

 I’ve begun stacking books that are on my next-to-read list on top of my liquor cabinet.

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Making an appearance this month (probably) are Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley, Shonda Rhimes’s Year of Yes, Oriah’s The Invitation, and Kate Bolick’s SpinsterPreston Yancey’s Out of the House of Bread might be the book I’m most excited about right now. I took his Sacramental Baking course one summer, and this is the book that came out of that course. In fact, he’s going to be teaching through the book in late February, and it will be worth every penny.

A lot of my specific goals for the year mostly involve getting up off the couch – you know, going out and talking to people. As humans do. I also got a slow start on that, but I made it to Mallorie’s make-and-take oils party Friday night. I was a little congested on Saturday, but the chest rub we made helped that a lot (and also left my skin super soft, because coconut oil). In February, Michelle and I have a Galentine’s weekend planned, and she and Tammy both have birthdays coming up, so I foresee outings involved there. And at long last, supper club returns the last Sunday of the month!

January was a blur. Maybe I’ll be more present in February. That, too, is something to look forward to.

 I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer. Hop over and tell us what you’re into!

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With a fresh year comes a fresh reading goal. This year, I want to focus on reading some of the hundreds of books on my shelves. I’m also participating in a couple of reading challenges. In today’s Friday Five, I bring you two of the challenges and some interesting lists.

  1. The 2016 Book Riot Read Harder Challenge – this challenge is an excellent guide to exploring new genres. And bonus – last year’s finishers received a 30% discount on a purchase with Book Riot.
  2. The Modern Mrs. Darcy’s Reading Challenge – Twelve books, twelve categories. She also has a Pinterest board where people can recommend books for those who are searching for something to fit.
  3. 32 new books to add to your shelves this year – An exciting list of books coming out (through May, I believe), complete with their release dates. I see you there, The Veins of the Ocean.
  4. 32 Asian American writers  – for those looking to diversify their shelves.
  5. Ten books that will give your creativity a boost – Although Steven Pressfield’s book is called The War of Art. The Art of War was written by Sun Tzu. Very different book.

Are you participating in any reading challenges this year? Tell me your goals!

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In no particular order, here are the highlights of my December.

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 1. Advent –

Quite possibly my favorite season of the liturgical year. Or maybe it’s just the only one I’m good at. I understand what it’s like to wait. Oh, how I understand waiting and all the complications that go with it. I put journal prompts in the pockets of my Advent calendar, and I got to go to mid-week services this year, which at least made the waiting less lonely.

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 2. A lesson in carols –

Our choir prepared extra songs for one of the services. It reminded me of being part of Christmas cantatas when I was younger. I didn’t even know I had missed doing that until this month.

 3. Person of Interest –

I LOVE THIS SHOW. I have watched through Season 4. If I cave and get cable, this show might be the reason.

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 4. Holiday snacks –

Another great thing about this time of year is the delicious snacking. I have had a ridiculous amount of sugar this month.

 5. A finals week without finals –

Finals week was pretty much just another week at work. It was a little busier with people handing in their keys before they left for the break, but no classes meant no grading, no constant barrage of emails from students who waited until the last possible moment to care about their grades, and no voice messages from the department secretary telling me that a student called because I hadn’t answered their email (that they sent an hour ago) and could I please call them back. It was such a peaceful week. I could get used to that.

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 6. Poetry class –

I am loving Beth Morey’s Poetry Is course (and her My Fearless Year 2016 mini-course – check it out – only $12) and the books that go with it. I have had sort of a dry spell with reading, but Poemcrazy and Writing Down the Bones have been an indulgent retreat.

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 7. Stephanie getting married –

My friend Steph got married! I am so happy for her and thrilled that I could be there for her special day.

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 8. Spending time with family –

Growing up, the picture you see above never would have happened at my parents’ house. Animals belonged outside, and if you wanted to play with them, you would just have to go outside, too. Now, Lola has her own special spots in the house where she likes to sit. Dad’s lap is one such spot.

 I went shopping with Tammy yesterday and found all sorts of treasures (Christmas tree – $20!). Then we spent the evening watching Once Upon a Time. We’re almost through season three. I cannot handle how much I like this show.

 9. Two weeks of vacation

I’ve had a restful (well…more restful. My neighborhood is loud and obnoxious) two weeks. Monday, I go back to work and have a little over a week to ease back into being there before the residents return.

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 10. Not putting up a Christmas tree –

Apparently, I used all my decorating energy on the Advent calendar, because I could not get motivated to put up a Christmas tree this year. About a week before Christmas, I finally admitted that it wasn’t going to happen. The candy canes on the curtain rods would just have to do.

 

 I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer. Hop over and tell us what you’re into this month!

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I am still a toddler at following the liturgical calendar, and I’m not very good at it yet. This year, about mid-October, I thought to myself, “Self, Advent starts soon. You should start early – make your calendar, find your books, buy your candles. That way you won’t feel rushed.” And I did. I made this:

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And the finished product:

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It looks a little baby shower-ish, but we’re expecting the Christ child here, so I felt that was appropriate. I felt good about my progress.

Then time sped up.

So now it’s the first week of Advent, which is my favorite season because I know what longing is and usually have a lot to say about it. I’m reading the things and lighting the candles (which are the wrong color – because it’s actually pretty hard to find Advent candles here. War on Christmas, my ass. Christmas is fricking everywhere.), and going to the services (which has kept me sane this week). And I’m fighting not to settle for autopilot because it would be so easy to check out mentally and emotionally and barrel through, waiting until it is over to be human again. I’m just barely making it.

But I have had a little help from a few places this week.

  1. Annie Leibovitz is the photographer for the 2016 Pirelli calendar.  And it’s going to be amazing. I need to become royalty so I can get this calendar.
  2. The #BodiesMatter hashtag and Suzannah Paul’s piece on Faith Feminisms.
  3. Jamaal May’s poem The Gun Joke could have been written yesterday, but it wasn’t. Ponder.
  4. Ten great books by women that were overlooked in 2015. My reading list just gets longer and longer.
  5. And thank you Abby and Amy. I needed this so bad – ten ways to be unproductive and stay sane this season.

What’s helping you today?

 

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Superheroes and villains. Family and pie.

In other words – the essentials.

I spent NaNoWriMo fleshing out a new story wherein the main character is a superhero who currently has telepathy and mad combat skills. Her powers are up in the air – I had a lot of fun writing different scenes where she has different powers and seeing how that would play out. In the end, my favorite scenes (or the ones that I can actually piece together and make into a story) will probably dictate what her powers will be. I only finished about 10,000 words, but I love her, so this will be a story I revisit.

Of course, this meant I watched a lot of Smallville. You know, for inspiration. And trips down fandom memory lane. And eye candy.

Thanksgiving was fun but seemed rushed. I took the whole week off last week so that I could have two days of getting-things-done and be able to relax when we went to see the parents on Wednesday instead of spending the holiday making lists of all the things I needed to remember to do when we got home Sunday. Of course, like a fool, I then told people I took the whole week off, and because I would much rather have dinner and hang out with people I miss than clean my nasty apartment…well…that’s how that went.

You’re right. I totally told them on purpose.

To-do list completely not done, we left around noon on Wednesday to travel to the parents’ house. This was my view:

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Love that sky.

But I still managed to relax a little at Thanksgiving, although my lists on my phone are out of control now and I might never get them done. We had traditional fare and lots of dessert. I ate four different kinds of pie (over the course of the weekend, to be clear). There was coconut cream pie and chocolate meringue pie and lemon pudding pie and because that went so well (and so quickly), a chocolate pudding pie. There was also a pecan pie, but I am not a fan, so I left that one to others.

I really love pie, y’all.

The weather is finally exactly how I like it. Cold. And not the “cold” that some people start complaining about in late October when it dips slightly below 70. Like…ice has formed. I mean, not here. But at my parents’ house –

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Ice on the kitchen window.

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Frozen vines and icicles on the trellis in the backyard.

I didn’t read a lot this month, but it definitely had a theme to it. Holidays apparently make me want to look at my relationship with food. I picked Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi for my memoir/biography discussion for book club. She already had me at this:

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This is the best, rawest, most honest capture of what it’s like to have an eating disorder that I’ve ever read. Sometimes, it was like reading pages out of my own journals from my late teens/early twenties. It would be tempting to write a memoir on this subject from a heavy now-looking-back perspective – to rush to lessons learned and mountains moved. But she didn’t do that, and that’s why this book is so important. She takes you through the details of her thoughts and feelings, which, if you’ve ever thought and felt similar things, doesn’t give you the chance to say, “Well, that’s not me.” It hits you in the gut and makes you deal with it. I cannot recommend this book enough.

I also read a lot of Mireille Guiliano. I loved the food philosophy (i.e., common sense) of French Women Don’t Get Fat, so I tried French Women for All Seasons (I liked it…and found it charming that she included sections on how to tie scarves in each season…but otherwise meh) and Women, Work, and the Art of Savoir Faire (I found some parts very useful and some parts very baffling). She reminds me a little of my mother.

So that’s what I’ve been into this month. What have you been doing/eating/reading?

I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer – click the button below and join us!

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