Note to self: Find other time besides dusk to take photos. Need better lighting.
Also pictured: one of the cutest cups in the world.
I have a healthy throng of how-to books, particularly when it comes to cooking and entertaining. But scattered among them are a few guidebooks simply on how to be nice. I think I picked up one of the Miss Manners books from a library sale, but the others were gifts. I’m not sure what the gift of “Here, have a book on how not to be an ass,” says (you know…other than that), but I do enjoy thumbing through them.
Reading through Emily Post’s Etiquette: Manners for a New World is like listening to propriety lessons from my parents, particularly regarding my inclination to report various events to “The Internets.” I love the wit in Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. It reminds me of punctuation nerd conversations about the Oxford comma. And Don’t: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties More or Less Prevalent in Conduct and Speech is fun to read aloud to captive guests.
And that’s all I want for these manuals to be in my house- fun. Yes, it’s important to have good manners, or as Peggy Post puts it, “a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.” It’s nice to be polite. But “good” and “polite” according to whom? In writing Feast, I have wrestled with this conundrum. What seems like good manners to some people is stiff, dull, and unnecessary to others. And to hold others to a standard of behavior that really speaks more to certain personality quirks, certain cultural norms (i.e., whiteness), and certain tactical preferences than to real other-awareness seems to accomplish exactly the opposite of what it claims to intend. Rude.
I would like to hear more diverse voices in the area of etiquette.
M. Suzanne Terry 
I am one of those weirdos who devours etiquette books- I have read four full versions of Emily Post alone (the argument can be made it is unnecessary haha). I find that a lot of etiquette *should* still apply but society is becoming more self-involved as a whole. For example, listing a wedding registry on an invitation? I firmly believe this is a huge NO, as it implies you are expecting presents. However, more and more people do it because they expect presents (instead of only presence at their celebration). I will stay in my fuddy-duddy corner *ducks head*
See, that’s one of the rules where I can see both sides. My gut reaction also says, “Ugh. No. So tacky.” I equate it with having a cash bar at the reception. But I can also see how it may come across as a thoughtful help to the people who want to get a gift but don’t know what the couple needs. In a culture that is becoming less schooled in traditional etiquette (which is problematic for its lack of diversity) and thus more in need of having things like that spelled out for them, including the information would be helpful, which is the essence of manners. I’m just not sure.
Have you ever read Strunk & Whites “The Elements of Style??” I’m sure the editors meant it to be read with a straight face, but I could never help but smile at the writers’ curmudgeonly approach to grammar … even when I was dishing it out to my staff writers back when I was an editor myself.
A little snobbery can be fun in moderation. 😉
I love Elements of Style. I also love that several of my professors would read aloud from it in class during grad school. It’s so snotty and awesome.
YES. 😉