M. Suzanne Terry

I love sharing what I’m reading with other people, but other people don’t always care (or at least not as much as I do). I’ll start to fangirl over the latest book I’m reading, and they’ll nod and smile and listen for a few sentences. Then their eyes will glaze over, or they’ll start looking around like they’re searching for someone – anyone – else to talk to, and their part of the conversation will start to sound like, “Huh,” and “Uh-huh,” and “Oh, wow.” So I finish the sentence I’m on and set them free.

My book clubs, though, give me plenty of space to say everything I want to say about not only the things we’re reading together but also what else we’ve all been reading since the last time we met. We share recommendations and lend each other our own copies of things we think someone would particularly like. If you enjoy talking about books at all but also notice that sometimes when you do, people look like they want to run away, joining a book club may be just the place for you.

The trick is finding one that matches your book club personality.

Not all book clubs are the same. Some focus on the more social aspect of the gathering, while many are super serious about dissecting the plot devices the author used in the novel. And unless you start it yourself, the expectations for how discusssions are going to go have already been set, and they’re unlikely to be changed by a new member. The best way to find a book club you enjoy is to look for one with the structure you like.

There are a few key factors to consider when you’re trying to match your book club personality to an existing group:

1. Are there snacks? This may not seem like it’s related to the discussion at all, but the presence (or absence) of snacks, how many snacks there are, and who provides it all tell you some things about the expectations of the group. An elaborate spread, dinner, or potluck, complete with wine or other festive beverages, probably indicates (with one key exception I can think of, as you’ll see below) that this is mostly a social gathering that happens to have reading as a theme. If the conversation veers from the selection you’re discussing that evening, that’s probably not a big deal to anyone there. Coffee and tea with a few light refreshments provided by the host, on the other hand, probably indicates that they expect the discussion to be mostly focused on the book or genre scheduled, but they want you to feel welcome (or at least awake on a Saturday morning at the library). No snacks means serious business. You don’t have time to eat or drink anything – you have plot and characters and symbolism to discuss. Also, if you had food, you might spill on the book, and they wouldn’t like that at all. The only book club more serious than one without any food or drink is one with themed food and drink (and also maybe costumes).
2. Do you need to have finished the book to attend? This is the main factor that matters to me. Even as someone who almost always finishes the books we discuss each month, sometimes I need the option not to. First, life is too short and there are too many good books out there to struggle through one I’m just not enjoying. But I still want to hear what other people liked/disliked about it. Second, a great book club for me is always going to be about more than books. Book people are my people, and I’m theirs. Meeting with them each month is one of my favorite parts of my social life, and I don’t think I’d be comfortable with the idea that I’m only welcome if I’ve done the homework. You, on the other hand, may think that reading the book should be the bare minimum expected of attendees. After all, if you want to delve deep into the discussion of the book, it can be a bit of a bummer if others weren’t even interested enough to finish it. Knowing where you stand on this issue before you look for a book club to join can save you a lot of frustration.
3. How is the discussion structured? This question speaks to the practical aspects of the meeting, including how long you spend talking about the book, who leads the discussion, and how you know when it’s finished. You may be looking for long, relaxed evenings where you start by talking about what everyone liked about the book, which turns into a discussion about how it compares to other things you’ve read, which turns into musings on how it challenged or changed your perspective and what it means in the grander scheme of your life, culture, or the world. Perhaps you just want a short, casual meeting with other readers structured by a list of 10-15 questions designed to spark discussion about the book you all read before you go on with the rest of your day or evening. Other book clubs choose to just play it by ear, so the actual time you spend discussing the book can last ten minutes or two hours, depending on how much everyone has to say about it. If you have a definite preference, it won’t take long to decide whether a particular book club is right for you.
4. Are you a good fit for the personalities in the group? I once attended a few meetings of a group formed through a local bookstore. I was drawn to it because the focus they advertised was on feminist themes in classic literature, which sounded like it was right up my alley. It didn’t take long for me to realize that we weren’t a great fit, though. The members were enthusiastic, smart, witty, and friendly. They were also mostly professors or grad students in various English programs in the area, and they clearly didn’t want to avoid (or explain) the jargon known to those in their field in order to be more inclusive. They also did not appreciate my thinly veiled disdain for their insistance that some books are literary and some are not (implied – fluff, less than, not for serious readers). My tastes veered a little too much in the direction of the experimental for them. I think we were all relieved when my schedule suddenly “changed” (i.e., I intentionally made other plans those nights). But that’s how it goes. Just like with any other social group or relationship, sometimes everything looks right on paper, but it just doesn’t work. It may take a few meetings to figure it out that you belong, but once you do, it’s wonderful.

If you want to join a book club but don’t know where to start, this post gives a lot of great suggestions. Then it’s kinda like dating. You go out with a few of them until you find one (or three or four) that works.

What kind of book club do you enjoy?

I’m talking about books all month long!