When I’m up this early in the morning, clutching a coffee cup makes everyone around me safer.
When I run or walk – no matter where I’m going – safety is my primary concern.
Nothing is more frustrating than hurting myself because I’m pushing too far past what my body can do. I want to set a training schedule and stick to it so much that sometimes I don’t pay as much attention to pain as I should. I haven’t been consistently active in my body at this size, so I am still learning through trial and error where the limits lie.
I need to learn (or at least refresh my memory) the strengthening exercises that make running safer. I need to remember to stretch instead of just collapsing into a chair at the end.
In the past, running has been an effective way to deal with anxiety, but sometimes, running induces it instead. Watching the news, particularly on weeks like this, make staying inside with the door locked seem really attractive. If I go out, I want it to be under very strict guidelines. I want it to be daytime so that the path cannot help but be well lit. I am hesitant to go without people I know, even if the place I’m going is well populated, because you never know who is lurking within that population, looking for the weakest of the herd. I sometimes come across as the weakest of the herd. Walking or running with friends takes care of the nerves, but friends aren’t always available.
I need to unlearn a little of the fear. To some extent, it is realistic and healthy. I will still take certain precautions (not going it alone in the dark, for example). But I also need to practice walking in it, because while those with malicious intent may very well be out there on my path, they don’t get to control me. I won’t stay caged for my own protection. That’s not the sort of life I want to live.
And that’s the question this issue of safety asks – what do I want my life to be? Do I want to be sedentary, unsure of my body and what it can do? Do I want to stay where I am comfortable or challenge myself to grow?
How are you challenging yourself physically? How are you challenging yourself otherwise?
I’m spending 31 days running wild.
M. Suzanne Terry 
“…running has been an effective way to deal with anxiety….”
I hear this. Walking and lifting and going up and down the flights of stairs at my apartment have been hugely helpful.
“I won’t stay caged for my own protection.”
^^ I love this. Love, love, love. In my 20s I decided that I would take the risks of hiking and walking alone, because I didn’t want to miss out just because I couldn’t talk anyone into doing it with me. I’m glad I did. Now I’m in my 40s, and there are things I can’t do anymore. Though I hope to be able to do them again, there are no guarantees.
This 42-year-old body mourns the good old days. I took so much mobility for granted 20 years ago. Everything is so much harder. Fortunately, I’m so much more stubborn now, so I am reasonably confident that there will be progress. 🙂