M. Suzanne Terry

Happy packages from Maggie!

This post may seem disjointed. Welcome to where I’ve been recently.

These last few weeks have been busier than usual, and I’ve handled it in my own stellar way – freak out, get sick, and cancel everything.

On the one hand, I’m pleased that I chose to say no instead of powering through and keeping my schedule packed when my body needed to rest. On the other hand, if I could make better (i.e., more life-giving and less exhaustion-producing) scheduling choices before I freaked out and made myself sick, that would be awesome.

No is important sometimes. But no is not always the best choice for me. Sometimes, what keeps me from getting to the freak-out stage is remembering that I’m not actually alone.

I live by myself, so if I want to engage in supportive relationships, I have to make an effort to do so. I’m not talking about the being-mentally-present effort that all relationships require. I mean actual physical effort. To be social, I usually either have to put on my shoes and leave the house or bring the people to me.

There are exceptions. Maggie is in Houston, and Michelle is in Fort Worth (ish), and we usually text on a daily basis. We get together when we can, but that doesn’t happen very often. We text about TV but we also talk about life stuff. It’s an easy way to keep in touch. Maggie and I have started reading books together again. We’re currently working on all Jen Lancaster’s (or JenLan, as we – and probably no one else – like to call her) memoirs.

But most showing up requires…well…showing up.

It doesn’t have to be an organized event. I like going to people’s houses and having them over to mine. I like reading in the wine shop on the square. I also like listening to live music and browsing bookstores.

I don’t mean for this to sound like a personals ad.

I want to do more than go through the motions of my day-to-day schedule. I want to be show up mentally and physically, and I want to have the energy to do so. Honestly, I’m afraid that I have forgotten how to do that in a way that is energizing instead of exhausting.

But I am still trying.

I am linking up with Marvia Davidson’s Real Talk Tuesday. Even though it’s Thursday. See? Disjointed. Hurry up, Spring Break.