M. Suzanne Terry

A quick look at my calendar tells me that this is supposed to be Week Five of my Getting It Together project.  I am not doing Week Five this week.  I have not finished the kitchen yet.  Halfway through Week Five, I am still working on Week Four, and of all the weeks, this is the one that I want to finish completely before moving on.

There are reasons for this delay that I could not have foreseen at the onset of the project.  The main reason is that I suddenly took on a summer class that started last week.  That eats up two nights a week and many hours of prep time that I didn’t have scheduled before.   The second reason is that I have been uncharacteristically hyper-social the last few weeks.  I am used to seeing people and having people over, but I had plans every single night last week. I don’t actually remember the last evening I spent at home, which means it’s been at least a couple of weeks. I love time with friends, but I need  a certain measure of solitude like I need air.

These are the reasons that I am exhausted.  This is not an acceptable state for summer. It is not acceptable to me that my system is so shot that I slept through three alarms this morning, despite having gone to bed earlier than usual.  I’ve been sleeping through alarms a lot lately, but I usually wake up at my regular schedule on my own.  That didn’t happen today.  What did happen today was a moderate anxiety attack (meaning that thankfully, it was more just hyperventilating with the subsequent lightheadedness and nausea than the usual oh-god-oh-god-my-heart-is-exploding) and a spontaneous hour and a half vacation from the morning at the desk when I finally woke up and realized it was 9:00 a.m., and I wasn’t there yet.

This is a warning sign, and I’m taking it seriously.

The summer is for resting and regrouping.  Yes, I have this big project planned, but it’s planned over twelve weeks.  So it’s a leisurely project, and I’m glad.  A big part of getting it together is self-care.  I can’t get it together if I can’t recognize when I need to take a little time off for leisure.

So this is me admitting that I need a couple of days of leisure in my life right now.

Yesterday, I got coverage for the some desk time, thinking that I could use the time off to catch up and be on the original schedule of the project and get a lot of writing done.  I planned to use the time off to work extra hard for five days straight and get ahead of schedule.  I had a ridiculous to-do list. I’m not sure it allowed for sleep.

But leisure is priority right now.  Starting tonight, I’m giving myself a five-day weekend.  I’m using three days vacation from the day job.  I’m not canceling class tomorrow night, but that might be the only thing I do tomorrow.

Friday is a total rest day.  I am making no plans (for those of you who have just tuned in, this is a Big Deal).  I will do only what I want to do. I might read; I might write; I might even do some dishes or laundry.  I might go to the library or to a coffee shop.  I might spend the whole day on the Internet (although I’m not convinced that counts as rest). Or I might sleep in, watch TV, eat lunch, take a nap, watch more TV, stare out the window a while, and then go back to bed.  I am erasing all expectations for Friday.

Saturday through Monday are my regrouping days. I am a scheduled person, but for the schedule to work, I also have to remember that I am an introverted person, so let’s see if we can dial down the anxiety by not having something out-of-house scheduled for every single night (self, are you listening?!). I still have a to-do list, but unlike the list I just tossed in the garbage, it’s actually sane.  It includes things like this:

• Finish Week Four; post recap.
• Rework project schedule; post plan for next step.
• Update writing calendar through the end of August.
• Update budget.
• Plan meals for next few weeks – especially lunches. Make grocery lists for each week.
• Go to church Sunday.
• Go drink wine with Supper Club Sunday night.

It is a list of tasks that will smooth things out and make life after the break easier.  Easier is good.  Easier is necessary.