M. Suzanne Terry

This post is an answer to a prompt from today’s Story Sessions write-in.  The prompt was “What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

My initial response was –

*snort*  Nothing.  I do what I want.

Then I immediately thought of three things. Well, that was humbling.

1.  I would wear sleeveless shirts so that I could feel both rain and sun on the skin of my shoulders.

I know that I am the only person judging the appearance of my upper arms.  Let me rephrase – I am the only person judging the appearance of my upper arms whose opinion I care about at all.  I’m sure there are catty acquaintances who would have snide things to say behind my back. But I am the only person whose judgment of my arms stops me.  One day, I just need to put on a sleeveless shirt or dress and walk out the door without grabbing a cardigan or checking the mirror.  If I did, I might never wear sleeves again.

2. I would date inappropriate men.

I would date men whom I would have otherwise dismissed because they didn’t exactly fit The List or because I would feel too much need to justify dating them to concerned friends. This is an area where the judgment from others sings loudly.

I like men who love words more than they love hammers, drills, or guns.  They wouldn’t fit as well into my family, but they would fit better with me.

I occasionally like men who are outside the bounds of a 10-year radius in age from me.  Some are younger (still legal, just to be clear), and one or two have been older.  I seem to talk myself out of saying yes to them or pursuing them, though, because I just don’t want to be bothered by the bullshit stigma it might place on me.

I occasionally like men who are outside the bounds of my religion.  I don’t know how this would work for me long-term, but  I do know that it has worked and is working for others.  I know that it would bring challenges, but I also know that challenge is relationship’s middle name. Some days, I feel outside the bounds of my religion, and even on those days, I still work with me, so I’m not convinced that it would be the end of the world that some friends seem to think that it would be to date someone who lives there.

I like charming men. There.  I said it.  Charm is an art, and I like it.  Throw all the verses about how deceitful it is and the warnings about smarmy (not the same word as charming – can we just recognize that?  Perhaps there’s a reason?) fellows at me that you want to throw. I still like it. I like not having to babysit a guy at social occasions, and that makes charm super attractive. Liking it and being bamboozled by it are not the same thing.

3. I would edit the words that come out of my mouth less strictly.

I have a well-trained inner editor.  Sometimes, she goes on vacation, but most of the time, she is one hell of a watchdog.  I am grateful for her.  In fact, I wish more people had one, because it’s okay (read: preferable) for every thought that we think not to spring off our tongues.

But sometimes, my editor is a workaholic.  I’ll hear someone else say something and think, Yes. That’s what I actually wanted to say. I envy them a little, but mostly I’m just glad that it got voiced.  And mostly, I’m sad that I didn’t have the courage to be the one who voiced it.

How about you?  What would you do differently if you knew that you wouldn’t be judged?