Read a book by an author with an upcoming event (virtual or in person) and then attend the event (Book Riot)
Additional/Ongoing Reads
Sarah and I are tackling Proust together this year, so I’ve just started Swann’s Way. I’m also still working through Sacred Self-Care for Lent, and reading several books about health.
This week has been a mix of ups and downs, but it has felt like the most normal week I’ve had so far this year. I got to see some friends and had enough energy to put in almost a full week of work. I’m about to hunker down with a book and a cup of tea for the evening, but I thought I’d share a few things with you first.
One of the main things on my mind this week is the wildfires in the Texas Panhandle. My parents live a few hours south of where most of the blazes happened. So much loss, and here is how you can help.
The title “Warm House on a Quiet Day” stuck out as a cozy invitation in my inbox, but when I clicked to read it, it was so much more. Laura Grace Weldon’s words read like my constant internal monologue.
I’ve been trying to find a small, portable snack and ran across this little gem – savory oatmeal cookies. I made the rosemary/parmesan ones. This weekend, I may experiment with subbing thyme, adding dried cherries, and leaving out all the dairy for the next batch. I feel like the possibilities are endless, and I am committed to exploring them with reckless abandon.
This piece by Lisa Bartelt is beautiful. My church is coming through for me in lovely, astounding ways these days, and it’s been a good reminder of why I picked them and why I choose to keep coming back. But even during more normal seasons, the rituals and the community I have there work wonders in my soul.
And finally, I got to go to a vigil for Nex Benedict last night, and it was lovely. Following up a bit from last week, here is a list of resources from OUTreach Denton that can help you learn about how to get more involved in advocating for LGBTQ+ folk, particularly youth. Most of these are based in the DFW area, but I encourage you to look for resources around where you live if you’re not local to me.
I hope you’ve had a good week, and I hope you have an even better weekend!
Edited: At the community vigil in Owasso, Nex’s friends confirmed that he used he/him/his pronouns with friends and they/them at home. I have updated this post to reflect how Nex is known among his friends.
It’s been a hard week personally. Long saga, but the gist is the chemo port was successfully placed but they did not put me under during the procedure so I’ve been dealing with the fallout of that trauma (it took a full day and a half of “I’m fine everything’s fine it’s ok” to finally call it trauma, just in time to have a meltdown about it when I had labs done on Wednesday so maybe we journal more consistently and maybe make an actual appointment with the nice therapist soon). But some good news – no spread to the uterus, so that was a huge relief.
And after the excellent care – physical, emotional, and mental – from the awesome team at Texas Oncology and some much-needed social support from friends over the course of the week, yesterday was much better. But I’m still exhausted.
This is, of course, added to the heartbreak of the ongoing updates on the death of Nex Benedict, the trans student who was murdered by bullies in Oklahoma this month (full disclosure – I have no energy left for diplomacy and I don’t see that changing this year while I’m undergoing cancer treatment, so buckle up – we’re going to be blunt and call things what they are around here for the foreseeable future…and maybe longer if I discover I like it as much as I suspect I will).
If you are similarly heartbroken, make sure you are taking care of yourself extra this week. If you are trans or nonbinary, I want to tell you what I can never say often enough – your life and your right to just fucking exist in peace are important to me. If you are not heartbroken, do some soul-searching and examine why (I’ve put a few resources below if information will help). I say this especially to people who share my faith, because the God you follow is heartbroken about the horrific treatment and negligence that led to his death, so either return to said God and repent your hard-heartedness or start being honest about what spirit you are actually following, because it’s not a holy one. Also note that sometimes repentance starts with donations (see below).
Not just a problem here (which absolutely does not negate in any way that it is a problem here, so take any what-abouts you may be tempted to entertain and throw them in the garbage where they belong – that it’s also awful elsewhere obviously means there’s more work to do, not less) – JAMA Network
The VAWnet project from the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Btw, these sources were found by a Google search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks” and, when that pulled up mostly .org sites (i.e., usually solid, accurate studies but also often called out for being slanted, as every organization inherently has an agenda simply because it exists to further a certain cause, which naysayers like to point out, forgetting that their own pet organizations also have agendas because that’s what organizations do /rant), I spent a little extra time vetting before adding them to the list. Then I added a second search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks site:edu” (i.e., typically the most heavily scrutinized studies) to supplement. All of this took ten minutes, so take heart that it’s pretty quick and easy to find more good info if you are looking for it.
Search “trans and nonbinary blogs” and you will find a treasure trove of people who are putting their own stories and experiences out there to help people better understand (usually free of charge, which is incredibly generous, given how much emotional labor this level of public vulnerability requires. That being said, it would be appropriate to donate if they have a button or widget installed to do so.). The stats can give you general facts, but these personal sources are the ones that have had the greatest impact on my own empathy and understanding by seeing how navigating the world affects specific people.
If you are reading and you have sources you want to add, please do so in the comments (especially if you want to share your own blog and stories). Sources that sympathize with aggressors or pose arguments that trans/nonbinary or LGBTQIA+ in general are not real identities will be deleted. Those are not valid viewpoints on this issue, and I am not making room in my online space to pretend that they are. No exceptions.
I am angry, but I am not angry with you (unless you happen to be a Texas or Oklahoma lawmaker or school board member. In that case, every single one of you is on my list. Do better. Tell your little work friends to do better. Do it now.). Okay, fine. Here’s a little diplomacy. Enjoy.
I adore Modern Mrs. Darcy. Anne Bogel and her whole team have created a bookish community that is fun and organized and about eleventy-four other kinds of wonderful. About midway through each month, she posts Quick Lit, a list of the books that she has been reading and enjoying lately, and she invites others to post their favorite recent reads or links to reviews in the comments.
So I’m going to join in! These are the books I’ve read this year so far (or since the last time I posted about one in a Friday Five), and I’ll include a “recommended for” note with each one.
Recommended for very beginning cooks. This would be a great gift for a young adult getting their first apartment.
My favorite thing about the book is that it talks about things that recipes don’t typically cover (e.g., does your oven run hot, or cold, or true to temp? How can you tell?) but that really make a difference in whether a dish comes together or not. It also gives recipes with each new skill that help the reader learn and practice that particular technique.
The only thing I would change is for the author to lean even further into boldness and experimentation in the kitchen than it does. Some of my favorite dishes I still make today were born of happy accidents that never would have happened had I resisted the temptation to stray or been afraid to mess up and just bypassed a recipe that seemed too intimidating on the surface, and I want others to have the same delightful learning experiences.
Recommended for science fiction fans with a strong sense of justice (or would like to develop/sharpen one) who love character-driven fiction.
I read the first book in this series a while ago and fell in love with the characters. The second one was even better. I appreciated the backstory of one of the main characters alternating with the current storyline (one of my favorite storytelling techniques). One of my favorite things about the way Chambers writes is how well she layers the strengths and struggles of the characters to show each one’s unique way of solving problems and understanding the world around them. It makes the characters memorable and engaging.
Recommended for will-they-won’t-they romance fans who are not turned off by a lot of really obvious signals being missed (I enjoy these stories – I find it comforting to think others are as clueless as I am).
I enjoyed this story overall. It dragged a little in certain spots, and there wasn’t a lot of high-stakes conflict for me. It was a light romance, whereas I like a little more character depth/struggle. But the writing is decent, and if you need something just fun for long waits in lines or doctor’s offices, you may enjoy this.
Recommended for people who like linear time travel (i.e., time travel light – not quantum or, in the words of Dr. Who, wibbly-wobbly time travel) stories that are really more about the relationships between the characters than the time travel aspect.
There were parts of this book that were really hard for me, but it was very good. Content warning: parent/loved one illness. I read it quickly because I was immediately invested in the main character. It’s definitely one of my favorite reads of the year so far.
Recommended for people who like a little romance sprinkled in their historical fiction.
The book I wanted to read was the story of the women who piloted planes during WWII, despite the misogyny and other barriers they were up against. The story I got was mostly that, but there was also a strong undercurrent of the romantic entanglement of the main character. If the story were to focus on interpersonal aspects, the more interesting relationships in the book (the friendships she forged with the other female pilots) would have been my preference. They were part of the story, but they seemed like a backdrop. The book was decent overall; just not what I was expecting.
This was adorable. It was a dinner party that included main characters from a variety of Austen novels and, as indicated by the title, involved the death of everyone’s least favorite villain, Mr. Wickham, who crashed the party. So the story was which of the upstanding guests committed the crime. Witty writing that made me want to re-read all the novels it referenced – a fun, well-executed idea.
Recommended for everyone. Favorite book I’ve read so far this year.
This collection of related short stories is beautifully told. Each character has a distinct voice, and the stories draw you in almost immediately as they buck up against systems that were designed to keep them in boxes. I listened to it on audio, and the reader was great. It’s a short book, and I wasn’t ready for it to end.
Recommended for everyone who is or will go through menopause. Actually, recommend for everyone. Everyone can benefit from knowing these things.
This is the most readable, informative, and comprehensive book I have read about menopause. I follow Dr. Gunter on Instagram so I was familiar with her teaching style from there. She not only gives evidence-based information but also debunks a lot of the fear-mongering that often circulates around this topic, which I appreciated. I need my own copy because it is a great reference for understanding symptoms, especially when to be super concerned vs. when to put it on the list to talk to your doctor the next time you see them. I thought I already knew a lot about menopause, but this book blew me away. Very good resource.
What’s the best book you’ve read in the last few months?
Happy Friday! I’ve mostly been reading about chemotherapy this week, so not a lot from the web to share. But I still have some exciting things and updates.
This Friday is a special one. One of my very best friends turns 40 today! Happy birthday, Michelle! I require you to live at least another 40. More, if possible. But just go ahead and plan on at least another 40. You make the world better and brighter and more badass and I love you so much.
I had my first treatment yesterday and other than being a little tired (probably more from the steroid keeping me awake most of the night than the actual chemo), I am mostly good. My skin is BIG mad so I’m being extra nice to it today.
I’m super excited about seeing The Taste of Things. I’m not really doing large public things like going to movie theaters these days, so I will wait until it streams to see it. But ever since Chocolat, Juliette Binoche is my foodie movie fave, and the trailer looks amazing.
Our team at work is reading The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fableby Patrick Lencioni, to discuss in a few weeks, so I’m probably going to start reading that today. In related news, I may need to stock up on popcorn and tea for the entertaining show that this discussion is likely to be.
Finally, I’m going to do book reviews a little differently this year. I’m going to be participating in Modern Mrs. Darcy’s monthly Quick Lit, so I’ll have a separate post somewhere around the ides of each month to catch up. I think it will be easier to do it all in one post a month, and I’m all about making every single thing I can easier these days. But the MMD community always has great suggestions, so if you’re looking for something to read over the weekend, you can get recommendations galore at that link!
There’s only so much rant a journal can take before it has to leak onto the internet. So here we go.
Before my cancer diagnosis, I hadn’t had any major medical issues, at least in a couple of decades. I’ve been very lucky. I went through some gastro issues that landed me in the ER a few times in the late 1990s and early 2000s, but I don’t remember the billing process being this draconian. Maybe I’ve repressed what happened then, or maybe this is unique to the type of insurance I have now, but I absolutely hate the way the way some of my billing is being done. There’s got to be a better way (in fact, I have a few really obvious suggestions, and only one of them involves my middle finger).
For most of my office visits, I can pay the copay ahead of time, and that’s great. Sign me up. The less I have to deal with when I’m actually physically present in the doctor’s office (and thus more anxious), the better. And the more I can deal with any financial thing without having to talk to someone about it at all in any way, the better. Send me an email or text that you have billed my account, and that’s all the interaction about money I really need. Ever. I will log in and pay the bill in a timely manner.
But this bullshit of sending me emails saying, “Your estimate is this and you need to pay it before your procedure” is not okay.
First, I am not comfortable forking over any amount of money for what they guess the bill might be. Especially since, in the short time (i.e., a little over a month and a half) I’ve been dealing with this particular issue, they’ve already been wrong twice and had to refund me. Which took weeks. WEEKS. I can’t help but notice that it certainly didn’t take weeks for it to come out of my bank account, so I’m curious as to why it took that long to get it back in there. I should have chargedtheminterest.
The estimate should be presented to me purely as information to give me more notice of planning how to pay what will likely be my future bill. That’s it. That is the only function the estimate should ever serve.
I am incredibly fortunate in that my dad is taking care of most of the larger bills, and I’m also looking for grants and loans to minimize what he pays, because it’s so, soooo much, even with “good” insurance. But if I had to handle this on my own, making these payments would not be a possibility. And I don’t know many people who just have extra thousands lying around. What do they do? I mean, I know hospitals write off a lot, but how much pressure do they first put on patients who are already scared they might die before they do that? Like…maybe people who are terrified about their lives don’t need the reminder that they are also only a couple of missed paychecks or huge bills away from being homeless.
It’s all just so horribly heartless.
What should be happening is this – I should only be paying the actual bill. That is, I should only be asked to pay AFTER the procedure and AFTER they have already filed with insurance and have put every single thing they’re charging on that claim because it definitely won’t get covered if they don’t even ask. I shouldn’t even hear a peep out of them until they can tell me for certain what I actually owe.
[Aside…as long as we’re talking shoulds…it all should work like it looks like my chemo treatments are going to work (i.e., insurance is covering 100% – I was so relieved I cried and hugged the financial advisor right there in the lobby). I shouldn’t be paying out of pocket for necessary, life-saving care at all and wouldn’t be if healthcare in this ridiculous country wasn’t a fucking for-profit industry but instead was recognized as the basic human right that it is (as it is in every country in the world that is actually as free and civilized as we brag about being), but that conversation is a whole dissertation and beyond the scope of this post.]
But all other things being equal, if I must have out-of-pocket costs, the bare minimum I should be able to expect is that the bill be accurate. And the only way to ensure that happens is to bill once all is said and done.
Also, I want an itemized bill to be standard practice. I should never have to request it. That I have to ask them to detail what the large amounts of money I’m shelling out are paying for is unacceptable.
Also not okay – having a credit card machine on the desk in front of me as I’m getting information about what is about to be done to me. A monument, if you will, to putting a literal price tag on my life. Or, in the horrifying incident when I went to the ER for my concussion in November, having the credit card machine wheeled in via a cart to the bed where I was already hooked up to the machine monitoring my vitals so that they could get their money before they took me in for the head CT they had just told me I needed. The implication that payment was more important to them than actually getting the answers they needed to treat/advise me (or perhaps even save my life) was more stressful to me than the possibility of having a brain bleed.
I know I’m extra sensitive about financial things, but I imagine a lot of other people slugging through this capitalist hellscape we live in are, too, and for good reason. Why – WHY – would so-called care providers of any kind and at any level think it’s a good idea to make the process more stressful than it has to be?
They need a communication consultant to help them fix this problem. And by a communication consultant, I do mean me. Pay me to identify and fix all these issues that, while obvious and shocking to me as an outsider/patient/customer, are probably so commonplace to those working there that they don’t even notice it happening anymore.
And pay me A LOT. Because I have a crap ton of medical bills to cover.
Next week is gonna be…something. Chemo is starting, and I’m hella nervous (and super angry about billing, but more on that later, probably in the next few days). Even more reason for this weekend to be a lot of staying in and resting and nesting and reading all the preparation materials.
Knowledge is power, even when it’s scary.
Some great things to add to your weekend reads:
My friend Beth published a story, and it’s just 0.99! Click over and buy it and give it a read.
We Are Not Okay by Roxane Gay – As you know if you’ve been here long at all, I love Roxane Gay, and I love this piece. In related news, the Sesame Street responses on social media and the reminder of how much I adore Tracy Chapman’s music (I love watching how much Fast Car means to so many performers – give yourself a five-minute break to enjoy Chapman and Combs’s Grammy performance) were a couple of uplifts that I desperately needed this week. Super grateful for that.
One of the things I love about Susan Cain (other than Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which is easily one of my top five favorite book titles ever) is how well she tackles finding the balance between taking care of your soul (specifically if you are an introvert, but I think the general premise applies to everyone) and contributing to the world in the unique way that only you can. This post is a great example of addressing the tension between those two values that many of us feel.
I’m starting to wrap my head around replacing my beloved bean-shaped loveseat (like, within the next year. Not now. My proverbial plate and my literal stack of bills is full right now). I think I want a loveseat like this. A sofa that I can rearrange that can serve not only as guest bedding but also as storage? In pretty peacock blue (or ooh- blue or green velvet)? Yes, please. On the other hand, this is also very cute and looks similar to what I have and love now.
And finally, I have been feeling pretty sugar-averse these days. It’s funny how eating less of it for just a short amount of time can make most desserts seem too sweet. It’s almost as if my body is relieved I’m eating less sugar. Ahem. Rude, but ok, body. I guess I can continue to listen. Whatever. Anyway, I would make an exception for this Ding Dong cake. I bet it’s DELICIOUS.
I hope your weekend is fun/restful/exciting. Have a good one – whatever that looks like for you!
It’s been a nutty couple of weeks. I feel more settled at work than I did in early-to-mid-January, probably because the semester is getting underway and everyone is falling back to their routines. Either that, or I have successfully adopted a more relaxed, whatever-gets-done-is-enough attitude (less likely, but still remotely possible). Also, I’m getting more done, so it may just be that that feels good. Regardless of the reason, I’ll take it.
Meanwhile, I am super focused on a few key things. At home, I am nesting like I’m expecting a new baby. I am constructing an elaborate meal plan that I may actually use occasionally when I feel up to it in the next few months. And the information-sponge part (erm, majority?) of my personality is in overdrive. About everything. Mostly health stuff, but it’s hard to turn it off when it’s time to talk about something else. Yesterday at an appointment the nurse said, “This may be too much information.” No such thing, friend. No. Such. Thing.
However, I am enjoying super easy weekends and shall continue to do so while I’m going through treatment so as not to tax my system any more than necessary or cause any delays. In the perfect world, I would take this opportunity to learn how absolutely essential easy weekends are to my life and general well-being and keep them indefinitely. One can hope.
Here are some things I’m enjoying lately:
One of the wonderful things about reading challenges is that I get prompts that remind me of things I love. Nowhere Bookshop’s challenge encourages us to read our “Roman Empire” book – a book about any topic that lives a solid rent-free existence in our heads. One of my proverbial Roman Empires is architecture, specifically house plans. I think about how building homes could not only be useful as a career but also make opportunities to provide shelter and safety for others as well as build communities. I think about it a lot. I have several rough sketches for houses – everything from small bungalows to large spaces with full libraries and indoor pools. Also, I LOVE BLUEPRINTS. This prompt has me deep-diving into this topic that gives me so much joy. Look at these tiny house plans! How cute are they? And I adore the whimsy of this one. I mean, I would need a whole second tiny house just for my books, but I love the creative, economical use of space. Anyway, I put a lot of books on hold at the library about this, so I think I will have this prompt more than covered.
Also…I like this article. Not making any plans (for now or in the near future). I just like it.
I love cottagecore. Not so much the clothing or decorating style (although I do love roses and carnations and tend to decorate with both, even after they’re dead), but the lifestyle elements. Container gardens, reusing scraps, knitting my own blankets, slow food. Focusing on less waste and more creativity. Great quote – “We can choose to create a world for ourselves filled with gentle moments, while also considering how we can make our homes a place of cultivation instead of a place to store ‘things.’” This also slides right in line with my current nesting habits.
I’ve been looking for recipes recently that are high in protein and fiber. I’ve been in a bit of a food rut, but most of these and these look good to me. Perhaps I’ll try one or two of them this weekend (lookin’ at you, sweet potato).
I know they’ve reached their goal already, but these are some of the most talented baristas in Denton, and I want them to have all they need and more while they look for their next gig. So if you have a little love (and by love, I do mean cash) to throw their way, please do. Also, there’s going to be a fundraiser at Rubber Gloves, so swing by if you’re in Denton on February 10.
Take care this weekend (and all the time, really), friends. I hope it’s relaxing and fun and everything you want it to be!
Welcome to February! Finally. January always feels about 524 days long. I hear several people say that every year, but it lollygagged especially hard this year.
Here’s my reading plan for this month. Or, rather, my start reading and then get distracted and read something else (that may or not be on the list at all) or just binge-watch a TV show I’ve already seen 14 times while holding the book open on my lap instead of reading plan.
This week. Whew. Glad it’s almost over and that my weekend is mostly relaxing. I’m really leaning into my quiet theme as much as I can. That’s been helpful.
Here are some things from this week:
In health news – I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I also have a gastro issue that will eventually require surgery and I’m trying to get my unruly cholesterol under control, but cancer is the prime target right now. Treatment looks like a few months of chemo, then surgery, then probably more chemo and radiation to finish up. Beyond the basic updates, I still don’t know how much I’m going to talk about it here. This is one of my happy places on the internet (although I may have a rant for you at some point about the medical billing process as I have experienced it because…wow), so I think I mostly want to keep it that way. But I wanted to let you know so that if I am not posting here as often, you’ll know why. Or I could post more often because I tend to get chatty when I’m stressed. Who knows how it will actually go. In either case, that is likely the reason.
The Library at the Edge of the World by Felicity Hayes-McCoy – This one was slow to start for me, but overall I really enjoyed it. What’s not to love about a book set in Ireland about a somewhat curmudgeonly librarian who joins forces with her community to save the library and local businesses. And also she is restoring an old house that her aunt left to her on the side. This storyline checks a lot of my favorite cozy boxes. Can I just move my own self into that scenario? Because it sounds lovely.
Night Will Find You by Julia Heaberlin – This was not my favorite of her books. It may just be because I listened to it instead of reading it. The reader wasn’t necessarily bad, but I think I would have preferred the voice in my head. It was hard to maintain focus and I had to rewind a lot. Of course, it’s also possible that I just am not focusing well in general right now, and that isn’t really a reflection of the book. So maybe I’ll give it another chance at some point.
This article on the concept of bookshelf wealth is wild. I still don’t really get what the term means. It seems others also can’t agree about what constitutes true wealth when it comes to book collections and the shelves on which they reside. I feel like I’m firmly in the “who cares about being wealthy – just give me all the books and places to keep them” camp. Occasional dramatic treasures like this, however, are the whole reason I keep my NYT subscription (although I advise waiting to sign up when it’s discounted – then when you call to cancel after the trial year, they’ll often offer you a similar low price for the next year).
I haven’t had much of an appetite, and I’ve been adjusting my diet lately (because all the reasons) to help me feel my best and have the most energy I possibly can. For me, that mostly looks like limiting sugar, dairy, soy, and fatty meats but getting more protein and drinking lots of water. I’ve also noticed that I’ll find a certain food that tastes good and ONLY want that for several days in a row, so apparently my neurospiciness is in full control of the appetite. I’m on a pretty serious persimmon kick these days. But almost everything on this Food 52 vegan list looks DELICIOUS. I’ll be trying a few of these recipes in the next few weeks for sure.
I hope you’re having a good day and that your weekend is exactly what you want it to be!
M. Suzanne Terry 