May has been fun. I’ve gotten to shake the dust off my piano fingers, spend time with friends, and jump into my new job. May has been good.
I feel like I’ve read a lot, but it was mostly lackluster. I read Blue Plate Special and Happier at Home and Son of a Witch, but I didn’t find anything exceptional about any of them. I liked them okay, but not enough to say any more about them.
In writing news, the Epic Meal Planning manuscript is chugging along, but the actual meal planning is not, as most of my time consists of packing for the move this month (two weeks!!! I can start in two weeks!!!). I have been eating mostly salads and sandwiches and relying on the kindness of friends who like to feed me. I bet this finds its way into EPM or Feast or somewhere, though. I can always find a way to blather on about what I’m eating.
I spent most of the month avoiding the sixth season of Grey’s Anatomy because I was mad about George and needed to heal. Now I’ve started the sixth season, and the men are on my nerve, particularly the men in Bailey’s and Christina’s lives. In fact, I won’t even refer to them as their own names right now. Right now, they’re Christina’s boyfriend and Father Dr. Bailey. I have taken to yelling ridiculous things at the TV, such as “Don’t make me come in there! I will come through this TV and back through time to throttle you!” It’s possible I am too invested in this show. It’s also possible that I like it and do not care that I’m too invested.
Speaking of shows I’m invested in…Person of Interest. If you are watching, you will understand the temper tantrum I have to periodically break into throughout the day. This last episode? On the one hand, spectacular writing choice. On the other hand, *&$%#&^@#.
Since church choir and most of my other weekend obligations are on hiatus for the summer, I actually had a free weekend. I spent Memorial Day weekend with my parents, and it was awesome. I ate a lot and played with kittens. Bliss.
1. I can’t wait to dive in to your book! Tell us about The Reluctant Missionary.
The Reluctant Missionary: A Journey From Failure to Faith describes my journey from idealistic young missionary to depressed, cynical teacher who was just trying to make it through each week. I had unrealistic expectations for myself, my team, and my hosts. And I didn’t know what to do when those expectations weren’t met.
2. What sets your book apart from other books written about mission experiences?
I haven’t read a book about missions that addresses failure. But I wish I had before going overseas. I wrote the book so others in missions and Christian ministry will know that they’re not alone in worrying about failure and that failure isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
3. What was the biggest joy you faced in writing the book? The biggest hurdle?
The biggest joy in writing the book was discovering how all the pieces of that experience fit together. Even in draft 17 (of 23) I was adding characters. Of course they were there all along, but I hadn’t realized how their words and/or actions fully impacted my decisions.
The biggest hurdle was probably making the decision to publish in the first place. Originally this was an email to someone who was struggling as a missionary. Then I decided to expand the story “for posterity.” When I had 200 pages and was 95% done with the first draft, it finally occurred to me that it could be a book. But I was nervous about sharing the story because I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I also know that my perspective probably isn’t correct. So many things I heard via rumors and gossip, through mangled translations from another language, or that I just misunderstood because I really wasn’t doing well personally. But this was the data I had at the time.
4. If you could give one piece of advice to aspiring mission workers, what would it be?
You are not responsible for any outcomes. It’s all up to God. Whether wonderful or terrible things happen, your obedience is more important, and you’re not responsible for “results” or “success.” Only God knows what success looks like. Whether fifty people come to Christ or no one, you are doing God’s important work by showing up.
5. What projects are you working on now?
Currently I’m working on the second draft of the mystery novel I wrote for last year’s NaNoWriMo. It’s about a girl who thinks she’s joining a convent, but it’s actually a secret international spy/detective agency.
Writing a memoir was hard. It’s a nice change to write about fictional characters whose feelings I don’t need to consider upon releasing the book.
I’m also working on a course called Photography for Writers. It keeps growing – it might be as long as a book by the time I’m done.
Miah is the author of The Reluctant Missionary, a memoir about the two years she spent overseas teaching English. She writes about learning to let go of perfectionism and embracing God’s plan for her life. She lives in Dallas where she dreams of someday having another cat. Connect with Miah online at http://www.miahoren.com.
Whew. It’s been a rough week for fandom. Saying goodbye to David Bowie was saying goodbye to part of my childhood. And Alan Rickman inspired me with his late-start-but-still-phenomenal career and as a person in general. I can’t even go on Facebook right now because I am at work and a damn professional, and I am mainly working very hard at not sobbing into my keyboard.
Yesterday, The Bloggess posted her tribute and thank yous in a beautiful way, and I want to do something similar here. There are a lot of people, like Bowie and Rickman, whom I will mourn along with the world when they pass. But there are roughly a dozen people whom I’ve never actually met whom I will mourn as if I have. Whoever my boss is when those terrible days come – be advised I will take a few days off. Trust me – you’ll be glad that I do.
I have a lot of fandoms, so it was difficult to narrow down the list to six, much less five. But here they are:
Bernadette Peters – I have loved her since I could barely even love anyone. She played Lily St. Regis in the 1982 Annie, and in my 7-year-old mind, she was so fancy. I love her grace and the way she just takes over the stage. My favorite thing she’s done was her performance as the witch in Into the Woods. When I saw the newer version last year, I missed her. I mean, Meryl Streep is awesome – would that we all developed and displayed our talents so brilliantly – but I missed Bernadette Peters in the role. In my mind, it will always be hers.
Michelle Pfeiffer – Confession: when I grow up, I kinda want to be Michelle Pfeiffer. From reenacting her rendition of “Cool Rider” in Grease 2 in front of my friend Ginger’s camcorder to her depiction of Catwoman to her marriage to David E. Kelley (lucky guy…and sure, also a fantastic writer and producer…who gets to be Michelle Pfeiffer’s husband), she has the sort of career/life I would want if I were an actress. She has an impressive body of work that I could gush about all day.
But seriously –
Peter MacNicol – He played my all-time favorite television character on my all-time favorite show. I can’t see him in anything without thinking of Ally McBeal‘s John Cage. He delivered my favorite lines and my favorite speeches from the show. When people ask what fictional character I relate to most, unlike most writers, who will name someone from literature, I name a character from television – John Cage. I will be inconsolable when anyone in the cast of Ally McBeal dies, but his death will be the hardest.
Michael Rosenbaum – I teared up even typing his name. He’s only a few years older than I am, and frankly, I hope I go first so I don’t ever have to deal with his death (after we’ve both lived long, happy lives, hopefully well into our late 90s, of course). Michael Rosenbaum played Lex Luthor on Smallville, and while he’s done many awesome things since then, that was his role that actually has had an impact on my personal life. I love his portrayal of Lex. I loved it so much that I joined his message board to talk about it with others who loved it as much as I did. And then I followed a lot of them to Livejournal to discuss it even more in-depth. Thus I began my first blog – my first regular writing practice. So when I become published, Michael Rosenbaum will be in the acknowledgements of people whose work was instrumental in getting me there.
Then I met some of the people whom I knew from the message board and from Livejournal, and I still keep in touch with a lot of them today. Some of them, I’ve never met in person but still consider good friends. Some of them, I have met in person and consider some of my best friends, like my friend Michelle. I can’t imagine not knowing these people, and I have Michael Rosenbaum to thank for that as well.
Nathan Fillion – Need I really explain this one? Firefly. Castle. Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog. Nathan Fillion’s awesomeness is pretty apparent. He makes an excellent TV boyfriend. I love him in everything he’s been in, but I might love his Twitter best of all. Some days, it’s the only reason I still have a Twitter.
I would join his message board so hard (if I were still in my twenties and had oodles of time to spend on the Internet. And if message boards were a thing people even did anymore).
And because five is not enough…
Lauren Graham – Lorelai can never die. Neither can Sarah Braverman. That’s the rule. You hear me, universe? I won’t stand for it.
After this week, I’m in serious need of a weekend of self-care, which specifically will consist of a vat of roasted veggie soup and Veronica Mars (oh, God. Kristen Bell. YOU BE GOOD, UNIVERSE!).
“The truth is a vast thing. I see that now – just how much truth there is. Where would we even begin?”
Root – Person of Interest
My word for 2016 is “true,” and it is indeed a vast, vast thing. I made a list of 20 goals as part of Beth Morey’s Your Fearless Year 2016 mini-course, and every one of them falls under some aspect of uncovering, discovering, or staying true.
And ever since I said yes to this word, I’ve had this song running through my head:
But that will go away soon. I hope.
Honestly, the word is a little overwhelming. What in the world have I gotten myself into?!
This year, I resolve to be true…
…to my calling. I will endeavor to act out of conviction and purpose rather than out of what someone requests or thinks that I should do. For example, there is a fine line between being a true support/accomplice to those who are oppressed, and performing for ally cookies like a pampered dog. There were a couple of times early last year when I crossed that line. It was gross. I still feel dirty and appalled at my behavior. I am offended to discover that this self-involved motivation is part of my personality, and I want to avoid such mistakes this year.
You may be disappointed if you don’t see me saying or doing everything you think I ought to say or do. If you know me in person and thus have the benefit of seeing me in multiple venues, talk to me about it.
If you only know me online, I ask you to keep that in mind. What I say, share, and like here and on social media is true to who I am, but it only represents a small percentage of my time. It is not my whole person. It may be easy to assume that if you don’t see it, it’s not happening, but that assumption is usually inaccurate.
Of course, you are also welcome to ask/confront me about it, and I am happy to hear you out. But hearing you out does not automatically mean compliance. I hope that I will not merely pander to your wishes just to placate you and get a pat on the head. Because ick. Please expect better things of me.
…to attainable expectations. I have noticed a pattern in which I will start out with completely rational goals. Then something triggers some type of excitement explosion, and suddenly my vision becomes completely irrational.
Part of me really likes this about myself. May I never become so dull and stodgy that even my wildest dreams fall completely within the realm of reason.
Another part of me needs me to calm the hell down and stop being so hard on myself.
A couple of months ago, I took my first Pure Barre class. I went into it eager but relaxed (well, as relaxed as I ever get about new social situations). I was just going to give it a try and see how far into the hour I got. I met some people, and Jessa, who had invited me, showed me around a little.
Then I walked into the class. I saw the barre and the mirrors and watched people stretching to limber up, and two of the gnomes who live in my head – Ms. Perfectionist and Ms. Competitive – perked up. Somehow, they must have convinced me that I was still 19 and a size six and dancing ten hours a week, because that’s the level of intensity at which I started the class.
Of course, about 10-15 minutes into the class, my body revolted and reminded me, “Nope – you’re forty. Here – have some dizziness and nausea!” I actually had to leave class for a while. I came back and finished, but I didn’t get out of it what I could have if I’d paced myself.
I want to have fewer of those experiences this year. I want to be better at setting goals that I can actually achieve. It’s not as if I’m giving anything up. After all, there’s no rule that says I can’t work back up to dancing ten hours a week if I decide that’s what I want. I just need a better assessment of how much work it will take.
…to my strengths. * sigh * This job of mine. Sure, the pay could be a lot better, and the job description could be better defined, but other than that, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. It’s just not in my wheelhouse. I’m competent, but it’s not what I’m best at. It neither excites nor challenges me. I am nagged by this persistent sense that my talents and strengths would be better utilized elsewhere.
I want to find my elsewhere. Maybe it’s a different position in the same department. Maybe it’s in another department on campus. Maybe it’s not in higher education at all. But I want to find it. It’s hard to be truly myself when I spend 40 hours a week doing something that’s not.
…to my life in general. In Poemcrazy, Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge talks about looking for a place to live – “I look for places made of poetry for me, places alive with history, wildlife and mystery. Then I move in if I can.” Well, she can keep her wildlife, but otherwise, that quote is a punch in the gut. As many things as I like about my apartment and neighborhood (the multiculturalism, the…nope, that’s it), it’s never really felt like home, at least not in the way that other places have. I want to live somewhere I feel at home again. Of course, I have some ideas about how it will look – a place for a small garden, an area to sit outside with a glass of wine or cup of coffee, an extra room for books – but mostly I just want to walk in the door and sigh with relief instead of resignation.
That room of books needs to have room for some pretty serious writing to get done, too. My writing goals this year center around publication. Something’s getting published this year, even if I have to publish it myself.
…to delight. I will always be a student. I don’t ever want to stop learning new things and actively seeking out things that move me. I want to read 100 books. I might take a cooking class or tap lessons. I might even try PureBarre again, only with the appropriate respect for the work and my current body. I want to embrace music and dance and poetry – as practice, as art, as essentials.
A true life is one that is lived, not just endured.
Now it’s your turn. What are your goals for the year?
Happy new year, everyone! I will post my resolutions and goals early next week, but the planning phases began months ago. Here are some sites I’ve saved to help me out.
I’m obsessed with poetry these days, and I write better in general when I read and write poetry, so I’m going to do more of both those things this year. I love this post from Interesting Literature listing 10 Winter Poems.
Getting up earlier (on days when I have to be somewhere in the morning – not everyday. Let’s be reasonable) is something I desperately want to be good at. When I accidentally do it, the day goes so much better. Here is a little motivation on that front. I want to be insanely healthy!
I love anything that makes cleaning easier and less time-consuming. This list actually has tips I’d never heard of before.
And finally, this article from NPR addresses a problem that has wormed its way into my writing in the last few years. Pandering slows me down and makes my writing weaker. More on this next week.
I spent NaNoWriMo fleshing out a new story wherein the main character is a superhero who currently has telepathy and mad combat skills. Her powers are up in the air – I had a lot of fun writing different scenes where she has different powers and seeing how that would play out. In the end, my favorite scenes (or the ones that I can actually piece together and make into a story) will probably dictate what her powers will be. I only finished about 10,000 words, but I love her, so this will be a story I revisit.
Of course, this meant I watched a lot of Smallville. You know, for inspiration. And trips down fandom memory lane. And eye candy.
Thanksgiving was fun but seemed rushed. I took the whole week off last week so that I could have two days of getting-things-done and be able to relax when we went to see the parents on Wednesday instead of spending the holiday making lists of all the things I needed to remember to do when we got home Sunday. Of course, like a fool, I then told people I took the whole week off, and because I would much rather have dinner and hang out with people I miss than clean my nasty apartment…well…that’s how that went.
You’re right. I totally told them on purpose.
To-do list completely not done, we left around noon on Wednesday to travel to the parents’ house. This was my view:
Love that sky.
But I still managed to relax a little at Thanksgiving, although my lists on my phone are out of control now and I might never get them done. We had traditional fare and lots of dessert. I ate four different kinds of pie (over the course of the weekend, to be clear). There was coconut cream pie and chocolate meringue pie and lemon pudding pie and because that went so well (and so quickly), a chocolate pudding pie. There was also a pecan pie, but I am not a fan, so I left that one to others.
I really love pie, y’all.
The weather is finally exactly how I like it. Cold. And not the “cold” that some people start complaining about in late October when it dips slightly below 70. Like…ice has formed. I mean, not here. But at my parents’ house –
Ice on the kitchen window.
Frozen vines and icicles on the trellis in the backyard.
I didn’t read a lot this month, but it definitely had a theme to it. Holidays apparently make me want to look at my relationship with food. I picked Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi for my memoir/biography discussion for book club. She already had me at this:
This is the best, rawest, most honest capture of what it’s like to have an eating disorder that I’ve ever read. Sometimes, it was like reading pages out of my own journals from my late teens/early twenties. It would be tempting to write a memoir on this subject from a heavy now-looking-back perspective – to rush to lessons learned and mountains moved. But she didn’t do that, and that’s why this book is so important. She takes you through the details of her thoughts and feelings, which, if you’ve ever thought and felt similar things, doesn’t give you the chance to say, “Well, that’s not me.” It hits you in the gut and makes you deal with it. I cannot recommend this book enough.
I also read a lot of Mireille Guiliano. I loved the food philosophy (i.e., common sense) of French Women Don’t Get Fat, so I tried French Women for All Seasons (I liked it…and found it charming that she included sections on how to tie scarves in each season…but otherwise meh) and Women, Work, and the Art of Savoir Faire (I found some parts very useful and some parts very baffling). She reminds me a little of my mother.
So that’s what I’ve been into this month. What have you been doing/eating/reading?
I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer – click the button below and join us!
Cleverly cropped so that you miss most of the garage sale bags.
This is my favorite corner of my apartment. I moved here a few years ago from a two-bedroom apartment where my books/office/TV had their own room. Now they have a pocket in the living room.
And what an adorable pocket it is.
The writing nook is where I do most of my at-home writing. There’s something about being surrounded by the words of others that inspires me to write my own.
It also blocks my view of other places in the apartment that might need cleaning or work, which is my main distraction when I write.
This is where I spent most of my Saturday, between loads of laundry and plates of leftovers. A good week is one where I have at least one full day when I don’t leave the apartment at all and I can get some things done around the house. It’s good to have a day to remember that I actually live there rather than coming in, dumping things in the floor, and falling into bed.
I don’t get that day every week, so when I do, I savor it.
This is my favorite picture I’ve taken in a long time. I’m not sure what I was trying to do here, but it makes me laugh and laugh.
I do know where I’m pointing, though. On my shelves, that’s where my books – the books I’ll write – will go.
Like the books of the authors on the L Shelves, I will want to keep my nonfiction and fiction together. You can’t see it in the picture, but I’ve already left some space on this shelf for Tolkien to shift on down when I have my first published book in hand.
(I enjoy that my book gets to sit next to Tolkien on my shelf.)
I have two manuscripts started. This month, I’m working to finish Feast, and I will be starting back up in December writing more on Fishbowl. I have a story I wrote during NaNoWriMo one year called Emma Jane, which Maggie helped me realize was actually two stories, so I’m going to pick up one of those again (I guess the Emma portion) after I finish Fishbowl.
But in November, I’m going to take some of the Jane character and rewrite/add another dimension to her story. Or I may (read: most likely will) start over with that character and a whole new story line. Either way, I’m excited to get another story started.
“But Suzanne – doesn’t that slow down your writing process?” you ask.
Yes and no.
Yes, it takes longer to write two or three books than it does to write one. But – and this is why the process works for me – when one story is getting stagnant, I can turn to another, read a little bit of it, and write it with fresh eyes.
I do some of my best work that way.
And I promise, someday it will show up in that space on my shelf.
Andi, our fearless writing group leader, prompted us this week to think about what our book would look like when it is published. She also asked what the movie would look like. So I thought I’d take a break from my word frenzy on Feast and dream of Fishbowl’s future.
“What size will it be? What weight? What color will the cover be? Hard or soft? What images? What type of font?”
I’ve always pictured Fishbowl in paperback and in blue. I like to imagine people adding it to their laptop bag or their backpack to read on the bus or in coffee shops, so it has to be easily portable. Of course, there will be e-copies of it as well, but I like to believe the majority of my readers still prefer the feel of a real book in their hands.
I am stumped on the picture. It seems ridiculous to put a fishbowl on the cover. Too easy. Their story spends a lot of time in coffee shops or drinking coffee or tea, so the picture could be hot-beverage-related. But that also seems to be a bit of a yawn. I’ll have to think about it some more. And by “think about it,” I do mean, “ask other people who are more visually oriented than I am to give their input.”
“Then, consider this, if your book was turned into a movie…who would play whom? What actors would you cast for what roles? Would it be a documentary or a feature film? Where would it be set, or what would the set look like? Would you make a cameo?”
Ahaha! I would so make a cameo. I would be the girl who gets attacked by the bird when she walks down the street.
It would be set in Denton. Because $$$ for Denton. Also, because it takes place here (currently…that may change in edits if it becomes problematic. I’m willing to negotiate.).
As far as actors, I don’t have a lot of people chosen. Here is a working list…
Bob – Adam Brody is my top choice, but I would be happy with Zachary Levi. Maybe Adam Scott. I love Adam Scott. He’s got to be in it in some role.
Jenny – I really love Olivia Wilde in this role. Maybe Zoe Saldana. I like her in anything.
Mrs. White/Caldwell – The reason I named her Mrs. White (not the final name – just a working name) is because I see Betty White when I write her.
James (the jerk) – Someone beefy. I don’t know yet. I’m open to suggestions.
Stephanie – Emma Stone? I actually picture late-twenties Janeane Garofalo, but you can’t go back in time.
Those are the only ones I have a face in mind for.
I finished Twyla Tharp’s The Creative Habitthis weekend. I took seventeen pages of notes, mostly on ideas and scenes for my current and budding works in progress. It’s one of the best books on creativity I’ve read in a long time.
One of the many nuggets of advice that stick out to me was Tharp’s admonition to “protect your inexperience.” She encourages artists – whether they be dancers, musicians, actors, writers, etc. – to rotate the categories of their art. This protects them from stagnation by challenging them to learn something new or practice a slightly different skill set.
This makes a lot of sense. I am more productive when I switch gears on a regular basis. To that end, I have reviewed my writing journals, and I discovered that my most productive months were those in which my daily schedule or the season changed and I allowed my writing schedule to change with it. I want to become more intentional about doing so.
My writing tasks generally divide themselves into four main categories: transition, beauty, intensity, and rest.
Transition
My transitions months are January, May, and October. During January, after a long break from work and looking forward to a new semester, I am energized and hopeful about the upcoming year. During May, I spend the first half of the month finalizing grades and closing down residence halls and the second half of the month starting summer conferences or taking a break. During October, I participate in 31 Days to help myself transition to the discipline of writing every day that I will need to churn out 50,000 words on a new project in November.
Transition months involve a lot of analysis and organization. These months lend themselves best to planning and outlining. I also tend to churn out a lot of essays and dive into projects during these months.
Beauty
In February, June, and December, I am obsessed with beauty. February usually brings our first snow, which I love. June is the month where summer tries to woo me – tries to convince me that this year, things will be different and that we will get along. December is magic; it’s Advent and anticipation and tradition.
I tend to write more descriptively, and I tend to write more poetry during these months. It’s no accident that these months come right after my transitional project/planning months. Once the planning is done or the project underway, I start looking for beauty in the results.
Intensity
April, July, and November are intense. November is NaNoWriMo, the time every year when I try to churn out 50,000 words on a new project. April and July are also intense writing months when I write every day on one or several current projects.
I average about 3,000 words a day when I’m in intense mode. This rate is not sustainable for me all year, but for a few months out of it, that is most of what I do. I am the most scarce on social media during these months (unless I’m procrastinating, and then you get a lot of cat pictures and quizzes about what kind of tree I must be), and most of the blog posts you see during these months are ones I’ve written ahead of time and scheduled.
Rest
March, August, and September are creative rest. March is the middle of the spring semester when my students (and okay – also their professor) get the -itis – summer is in sight, and their attention span shows it. August and September are the beginning of the school year. I am not only starting a new semester with my classes, but I am also welcoming hundreds of new freshmen to UNT. These are the months when my work life doesn’t leave a lot of time for the work of writing.
Rest is not a shutdown – there is actually a lot going on when we rest. We are restoring and rejuvenating to recoup from the past and prepare for the future. I do a lot of what Twyla Tharp calls “scratching” during this time. I take notes on things that inspire me, I listen to more music, and I read more books on creating (writing, cookbooks, how-to in general). My Pinterest boards blow up during this time. I do these things at other times as well, of course, but they seem to be my focus during the months when I’m resting.
Recognizing rhythms is freeing. As much as I know in my head that the “write every day” advice doesn’t work for me, I still often feel anxious during months when I’m not working on an unfinished manuscript. Recognizing that I get more done when I write according to what works for me relieves a lot of that anxiety.
M. Suzanne Terry 