Oh, August. It’s offensively hot outside and super busy at work (I looove it, though) (the new job and training the staff, not the heat, to be clear). Sounds like a great time to stay indoors and read in what little downtime I have this month.
[Per the usual disclosure, most of the links are affiliate links.]
Book Clubs
So we had a division retreat at work recently, and the focus was our personal wellness. The first session I attended was “Who wants to be in a book club?” One might ask, “Suzanne, do you really want to join more book clubs?” but I think we all know the answer to that already, so let’s just move on.
Anyway, the book club list is longer now. No regrets.
The combination of August-in-Texas heat and August-in-Housing scheduling has me giving off serious I-do-what-I-want vibes in my personal life (I mean, even more than usual). All the reading this month outside of book clubs (and really, for the most part, in book clubs as well) is pure enjoyment. Here are some books I’ve gleaned from my own shelves or the library and added to the on-deck TBR pile.
Latte Love by Andrea Cumbo – I get to read the ARC for the first of this series that comes out on September 1! I know I’m going to love it, so I highly encourage you to preorder.
What is the best thing (book or otherwise) you’ve read lately?
From The Museum of Ordinary People by Mike Gayle – “The older you get, the more home becomes about people rather than place, I think. The older you get, the more roots are about where you want to be rather than where you come from.”
Our cookbook club meets tonight, and the theme is pickles. Up until this week, I was going to make cheddar and dill biscuits but it’s so very hot, so I’ve made pickled carrots and bought a nice cheese to go with them instead. I love sharing food with these folks. It’s one of the things I look forward to the most each month.
This piece – “The Poetics of Family Life” – outlined some interesting insights into the home being its own harmonious entity, not just a reflection of public life and its guidelines. It’s more zoned toward families, but there are some nuggets of wisdom that I’m chewing on for myself, too.
It will depend on how much the paycheck actually changes in the next few months, of course, but I am already breathing easier about finances. The thought of being able to not only make my overall budget and beef up my savings but also have enough left over to go out for dinner/drinks with friends a few times a month without sticking to a diet of pb&j and ramen the week before payday, or replace worn-out clothing and shoes as needed without having to dip into an emergency fund, or just buy cute little upgrades for my home like these pillows on a consistent basis is so incredibly freeing. I might even be able to start a fun fund within the next year for extravagances such as vacations or a car.
On being the person you are on vacation…this is a good reminder to make time not only for the practical work that I need to do to make my home run well but also for rest and rejuvenation. I’m working through The Artist’s Way again, and while I remembered writing morning pages from the time I worked through it before (over a decade ago), I forgot the instruction to schedule a weekly artist date with yourself – something to feed your creativity. While I would argue that once a week is not enough (acknowledging, of course, that the time to be able to work in more than one a week is a privilege some don’t have), this was another gentle reminder to not let weeks slip by without being intentional about protecting my calm and creativity.
I am at the overwhelmed stage of the new job. That’s fine. Everything’s fine. But these tips on how to stay grounded and feel at home with yourself really came in handy this week. I only hyperventilated once. Good job, me!
The title of that last article also reminded me that I need to get some plants for my office because I can BECAUSE I HAVE A WINDOW NOW (those caps are excited-shouty, not angry-shouty). We’re doing two weeks of training for the student staff that I supervise, and then we open all the buildings for fall, but after that chaos has passed, I think my treat to myself after that is going to be some greenery for the office. Because I enjoy having indoor plants but not necessarily planting them, I’ll probably be scouting for new little windowsill friends at True Leaf Studio.
What day even is it? Is this a real Friday? Am I real?
Between starting to talk about how we are going to make the switch between my now-job and my new-job and having two days off in the middle of the week to focus on writing, this week has been an exercise in transition and exception. But it’s been a good one (I think? I’m pretty sure it’s been OK overall. I’m gonna need people to stop shooting into crowds, though, and I’m gonna need changes to the system that would make these rampant shootings less likely. You know, per usual.). We did get free food at work yesterday, and I have had a lot of cherries (cherries are really good right now), so there’s that.
Also, I’ve been reading some things I really enjoyed. Here are some things you might enjoy, too.
Breath by James Nestor – This was a fascinating subject. It was a little lighter on the science than I expected, but it was a good read anyway. The author outlined how the way we breathe (as a species) has altered our skeletal structure and may be a big part of the reason so many have respiratory issues. There are also some excellent breathing exercises at the end of the book and even if I’d hated the rest of it, it would have been worth the read for those.
The Mysterious Affair at Styles by Agatha Christie – As expected, a solid introduction to the Poirot character. I forgot how much I like her writing. The ending was predictable, so there was room to grow from her first book in this series, and I’m excited to see how it progresses as I read through the series.
“Don’t ask me if I’m free” – I feel this in my bones. I mean, I wouldn’t leave Mom to fend for herself after surgery just so I could brunch with Beyoncé (or any celebrity, to be clear). But otherwise, yes.
Rivermouth by Alejandra Oliva – A memoir from an immigration activist about helping people at the border and a masterpiece on sitting in the various tensions of this issue. My favorite parts of the book were the parts in Spanish that she didn’t translate, the effect of which was to illustrate the frustration of navigating in a language in which I understand the overall gist but am not anywhere close to fluent. Highly recommend – 4.5 stars.
This essay on book club fails is a wild ride (well, a book-nerdy wild ride, which admittedly is probably closer to a somewhat spirited saunter for most people). I feel like the writer makes some valid points but also has some expectations that exemplify the rigidity that is often responsible for sending a well-intentioned book club into an early grave. Book clubs, like all social endeavors, have to be able to breathe a little. Yes, the discussion is better if people show up and have read the book. But if you want to build a lasting book club, people have to be able to miss or not finish the book occasionally without it being considered a failure, especially the first few years you are meeting (and I would argue even after that). At my book club that has been meeting the longest, we get excited if most of us have even started the book, and if only a couple of us have finished it, we still talk about other books and enjoy each other’s company (and omg the food – Brenda and our book club can put out quite a spread). And I get the frustration of going to the trouble to make something a priority and putting in the effort to plan one’s own work/life schedule around it only to have the time changed at the last minute. I second that emotion hard. But even if you do have a regular time when the book club meets every month…sometimes things come up. If the host or most of the members can’t make the regularly scheduled time, it makes sense to be flexible. Talking about books is always ultimately worth whatever effort it takes to make it happen.
I’m happy the weekend is almost here. I’m spending most of Saturday reading and cleaning and hanging with some people I haven’t seen in a while that night. On Sunday, I get to book club with Follow the Reader, so that will be fun. I hope you have a good weekend, too!
Welcome to July! I have a writing retreat (more on the specifics tomorrow) and a reading retreat this month, and I start my new job..soon-ish? Other than my regularly scheduled festivities, those are the things I’m looking forward to the most. I think *knocks on wood* that my schedule is easier this month outside of work (which is good, because it is absolutely nuts at work), so I should have a lot of reading time.
FTR’s choose your own adventure this month is romance, so I’m going with either The Scandalous Letters of V and J by Felicia Davin or This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone (or both). The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy by Megan Bannen is described by Modern Mrs. Darcy as “part You’ve Got Mail, part Pushing Daisies, and part The Princess Bride,” so I feel like I need to read it as soon as possible, too.
Similarly, I’m also going to read Here For It: Or, How To Save Your Soul in America by R. Eric Thomas before I read his newest collection of essays, which is on the MMD challenge, when it comes out in August.
The Museum of Ordinary People by Mike Gayle – I intend to get lost in the nostalgia of the objects the main character finds right along with her.
The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty – I haven’t read a good pirate tale in a while. I’m really looking forward to it.
TBR/Collection
Dewey’s Reverse Readathon is scheduled for July 21-22, so I will probably have some time to finish up a few things I’ve started in the past couple of months but have not finished.
June has been a pretty good month, all things considered. I mean, weather and legislation are gross, because Texas. And my dad had to put our dog Lola down, so I’m pretty sad about that. But despite a few storms, rainbows abound (feel free to interpret that in as many possible ways as you can).
Here is this month’s update on my home theme. Enjoy!
I enjoyed this piece by Sarah E. Westfall on The Exhaustion of Stuff – “A home is more than a place to put our things. A home shapes us. It is where we are formed in relationship and, in an ideal setting, feel safe and supported. But when the Stuff™ that surrounds us is excessive or lacks meaning or breeds chaos, those same qualities begin to manifest themselves within us.” Sometimes, I am nostalgic about belongings and keep them even when they’re cluttery because I have feelings about getting rid of them (not all of these feelings are joy. Just…feelings). However, I am currently in a “pitchy” phase – I’m cleaning out closets and being rather ruthless in what I get rid of. It feels so good. I got a take back bag from For Days, and I am having absolutely no problem filling it. I expect it will be ready to send back in about a week. Happy.
One group of items that I have a hard time getting rid of is all those shoes. I love shoes. I love having a lot of choices, even though I typically wear only the same three or four pair. I’ve bravely put some of them in the giveaway pile, but for the rest, I am looking into better storage options so that they don’t just sit in a heap in the closet floor.
The flip side, of course, is that I hope to someday capitalize a little more on what I enjoy doing the most so it can be the thing I do full-time. The older I get, the more creativity is fundamental to my core and my happiness. I’m looking forward to some intensive creative time this weekend and part of next week. Specifically, I am doing my first DIY writing retreat of the year next Monday night through Wednesday night (ish), so I’m finishing up preparations for it this weekend. I have two main goals for this session – to edit and submit the first chapter of either “Fishbowl” or “November” to the Gutsy Great Novelist Page One Prize and to finish Andi Cumbo’s Smash the Myths course.
Finally, I am happy to announce that I have been offered the position of Coordinator for Housing Services! I expect it to be a smooth transition, as I’ll be working with the same team I’m currently on, just with different responsibilities that are more in line with my strengths. Also, I will be moving into one of the offices (and thus out of the reception area yay), so I am spending a lot of free time building my dark academia Pinterest board with decorating ideas. Looking to build a cozy, welcoming space but also make it a reflection of my personal style as much as possible.
This week has been busy, work-wise. I had an interview for a new position in our office, and I think it went OK. So we’ll see!
As far as reading goes, I’ve been basking in some super sweet meet-cutes this week. This is one of my favorite summer/comfort genres. I’ve listed one of the ones I finished below (others coming up in reading challenge updates), and I am looking forward to basking in more of them during the long weekend.
Here are some recent notables I wanted to share. Enjoy!
I love this reflection from Andi Cumbo – Writing Lessons from a Lawn Care Channel. I love laundry for the same reasons. And I concur with Andi – that channel is really satisfying.
That Summer Feeling by Bridget Morrissey was a great summer read. If you’ve ever fantasized about going to an adult sleepaway camp, this might be right up your alley. Of course, you know what will happen pretty early on, but that doesn’t make it less fun. And there are some really wonderful relationship moments – familial, platonic, and romantic – that tug on all the heartstrings. Stayed up late to finish it – no regrets.
Getting Word is one of my favorite literary projects, and their annual fundraiser starts Monday. Check them out and donate if you are so inclined.
I haven’t solidified my summer bucket list yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that icebox pies and other no-bake desserts are going to take up a lot of space on it. I am currently finishing a coffee/Kahlua pie (which is really just Nigella Lawson’s no-churn ice cream in a chocolate cookie crust). After the lemon pie that I’m making this weekend, I expect that this no-bake tres leches will be on deck.
Cleverly cautious – a classic horse trait. “CAN IT EAT US ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION JULIA.” Shout-out to Jessica who shared this with the office this morning. It made me laugh and laugh.
This is the second closedown day/summer move-in weekend at work. This one is a little slower than last week, so I figured an update was in order. I know that to everyone else it’s Saturday, but I definitely woke up to an alarm and I’m wearing shoes and sitting at my desk at work, so it’s Friday in my heart.
This week’s edition includes recipes of things I have been tinkering with and a few books I have finished in the last couple of weeks. Enjoy!
One of my book clubs met last Tuesday, and we usually each bring a snack or some type of food to share. The snack I brought this month was margaritas. My go-to recipe is one I found in one of the Sweet Potato Queens’ books (I believe it was The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book of Love), because it’s four ingredients I can pour together, stir, and call it a day. Well, I like Triple Sec in my margaritas, so my version is technically five ingredients. And the grocery store didn’t have frozen limeade on Monday night, so I used the Simply Limeade, and now I have a new favorite way to make them that’s not quite so syrupy sweet. Anyway, combine 12(ish) oz. each of tequila and/or triple sec, Corona (or a Corona-esque beer – they’re actually better with Sol if you can find it), 7-Up (not Sprite or any other lemon/lime drink – it makes a difference), and frozen limeade (or Simply Limeade that you’ve slightly frozen). Stir, serve, and enjoy. It’s the perfect hybrid of frozen and on-the-rocks margaritas, and it is potent.
I’ve been dabbling with no-churn ice creams, and I took two flavors to Cookbook Club last Friday – Nigella Lawson’s no-churn coffee ice cream and Eric Kim’s no-churn Scotch ice cream. In related news, I enjoy boozy ice creams. And the no-churn is so easy to make (it’s essentially frozen whipped cream). This may become a habit. Cottage cheese ice cream is the next experiment.
The Seven Stones: The Seastone by Robb Arbuckle – This is the first book in a new middle-grade series, and it’s a pretty standard good vs. evil, magical academia trope. It incorporates a lot of mythology and elementals and historical references, so it’s also pretty ambitious. I’m interested to see if many of those things will become significant to the plot of the series or if the author will focus on a few of them to tighten the narrative (I can see clear arguments for both, depending on what the author wants the story arc to be, so this interest is curiosity rather than criticism at this point). It made me want to read more of the story, so it was a successful first installment!
I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver – This was my second time reading this book because I recommended it for my church book club. I loved it just as much the second time (and listened on audio, which is also good). The main character is nonbinary, and this is the story of their coming out and finding the people who love and support them. Deaver does a great job of showing the anguish and self-doubt that often accompanies this process. I wanted to fight everyone who hurt Ben throughout the book.
The Bullet That Missed by Richard Osman – I really love the Thursday Murder Club series. I was feeling puny Sunday so I was not up for much else but lying about and drinking tea and reading this book. I started and finished it that day.
Added bonus – a morning routine is so important, and this kid is going places. But not until he’s had his morning lemon and honey constitutional.
Hello, friends! We are heading across the street for lunch today because it’s staff discount day in the cafeteria and also because there are empanadas there. We are going a little early because it’s Reading Day at UNT (i.e., no classes are held), and we want to make it to the cafeteria before it is teeming with the students who are hopefully using this small break before Finals Week to sleep in and catch up on some rest.
It’s also Cinco de Mayo (i.e., the reason for the empanadas, probably). Please consider supporting local Mexican-owned businesses (particularly if they make tasty drinks because yay Friday) or donating to one of the following organizations:
I’m so happy it’s the weekend (soon). Here are five things I enjoyed this week:
As an aspiring older female writer, I’m excited that people are seeking them out. Keep seeking, folks. I’m coming. Also, I love all the books listed in this article that I’ve read (e.g., if you haven’t read Lessons in Chemistry, you’re missing out), and I expect that June’s TBR is going to include some of the ones I haven’t.
Carrie Fisher is being honored with a Hollywood Walk of Fame star, which was appropriately announced on May 4.
Nigella Lawson’s Cook, Eat, Repeat is the audiobook I’m currently listening to. Nigella reads it herself, and I love how her humor comes across not only in her words but in her voice. I wouldn’t usually listen to a cookbook (and honestly, I skipped right through the recipe for black pudding meatballs just like I would if I were reading through the print copy because the description was already sufficiently vivid and…yuck), but I am enjoying this one. I’m going to need the print copy, though, because I’m now craving some of these foods. Just not the meatballs.
And finally – I have jumped on the Substack bandwagon. Eventually, I want the paid portion (which is not active yet, so everything that’s there can be perused for free) to be an opportunity to share some of the fiction I’m writing. But for now, I’m having fun musing about how to be/feel like/identify as a writer when you have multiple jobs/gigs, a full-time job, children, volunteer work, high-maintenance pets, or other time-consuming responsibilities. I’m currently posting once a week on Wednesdays, so subscribe if you want to hear more!
I hope you get a chance to do something fun today. Have a good weekend!
I had a readathon this weekend, and I forgot how nice and relaxing they are. I needed that. I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I looked at my calendar Friday evening, saw that I only had one additional thing scheduled the whole weekend (dinner at my friends’ house where I was plied with delicious food and wine and got to see their dog Charlie and catch up with them and watch TV – so, even the one thing was super low key), and burst into tears of relief.
Welp, that’s telling.
In mental health news, it has been noted that I am describing a greater number of stress responses than usual in sessions. There are probably several factors. First, it’s the end of the semester, and transitions between application periods always have the potential for instability and extra wackiness. Even when the work week is reasonably calm – like last week was – just the awareness that this time of the year is particularly prone to changing in an instant is stressful.
I am also – once again – trying to do too much and not taking the time I know I need for proper rest and restoration. The writing project I’m focusing on is deeply personal and is uncovering some things I probably need to address in future sessions. And then there’s the ongoing, underlying theme of my brain’s particular neurospicy cocktail, which ensures that common elements in several environments I frequent often trigger an acute stress response, just as a matter of course.
A reasonable question might be, “Can’t you just avoid environments that hurt you?” As we discovered during the stay-in-place times during the height of the pandemic, the answer is yes – absolutely I can. That is technically a possibility that I could put in place if I really needed to, as these responses are rarely triggered at home. But since the aforementioned environments do allow me to do nice things like pay for food and rent or engage in creative pursuits and also socialize ever, they’re not really situations I would want to avoid, even if, technically, I could.
Up until recently, any time someone would mention the concept of fight vs. flight, I would state that I’m almost all fight. But while that may have been true at certain points in my life, I don’t think it is anymore. I still occasionally react in a tight jaw/tense muscles/knotted gut sort of way, but even then it tends to stay bottled up and internal, in ready-to-fight mode. More often, I get fidgety, which is more flight, or preparing to run away.
To my great dismay, though, the most common acute stress response I have these days is fawn. Particularly when the stressor is social. And it doesn’t have to be a big stressor – just something catching me off guard, conflict (even mild ones), someone talking more loudly than I can readily process, a slamming door (i.e., the doors at work all day every day), etc. I turn into this over-the-top people pleaser, which is not at all my usual personality. I switch into accommodation mode, giving the other people/person in the situation whatever they want or letting them control it completely. I become overly complimentary, saying things that, while they are truly what I think, are also in that moment specifically spoken to soothe their stress and, by extension, my own. I do anything I can to appear compliant, non-threatening, gracious, and useful.
These things are not bad ways to be in general. But because I know it’s a stress response, and thus that the intention behind it is more about avoiding further stress than actual helpfulness, it doesn’t feel good. It’s not an honest interaction, but it seems to come across as one. It feels phony, and it’s hard not to judge myself harshly for that, even though stress responses are typically harder (impossible? I wonder) to control. At any rate, it’s my least favorite version of me, especially when I comply by doing something I didn’t actually want to do, but did do, and then felt compelled to either keep pretending that I wanted to or end the madness with an awkward conversation where I say all these convoluted things out loud and utterly confuse/hurt/disappoint everyone involved.
[That last sentence is what everything in my brain sounds like right now.]
Also, my skin hates it when I feel this way, and it’s acting out. That’s annoying. And itchy.
So that thing I was doing during Lent – taking the two time-outs per week instead of just one? I’m going back to that. It requires some creative corralling of my schedule for my second job, but it’s so worth it. I look forward to being myself most of the time again.
What are some things you do (or stop doing) to relieve stress?
Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday (and also Earth Day). And the phone call I make to him may be the only thing I do tomorrow. Last weekend and this week have been full of fun things, but at this moment, the keyword there is “full.” I need a day. Well, I need a month. But I get a day, and I’ll take it.
Speaking of fun things, here are a few exciting happenings that are coming up soon (like, tonight soon) and a couple of books I had feelings about.
Tonight! Our duo (Sarah and I), They Say The Wind Made Them Crazy, is playing at Rubber Gloves. In fact, the whole show is going to be great. If you’re local, hope to see you there!
Dr. Devon Price’s book Laziness Does Not Exist has been on my TBR for a while, so I’m delighted that this program about creating adaptable educational environments to make them more accessible is coming to UNT next week.
Spiderweb is hosting an open mic night at Rubber Gloves next Tuesday. I haven’t decided if I’m going to read one of the pieces I’ve been working on or just observe, but it should be a good time.
Where the Rhythm Takes You by Sarah Dass – What this main character needs is a sounding board. Someone she will actually confide in (as she already has many people she could confide in if she could put aside her pride long enough to do so). Because I wasn’t prepared for it to be me. Oh, I tried. I listened sympathetically as well as I could. Several times, I said (yes, out loud – you’re welcome, neighbors) that she should stop being clueless (you know things have to be hella obvious if even I pick up on them) and just have a conversation with the dude. Or her father. Or her best friend. Or maybe find a nice grief counselor. But alas, she could not hear me as we are both fictional in each other’s worlds. So instead, it was hours of repetitive whining about not knowing where she stood with other people, particularly the guy. I believe the audiobook reader captured the character’s voice perfectly. Unfortunately, her voice is super melodramatic, which grated on my nerve, because it’s hard to sustain constant, invested empathy, which is what seems to be expected when Every. Word. Is. Stressed. Even when she’s just walking somewhere and sees someone in the far distance she has even the slightest twinge of beef with for any reason, it was told with Big Feelings. It is especially difficult when the character’s main conflict is her own stubborn insistence on making assumptions and thus constantly getting in her own way. It seems like I didn’t enjoy it, but I didn’t have any trouble finishing it. I did have to take a nap when it was over, though.
One of Us Is Lying by Karen M. McManus – We read this YA selection for our church book club, and we all seemed to like it a lot. The plot moved along at a good, steady pace, and I found myself rooting for (almost) all of the characters. I would have five-star loved this book in junior high/high school, but it was thoroughly enjoyable even in my jaded adulthood.
What are you looking forward to the most this weekend/upcoming week?
M. Suzanne Terry 