Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Work’ Category

Awful…for a minute…

Posted in Rants, Work on April 8, 2014| Leave a Comment »

Can I be awful for a minute?  I mean, just tacky and graceless and snotty?

Good.  Because I’m gonna.

I tell my students that, contrary to popular belief, there is such a thing as a stupid question.  I then go on to explain that any question that someone has not only already answered but also answered in writing falls under this category.

Because don’t be lazy.  Also, try to listen.

As the semester winds down, though, I want to add a couple of things to this category.

1.  Any question to which you could easily find the answer yourself is a dumb question.  Especially if you look at me, see that I’m busy doing something, and decide to interrupt and ask me anyway. For example, don’t ask me what time it is.  That is my pet peeve question.  I cannot think of a situation where I can be trusted to answer this question politely.  You can look at your phone just as easily as I can.  Also, there’s probably a clock on the wall.  Just turn your head.

You will get a look from me.  I’m not sure I can help it. It might be involuntary.  It might look something like this:

Image

(Actually, that’s more my “stop being funny – I’m trying to look angry here!” look)

It will be the look that says, “Look how accessible this information is to you without any assistance from me whatsoever.  Don’t you feel foolish?”  I will give you a look, then I will slowly and deliberately turn my head to look at the clock or to look at the phone IN YOUR HAND while I put down what I’m doing and pick up my own phone.  Then I will sigh.  Then, finally, I will answer.  This process will take at least five times longer than it would have taken you to figure it out yourself.

Overreaction?  Maybe.  Tacky?  Sure.  But not nearly as much as what I’m thinking about you in my head.

Because don’t be lazy.

2. Any question that forces me into small talk.

This is something that not many people know about me.  I like greeting people.  I like making eye contact, saying, “hello,” and wishing them a good day as they go off to class.  I like doing my part to help set the tone for a pleasant day.  I also enjoy welcoming the residents home and asking how their day went.  It’s pretty much my favorite part of my day job.

You know what’s not my favorite?

Small talk.

When I say, “Good morning,” I mean it.  When I ask how someone’s day is, I really want to know.  It’s fine if they only want to mutter “okay” as they shuffle past.  That’s their prerogative. But if they want to have a real conversation, I’m for it.

What I am not for is answering mindless questions about what I think of the weather 4,000 times a day.  If you ever encounter anyone behind a desk, do us all a favor.  Don’t talk about the weather.  Be the one fantastic person in our day who doesn’t make us have that terribly boring “conversation.”

I mean, I will answer it.  It’s not your fault that everyone in the history of the building has asked the same question.  I will be nice about it.  Usually.  Unless it’s hot.  Then I have feelings, and you will get to hear them, because hey – you asked.  But if your goal is to be nice, you’ve failed.

3. Any question that isn’t a real question but is designed to “teach” me something through manipulation and general asshattery (i.e., condescension disguised as pleasantry).

“How are you today?”
“I’m okay.  How are you?”
“Just okay?  Why not GREAT?!”

“Why don’t you smile more often?”

“Good morning!”
“How are you today?”
“I’m good.”
“Are you sure? You don’t look it.”

You clearly don’t know me very well, so let me explain some things.

1.  I have an MA in Communication.  I know how to communicate, and I do it just fine.  I do not need you to teach me how to act, and it’s rude of you to try to do so.
2.  I am 39 years old.  If you have ever encountered a grown ass woman before, you should know how to interact with one (hint – the conversations above?  Not the way to go.).
3.  I’m particular.  I have reasonable expectations, but it takes a lot to impress me.  And to get the reaction you are wanting, you have to impress me, not just meet the general expectation.
4.  I am analytical.  I am precise and honest.  If I’m not “great,” I don’t say that I am.  And as I am at work and NOT on a beach sipping an umbrella drink handed to me by a delightful cabana boy (who can smile or not, just as long as he keeps the drinks coming), I’m probably not going to be “great” when you see me.  I’m okay.  I like my job reasonably well, I’m glad to have it, and I choose to be here.  But it’s still a job, not happy fun time.

People have different personalities.  We aren’t all Polyannas.  And thank God for that.  We wouldn’t be able to breathe from all the syrup flying through the air.

I smile, but it’s usually pretty subdued, particularly compared to the bubbly stereotype you seem to want me to be.  And it’s going to stay subdued until I have something to get bubbly about.

Or unless my boss requires it, but I don’t see that happening.

But if you are a random person trying to tell me how to act at MY desk in MY building?  That will bring out the anti-bubbly. That’s a good way to get me to go from “okay” to “pissed off” in no time.

Read Full Post »

Silence

Posted in Story Sessions, Work, Writing on February 2, 2014| Leave a Comment »

This week in Story 101, we practiced silence. This week was a crazy week at work.

This week, I sucked at silence.  Well, sort of.

I tried to stay away from Facebook during work this week.  I gave myself ten minutes in the morning to answer questions on the group that I admin for work, to wish people a happy birthdays, and to answer direct messages.  I was going to spend ten minutes and then log off.

Then an announcement needed to be made on the group page.  New residents requested to be added and then came to the front desk, perplexed that it hadn’t happened immediately (because doesn’t EVERYONE live and die by their Facebook notifications?). Then our supper club meeting on Sunday had to be overhauled. Then etc.  Then I just kept logging back in to do one more thing.

I tried to stay off Facebook during work.  I failed.  I did this log-in-log-out business for two days. Then I just gave up logging out.

But at home, that was a different story.

At home, it was quiet.  Finally quiet.  Blissfully quiet.

I did not log in to tend to work or anything else.  Because I don’t work (for the job that pays rent) at home, and I don’t work (for the job that pays rent) for free.

At home, I do what I love.  And this week of silence gave what I love the space to rest and breathe.

Even at home, my writing time, no matter how faithful I am to stick to it, is usually a rush-in,go go go,

don’t pause to ponder

just write write write

And even then, there’s not time to get everything I planned to do in the time I had to do it.

This week, with silence, I had time to ponder.  And I loved it.

The problem with silence is that when I get it – even a little of it – I start to crave it. All the time.

And the normal stresses of being an introvert in an extrovert job are multiplied by ten billion.

There’s no silence there.

It’s loud loud loud loud loud.

People talking at and over each other.  Not to communicate.  Not really.  Just to hear their own voices. And I know they aren’t hearing anyone but themselves, because their responses are comically non sequitur.

It could be an SNL skit.  I try not to laugh – which I really want to do, because it’s absurd and hilarious, even if they don’t mean for it to be – because sudden bursts of laughter from the previously silent desk clerk will provoke a whole new set of chatter as they try to figure out what’s so funny without ever stopping to listen for the answer.

Oh, wow.  That would be even funnier.

Talking talking talking talking talking.  So much blah blah blah

And I feel blah (blah blah).

And I get it.  I do.  It’s mesmerizing to hear your voice.  To learn its sound.  To hear words that come out that might be your ideas or might be a variation of someone else’s ideas but are out there.  You put them out there.  You gave them your voice.  And it’s especially mesmerizing when it’s new – when you are learning new things and meeting new people.

You know, like people do.  When they’re first-year students.  In a dorm.  Where I work.

I get it.

I just can’t deal with it when I know that the silence is waiting for me on the other side of the time clock.  When I can go home and breathe it in.  Breathe it out. Inhale.  Exhale.  Unwind.  Unclench. Where it will actually matter that Facebook is off or that I’m not on Pinterest.  When I can choose silence and actually have it choose me back.  When I will actually get the silence I’m seeking.  Where choosing silence actually works. Where I can go, as May Sarton phrased it in Journal of a Solitude, “to take up my ‘real’ life again.”

Is it this way for everyone?  The increased intentional silence a reminder of the glory of what everyday life could be (should be…must be)?  Does it make them yearn for quiet solitude to be the thing they do full-time rather than the thing they have to make time to do?  Do they feel even more unsatisfied than they usually feel with where their choices about how they make a living – make a life – have landed them?

In this way, silence has been a mixed bag for me this week.  I love it, but because I love it, I am more acutely aware of how much my life lacks it.  I am thus dissatisfied.  And restless.  And wistful.

Read Full Post »

I had a plan, and then…

Posted in Story Sessions, Work on January 15, 2014| 8 Comments »

This was the Story Sessions prompt:

“I need to be startlingly clear.  This thing of finding your authentic voice, expressing your blessed weirdness and revealing your soul isn’t an elegant process.  You don’t do it to be cool.  It’s only real when it is ruthless, relentless, and inevitable.  But it is also a matter of personal and collective survival.  Yes, it’s that important.  You are that critical.” – Jacob Nordby

So, as it is the first week of class, and this quote closely resembles the ideas I try to get across to my students all semester, I thought I knew what I wanted to say about it.  I outlined a grand post about the stages of the bumpy process of helping students go from being terrified of public speaking to finding something to say, and from there, discovering their own unique way of saying it. It wasn’t a bad post.  In fact, there was poetry involved.  It was a little fancy.

But as I was reading over my notes, I couldn’t bring myself to post them.  The words just felt flat.

It’s easy to hide behind what I’m helping others do.  But what about my authentic voice?  Do my students ever get to see into my soul?

Last night, I’m not sure they did.

Sure, it was the first night, so we were mostly just going over the syllabus.  Not a lot of opportunity for soul-baring there.

And sure, when I’m teaching at NCTC, I’m not just representing myself.  I am representing the college, too, and I have a responsibility to do it well, which means that saying what I really think is not always the most important – or even the most desirable – goal.

I had moments of authenticity.  I told them of my own struggles with overcoming speech anxiety, because I want them to know that I understand what they’re going through.  When discussing class rules, I was honest about my quirks.  I told them that I would stay two hours after class if they had legitimate questions about an assignment, but if the questions become a pitiful wheeze of don’t-wannas, they should not expect that conversation to end well.  I felt that it was only fair to warn them that I would have a hard time responding pleasantly to whining.

But for most of the class, I felt like I was reading a script that someone else wrote.  I told a lot of the same jokes that I have used the whole fifteen years that I have been teaching this class.  I did my love-of-cheese bit, even though I’m lactose intolerant now.  I confessed my nerdery regarding superhero movies, even though I haven’t seen any of the ones that have come out in that last few years, because all the people I used to see them with have moved away.

All my jokes are old, and telling them felt fake.

Don’t get me wrong.  The jokes still work.  More importantly, they serve a purpose.  They get laughs, which slice through some of the tension that tends to be pretty thick on the first day of a public speaking class. I could go through the whole semester, using the same lectures and the same assignments, the same examples and the same stories, and it would be just fine. The students would still learn. Some of them would even surprise themselves by liking it.

But I can’t help but wonder what would happen if I broke out of the rut.  What would my class be like if I rose to the same challenge that I gave my students?  What if I wrote new lectures, or asked different questions, or just admitted that I prefer TV to movies (because to care about a story, I need good character development, and two or three hours is usually not enough time to do it well)?

What if I expressed my own blessed weirdness?

This semester might get very interesting.

And Story 101, it’s all your fault.

(thank you)

Read Full Post »

Esperar

Posted in Church, Hope, Work on December 4, 2013| Leave a Comment »

“Sometimes, wrestling with wait looks a lot like believing in spite of and sometimes, it looks like pushing back with every ounce of strength you have within your bones.” Elora Ramirez, Story Sessions (do it)

Advent has always been difficult to me. There’s so much rush, and I’m supposed to be waiting? There’s no time! I have parties to attend and throw, gifts to choose or make, and if I manage to finish all of that early, I’d like to send cards (purposely sent – if at all – after the first day of Christmas so they can be holiday cards without anyone getting fussy, because I just don’t want to hear it). Oh, and there’s also those two jobs where it’s dead week and finals week, so the first two weeks of December are the busiest of the term.

This year, I get to add being sick for a week to the mix. Good times.

I also have temper issues with waiting. I’ve never waited on a child of my own to come into the world, but I’ve waited beside friends, and even from the outside, it’s frustrating as hell. It’s frustrating in the last few weeks of the perfect pregnancy, when she’s miserable and exhausted, and if one more asshole asks her, “Wow! You haven’t had the baby yet?!” or remarks on how huge she is, she might have no other choice but to calmly and rationally stab them in the neck. It’s agonizing to swim through the sea of paperwork required for adoption, especially when after doing all that paperwork, there are still delays and Facebook posts that taunt her with ten thousand pictures of everyone else preparing for Christmas with their little people for whom it is still new. It’s heartbreaking to have the long-awaited child within her grasp, only to lose him or her to miscarriage or an inconveniently changed heart.

But these are not my stories. I don’t know the wait for a child from any perspective other than outside.

My waiting is of a different sort.

My waiting is for a set of larger boots to keep mine company by the front door. It’s for lazy Saturday mornings where we pretend that we’re out of town but we really just sleep in and make waffles way too close to noon to call it brunch. It’s for a forever plus one. It’s for a hand held, a back had, and names that sound like poetry when spoken by the other who was meant to speak them the most.

It’s a waiting that might never be realized for a husband who might not actually exist.

It’s a waiting that’s more often a fight than an anticipation.

My waiting is about pushing back when might-not seeps into my thoughts with a louder, stronger Might. It’s about remembering that the importance of desire is not diminished by not yet having it. It’s believing that there are far more things that are or will be than I can see on my clearest day.

It’s no mistake that in Spanish, “to wait” and “to hope” are the same word.

So I wait. And I hope. And maybe this year, they’ll become the same thing in my soul. Maybe this year, espero.

Read Full Post »

Thanksgiving is soon…Thanksgiving is soon…

Posted in Thanks, Work on November 25, 2013| Leave a Comment »

This little mantra is my happy place this morning.

When the door opens and the paper turkey flies off the ledge of the desk, hitting me in the face, because that’s how wind works…

When the Lost and Found drawer is so full that we’ve had to transfer it to a box on the desk, hoping that someone will come claim their lost shoes and towels (what the…what?!?)…

When the toilet in the public restroom still runs constantly, despite multiple attempts to fix it…

When my hair still smells like the caramelized onions and celery from last night’s soup, despite being washed again this morning…

When I can finally walk to work without sweating but spend the day listening to people complain about how cold it is outside, because of November…

When all of these no-big-deal things join forces to become omg-it-is-not-even-noon-yet…

I remember that I am thankful.

I am thankful that I have a job.

I am thankful that this is a half-week.

I am thankful that I get to see my family on Wednesday.

I am thankful that I have delicious soup to look forward to at lunch.

I am thankful for my life and the abundance and even its little eccentricities.

Read Full Post »

Day Thirty – Sugar High

Posted in 31 Days, Food, Work on October 31, 2013| Leave a Comment »

My students started their how-to speeches tonight.  A few of the how-to topics on the list: how to make better-than-sex cake, how to make peanut butter cup brownies, how to make chocolate decorations for cupcakes (with a special one made just for me, the teacher).

I think I consumed more sugar this evening than I have consumed the rest of the month combined.  It was glorious/terrifying.

I didn’t even eat all of what was given to me.  I had a couple of bites of each thing.

And still – sugar high!

I knew I was sensitive to sugar, but I did not expect such a small amount (relative to what I was served) to affect me so much.

The fun part was that the students got a kick out of watching me get all darty-eyed and fidgety when the sugar kicked in.

The not-fun part was the sugar crash that happened about thirty minutes after class.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– I can’t even think straight right now.  Sugar is bad, kids.

– After almost a month of not even trying to limit my sugar intake – of just limiting it because drinking less soda was a byproduct of nixing fast food – the difference in my focus and my ability to maintain my energy level is remarkable.  Noted.

I’m going 31 days without fast food.

Read Full Post »

Day Twenty-nine – Well-Stocked Pantry

Posted in 31 Days, Food, Work on October 31, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I want to have a well-stocked pantry.  I covet other people’s pantries when I visit their homes. I save my favorite pantry tips on my Kitchen Sink board.  My current favorite: this article from examiner (sorry for the overkill of ads),

Don’t worry – I’m not going to list tons of pantry items for you to skim over and ignore.  Everyone’s pantry list is different.  What I use often enough to keep in bulk will probably be different from yours.  For instance, I keep extra jars of roasted red peppers, because I throw them into just about everything, and I do not have time to roast peppers every time I want to use them (although that does sound like a nice canning project for next summer).  I also know that I need to keep quick fixes on hand, or I will use the time factor as an excuse to go to Chicken Express.

But the next step for me in sticking to monthly meal planning is making sure I keep a stocked pantry.  I will start with the list in the article mentioned above and adapt it to my needs.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– My night desk cohort and I are planning a series of lessons called “How to be a Grown Up 101” for the residents next semester.  This month has inspired me to put meal planning on the list of topics.

– When I drove past Chicken Express the other day, I said (to myself, but yes, out loud), “I don’t need your greasy chicken!  I have egg rolls at home!”  It was awesome.

I’m going 31 days without fast food.

Read Full Post »

What I’m Into – October

Posted in Books, Food, TV, What I'm Into, Work, Writing on October 30, 2013| 8 Comments »

These shenanigans:

Image

My boss likes to decorate the hall for holidays.  Even the bathroom.

The hall has been festive.  Homecoming is happening in a couple of weeks, and they’re going to haunted houses this week and picking out their costumes.  They all have declined to have their pictures taken for this post, but trust me – it’s really cute.

The weather is finally not terrible here!  It’s stormy today, which I love.  It’s been cooler, and that’s fantastic.

Here are my favorite things from October:

To write – 

I accepted The Nester’s challenge to write for 31 days on a topic, and my topic is “31 Days of No Fast Food.”  Only three more posts to go, and I will be finished!  That’s most of what I’ve written.

In non-bloggy news, I finished some editing on Fishbowl.  I also mapped out the characters for my NaNoWriMo novel this year.  It’s called Oddities, and it’s a YA novel, possibly steampunk-y because I want to play with that era, there are gadgets involved, and when I picture my characters, they are wearing corsets, vests, bustles, and spats.

To read – 

This was a month of reading things slowly and drinking them in, which is why I probably only made it through three books this month.  Worth it.

Every Shattered Thing by Elora Ramirez – I really loved Stephanie.  This story broke my heart.  It’s possible to read it quickly, but I don’t recommend doing so.  You’ll want to take your time.

Rilke’s Book of Hours: Love Poems to God – To say that I read this collection is an understatement. I read and re-read and pondered and absorbed. I want to brush up on the German I started learning in college so that I can read it in its original language.

My Bookstore: Writers Celebrate their Favorite Places to Browse, Read, and Shop – I was perfectly calm when I started this book. It was a nice little group of essays by writers on their favorite bookstores. Then I got to the essay about Book People, and all the feelings came out of my eyes.  I want to go to all these places. I will neither confirm nor deny that I have mapped out various road trips designed specifically to do so.  This is a very dangerous book.

To watch – 

So…Scandal.  I love it.  They’re not very nice people, these people.  Some of the dialogue is trite.  They talk very quickly.  Olivia Pope is emotionally intense all the time, and I don’t quite know what to do with that.  On the one hand, it’s nice to imagine someone so emotionally expressive being successful in that environment.  On the other hand…EVERYTHING makes her tear up, and sometimes I just want her to get a grip, because let’s face it – she’s running a country here.

I also have been watching season one of Arrow.  I avoided doing so for so long, because being part of Smallville fandom taught me that the only acceptable Green Arrow is Justin Hartley.  The good:  Oliver Queen is a superhero, and he looks like one (you’re welcome).  The bad: Oliver’s inner monologue is terrible.  Just awful.  It makes me laugh every time, which I assume is not what the writers were going for.  Fortunately for them, the bad seasons of Smallville trained me to look past bad writing/acting and just focus on the positive when it comes to people in costume, saving the city.

To hear – 

Esthero, Portishead, Sneaker Pimps, Massive Attack. It’s been a trippy kind of month.

To taste – 

I have been writing a lot about food in my 31 Days posts.  The one thing I just can’t stop talking about is caponata.  I love it, I love it, I love it.

Cooler weather makes me want to cook.  This weekend, it’s chicken and dumplings.  Happy.

What have you been up to and into this month?  I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer – hop over if you need some recommendations.

 

Read Full Post »

Happy Little Friend

Posted in Work, tagged on September 19, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Image

We have a new friend at the desk.  Her name is Pamela.

The freshmen seem to like her.  I caught one saying good morning to her when I was getting my coffee.  It was pretty cute.

I think the school year is finally settling down.  It seemed like it took longer this year.  Maybe it was the upheaval from the Union being moved to different little pockets of space around campus so that the demolition could begin.  And now begins the long wait for the new Union that we will have in a few years.

My students seem to be settling in as well.  We started talking about topics for their speeches last night.  The speeches are far enough away that they aren’t so nervous about them yet, so they can focus on being excited about their topics.  I hope they hold on to some of that energy as the due dates get closer.

 

Read Full Post »

Longing for Fall

Posted in Rants, Seasons, Work on August 29, 2013| Leave a Comment »

It’s so hot here.  I know I should be used to it.  I’ve lived in Texas my whole life.  But every year, it’s surprising that it’s so very, very hot and that humans are actually expected to live and work in it.

It’s also the first week of classes.  Living and working just got active.

I see the words “Fall 2013” on my syllabus, and I look outside and think, “LIES!”

I want to do all the Fall things:

I want to see pumpkins at the farmers’ market.  I want to pick some out for carving and soup-making and seed-roasting and pie-baking and puree-canning.

I want apples to be in season here.  I want bushels of them, again, for pie-baking and soup-making, but also for applesauce and having the smell of roasting apples in the house.

I want to go to my one football game of the year and remember halfway through it when the buzz from tailgating wears off that I don’t really like football.

I want to start getting invitations to Halloween parties.  I already have costume ideas.

I want to see the leaves turn on that one tree that doesn’t know that it’s in Texas and that trees don’t really do that here so much, so it goes ahead and turns anyway.

I want Thanksgiving.  It’s my favorite.

So I anticipate the changing of the wind, and I long for apple cider and other warm, snuggling drinks to show up on menus at my favorite coffee shop.

See you soon, Fall!

 

 

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »