Life seems to be plodding along lately. I am not doing a lot of things I’d usually do because I don’t have the energy (and also there are so, so many germs out there that my body just can’t handle being around right now). My treatment has hit a small hiccup (delayed due to concerning lab results – nothing too drastic or out of the ordinary, I’m assured), and that’s frustrating.
But I’m getting through it without too many terrors, so I guess that’s something.
This weekend, I participated in Dewey’s 24-hour Readathon. And by participated, I do mean read sporadically and fell asleep a lot. I finished one of the books I started, though, and I’ll probably finish another tonight. I don’t see me finishing the book for book club by tomorrow. It’s a long one, and while I started it last month, I haven’t been reading consistently so time got away from me a bit.
The whole weekend was so relaxing. I even got some journaling in, and I remembered my word for the year.
Quiet.
In many ways, it has been quieter simply because I’m doing less and staying home more. I’m even doing less when I’m at home. I still clean and work on projects but in much shorter spurts. I haven’t had the attention span to read as much as usual. I’ve decided that while I’m still going to try to complete some of my reading challenges, writing reviews for each book I do read is probably not a reasonable expectation this year. So it’s been quieter here, too.
But when I do leave home, everything is so intense.
I’m not just going to work; I’m rushing through getting things done because I’m out so much with appointments and don’t want to miss anything important. Also, my office is moving (again) into a louder part of the office (again). One day, I’ll actually get to settle into this position and feel like I have my head on straight. I hope.
I’m not just getting regular check-ups but intense treatments that make me feel puny, and that affects every other aspect of my life.
I’m attending very few social events, but I feel way more social than usual because I’m trying to keep people informed and constantly answering questions of “How are you doing?” and “How can I help?” which are very sweet questions to ask. I do miss, however, having conversations about literally anything else. I’m so tired of talking about myself (which I realize may not be believable given that I’m currently doing so on the internet but…you get it).
What I want to explore this week is carving out quiet spaces in the chaos. I want to turn my new office into a calm area where I can be productive without getting overstimulated. I want to give myself buffers around my appointments so that I am not just darting to them and rushing back but having a chance to process (or just breathe) a little before I jump right into the next thing. I want to be bolder about changing the subject when I can’t possibly fathom talking about my body or my needs for one minute longer. Simply ending these conversations when I need to is also a good alternative.
I enjoy solitude and quiet time, so while this is a challenge, it’s a welcome one. In fact, I think it’s just what I need to get myself back to some semblance of what I meant this year to be.
I’ll probably also read some May Sarton. Probably some Louise Glück. And because the libro.fm reading challenge prompt, “Listen to at least ten minutes of an audiobook every day for a month” will make me listen to just a little bit of poetry every day, Poetry Unbound, curated by Pádraig Ó Tuama.
One of my in-person book clubs is participating in a choose-your-own-adventure poetry night, where we share our favorites of the poems we read this month with each other. The library book club is discussing our favorite young adult selections. The other two are reading:
Other than my book club selections and the heightened focus on poetry, though, I am taking the rest of my reading time this month to read the things from January-March’s TBRs that I haven’t finished yet. Or at least make a dent in them. My focus and reading speed have been way down recently, but given everything else that’s going on, I suppose that makes sense. Taking a month to acknowledge that and regroup.
Read a book by an author with an upcoming event (virtual or in person) and then attend the event (Book Riot)
Additional/Ongoing Reads
Sarah and I are tackling Proust together this year, so I’ve just started Swann’s Way. I’m also still working through Sacred Self-Care for Lent, and reading several books about health.
Welcome to February! Finally. January always feels about 524 days long. I hear several people say that every year, but it lollygagged especially hard this year.
Here’s my reading plan for this month. Or, rather, my start reading and then get distracted and read something else (that may or not be on the list at all) or just binge-watch a TV show I’ve already seen 14 times while holding the book open on my lap instead of reading plan.
I thought about continuing my mini-reviews of the books I’m reading according to their reading challenge. But since some books count for multiple challenges, that seems like a lot to keep up with. So I think what I’m going to do is scatter a few in there and maybe have an occasional extra post for the rest unless I find a way to do it that I like better. Or, as with this post, I may just extend my five-item limit on weeks when I have more books, etc., than bullet points to talk about (five is less of a rule and more of a guideline). One thing is for sure – I love talking about what I’m reading/have read, so I’ll be sure to keep you posted.
Here are some things that have been meaningful to me this week (and a little bit of last week):
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry – Almost every year, on New Year’s Day, it is my custom to read this small book. It is chock full of all sorts of gentle wisdom, and it’s easily one of my top five favorite books of all time. The quote that stuck out to me this year goes along with my quiet theme. “I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence something throbs, and gleams…” There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now (I mean, more than usual – there’s always uncertainty for everyone). But I know that even though I don’t have definitive answers, there is still much to hear and learn. So I’m going to sit on my proverbial sand dune and listen.
Check & Mate by Ali Hazelwood – So cute! Like all of Hazelwood’s books, this one had a lovable main character who, from the outside, was infuriating because it was so obvious that the love interest was totally gaga over her but of course, she thought the opposite. From the inside, however, she was totally relatable because I also am oblivious and can totally see how she didn’t pick up on the very clear signs. This was the author’s first YA novel, and it was great.
Self-Care for People With ADHD by Sasha Hamdani, MD – I follow Dr. Hamdani on Instagram, and her advice there is so poignant, so when I saw that she had this book out, I scooped it up. A lot of the tips in the book are pretty standard for neurospicy folks, and it would be a good reference for people who are just discovering their specific challenges. The work and social self-care sections were the most useful for me.
Tom Lake by Ann Patchett – Ann Patchett is one of my favorite authors, and Meryl Streep read the audiobook, so picking this one up as soon as I could was a no-brainer for me. I love the way she writes family dynamics. It was a strong, charming story made even better by the expert reading by Streep.
I hope you have a relaxing weekend full of your favorite things and people!
Regardless of what this year brings, I suspect a lot of it will be fueled by coffee. Unless a doctor who thinks they’re funny tells me I have to give it up forever. And then – I may just have to die (kidding…probably).
Setting resolutions seems like a lot right now. But I do have things I’m working on and plan to continue working on, so, as is my New Year’s Day custom, I want to acknowledge that.
In addition to exploring quiet as a theme, I have three main goals. None of them are going to be a surprise; in fact, I think I’ve already alluded to all of them in the last few days or weeks.
Reading
I’m keeping the same reading goal I had in 2023 by planning to read 180 books this year. I’ve joined Storygraph and if I like it, I will likely migrate fully over to that tracking system (rather than Goodreads) by the end of the year. Expect each month’s TBR to contain what I’m reading for book clubs, reading challenges, my exploration of quiet, and whatever else I get a wild hair to pick up.
Creative Education
I learned so much in 2023 about setting challenging but attainable creative goals and improving my writing and other art. This year, I had planned to give myself three semesters for my continuing creative education. Each one is 12 weeks long with a few weeks at the end to rest and finish planning the next one, and each one includes specific elements:
Work(s) in progress
Central text
Supplemental resources
Creative community
Weekly goals/practices
The next main text I’m working through is Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. I have all 12 weeks outlined and I’m starting today.
In looking over my notes from the last time I worked through it, though, it occurs to me that it may take me longer than 12 weeks to really sink my teeth into it, especially if I want to get the most out of it and still have quiet space and make room for healing and pay any attention at all to literally any other goal.
Or, you know, do my jobs. Probably should leave some space for those, too.
In fact, I’m wondering if this may be more of a full 12-month project. I am nervous about this because that is a long-focus commitment, and that’s not typically my best setup for success. It is definitely out of my comfort zone. Will I get bored? Will I put it aside to chase something shinier? Will it feel like torture after the excited hyperfocus wears off?
Maybe. All of those things sound exactly like me.
But also – maybe if I reframe it from a 12-month project to a series of 12 3(ish)-week projects with a little break (as needed) in between them, I can…
Get more out of the deeper dive into each section
Keep from overextending (and thus overwhelming) myself
Learn how to enrich my creative life in a steady, sustainable way
Who knows? I have a stronger writing schedule now than I did the first time I went through this book, so maybe I’ll blaze right through these exercises according to the recommended timeline, and I can go on to the next course I have planned in April or May. Or maybe I’ll be really glad to have extra time to savor what each section of the book has to teach me. Either way, I’m looking forward to working through it.
Health
I had big plans for my health goals for this year, too. I’ve worked hard to maintain a pretty steady routine of cardio and strength training. This was going to be the year that I really focused on my strength, mobility, flexibility, and stamina.
Hahahahahahahahaha.
I planned to spend January-April putting myself through a sort of health boot camp (only…reasonable). I’m about at that time in life when I really see a need to take mobility, stamina, flexibility, and strength seriously [PSA – you’re never too young to take these things seriously]. I mean, I already stretch every morning before getting out of bed so that I don’t hobble with tight muscles and cramped feet on the way to the shower. I maintain my core strength because it supports literally everything else. But back in September, I slept in my recliner for two nights waiting for the mattress I ordered to unfold/expand and be ready to sleep on. I was so sore and exhausted those two days. Sometimes, I get wheezy when I go up the stairs or walk too quickly (i.e., the same speed I’ve always walked) across campus. My cholesterol is out of control. When these things happen, I’ll think it’s allergies or infection or I’ll wonder if I’m getting sick, and then my brain will remind me, “No…you’re just almost 50.” Which is rude. And accurate.
I think we all understand I am not the sort of person who will go gentle into that good night. I am only almost 50. As far as I know, I’ve got a lot of living left to do, and I intend to do it well and with sufficient energy.
So I created a 14-week exercise plan designed to help me do that. I even made a list of motivational reads, such as Intuitive Eating, The Slow AF Run Club, books on dance, etc., to help keep myself inspired and focused.
I also planned to book some sessions with a counselor to ensure I’m doing these things for healthy reasons (I have a history of disordered eating and am easily mesmerized by weight loss, and my control issues don’t get to be in charge here).
And then I started having more appointments with doctors and specialists and surgeons (oh my). So those are my plans right now.
My intended goals are important things to take seriously, and I’m sure I’ll get to them when I’m back on my regular routine assessment schedule instead of talking about diagnoses, surgeries, restrictions, and recovery. I’ve already got my plan with specific milestones laid out and ready to go, and there’s no reason that I have to stop working toward the next goal immediately.
But when it’s time to rest, it’s time to rest. And at that time, most of my well-organized plans will have to be put on hold. And then to some extent, I will have to start over.
There are a few elements that I can still do while resting, such as staying hydrated and eating what I need to eat to feel the way I want to feel (there’s a whole long, boring list that I’ll spare you). For the most part, though, my health goals are going to need to be adaptable to whatever situation I’m facing that week. And I’m still booking the counselor; we just have other things to talk about now.
So that’s it. Those are my goals for the year (which are really just a continuation of things I’m already working toward). Read 180 books, finish The Artist’s Way, and try not to die.
I knew what next year’s theme word would be about four months ago. I was just catching my breath from jumping into the new job (still catching my breath on some days), and I was grateful for the lessons that pondering the concept of home had taught me up to that point.
The more I thought about home and what it means to make space to be at home in my life and all the things that go with that, though, the more I recognized an underlying quality I need in order to feel not just at home but at rest.
I need quiet.
This is not to say that I only need quiet. I still need community and conversation and music. The sound of wind chimes. The happy chaos of change and growth. However, a better, more consistent balance is in order.
At the beginning of each day, I start with the energy and focus I need to see it through. And if everything stays in balance, it will take me through the whole day, including my decadent hour(s) of reading each night. But if I try to do too much or there is too much going on around me, I run out quickly and early. And when it’s done, it’s done. There’s no more until the next day.
This is particularly important to keep in mind as I face surgery (surgeries?) in the next few months. I don’t know all the specifics of what my current health challenges will require of me, but I do know I will need considerable space for them. It would be unreasonable to try to go into this particular season with the same timetable and to-do list as usual as if no adjustments were needed.
Quiet is showing up right on time.
In the past couple of years, I’ve outlined my theme word with definitions and what I think it might mean or where it might take me. But I think I’m just going to acknowledge this one and let it sit here. I look forward to exploring it.
Do you choose a theme/word for your year? I’d love to hear what it is!
This year was a wild one. I’m pretty surprised I accomplished as much as I did. I met the spirit of each of my resolutions, if not the actual goals themselves.
Theme: Home
I’ve thought and read a lot this year about what home (having one, being at, making one, etc.) means. I’ve jotted down notes throughout the year and shared some of them here (click “home” link in the word salad over there —>). As I was finishing up The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik, I ran across a quote that sums up a lot of my thoughts on the theme – “Nothing about deathlessness or permanence, nothing forced; it was only a request, a cry of longing: stay here, please stay, be our shelter, be our home, be loved…”
Home is not something I construct once and have forever. It is a living, breathing thing. I find it in spaces, but I can also carry it with me, a sense of belonging that simply comes from being at home with who I am. A loving, peaceful home – or world – cannot be created from exploitation or greed. It must be cultivated with care. And care is complicated, especially when there are few systems in place to foster it.
I see this working in many of the choices I’ve made this year to put down some things that seem great but are either shiny trash or just not for me. I’ve also put my strategic/analytical strengths to good use in choosing new things to pick up.
I don’t think this a lesson that ends, but I’m glad to have explored it more thoroughly this year.
Arts/Words/Creativity
The thrill of having a week off work without having to use any PTO often goes to my head. Especially when setting goals for the upcoming year. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. I like thinking in terms of extravagant possibilities, particularly when it comes to creative pursuits.
While I didn’t quite make the goal of reading 180 books, I don’t think it’s beyond my reach (in general – definitely beyond my reach in the next day and a half). In fact, I was ahead of schedule for most of the year, until work and health issues exploded. I don’t know how much those things will actually settle down, but I’ll keep the same goal for next year and see how it goes.
When it comes to setting reasonable creative goals, I first had to fail spectacularly to learn. Most of the year, I faithfully set weekly plans on Sunday…and then did not meet them. Minor tangent – I am delighted to report that failing isn’t half the gut punch it used to be. Perhaps I’m actually healing from my overachiever, perfectionist ways? Here’s hoping. Anyway, in the last few months, I have become better at setting realistic short-term goals, a skill I plan to take into the new year with gusto.
Health/Wellness/Energy
I still really dislike strength training. And I dropped my Pilates membership because I wasn’t going anyway so it didn’t make sense to spend money on it. But I am begrudgingly sticking to a pretty regular schedule, completing at least two upper body and two lower body sessions a week. I am happy to report that it still works even when you whine about it, and a little whining is cathartic.
My favorite wellness habit this year has been my commitment to making sure I have the downtime I need to function properly. The more I learn about how my brain works and what it needs to be at its best, the easier it is to say no to things that keep that from happening. Same thing with cutting out foods that make me feel sluggish. Actually feeling good and having sufficient energy to do things is so much better than slogging through or pushing myself until I collapse. I’m up to three regular time-outs a week. I think that’s the sweet spot where I still feel connected to people and life in general without getting overwhelmed and out of sorts.
As it turns out, these are skills I will need in the months ahead.
I have some hard things coming up, health-wise. I don’t know all the specifics yet or the extent to which I will need to reorganize the rest of my life to adapt to these changes in the upcoming months, and I don’t know how much of it I will share here. I do know, however, that I will need the space to figure it out as I go along. And the work I have done this year toward being healthier – both physically and mentally – is going to help me do that. I’m grateful for what this year has taught me in this regard.
Finances
I do not have $1000 in my cushion account. Like I said, some shit has come up. But at least I have a cushion account, and I’m leaving it alone (except for the emergencies and extra surprises for which it is intended) and replenishing it as I am able. This is still an improvement over last year.
As far as my goal of identifying one new way to save or make money every month, I have gone above and beyond. I dropped subscriptions and services that I wasn’t using enough to justify the expense. I curbed impulse spending by giving myself a 3-day waiting period before buying anything I didn’t need to make sure I actually wanted to make the purchase (this was more successful at certain times than at others). Do you know how much more satisfying it makes the purchase when you actually do decide you want it? I had no idea.
But most of all, I applied for and got a new job that increased my monthly take-home pay by about 18%. I have needed every penny of it, and I am so glad to have it.
This year has shaken me in several ways, but it has also revealed that my foundation and my support system are stronger than I thought they were. Most days, I’m more grateful than anxious, and I’m pleased about that.
Now that we’ve covered the challenges I didn’t quite finish in 2023, let’s move on to the challenges I want to work on next year.
I’m not going to make it to the 180 books I planned to read this year, but I’m going to try again in 2024. I did, however, read a few more than I finished last year, and I still have almost a week of reading to go. So lofty goals help me read more even when I have long, dry periods of no focus. I’ll take it.
I’m also back on my nonsense of choosing four different challenges (three for the whole year, one for summer). It was good to take a year off, but I missed them, and I got a little jealous when I saw the communities discussing and recommending books for the categories.
I’m going with my favorites:
Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge – I like this one because it’s designed to diversify your reading list, and it definitely does that for mine, both in authors and genres represented.
POPSUGAR Reading Challenge – I love the whimsy of this challenge. The prompts are unusual, and I especially like that the prompts follow a theme (and that the theme is “dictionary”).
The 52 Book Club Challenge – Designed to help you average a book a week, the prompts on this one also make you think outside the box. As an added bonus, I adore this community, and they have super cute merch. I have my own tracking system in place but if I didn’t, I’d be scooping up that journal in a flash.
Modern Mrs. Darcy’s Minimalist Summer Reading Guide (not out yet, obvi) – This is my favorite online bookish community, and they put so much thought into their reading guides. Maybe I’ll actually finish this one this year. Maybe I’ll even finish it in the summertime.
For those of you who are clicking the links and doing the math…yes, you are correct. If you total the number of books on the four challenges (assuming 12-ish from the MMD Summer Challenge), it comes to 137. By the time I fill in their blanks and read for the book clubs and other social reading I do, that doesn’t leave me a lot of open choices for just fun, which is absolutely essential to my reading life.
The way I get around that is by allowing the same book to count for multiple challenges. In fact, I delight in finding books that fulfill different prompts. A little thrill rushes through me when I discover one that works for all of them. So I can probably read 60-70 books and still complete them all, leaving the rest of the 180 with quite a bit of wiggle room.
I’m so excited about these challenges that I may not even wait until January 1 to start.
Do you like reading challenges? If so, what are your favorites?
I don’t think I’ve ever finished the Girlxoxo Monthly Key Word Challenge any year that I’ve tried it. It may be time to retire this one. It’s a great idea, but it always gets relegated to the back of the line.
Here are the ones I read (and also what I planned to read but didn’t).
January
Keyword – all
Karen Joy Fowler’s We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves was fantastic. Whoever recommended it to me (I can’t remember, but if it was you – thank you so much!) told me to read it without knowing the premise, and I’m so glad I did. The book would have still been a decent story if I had read the jacket synopsis and the Goodreads blurb and then perused a few reviews, but I was really glad that certain elements were surprises. It made a good book even more enjoyable. So I’m giving you the same advice. Give it a read, but go into it as a blank slate.
February
Keyword – book
So…here’s what happened.
I originally meant to read The Book Lover’s Cookbook for this prompt, but after a few months of choosing to read anything but this book, I finally just took it back to the library. Then, I decided to read The Book Eaters by Sunyi Dean. Have I even opened this one? No. No, I have not. I know exactly where it is in my apartment, though, so at least there’s that?
March
Keyword – friend
My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante – I have owned this book for years, but when I put it on my March TBR I could not find it anywhere. So I ended up borrowing the library’s ebook copy. I love this exposition of lifelong friendship and how the dynamic changed as the two main characters got older, particularly as other people came in and out of their lives. I particularly enjoyed how well Ferrante wrote the perspective of the storyteller when she was an adolescent. I am looking forward to the rest of the series.
April
Keyword – found (or some variation thereof)
I Hope This Finds You Well by Kate Baer – This is a collection of erasure poetry. For the base of each poem, Baer takes an existing message, such as the ones she receives from social media or via DM, and lifts words out of it to form a response. It was a quick read but a good one. I want to read Baer’s other collections, too.
May
Keyword – dragon
The Eyes of the Dragon by Stephen King was my plan. Even though I didn’t do so this year, technically, I have read this book. I read it for a book report in 6th grade. It was my first Stephen King book (and one of his milder ones, content-wise). My English teacher took one look at the author’s name and was scandalized, and my mom was like, “You said she could read anything as long as it was fiction. This is fiction. I don’t see the problem.”
It’s still one of my favorite Stephen King novels.
June
Keyword – wild
Something Wild & Wonderful by Anita Kelly – Every time I read a book in which the characters go hiking, I grow more confident in my absolute lack of desire to do so myself. If any book was going to convince me, though, this one would. It made hiking sound fun and charming and adventurous and even romantic. As a person of faith, though, my favorite part was Alexei’s letters toward the end of the book in which he talked about what hiking the PCT reminded him/taught him about his own beliefs. I also adored watching his relationship with Ben unfold and how they navigated boundaries and the impact that their social circles had on them. Very sweet story.
July
Keyword – this
This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone – I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH. Even if I hadn’t read anything else on this challenge, I would have posted this recap just so I could talk about this book. 5/5 stars, highly recommend, whether you like time travel, sci-fi, and romance or not. It’s so witty and beautiful and good. The audio is nice, but I also enjoyed reading along with the ebook. I am also probably going to buy a print copy, because I want it on my shelf and will probably read it again. The banter and the character development were fantastic, and the plot moved along at the perfect pace.
August
Keyword – how
How Not To Drown in a Glass of Water by Angie Cruz – The reader of the audiobook is amazing. Definitely get this one on audio. The story is told as a first-person account of the main character’s meetings with her employment agency clerk. I loved this unique approach – it’s a fun way to let the reader get a sense of the character and how she presents herself. Parts of the story were sweet; other parts were sad. All of them made me root for her, even when she was wrong.
September
Keyword – lies
Big Little Lies by Liana Moriarty – I may still read this one before the year is over. I’ve started it, and I like it so far.
October
Keyword – darkness (or some variation thereof)
A Flicker in the Dark by Stacey Willingham – I figured out the killer pretty early, but the story was still interesting and kept my attention. It was a quick read and sparked a good book club discussion, so I’m counting it as a win!
November
Keyword – two
When Two Feathers Fell From the Sky by Margaret Verble – The premise is a Cherokee horse diver suffers a terrible loss during her act, and the story unfolds from there. There are several magical realism elements to this historical fiction story that I particularly enjoyed. It’s a good mix of heavy, whimsical, funny, and dark. It’s told from different characters’ perspectives, and the audiobook is great.
December
Keyword – dance (or some variation thereof)
Instructions for Dancing by Nicola Yoon – This was a re-read for me, and it was just as amazing the second time. I especially liked reading my signed copy!
So I guess I finished most of the challenge this year, but I think my journey with it ends here. If you want to challenge yourself to read a book a month with a thriving community but want a lot of leeway in deciding what your specific book is, this one or their monthly motif reading challenge (now at chapteradventure.com) is a good place to start. They also have a round-up of all the 2024 reading challenges they know about, so that’s a good place to find one you like, too!
M. Suzanne Terry 