Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Real Talk Tuesday’ Category

31 Days Blog 2014

When I was a little girl, I was given a necklace with a tiny, gold, oval charm that, printed in dainty script, read, “Tuesday’s child is full of grace.”  It’s a line from a nursery rhyme that, as far as I can tell, dates back to A. E. Bray’s 1838 collection of letters entitled Traditions, Legends, Superstitions, and Sketches of DevonshireThere are various versions of this nursery rhyme, but the first one I read in its entirety was in my Mother Goose:

Monday’s child is fair of face,
Tuesday’s child is full of grace;
Wednesday’s child is full of woe,
Thursday’s child has far to go;
Friday’s child is loving and giving,
Saturday’s child works hard for its living;
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

Anyway, this necklace became a bit of a joke around our house, because if there’s anything I am not, it’s graceful. I can trip myself up walking across a smooth floor. I was pretty sensitive as a child, so the joking didn’t always sit well with me. One day, over our standard breakfast at MeMaw’s house of toast and syrup, she said to me, “There are different kinds of grace.” She went on to explain that, while physical grace is all well and good, an even better grace to have is grace for others.

I liked that. I was good at that – seeing the image of God in other people – even when it was buried deep. I was quick to forgive and quick to make peace. I was interested in their side of the story.

I wasn’t so good at having grace for myself.  Even though I was buoyed by MeMaw’s affirmation that I was graceful of heart, I wanted to be graceful of body, too. This desire was due in part to my own stubbornness, but it was probably mostly due to my parents’ wisdom of encouraging me to do things that were a challenge to me and not letting me settle for just doing what came easily or naturally. They enrolled me in gymnastics and dance lessons, and though I struggled, I did learn to be more graceful.

[Public service announcement – if you want your children to grow up at home in their bodies, gymnastics is a great way to teach that.]

One of the first lessons I learned in these classes was the importance of stretching, and I have carried this lesson with me ever since. Stretching warms the muscle up before movement, and it keeps the muscle from seizing up after movement. I stretch every night before bed, and I stretch every morning before I get out of bed. If I don’t, it is almost a guarantee that I will trip on my way to the bathroom. Muscles need to wake up, too.

I vary the stretches I do based on which muscle group seems to need it the most, but many of the stretches I do are basic, like the ones illustrated here. If you don’t know where to start, start with those.  Hold each position for 10-15 seconds before moving on to the next. And because I know you’re curious, if you do this for 20 minutes, you can burn approximately the same calories as you would burn running half of a six-minute mile.

And every night and morning, while I’m stretching physically, I use the time to also stretch myself mentally and emotionally. I review or prepare myself for the challenges of the day. I pray for people with whom I have been annoyed or angry, and I let it go. I think about what I have done well, and what I could do better.

Tuesday’s child becomes full of grace.

This is Day 15 of 31 Days of Movement, and a link-up with Marvia Davidson’s Real Talk Tuesdays (even though it’s Thursday – don’t think about it too much).

31 Days Button 2014

Read Full Post »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbI_m43xpWE

Dissonance is a clash.

Dissonance is the what-should-be bucking against the what-is.

Dissonance is both sobering and stirring up.

Dissonance seems to be a way of life for me. I have two pictures – the life I want, and the life I have – and they are often in discord with one another. The former crashes into the latter, like waves pounding the sand and slowly, steadily changing the shoreline.

I have learned to sit in the dissonance of this existence. I have also learned that sitting in it is not the complacency I once thought it was.  It’s honesty. It’s listening. It’s inspiring.

Sometimes, it sounds like chaos.

Mostly, it sounds like dancing.

I’m linking up with Marvia Davidson’s Real Talk Tuesday.  Join us?

Read Full Post »

(Originally posted via Story Sessions)

Every week, Marvia Davidson gives us the chance to participate in Real Talk Tuesday, a synchroblog that explores writing our hard truths. So today, she’s answering my questions about it.

1. Give us the back story – where did you get the idea for Real Talk Tuesday?

I didn’t intend to start Real Talk Tuesday.  It was one of those things that just happened (though I think something like it was always rumbling around in my heart).  It was an offshoot of where I wanted to take my own writing, but I wanted to do it in community.  A few months ago I took part of a healing support group called Mending the Soul.  It’s changed my life, my perspective, and how I see authenticity and living out truth.  It was all about dealing with hard truths about one’s self and its impact on how we relate to people and issues in our lives.  It’s more than that, but that’s the impetus toward healing and restoration. You gotta talk about hard things.  You gotta work through all the junk that keeps you bound or that keeps you from not fully living and being your whole, God-made self.  If we’re really going to live out true and authentic lives, then we’ve got to wrestle with the depth and width of our pain.  Feel the feels, use our voice, say what we need, find safe people with whom we can fully be ourselves, know our power and authority, and not shrink back from the process of being real and whole all the time in every place.

2. You have great prompts that seem to resonate with a lot of people.  How do you come up with them?

Hmmm.  That’s a great question!  I do a lot of quiet pondering.  Many times they come between pauses, between breaths, when I’m not doing something or busying about life.  They come in wisps while walking in the evenings.  They come while staring at the moon.  They come while considering music, words, movies, and lyrics that resonate.  I sometimes wonder if these little phrases are pockets of holy hush meant to bring me back to the One – as though to remind me Whose I am and why I’m here.  Perhaps the resonance is a pull to Someone Greater…

3. In your invitation this week, you say, “As always may our words be seasoned with salt and grace.  May our words empower, encourage, and equip.” I love that. Why is this important to remember?

When I first started my blog, I only knew I wanted to write about life, faith, and leaning in when it gets hard.  It was never my intention to be any part of the hullabaloo that is the sometimes craziness of the blogosphere.  That just doesn’t jive with me.  When I think of legacy, I think of what I want to leave behind. I want to leave words that remind people to look up, look out, look within.  I want to leave words that remind men and women they matter.  You can’t do that when you’re mudslinging, disparaging, and berating.  That’s just not me.  Even though my blog is seen by few, what matters is that it be a place of grace.  I want my little corner of the internet to be a place of reprieve.

4. You are a champion of honoring voices.  What does that mean to you?

Mmmmm.  It may be life experience and what I’ve walked through, but there is something internally powerful about being seen and being heard by human flesh.  To hear another soul listen, look you in the eye, and offer not judgment is freeing.  I really first learned about this when I joined a recovery group in 2011.  It was a life changing experience.  I had a lot of hurts, habits, and hang ups that I felt very ashamed about.  The recovery community was a place of total acceptance.  No one was trying to fix me.  They allowed me to just be.  They showed me tools to help me – and they really did help me (that and leaning hard into faith in God).  To honor a voice is to welcome others and be a dignity restorer.  Jesus did that a lot, and I want to practice the same in my life.

5. Your new website is gorgeous.  What advice can you give to people wanting to branch out into hosting their own sites?

Ha! Ha!  For reals, though.  I just launched it.  I had no idea what I was doing, and to an extent still don’t, but I knew it needed to be done because it was just time.  It’s a work in progress like me.  I’m okay with that.  I have an idea of where I want it to go, but I can’t do it alone.  I am so inspired by the many women I see blossoming in the Story Sessions community.  They keep me going!  For those branching out, I’d say ask for help.  Ask lots of questions.  Trust your “style” gut.  I read a several blogs like Jeff Goins and Michael Hyatt, and they were so helpful.  I can’t wait to get to do more with the blog.

6. What other projects are you working on?  What are you excited about?

I wrapped up writing a second memoir about tearing down lies, faith, and restoration.  My next step is editing, book cover design, and getting feedback from beta readers.  This is all new for me, and I’m excited about the project.  I hope to release it in December of 2014.  I am also excited to dive deeper into what it means to be a creative entrepreneur.  I have #alltheideas that won’t quit, and I want to do something with the ones that speak to my why and my what.  It’s never too late to work the dream, so I’m going after.  The rest… well, follow my blog or the Real Talk newsletter to find out more.

Marvia

Marvia enjoys sharing the journey of life and living fully.  She’s a Christ follower learning to just “be.”  While her life may not be perfect, she is on the road to “be”-ing and authenticity in Christ.  Her desire is to share love, light, hope, words, thoughts, dreams, faith, and whatever else seems good and prudent.  She is drawn to encouraging, supporting, mentoring, and helping others.  You will find her walking the rockity-bumpity journey of life in the wide open spaces of Texas, sipping tea, drinking coffee, splattered with sugary flour dust while baking with family, laughing and snorting loudly, or dancing ridiculously just because.

Join her on the blogging at humanimpulse.wordpress.com or follow her on Twitter @MarviaDavidson.

Read Full Post »

For those waiting on the edges of their seats for my next Getting It Together installment…it’s coming. By the end of this week.  Probably.  I make no promises.

I’m having too much fun breathing.

When I hear that I need to breathe (particularly if this encouragement comes from someone else), I resist. I resist because breathing sounds dreadfully boring.  What do you mean, I need to breathe?  You expect me to just sit still…inhaling…exhaling…and that’s it?  

I don’t make plans to sit still. It stresses me out. I have to really concentrate to sit still without becoming tense.

This week, I tried something else.  Instead of physically sitting still, I did things that still my soul.

It involved goat cheese.

photo 5 (1)

And wine (and an amazing dinner that I was too busy moaning over to photograph.  Apparently.) with friends.

photo 3 (4)

And fresh summer cherries.

photo 1 (3)

And gifts of a toddler’s treasures.

photo 2 (3)

 

And making plans to make something delicious.

photo 4 (3)

And before I knew it, I was sitting still without even trying. 

Breathing.

I’m linking up with Marvia for Real Talk Tuesdays – come tell us how you breathe!

Read Full Post »

 

The word “we” makes me anxious.

My gut reaction to “we” is to feel left out. I’ve been part of that magical twosome, whether romantic or otherwise, that gives me a rant-listener, a breakfast partner, a perpetual plus-one, and a person who will call me out when I’m siding with the melodrama in my head. I also know what it’s like to go from “we” to “just me…again.”  It’s not pretty, even when it’s for a good reason or for the best. That transition makes me want to make friends with more of these:

photo (14)

 

But then I breathe and look across the table.

And there’s Marvia and Alison and Kati Rose and Miah.

There’s always a new “we,” and if I don’t remember to say that, I am only telling half the story. God always gives me a new “we.”

I am a textbook introvert.  Read any list on how to approach those who need solitude to recharge their energy, and you’re pretty much reading a manual on how to get along with me. But I also have a pesky characteristic called connectedness.  I see patterns in everything, and I see how they work together. Give me a minute, and I can tell you how everyone’s actions affect everyone else. This can make me annoying at parties (or at work…or to the unfortunate soul sitting next to me on the bus when I first read the article that is going to piss me off that day…). I was once given an actual soapbox as a gift – partially as a nod to my fondness for standing upon them and partially as a jab at my physical shortness (to which I replied, “I don’t need height – I have minions.”). Connectedness is inherently communal.  So while community may not exactly energize me, it does seem to be a habitual, necessary occurrence in my life.

I have a lot of “we’s” –

  1. Online writer communities – I can never get away with not writing, not with Story Sessions and Andilit on the prowl.
  2. Supper Club – Bonded by our love of food, reading, and TV, this is a group who is not afraid to hear what I really think and is not afraid to tell me what they really think.
  3. Christ the Servant Lutheran Church – I’m new to them, so we’re still figuring each other out.  But they couldn’t be kinder or more welcoming, and I am learning a lot.  It’s nice to find a place where I feel both safe and challenged. Also, they let me be on their outreach team.  My first task? Taking inventory of our current coffee supplies and figuring out a budget for us to move toward being more intentional with fair trade purchases. And when I said no to working with the children (I love many specific children individually, but in packs or running about in public, they kinda freak me out. I blame working daycare.), they listened.  The first time. I’m so happy.
  4.  Various friends I met through Christ Fellowship and The-Church-Formerly-Known-As-Normal-Street (after all this time, I still don’t know the current name of the group.  Wow.) – Even though I am no longer meeting with them on Sundays, these are still the people I would call in an emergency. When I think of my very best friends, in Denton and beyond, I can trace almost all of them back to one (or both – love you, Steph) of these groups.
  5. Maggie and Michelle – They get their own space. They are often my first sounding board and my first readers. If you looked at the text messages on my phone, you would see that over half the total messages I send are to one or both of them. If I ever become obnoxiously wealthy, the first thing I’m going to do is pay off my student loan.  The second thing I’m going to do is buy each of them a house and hire Maggie as my personal assistant and Michelle as my social media coordinator so that they can move back to Denton. So, start making plans, you two.
  6. My family – This is the part where I get weepy with gratitude.  My family is my greatest support. My family is the reason I can’t say mean things about Republicans in general (even though the loud, extreme ones in the media really have it coming).  My conservative parents, sister, and brother-in-law are the most generous, most helpful, most supportive, most responsible, kindest, bravest, funniest, and just all around BEST people I know. I am who I am because of them, and I will be who I’m becoming because of them. I am lucky, lucky, lucky.

I might not have a plus-one right now, but that’s okay.  Because I have a plus-twenty.

I have the community I need.

Who’s your “we?” I’m linking up with Marvia’s Real Talk Tuesday – join us!

Read Full Post »

Shame is a sneaky jerk.

Shame will find one thing – one tiny snippet of fact – and it will harp on it and blow it up into something big and ultimately untrue.  Shame can really ruin my day.

Hannah Ettinger, writer of Wine and Marble (which I highly recommend following, if you aren’t already), wrote a response to Ruth Graham’s article in Slate that stated from the top, “Read whatever you want.  But you should feel embarrassed when what you’re reading was written for children.” Graham argued for a higher standard of literature, cradling her opinion in an impressive nest of disclaimers, and Ettinger wrote a great response post.  It’s just the sort of exchange that I usually enjoy reading.

But Shame had other plans for the chorus in my head.  It took this seemingly innocuous topic and wrote a frickin’ musical.

The opening number went something like this:

Of course you like reading YA

It’s the easiest thing to read!

You don’t read

You don’t write

Rather stay out all night

How on earth will you ever succeed?!

Ouch. Busted.  I haven’t been reading – YA Lit or otherwise – lately, which means I haven’t really been writing lately. I’ve been blogging a bit, but I haven’t touched the WIPs (WsIP?  I’m not sure what the plural of WIP is) in weeks. Between the end of the semester and leaping right into summer, I haven’t had a break, and I’ve really needed one.  I told myself that summer itself is slower and thus break-ish, but my soul knows the difference between slowing the rush and resting for real, and Shame was eager to point it out to me.

My normal response to such an epiphany is to recognize the problem (check) and find a solution. I need to schedule some time to take off work. I need a couple of days to relax from my regular schedule so that I won’t derail into full-on panic mode.  Then I need a couple of days to regroup so that when I come back to the schedule it’s not so jarring. No big deal.  Easy fix.

But Shame isn’t done with me yet.  It wants me to feel like this need for a break is a sign that I can’t handle my life and implies that I am failing at it.  It launches into familiar hits, such as You’re Not A Real Grown-Up and This is Why You’re Alone and  How Long Does It Take to Pay Off a Loan? and Your Hot Mess Apartment and Buy a House Already, You Loser. Shame doesn’t want a solution. Shame wants me to dwell on my issues and mope about them, and it will use anything to make sure that happens.

But Shame made a mistake.  Shame wrote me in as a character. And while I might listen to Shame’s song for a little while, sooner or later I’m going to respond to its facts with some truth.

The dance number begins with a shimmy.  It erupts into a celebration of fun and rest. The lyrics answer every single major issue Shame wants me to remember. The song even circles back to the symptom Shame used to kick this show off.  I do think adults (and teenagers) benefit from reading classics.  I do think adults (and yes, even teenagers) benefit from reading complex contemporary literature. I especially think that writers of adult literature must read adult literature, if for no other reason than to know our market. But when a friend’s 15-year-old cousin came out, I was able to recommend Will Grayson, Will Grayson, and when a friend expressed how overwhelming it is to choose books and movies that will help her daughter contend with this world, I was able to explain why the princesses in Frozen are the princesses that I want little girls – you know, the people shaping our future world – to want to grow up to be, and neither of those conversations would have been possible if I had been too uppity to deign to read or watch them.

For adults who have or know children?

(Chorus) Every adult who is not a hermit

For adults who write YA novels?

(Chorus) Know your art; know your niche!

For adults who enjoy it?

(Chorus) We are going to do what we want!

All reading is right – all reading is good!

But responding to Shame’s accusations isn’t really the point, is it? Twisting the facts makes the facts useless. I can’t have a productive dialogue with a liar and a cheat, and that’s exactly who Shame is. The things on Shame’s list (and whether or not they are factual) are irrelevant.  The real question is this – does Shame get to use them to rule me?

The final number ends with these words:

Shame – I don’t owe you an explanation.

Shame – I don’t want your opinion.

Shame – I don’t need your “guidance.”

Shame – I don’t owe you an—y—thing!

Close curtain.


This post is part of a new link-up hosted by Marvia Davidson called Real Talk Tuesday. Click the button below to join us or add to the conversation!

real-talk-tuesday-mdavidson-button

 

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts