My good friends Maggie and Michelle are coming into town today and spending my birthday weekend with me, and I’m so excited!! We are going to eat cupcakes, binge-watch comfort TV, and just bask in each other’s presence all weekend.
Up until very recently (i.e., a couple of days ago), I have been operating under the assumption that I will have the energy to do everything I really want to do. I mean, I knew in my head that this was not probable. But I cling to the idea that I’m extraordinary. Well, I am. Extraordinarily sensitive to treatment in that I have had almost every one of the milder side effects of chemo so far. Apparently, that means it’s working, so I’ll take it. But still.
Could it also mean that maybe I don’t stretch myself to the very end of my energy every single day? I think so. I think that would be a good thing to stop doing. Every week, I find more and more that I usually love to do that I just don’t have the energy for, and that’s going to have to be ok for now. The things I love will still be there when I’m well.
In the meantime, here are some things I love that take relatively little bandwidth.
Oh, gosh. Ruth Reichl, Laurie Ochoa, and Nancy Silverton have a podcast together. It’s called Three Ingredients and I am obsessed (with a PODCAST?! I know, right?!).
Five ways to trick yourself into decluttering. The timer works really well for me. I can do anything for five minutes, and I can get a surprising amount of things done in that time.
Dorie Greenspan has a new book coming out, and it’s about simple cakes. I feel like I need to pre-order it, because simple cakes are my favorites. Give me anything I can throw in a bundt pan and maybe not even ice, and I’m happy.
My writing is hitting a slump, so I’m going to refresh a little next week with the Healing Through Writing Festival. It’s all online, and most of the sessions are free. You can upgrade for a pretty reasonable price to get All Access, but per my energy level, I may just need to stick to the other sessions. But if you are a creative and need a boost, too, you may want to check it out. The presenters I recognize are top-notch, so I’m excited to learn what everyone else has to say.
Finally, a very helpful product that my friend Steph introduced me to. My skin has been so sensitive – to heat, allergens, etc. More than usual, I mean. It is a mess. Enter Active Skin Repair Hydrogel. I can put it on cuts, burns, allergy rashes…anything. And it soothes and heals. It has been a godsend and if this product were a person I would marry it. Highly recommend if you are similarly afflicted.
Feeling a little puny this week, but otherwise, it’s been a pretty good one. I have a slow weekend ahead, and I’m looking forward to that. I actually get to sleep in tomorrow morning!
Next week is the students’ spring break, but I’m also taking off a couple of days and then a few days the week after that to make a long birthday weekend. Shaping up to be a good rest for the next couple of weeks!
“In another life, I’m a booktuber.” Susannah Conway is one of my favorite people on the internet, and I love this short piece. I like my life and my choices in general. But I’ve been a bit blue this week and musing on the lives I could have had is a little bit of a breather.
In niche news, I’ve been into villanelles lately (e.g., “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night”). I find their rhythm both inspiring and soothing. Might try doing something with that. Stay tuned.
A little inspiration for getting my garden started this weekend. That’s the one big task I have planned for home for this weekend. I have my soil and seeds and here’s hoping another big freeze doesn’t come through before Texas spring really springs.
I love this piece on embodiment and approaching living as an art form, taking into account possibilities as well as limits – The Art of Living (The Convivial Society)
This week has been a mix of ups and downs, but it has felt like the most normal week I’ve had so far this year. I got to see some friends and had enough energy to put in almost a full week of work. I’m about to hunker down with a book and a cup of tea for the evening, but I thought I’d share a few things with you first.
One of the main things on my mind this week is the wildfires in the Texas Panhandle. My parents live a few hours south of where most of the blazes happened. So much loss, and here is how you can help.
The title “Warm House on a Quiet Day” stuck out as a cozy invitation in my inbox, but when I clicked to read it, it was so much more. Laura Grace Weldon’s words read like my constant internal monologue.
I’ve been trying to find a small, portable snack and ran across this little gem – savory oatmeal cookies. I made the rosemary/parmesan ones. This weekend, I may experiment with subbing thyme, adding dried cherries, and leaving out all the dairy for the next batch. I feel like the possibilities are endless, and I am committed to exploring them with reckless abandon.
This piece by Lisa Bartelt is beautiful. My church is coming through for me in lovely, astounding ways these days, and it’s been a good reminder of why I picked them and why I choose to keep coming back. But even during more normal seasons, the rituals and the community I have there work wonders in my soul.
And finally, I got to go to a vigil for Nex Benedict last night, and it was lovely. Following up a bit from last week, here is a list of resources from OUTreach Denton that can help you learn about how to get more involved in advocating for LGBTQ+ folk, particularly youth. Most of these are based in the DFW area, but I encourage you to look for resources around where you live if you’re not local to me.
I hope you’ve had a good week, and I hope you have an even better weekend!
Edited: At the community vigil in Owasso, Nex’s friends confirmed that he used he/him/his pronouns with friends and they/them at home. I have updated this post to reflect how Nex is known among his friends.
It’s been a hard week personally. Long saga, but the gist is the chemo port was successfully placed but they did not put me under during the procedure so I’ve been dealing with the fallout of that trauma (it took a full day and a half of “I’m fine everything’s fine it’s ok” to finally call it trauma, just in time to have a meltdown about it when I had labs done on Wednesday so maybe we journal more consistently and maybe make an actual appointment with the nice therapist soon). But some good news – no spread to the uterus, so that was a huge relief.
And after the excellent care – physical, emotional, and mental – from the awesome team at Texas Oncology and some much-needed social support from friends over the course of the week, yesterday was much better. But I’m still exhausted.
This is, of course, added to the heartbreak of the ongoing updates on the death of Nex Benedict, the trans student who was murdered by bullies in Oklahoma this month (full disclosure – I have no energy left for diplomacy and I don’t see that changing this year while I’m undergoing cancer treatment, so buckle up – we’re going to be blunt and call things what they are around here for the foreseeable future…and maybe longer if I discover I like it as much as I suspect I will).
If you are similarly heartbroken, make sure you are taking care of yourself extra this week. If you are trans or nonbinary, I want to tell you what I can never say often enough – your life and your right to just fucking exist in peace are important to me. If you are not heartbroken, do some soul-searching and examine why (I’ve put a few resources below if information will help). I say this especially to people who share my faith, because the God you follow is heartbroken about the horrific treatment and negligence that led to his death, so either return to said God and repent your hard-heartedness or start being honest about what spirit you are actually following, because it’s not a holy one. Also note that sometimes repentance starts with donations (see below).
Not just a problem here (which absolutely does not negate in any way that it is a problem here, so take any what-abouts you may be tempted to entertain and throw them in the garbage where they belong – that it’s also awful elsewhere obviously means there’s more work to do, not less) – JAMA Network
The VAWnet project from the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
Btw, these sources were found by a Google search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks” and, when that pulled up mostly .org sites (i.e., usually solid, accurate studies but also often called out for being slanted, as every organization inherently has an agenda simply because it exists to further a certain cause, which naysayers like to point out, forgetting that their own pet organizations also have agendas because that’s what organizations do /rant), I spent a little extra time vetting before adding them to the list. Then I added a second search of “statistics on trans nonbinary risks site:edu” (i.e., typically the most heavily scrutinized studies) to supplement. All of this took ten minutes, so take heart that it’s pretty quick and easy to find more good info if you are looking for it.
Search “trans and nonbinary blogs” and you will find a treasure trove of people who are putting their own stories and experiences out there to help people better understand (usually free of charge, which is incredibly generous, given how much emotional labor this level of public vulnerability requires. That being said, it would be appropriate to donate if they have a button or widget installed to do so.). The stats can give you general facts, but these personal sources are the ones that have had the greatest impact on my own empathy and understanding by seeing how navigating the world affects specific people.
If you are reading and you have sources you want to add, please do so in the comments (especially if you want to share your own blog and stories). Sources that sympathize with aggressors or pose arguments that trans/nonbinary or LGBTQIA+ in general are not real identities will be deleted. Those are not valid viewpoints on this issue, and I am not making room in my online space to pretend that they are. No exceptions.
I am angry, but I am not angry with you (unless you happen to be a Texas or Oklahoma lawmaker or school board member. In that case, every single one of you is on my list. Do better. Tell your little work friends to do better. Do it now.). Okay, fine. Here’s a little diplomacy. Enjoy.
Happy Friday! I’ve mostly been reading about chemotherapy this week, so not a lot from the web to share. But I still have some exciting things and updates.
This Friday is a special one. One of my very best friends turns 40 today! Happy birthday, Michelle! I require you to live at least another 40. More, if possible. But just go ahead and plan on at least another 40. You make the world better and brighter and more badass and I love you so much.
I had my first treatment yesterday and other than being a little tired (probably more from the steroid keeping me awake most of the night than the actual chemo), I am mostly good. My skin is BIG mad so I’m being extra nice to it today.
I’m super excited about seeing The Taste of Things. I’m not really doing large public things like going to movie theaters these days, so I will wait until it streams to see it. But ever since Chocolat, Juliette Binoche is my foodie movie fave, and the trailer looks amazing.
Our team at work is reading The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fableby Patrick Lencioni, to discuss in a few weeks, so I’m probably going to start reading that today. In related news, I may need to stock up on popcorn and tea for the entertaining show that this discussion is likely to be.
Finally, I’m going to do book reviews a little differently this year. I’m going to be participating in Modern Mrs. Darcy’s monthly Quick Lit, so I’ll have a separate post somewhere around the ides of each month to catch up. I think it will be easier to do it all in one post a month, and I’m all about making every single thing I can easier these days. But the MMD community always has great suggestions, so if you’re looking for something to read over the weekend, you can get recommendations galore at that link!
Next week is gonna be…something. Chemo is starting, and I’m hella nervous (and super angry about billing, but more on that later, probably in the next few days). Even more reason for this weekend to be a lot of staying in and resting and nesting and reading all the preparation materials.
Knowledge is power, even when it’s scary.
Some great things to add to your weekend reads:
My friend Beth published a story, and it’s just 0.99! Click over and buy it and give it a read.
We Are Not Okay by Roxane Gay – As you know if you’ve been here long at all, I love Roxane Gay, and I love this piece. In related news, the Sesame Street responses on social media and the reminder of how much I adore Tracy Chapman’s music (I love watching how much Fast Car means to so many performers – give yourself a five-minute break to enjoy Chapman and Combs’s Grammy performance) were a couple of uplifts that I desperately needed this week. Super grateful for that.
One of the things I love about Susan Cain (other than Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which is easily one of my top five favorite book titles ever) is how well she tackles finding the balance between taking care of your soul (specifically if you are an introvert, but I think the general premise applies to everyone) and contributing to the world in the unique way that only you can. This post is a great example of addressing the tension between those two values that many of us feel.
I’m starting to wrap my head around replacing my beloved bean-shaped loveseat (like, within the next year. Not now. My proverbial plate and my literal stack of bills is full right now). I think I want a loveseat like this. A sofa that I can rearrange that can serve not only as guest bedding but also as storage? In pretty peacock blue (or ooh- blue or green velvet)? Yes, please. On the other hand, this is also very cute and looks similar to what I have and love now.
And finally, I have been feeling pretty sugar-averse these days. It’s funny how eating less of it for just a short amount of time can make most desserts seem too sweet. It’s almost as if my body is relieved I’m eating less sugar. Ahem. Rude, but ok, body. I guess I can continue to listen. Whatever. Anyway, I would make an exception for this Ding Dong cake. I bet it’s DELICIOUS.
I hope your weekend is fun/restful/exciting. Have a good one – whatever that looks like for you!
It’s been a nutty couple of weeks. I feel more settled at work than I did in early-to-mid-January, probably because the semester is getting underway and everyone is falling back to their routines. Either that, or I have successfully adopted a more relaxed, whatever-gets-done-is-enough attitude (less likely, but still remotely possible). Also, I’m getting more done, so it may just be that that feels good. Regardless of the reason, I’ll take it.
Meanwhile, I am super focused on a few key things. At home, I am nesting like I’m expecting a new baby. I am constructing an elaborate meal plan that I may actually use occasionally when I feel up to it in the next few months. And the information-sponge part (erm, majority?) of my personality is in overdrive. About everything. Mostly health stuff, but it’s hard to turn it off when it’s time to talk about something else. Yesterday at an appointment the nurse said, “This may be too much information.” No such thing, friend. No. Such. Thing.
However, I am enjoying super easy weekends and shall continue to do so while I’m going through treatment so as not to tax my system any more than necessary or cause any delays. In the perfect world, I would take this opportunity to learn how absolutely essential easy weekends are to my life and general well-being and keep them indefinitely. One can hope.
Here are some things I’m enjoying lately:
One of the wonderful things about reading challenges is that I get prompts that remind me of things I love. Nowhere Bookshop’s challenge encourages us to read our “Roman Empire” book – a book about any topic that lives a solid rent-free existence in our heads. One of my proverbial Roman Empires is architecture, specifically house plans. I think about how building homes could not only be useful as a career but also make opportunities to provide shelter and safety for others as well as build communities. I think about it a lot. I have several rough sketches for houses – everything from small bungalows to large spaces with full libraries and indoor pools. Also, I LOVE BLUEPRINTS. This prompt has me deep-diving into this topic that gives me so much joy. Look at these tiny house plans! How cute are they? And I adore the whimsy of this one. I mean, I would need a whole second tiny house just for my books, but I love the creative, economical use of space. Anyway, I put a lot of books on hold at the library about this, so I think I will have this prompt more than covered.
Also…I like this article. Not making any plans (for now or in the near future). I just like it.
I love cottagecore. Not so much the clothing or decorating style (although I do love roses and carnations and tend to decorate with both, even after they’re dead), but the lifestyle elements. Container gardens, reusing scraps, knitting my own blankets, slow food. Focusing on less waste and more creativity. Great quote – “We can choose to create a world for ourselves filled with gentle moments, while also considering how we can make our homes a place of cultivation instead of a place to store ‘things.’” This also slides right in line with my current nesting habits.
I’ve been looking for recipes recently that are high in protein and fiber. I’ve been in a bit of a food rut, but most of these and these look good to me. Perhaps I’ll try one or two of them this weekend (lookin’ at you, sweet potato).
I know they’ve reached their goal already, but these are some of the most talented baristas in Denton, and I want them to have all they need and more while they look for their next gig. So if you have a little love (and by love, I do mean cash) to throw their way, please do. Also, there’s going to be a fundraiser at Rubber Gloves, so swing by if you’re in Denton on February 10.
Take care this weekend (and all the time, really), friends. I hope it’s relaxing and fun and everything you want it to be!
This week. Whew. Glad it’s almost over and that my weekend is mostly relaxing. I’m really leaning into my quiet theme as much as I can. That’s been helpful.
Here are some things from this week:
In health news – I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. I also have a gastro issue that will eventually require surgery and I’m trying to get my unruly cholesterol under control, but cancer is the prime target right now. Treatment looks like a few months of chemo, then surgery, then probably more chemo and radiation to finish up. Beyond the basic updates, I still don’t know how much I’m going to talk about it here. This is one of my happy places on the internet (although I may have a rant for you at some point about the medical billing process as I have experienced it because…wow), so I think I mostly want to keep it that way. But I wanted to let you know so that if I am not posting here as often, you’ll know why. Or I could post more often because I tend to get chatty when I’m stressed. Who knows how it will actually go. In either case, that is likely the reason.
The Library at the Edge of the World by Felicity Hayes-McCoy – This one was slow to start for me, but overall I really enjoyed it. What’s not to love about a book set in Ireland about a somewhat curmudgeonly librarian who joins forces with her community to save the library and local businesses. And also she is restoring an old house that her aunt left to her on the side. This storyline checks a lot of my favorite cozy boxes. Can I just move my own self into that scenario? Because it sounds lovely.
Night Will Find You by Julia Heaberlin – This was not my favorite of her books. It may just be because I listened to it instead of reading it. The reader wasn’t necessarily bad, but I think I would have preferred the voice in my head. It was hard to maintain focus and I had to rewind a lot. Of course, it’s also possible that I just am not focusing well in general right now, and that isn’t really a reflection of the book. So maybe I’ll give it another chance at some point.
This article on the concept of bookshelf wealth is wild. I still don’t really get what the term means. It seems others also can’t agree about what constitutes true wealth when it comes to book collections and the shelves on which they reside. I feel like I’m firmly in the “who cares about being wealthy – just give me all the books and places to keep them” camp. Occasional dramatic treasures like this, however, are the whole reason I keep my NYT subscription (although I advise waiting to sign up when it’s discounted – then when you call to cancel after the trial year, they’ll often offer you a similar low price for the next year).
I haven’t had much of an appetite, and I’ve been adjusting my diet lately (because all the reasons) to help me feel my best and have the most energy I possibly can. For me, that mostly looks like limiting sugar, dairy, soy, and fatty meats but getting more protein and drinking lots of water. I’ve also noticed that I’ll find a certain food that tastes good and ONLY want that for several days in a row, so apparently my neurospiciness is in full control of the appetite. I’m on a pretty serious persimmon kick these days. But almost everything on this Food 52 vegan list looks DELICIOUS. I’ll be trying a few of these recipes in the next few weeks for sure.
I hope you’re having a good day and that your weekend is exactly what you want it to be!
I thought about continuing my mini-reviews of the books I’m reading according to their reading challenge. But since some books count for multiple challenges, that seems like a lot to keep up with. So I think what I’m going to do is scatter a few in there and maybe have an occasional extra post for the rest unless I find a way to do it that I like better. Or, as with this post, I may just extend my five-item limit on weeks when I have more books, etc., than bullet points to talk about (five is less of a rule and more of a guideline). One thing is for sure – I love talking about what I’m reading/have read, so I’ll be sure to keep you posted.
Here are some things that have been meaningful to me this week (and a little bit of last week):
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry – Almost every year, on New Year’s Day, it is my custom to read this small book. It is chock full of all sorts of gentle wisdom, and it’s easily one of my top five favorite books of all time. The quote that stuck out to me this year goes along with my quiet theme. “I have always loved the desert. One sits down on a desert sand dune, sees nothing, hears nothing. Yet through the silence something throbs, and gleams…” There is a lot of uncertainty in my life right now (I mean, more than usual – there’s always uncertainty for everyone). But I know that even though I don’t have definitive answers, there is still much to hear and learn. So I’m going to sit on my proverbial sand dune and listen.
Check & Mate by Ali Hazelwood – So cute! Like all of Hazelwood’s books, this one had a lovable main character who, from the outside, was infuriating because it was so obvious that the love interest was totally gaga over her but of course, she thought the opposite. From the inside, however, she was totally relatable because I also am oblivious and can totally see how she didn’t pick up on the very clear signs. This was the author’s first YA novel, and it was great.
Self-Care for People With ADHD by Sasha Hamdani, MD – I follow Dr. Hamdani on Instagram, and her advice there is so poignant, so when I saw that she had this book out, I scooped it up. A lot of the tips in the book are pretty standard for neurospicy folks, and it would be a good reference for people who are just discovering their specific challenges. The work and social self-care sections were the most useful for me.
Tom Lake by Ann Patchett – Ann Patchett is one of my favorite authors, and Meryl Streep read the audiobook, so picking this one up as soon as I could was a no-brainer for me. I love the way she writes family dynamics. It was a strong, charming story made even better by the expert reading by Streep.
I hope you have a relaxing weekend full of your favorite things and people!
Happy New Year, everyone! Back to work this week, getting to do a lot of interviews for next year’s staff. We’re losing almost half of our student staff in the office, and there are a lot of great candidates. Definitely go home and just sit in the silence after all this social interaction, though. Ready for a calm, quiet weekend.
Here are some things I enjoyed this week:
I’m intrigued by the concept of house hushing. On the one hand, it makes sense that a neat environment can be more peaceful – more mentally quiet. On the other hand, this feels like another person telling me why I need to clean my house, and I’m not sure I’m open to that sort of advice today. Does hushing still work if I’m overwhelmed and exhausted about it? Maybe I’ll revisit this concept when I’m in a more cleaning-as-catharsis mood.
Here’s something more manageable – turning my office into a cozy workspace. My current favorite things about my office at UNT – a full candy jar, inspirational notes on the bulletin board, coloring books and supplies available for students to use, and twinkle lights (battery-operated, per Housing rules).
I love this piece about dancing – at parties, in clubs, in your living room – how it feels to move in time with music and other people and be a part of something. One of the reasons I don’t mind crowds quite as much when I’m dancing is that it lets me be a slightly different person than I usually am when I’m standing or sitting still. It’s an experience of being both together and alone.
Leave it to Joy the Baker to speak my mind. Gentle January is such a good idea. I mean, I clearly am not going to leave goal-setting and looking toward the new year until the end of the month. But I am starting off soft in other ways. To me, this looks like even more nights at home than usual and longer writing/piano/knitting/crafting sessions. And I am definitely on board with eating down the fridge and pantry to use up all the things before restocking. Work and medical stuff are out of control this month, so embracing as gentle a January as possible sounds like such a relief.
I’m not adding yet another reading challenge to my plate this year. I’m really not. But I do find this one intriguing. If you get book FOMO, this might be a good one for you. A little backtrack on things that might have fallen under your radar in the last decade or so. Enjoy!
M. Suzanne Terry 