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Drink the Wild Air

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” – Emerson

I am playing catch-up with my 31 Days of Beauty posts.  Sunday was supposed to be Day Three and the third installment of my Emerson inspiration.  Then my car decided to freak out and stop working on my drive back to Denton.

I don’t even have a picture.

I suppose it would have been very easy to grab a selfie in the wind (because West Texas…and trucks speeding by at 75 miles an hour WITHOUT GETTING IN THE OPPOSITE LANE) while I was waiting on Dad to come rescue me. But I was not feeling beautiful.  I was feeling annoyed and stranded. Also, after the car completely shut down, the air conditioner didn’t work so well, so I ventured into the grass on the side of the road, and most of my attention was focused on looking our for rattlesnakes (because West Texas.  The struggle is real.).

Suffice it to say that I did not get a picture in time for this post.

I am actually pretty surprised that I don’t have a picture of me with my hair all wild and swarmy around my head in the wind.  I love that. My love of strong breezes comes from growing up on the farm, where the land is so flat you can actually see the sides of the roads meet at the horizon in the distance. Mesquite trees (bushes – let’s be real) are no match for that wind. There’s nothing to stand in its way. Think Chicago – only not knife-like and stabby in its frozenness. Imagine warm gusts whipping around your body, throwing hair, clothes – basically anything not pasted down (and even some things that were) – into a frenzy.

And yet you stand. Embracing the wind but withstanding it as well. Strong.  Grounded.

Beautiful.

Drink it in. Drink the wild air.

I’m writing about personal beauty for 31 Days.

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Swim the Sea

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” – Emerson

When I was a child, my mother insisted that we learn to swim.  It was mostly for safety – one of those “on account-a you never know” things. But I really took to it.  We didn’t live anywhere near the ocean, and lakes were for fishing, but I spent a large percentage of the summer in the swimming pool.

I love the water. In the water, I feel graceful.  In fact, the water is the only place I feel graceful. Once I’m in the water, I feel beautiful.

It’s the whole getting-to-the-water thing that isn’t my favorite. Being that exposed in public is not something that I enjoy.

I am sure it has a little to do with my weight.  When I was swimming (and dancing…and running…), I was smaller, and it was easy to find a swimsuit that didn’t look terrible on me. But even then, I would dash to the side of the pool, still in my t-shirt or with my towel wrapped around me, and then shed it seconds before I dove in.

I was just in a hurry to get to the place where I felt pretty, and I didn’t want any unnecessary, preliminary attention to mar the experience.

The water was freedom.

I swam all through high school.  If my school had had a swim team, I would have wanted to be on it and might have been interested in something athletic beyond junior high track. I trained to be lifeguard but never passed the timed test.  I probably could have passed it once they took the timed test out of it, but if I were drowning, I’d want to know that the person charged with rescuing me could get their ass there in a hurry, so I declined the offer to retake it.

I haven’t been in a pool in a few years.  I’m not even sure that my swimsuit fits now.

It might be time to remedy that.

I’m writing about personal beauty for 31 days.

 

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31 Days of Beauty

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“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This weekend, I am hanging out on my parents’ farm.  The first thing I did after petting all the animals was check out the garden. If the picture above looks a little fuzzy, it’s because it was taken mid-duck as I was trying to avoid the dive bomb by some sort of flying insect.

I have a love-hate relationship with sunshine. I am fair-skinned, so my skin is pretty sensitive to the sun’s unforgiving rays. A day spent outside means bathing in a vat of high SPF sunscreen, as well as multiple reapplications throughout the day.  My shoulders are freckled from the day nineteen Mays ago when I spent the day at a Duran Duran/Deep Blue Something concert to raise money for the families of the victims of the Oklahoma City bombing. I didn’t reapply the sunscreen, and I walked away with water blisters.

Not pretty.

But if I take the necessary precautions, the sun is my friend. I love the feel of it on my arms and face when I’m driving or out for a walk. I love watching the sun rise (well, at least when it’s not coming through my office window, stabbing me in the eye). It means a new day.

This month, I’m writing 31 Days of Beauty. Every day, I will discuss a different aspect of personal beauty.

Day One – Live in the sunshine.

Day Two – Swim the sea

Day Three – Drink the wild air.

Day Four – At the club

Day Five – Badass boots

Day Six – Beauty is hard

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I’m always wary of people who tell me they have a favorite number.  I give them the side-eye and demand that they explain themselves.  That very few of them can actually do so only reinforces my wariness. When someone asks what my favorite number is, I never know what to say.  Because…favorite number of what?

Favorite number of cups of coffee in the morning? Two.  One for practical, waking-up reasons, and one for the bliss.

Favorite number of place settings?  Twelve. Because my ideal dining room table seats ten, and twelve gives me some leeway for things to break (inevitable) without busting up the set.

Favorite number of pairs of shoes?  Based on my current closet space – about ten.  Based on my fantasy closet space…I don’t think they make a number that big.

If pressed to choose, I usually answer with a random number in the 4,000s, because I feel bad for the 4,000s.  Everyone always wants tiny, single-digit numbers.  Big numbers need love, too, y’all.

If I had to pick my favorite number of days, though, it would be 31. My favorite months are 31 days long.  I mean, that includes my birth month and Christmas and October, so I admit there’s an unfair advantage there. And despite the fabled 21-day habit formation period, I know that many people have found that it takes a lot longer than 21…or 31…days to make a real change. And whatever the norm for habit change actually is, the time it takes for me to make a lasting change is probably longer.  I would guess that I take up to a year, which is why I love New Years Resolutions so much. I’m a slow adapter. 

But I also know that, since my commitment to 31 days of no fast food last October, I have spent less money on fast food in the last 7.5 months than I spent in just three months last summer.  So positive change, while not complete (because I love me some Whataburger onion rings), was definitely set in motion by the 31-day commitment.

And I think that’s what my beauty challenge needs.  A dose of good ol’ number 31.

I look over my pictures in my phone of things – mostly in nature (-ish) – that have caught my eye. For example:

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(Rainy day tree)

And I look at the things on my beauty board, and I see a lot of beautiful things that other people have said or done:

And these are great stories and great words. But my focus on what beauty means to and for other people has allowed me to detach from my own experience of beauty.

Well, no more.

If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that beauty is personal, and it demands to be embodied. For women especially, beauty (and whether or not we think we “have it”) seems to control a substantial part of our personal identity.  Many of us focus on inner beauty, not only because it’s important but also a little because we are afraid that when we look in the mirror, we don’t see any outer beauty.  But it’s there. Even beauty of spirit will manifest in a tangible way. It might be as simple as the way people carry themselves.  It might be in the way someone speaks. It might be in the way someone dresses. But however it decides to show up, it does indeed show up. It doesn’t stay in our heads or in our souls.  

Beauty gets physical.

So next month, so am I. August will be 31 days of personal beauty. I am going to talk about myself – what makes me feel beautiful and what keeps me from feeling beautiful. I’ve spent enough time on the sidelines.  It’s time to play.

My OneWord365 is beauty, and I’m linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays.  Join us to discuss how your year is going.

 

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Day Thirty-one – Grace

Today is the final day of my 31 days without fast food.  A little recap for you of things I’ve learned:

– Fast food was more a part of my routine than I thought it was.  This was harder than I thought it was going to be.

– Food is my boyfriend.  I am emotionally attached, in both good and bad ways.  Food is how I express affection and connection, but it is also the thing I associate with shame, guilt, and avoidance.  So, maybe food is a bad boyfriend.  Maybe food should just be food.

– Soft poached egg on potato chips is a nice occasional treat, but should not be one’s go-to breakfast.

– Good time management means never having to go without coffee.

– Meal planning only works if you actually do it.

– You don’t have to spend a lot of money to eat well, but you will probably have to spend more than you’re used to spending.

– Guests are just as happy with a one-pot meal that took me less than an hour to make as they are with an elaborate, themed party.

– Supper Club!  I’M SO EXCITED!!!

– My food choices are connected to larger issues and problems, and they can also be part of the solution to those problems.

But the most important thing I learned this month – the thing that I need to remember the most – is to extend grace.

I need to extend grace to others.  Grace to others who don’t make the choices that I think are important.  Grace to listen to them when they feel the need to justify those choices.  Grace to really listen – not to just wait until they stop talking so that I can tell them why they’re wrong.  Grace to accept that my disagreement doesn’t automatically make them wrong.

I also need to extend grace to myself, which is sometimes harder than extending grace to others.  Grace to enjoy the occasional bowl of eggs with potato chips without feeling the need to justify it.  Grace to accept where I am now, even if I don’t plan on staying there.  Grace to appreciate my body and what it does for me.

And yes – grace to occasionally indulge in Whataburger.  Just giving myself permission to do so reminds me that I have a choice, and going a month without it taught me that it’s not a choice I want to make very often.  Inherent in the grace to indulge is the freedom not to.

I went 31 days without fast food!

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My students started their how-to speeches tonight.  A few of the how-to topics on the list: how to make better-than-sex cake, how to make peanut butter cup brownies, how to make chocolate decorations for cupcakes (with a special one made just for me, the teacher).

I think I consumed more sugar this evening than I have consumed the rest of the month combined.  It was glorious/terrifying.

I didn’t even eat all of what was given to me.  I had a couple of bites of each thing.

And still – sugar high!

I knew I was sensitive to sugar, but I did not expect such a small amount (relative to what I was served) to affect me so much.

The fun part was that the students got a kick out of watching me get all darty-eyed and fidgety when the sugar kicked in.

The not-fun part was the sugar crash that happened about thirty minutes after class.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– I can’t even think straight right now.  Sugar is bad, kids.

– After almost a month of not even trying to limit my sugar intake – of just limiting it because drinking less soda was a byproduct of nixing fast food – the difference in my focus and my ability to maintain my energy level is remarkable.  Noted.

I’m going 31 days without fast food.

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I want to have a well-stocked pantry.  I covet other people’s pantries when I visit their homes. I save my favorite pantry tips on my Kitchen Sink board.  My current favorite: this article from examiner (sorry for the overkill of ads),

Don’t worry – I’m not going to list tons of pantry items for you to skim over and ignore.  Everyone’s pantry list is different.  What I use often enough to keep in bulk will probably be different from yours.  For instance, I keep extra jars of roasted red peppers, because I throw them into just about everything, and I do not have time to roast peppers every time I want to use them (although that does sound like a nice canning project for next summer).  I also know that I need to keep quick fixes on hand, or I will use the time factor as an excuse to go to Chicken Express.

But the next step for me in sticking to monthly meal planning is making sure I keep a stocked pantry.  I will start with the list in the article mentioned above and adapt it to my needs.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– My night desk cohort and I are planning a series of lessons called “How to be a Grown Up 101” for the residents next semester.  This month has inspired me to put meal planning on the list of topics.

– When I drove past Chicken Express the other day, I said (to myself, but yes, out loud), “I don’t need your greasy chicken!  I have egg rolls at home!”  It was awesome.

I’m going 31 days without fast food.

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I have people over a lot.  I feed someone at least once a week (I’m an introvert – that’s a lot for me).  It’s not always the same people, but it’s fun, and it’s one of my favorite things to do.

But I don’t always want to make it a big deal.  When it’s people who haven’t been over in a month or so, the excitement and the planning seem to spin out of control.  What was originally a hot dog and beer night becomes a hot dog and beer and I’ve-been-into-Tom-Collins-lately and vegan beanie weenie and sauerkraut and four kinds of bread night.  Then I don’t do it again for a month, because while fun, that’s exhausting.

I have wanted to have a regular time for a small, regular group of people to come over for a while.  I have also wanted a writing/reading group for a while.  Earlier this month, I got the idea to combine the two desires into one – and the seed for Supper Club was planted.

I had a certain couple in mind.  He writes – and pretty seriously (last time I checked, he was looking for an agent).  I’m not sure if she writes, but she has thoughtful insights (and also, I just really like her).  They also suggested another mutual friend who has diverse reading interests and seems very enthusiastic about the group.

So on November 10, the four of us are going to have the first Supper Club at my house.  I want it to be a weekly thing eventually, but we’re starting out with every other week.  It will be potluck.

I’m going to make lasagna, and they can bring whatever they want to go with it.

I will try to limit myself to two lasagnas – one meat, one veggie.

I’m not sure what we’ll discuss.  I don’t want it to be a book club, where we all read the same thing, because that’s more work than I want it to be.  I mostly just want to hang out with them and support one another in our creative endeavors, whatever those endeavors might be.  Perhaps that’s what we’ll discuss.

Depending on how it goes, we might be inviting more people to join, but I don’t want it to get too big.  I’m excited to see where this goes.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– My house is never cleaner than when I’m expecting company.  Here’s hoping that this is motivation to keep my house more organized.  Here’s hoping that this will not be a drudgery.

– I’m so excited!!!

I’m going 31 days without fast food.

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I love Sunday.  It’s my favorite day of the week.

Sunday is the day we’ve chosen for Supper Club.

When I was regularly attending services, Sunday was the day I went to lunch with people I loved.

Since my attendance has been sporadic as of late (i.e., the last year or so), Sunday has been baking day.

Sunday is usually a good writing day.

On Sundays, I feel un-rushed, inspired, at peace, at home (even when, technically, I’m not).

This Sunday, I went to Kincaid’s with Margarett, Micah, and Raven.  It had been a long time since I’ve been there.  I forgot how good those hamburgers are.  There might have been moaning.

Then we went to the Fort Worth Friends of the Library Book Sale.  It was $15-a-box day.  This has nothing to do with food.  I just wanted to bask in the goodness of a book sale one more time.  Well, I bought some cookbooks, so I guess that’s related.

I drove past Taco Casa, which I love, and I wasn’t even tempted.  That crispy salad shell doesn’t even come close to the hamburger I’d just had (and could easily afford, since no money was wasted on fast food this month) or the food I had waiting at home.

Then I came home to the lingering smell of the caponata, and I cleaned the kitchen, grateful for the weekend of food, friends, and relaxed productivity.

This was the best weekend I’ve had in a long time.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– My desire to drive through seems to be inversely related to the time I spend planning for and making easy options at home.  What a surprise that…isn’t.

– Sundays = ❤

I’m going 31 days without fast food, and today, I don’t even miss it.

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I do this every month.  I do one big grocery trip, so that I can just make little trips throughout the rest of the month.  And then I freak out about how much the big grocery trip costs.

It cost a little more than it usually does.  I spend a little under $250.  That’s about average for the months when I actually cook at home and have people over once or twice a week.  It’s $150 under my grocery budget (which includes money for coffee and wine, which the majority of that remaining $150 will go to).

I know that it’s okay.  I know that it fits into my budget.  I know that the locally sourced, organic meat, dairy, and vegetables are good choices.  I know that buying this food means that I am more likely not to eat fast food, and that definitely saves me money in the long run.  I know that this is better for me.  I know all of this in my head.

But *hyperventilates a little*

I am thankful.  There was a time when I couldn’t spend $250 (much less $400) on groceries every month, because I couldn’t afford it.  Good food doesn’t help you if you have to give up electricity or rent to buy it.

I want everyone to be able to afford to eat like this.  I mean, I like ramen noodles as much as the next person (okay, maybe a little more), but it’s nice to be able to have options.

As I type this, the house smells like caponata.  It’s almost ready.  Just a little while longer.

And it’s starting to rain.  ❤

Despite the mild freak out and going to the grocery store on a Saturday (ugh…the worst!), this has been an excellent day.

Themes, Observations, and Lessons:

– I’m gonna need payday to fall earlier in the week.  This shopping on the weekend nonsense is, well, nonsense.

– Caponata is definitely making an appearance at a Supper Club night.

– So happy and thankful tonight.

I’m going 31 days without fast food.

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