31 Days | M. Suzanne Terry

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Day 4 – Play With Animals

Posted in 31 Days, Joy on December 4, 2020| Leave a Comment »

“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.” – Colette

I had a hard time narrowing down pictures for these posts. I have so many animal friends, and we loooooove each other. If they could read, I would give each one of them a shoutout. As they cannot, please just give your animals a pet from me and tell them that I love them.

One of the best joys of visiting the farm is seeing Lola and Jake.

Lola moved to the farm about a decade ago. She was living with friends in Denton, but she kept getting out and they were afraid they’d turn around to wrangle the toddler and she’d turn up missing (or worse). So this best girl came home with me one holiday and fell in love with the farm and Mom and Dad and never left (good thing this was the plan because she refused to get back in the car). Growing up, we were not allowed to bring pets inside. Today, Lola has her own bed indoors and gets her own personal egg cooked to her taste. She goes outside every time Mom does (which is often when the weather is warm), and I like knowing that Lola is watching out for her.

This fall, Jake joined the family. He showed up as a stray, but it’s clear that he’s been around people. Usually when this happens, Dad will call around to the neighbors to see if anyone is missing a dog. When I asked what the neighbors said when he called, his non-answer was “I named him Jake.” He then proceeded to laugh so hard he started wheezing as he told me that he chose the name because Jake from State Farm wears khakis…and the dog has khaki spots. (My dad is super cute) I did finally confirm that he had called the closest neighbors and found out that Jake had been to visit them, too, but they couldn’t find anyone who was missing him. So I’m only about 89% certain that my parents haven’t stolen someone else’s dog, but too late – he lives there now. He does not have frequent indoor privileges – Lola needs a break every once in a while – but he loves his backyard and his own special bed on top of (not inside it – the little weirdo) the dog house.

Spending time with animal friends is calming. I am allergic, and I just don’t care. I can take a Claritin. The mood boost and the joy they bring is worth a few sneezes.

I’m writing about chasing joy for the 31 days of December. Click here to see the whole list.

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Day 3 – Go Outside

Posted in 31 Days, Joy on December 3, 2020| Leave a Comment »

“Let the beauty of sunrise keep your heart warm.” – Lailah Gifty Akita

This is my favorite place in the world to watch the sunrise. The west Texas sky is so broad and vast. I imagine the sky is like that everywhere, but on the Texas plains, you can see actually see it.

I was home to check in on the folks at Thanksgiving. After a few weeks of more intense isolation than usual and an intense COVID-19 test (negative), I got to see Mom and Dad in 3D. We ate a lot of good food, watched a lot of westerns and football, and spent some time outside.

I grew up in a house next to 100+ acres of farmland and a small canyon behind it. We didn’t explore much without Dad close by (wild hogs are not to be trifled with), but we would venture down often enough to know our way around.

I am fond of the indoors. I like air conditioning and being able to sit without my hair constantly blowing into my face and breathing air relatively free of allergens. I am hyper-sensitive to touch and sound and there’s a lot of both outside. Playing outside is good for children, though, so we spent a lot of our childhood in the backyard. Sometimes, Mom would actually lock us out (which is something you can do when you have a huge back window where you can see everything and you live in the middle of nowhere with dogs that are happy to alert you if anything or anyone approaches).

I staged my silent protest by sneaking a book out and reading it on the swing.

Tactile and auditory irritants aside, sometimes I miss being able to walk outside and automatically be in nature in my backyard. To watch a sunrise in peace. To listen to the windchimes sing. To stare at the moon and stars without having to maneuver around buildings.

Any time I need a little touch of joy, I go find some sky.

I’m writing about chasing joy for the 31 days of December. Click here to see the whole list.

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Day Two – Books

Posted in 31 Days, Books, Joy on December 1, 2020| 2 Comments »

*“A book, too, can be a star, a living fire to lighten the dark*ness, leading out into the expanding universe.” – Madeleine L’Engle

I hope it’s no surprise by this point that I love to read. I easily spend 10-15 hours a week doing so. People often ask how I manage to read so many books. That’s how. There’s no trick. Just time.

Well, ok. There are a couple of tricks. I listen to audiobooks when I’m driving or when I’m doing something with my hands that doesn’t require a lot of concentration, such as knitting or folding laundry. I didn’t used to like audiobooks, but this year, I have really embraced them. I didn’t really enjoy being read to before, but now I find it soothing. I also read poetry quite a bit, and while I read poems more slowly than prose, the volumes tend to be shorter with fewer words on the page, so technically I finish these books more quickly.

I make a lofty goal to read a certain number of books every year, and while I rarely reach that particular number, just having it in mind inspires me to read more each year than I did the year before. So far this year, I’ve read 81 books (that I’ve remembered to track on Goodreads), so I would need to read 39 this month to reach my goal of 120. Not likely. But with three mostly free weekends and two weeks off from my full-time job, I should be able to top my final total from last year (103) if I try.

Books are more than an escape. They open me up to new ideas and possibilities, which is particularly useful when my world is feeling small. They serve as warning, camaraderie, challenge, solidarity, empathy, and fun. They spark interest in obscure topics and show me the kind of writer I want (or sometimes don’t want) to be. They give me a peek into others’ lives and ways so that my view of the world doesn’t have to be limited to my own little corner of it.

They bring me joy.

Starting this month and through 2021, I am going to add at least one book a month to my TBR pile that has the word “joy” in the title. A book does not have to have the word in the title to be about chasing joy, of course, but this gives me a place to start. My first selection is a re-read of C.S. Lewis’s Surprised by Joy. It’s been a decade (maybe two?) since I first read it, so it will be interesting to see how my perspective has changed. I remember loving it.

I’m writing about chasing joy for the 31 days of December. Click here to see the whole list.

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31 Days of Joy – An Overview

Posted in 31 Days, Joy, Resolutions on December 1, 2020| 2 Comments »

“Because in trying to articulate what, perhaps, joy is, it has occurred to me that among other things—the trees and the mushrooms have shown me this—joy is the mostly invisible, the underground union between us, you and me, which is, among other things, the great fact of our life and the lives of everyone and thing we love going away. If we sink a spoon into that fact, into the duff between us, we will find it teeming. It will look like all the books ever written. It will look like all the nerves in a body. We might call it sorrow, but we might call it a union, one that, once we notice it, once we bring it into the light, might become flower and food. Might be joy.” From The Book of Delights by Ross Gay

I choose a word for every year. This is the word I focus on for that year and look for ways to embody the word more or pay better attention to how it shows up in my life. Sometimes, the word of the year brings a lot of insight and I get a lot out of it (the year of wild). Sometimes, the word seems almost like a practical joke (*ahem* 2020’s “alive,” although even it has had its moments).

I almost always know what my word for the upcoming year is going to be by October or November, and this year is no exception. And, as per my usual, as soon as I know, I start noticing it when it shows up and thinking about it. But when I kept hearing “joy” this year, I felt disappointed. I am not feeling much joy these days. When something is challenging, though, I tend to take that as confirmation that it’s probably a thought or action worth pursuing, so I’m going to give it a chance.

I’m going to pursue joy.

What I have learned so far is that joy is indeed something I have to intentionally seek in order to find it. It’s not my first go-to. It’s not even my tenth go-to. I see patterns and connections really easily, so my gut reaction is typically “Let’s make a list of all the obstacles that could come up so that we’re prepared to deal with them” rather than “Oh happy opportunity!”

My hopeful suspicion is that joy is possible in both. From what I’ve seen and read (because of course I have) so far, it seems that joy doesn’t require the absence of hardship but rather can live right alongside it. So that’s good news.

To get a jumpstart on the year, I’m going to be posting 31 days of joy – how I find it, what it looks like to me, etc. I’ll keep a table of contents below for reference as I post each new ponderance, but I hope you’ll follow along and offer any insights you have to share. Enjoy!

Day 1 – Overview
Day 2 – Read Books
Day 3 – Go Outside
Day 4 – Play With Animals
Day 5 – Make Something
Day 6 – Find Color
Day 7 – Dance
Day 8 – Seek and Find
Day 9 – Make Comfort Food
Day 10 – Share Friday Fives
Day 11 – Rest
Day 12 – Anticipate

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Friday Five – The Benefits of Isolation

Posted in 31 Days, Alive, Core, Dance, Fiction, Friday Five, Mental Health, Music, NaNoWriMo, Resolutions, Spiderweb, Work, Writing on November 12, 2020| Leave a Comment »

*Books and mascots and dressing up for the intrawebs*

That may be the most introvert-y title I’ve ever written.

In a lot of ways, this pandemic/work/socialize-from-home situation has been rough. My mental health is not its best self ever. Or, rather, it has been more work to take care of it. I don’t think prolonged isolation is good for anyone, and I’ve definitely had challenges that I expected as well as those I did not. I have needed to take many more precautions and call on more support than usual in order to function.

Other distinct pockets of my life have (dare I say it?) flourished. After the initial shock wore off (this is the theme, really), I have been able to adapt in several ways that sort of flow together but also are each their own separate issue:

Reading – For a few months, I wasn’t able to concentrate to read at all. But now that I have at least an extra hour per night to add to my regular reading time that I was spending just driving from work and then to-and-from whatever meeting I had on that particular evening, I am reading about 100 pages a day. My reading goal took a hit from those missing months, but I may still read more books than I read last year.
Productivity – Working from home makes me super efficient. Having more control over my work setting allows me to get through emails much more quickly, and I don’t feel rushed on phone calls. I miss my coworkers, of course, but my productivity (and thus my motivation) is thriving. We are closing one of our buildings at the end of the semester, and I was able to give significant help in getting those students moved over, and this would have been a lot harder/more stressful in the office.
Sense of self – It’s been interesting to see the habits that have dropped off and stayed gone and the ones that I have either continued or picked up. I was surprised to see the things that I do, say, wear, etc., to make others more comfortable and things I do, say, wear, etc., to show up as who I really am. It will be interesting to see how (or if) I adjust back to old habits that I find stifling once I’m out in the public again most days.
Consistency – Each month, I make myself a chart that has goals I want to focus on that month. It’s usually a mix of habits I want to build and the things I know I need to stay grounded and at peace. If you’ve been around here a while, you know my goals tend to be…lofty. But I’ve been meeting them better than usual. In fact, the last time I was this consistent with eating well, dancing, playing the keyboard, exercising, etc., was in my early to mid-twenties when I was performing regularly. While I’m not performing right now (well, not a lot – I do have a piece in the virtual SPIDERDEAD show tomorrow night), I am excited about how well I’ve been staying on track with things that are important to me.
Creativity – All the others kinda lead in to this one. When I have the time (and the ability) to focus on what I want in life, my creativity thrives. I have so many project ideas, and I’ve been consistently writing toward my NaNoWriMo project. I also have a 31 days blog series coming up in December that I hope you will enjoy. I look forward to getting to collaborate with people again, but for now this will do.

I hope you are finding some moments of joy or clarity or focus or whatever you are needing right now.

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Day 8 – Reboot

Posted in 31 Days, Food, Getting It Together, Lucky, Mental Health on October 17, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Who’s super excited about my Costco haul? *crickets* Just me? Yeah.

So listen.

I’ve hit a bit of a wall with this series. That’s how these things go sometimes. And instead of just quitting, as I’m prone to do, I’m going to adapt. This year, I have learned that a big part of what we often think of as luck is really just knowing when to be flexible and when to stick to a plan.

I am great at the latter. Until it’s not so great anymore. I need more work with the flexibility part. So I’m gonna work on it this month.

I’m throwing out my weekly plan.

If you could see my face right now you’d know how much relief I feel just typing that.

Blogging is a good place for me to flex my flexibility muscles. I post sporadically because overall, I’m not really trying to accomplish anything with a deadline here. When those of us in my online writing group discuss blogging and why we do it, my answer is usually something like, “It gives me a chance to make sure I’m separating my voice and what I’m thinking from the voices of the characters I’m writing.”

It’s also something a former therapist recommended as potentially helpful, particularly on days when face-to-face socializing isn’t something that seems possible. It’s a hybrid. I can say what I want and get occasional feedback, but I can also leave the moment I need to do so. I can reach out but from behind a protective barrier.

So I’m still going to write about making my own luck, but I’m going to wing it. Because sometimes, that’s when luck shows up.

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Day 7 – Fueling Up for Real

Posted in 31 Days, Epic Meal Planning, Food, Lucky, Work on October 10, 2019| Leave a Comment »

photo 2 (21)

My plans are often quite colorful

It’s hard to feel lucky when my food choices only make me feel like napping. Making good choices that fuel my body and that I actually enjoy eating is an important component of my overall well being.

One thing I’m pretty successful at doing is bringing food to work with me most days. I have my meal planning system to thank for this. Even when I don’t do it exactly as I mapped it out in another 31 days series three years ago, I still use most of the tools I have put in place to make sure that I am eating well.

One of the main points of my meal planning series was that a system that does not fit practically into your own life is not going to work, no matter how beautifully it works for anyone else. Many of us have at least a minor chasm between our ideal and our real. So there are opportunities to tweak it. As for me and my house, we employ a lot of shortcuts:

While I believe in my heart that dried beans, soaked and slow cooked to perfection, are far superior, I also believe in keeping canned beans for days when I have no slow-cooked beans but want to add them to a meal.
While I understand that chicken is not hard to make, I also understand that a rotisserie chicken from the deli or even canned chicken is even easier.
While I get the concept of buying a larger size for economy’s sake, I only buy milk in pints, because I only occasionally use it in sauces, and the larger size is in no way economical if I have to pour most of it down the drain after it’s gone sour.

I also know that my life is busy. Ultimately, I might feel luckier/more at peace if I had more time to breathe and slow cook those beans or a whole weekend afternoon to meal prep for the week. That’s the ideal. But the reality is that right now I have two jobs and a fairly active social life, and I like all of it (or at least I like the payoff of doing all of it), so I’m not really looking to ditch large portions of my schedule at this moment. So I also need quick options that I can assemble from start to finish in 20 minutes or less so that I don’t drive through Taco Cabana every night:

Fruit, cheese, crackers, raw veggies, and maybe salami or prosciutto for an impromptu antipasti plate
Eggs for a quick frittata or a protein addition on top of rice, pasta, or potatoes
A selection of frozen vegetables – no chopping, quick steam
Frozen meal-in-a-bag (Bertolli’s is my favorite)

What are some of the ways you get the fuel you need to make it through your day?

I’m writing about practical ways of creating luck this month.

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Day 6 – Lucky at Home

Posted in 31 Days, Food, Getting It Together, Lucky on October 9, 2019| Leave a Comment »

photo 2 (13)

I will use anything as a centerpiece.

In my 31 Days outline, I have this day marked as “Domestic,” which makes me laugh, because I am no one to be giving domestic advice. I mean, I was raised to know a lot of things about how to keep a household running really well (seriously – you could eat off my mom’s floors when we were growing up), so I can share that. But in the interest of honesty? Half my kitchen is on my dining table right now. I’ve been going through cabinets and getting rid of things, and it has been s.l.o.w. Also, I haven’t swept in three weeks. A dust bunny in front of my TV mocks me every time I sit down, and I do not care. So if you came here for tips on keeping a house perfect, you are going to be disappointed.

What I can give you this week is how I run my home so that it supports my life. Because that’s the important thing, right?

(some days I’m glad my mother does not have the internet)

Specifically, this week will be mostly about how I stay reasonably well fed and keep my home neat enough that I can find things. I occasionally even create little spots that make home seem more inviting or cozy. When I do these three things, other areas in my life seem to fall into place more easily.

If you are reading this and have gotten this far in life, you probably have these skills down to some extent. If you are like me, though, there are weeks that are better than others. Maybe you’ll find something here that can help, or maybe you have something to offer to help. Either way, we’re going to explore how a life of luck can start at home.

I’m writing for 31 days about creating luck.

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Day 5 – On Being on Time

Posted in 31 Days, Getting It Together, Lucky, Mental Health on October 6, 2019| Leave a Comment »

A somewhat jarring but often necessary start to the workday

Being on time is problematic. I’m good at time management once I’m at a place but getting there in a timely fashion is always a challenge – a challenge I usually don’t win. This is confusing to people who experience me as focused and efficient – it doesn’t seem to fit. Their reasoning is understandable. But getting there and being there are two different animals

Especially in the morning. No matter how early I set my alarm (which I usually don’t need to actually wake up the first time because I wake up before it goes off) or how many alarms I set (see above), the actual act of getting out of bed is hardly ever as easy as I expect it to be. Mornings when this early wake-up is 5 minutes are good, though. I can usually get through my morning routine generally as planned and make it out the door at a reasonable time.

The wake-up is a wild animal, though. Easily spooked and quick to lash out if it perceives threat, either real or imaginary.

If I wake up more than 15 minutes early, it’s usually in a panic. My brain somehow knows that time is wrong and immediately registers consciousness as a defense mechanism. It takes a while just to escape being practically immobilized by my consuming concern about what Very Important Thing I must be forgetting. So I either have a panic attack or shut down and fall back to sleep (which really? Just a lazy panic attack. It doesn’t always look the same), and it takes a few very annoying alarms to jolt me to action.

At this current moment, I recognize, as I’m sitting safely and cozily in my favorite coffee shop in the daylight as a light rain falls outside, that I’m never actually forgetting a very important thing. But my brain seldom seems to grasp that in the morning. It can’t. Anxiety won’t let it. Anxiety’s job is to keep me ever vigilant about the myriad of ways I could (and probably am going to) ruin everything. Anxiety is a liar but it sounds so reasonable when it speaks that it’s hard to remember what it really is. And it knows I’m not a morning person, so that’s when it likes to attack.

Anxiety is an asshole. And it’s the very worst kind of asshole – the kind that tells you that the horrible things it says are for your own good or because it knows what’s best for you. But it doesn’t know what’s best for me. It’s lying.

In the evening, anxiety is more social. I’m not just failing at my to-do list. I’m also a failure at relationships. Why else would everyone leave? If I dare to declare to anxiety that their choices are not about me at all, anxiety is quick to reply, “But wouldn’t they be – at least a little bit – if you were worth considering?” This anxiety is the meanest liar of all.

So social occasions, especially ones that are relatively new to me or are unique, standalone events, almost always start with convincing myself that it matters to anyone there whether or not I show up. Does my presence actually add anything to the situation? I honestly don’t know. This is one of the reasons it’s best if I go to events with another person. If someone is depending on me to accompany them, it’s so much easier to roll my eyes at anxiety and dismiss its taunts.

I have a few friends who recognize the times I show up late after I’ve gone a few rounds with anxiety. I may look calm but I am often still buzzing right below the surface. I’m always exhausted but I won. I may be compensating with cheerleader mode where I flit through and get right to my seat or desk or say something that I hope doesn’t sound super rehearsed (it is).

On particularly bad days, the residual tunnel vision may still be in place, making eye contact and small talk excruciating. The gift these friends give me is a few moments. Just enough of a pause to give my eyes time to drag up to theirs where I can see that they’re not mad or disappointed. They really are happy to see me. This feels good, and I’m grateful for it.

It makes me feel lucky.

I’m writing about making my own luck for 31 days. See the master list here.

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Day 4 – Five Goal-Tracking Methods

Posted in 31 Days, Friday Five, Getting It Together, Lucky, Music, Poetry, Resolutions, Writing on October 6, 2019| Leave a Comment »

So it’s not really Friday. I get that. But it’s the post that was meant for Friday, so here we are. One goal of a 31-day series is to get back in the habit of writing every day (or, rather, writing something other than for work). It’s a process.

To finish out the week of talking about tools I use to help me keep my life on track, I want to mention apps that I use to keep up with goal progression. I love making resolutions, but for most of my life, I would make them and then promptly forget about them. I think a lot of people have that experience. When I started tracking my goals, though, I had more success. Here are five of my favorite ways to track my goals:

Club Pilates app – I know. Again I’m talking about it. I just love it. And now that I have a new phone that actually supports the app, I can track a lot of my health goals as well as schedule and keep track of my classes. Every smartphone comes with a health app, though, so even if you don’t go to Club Pilates, you can still have an easy way to track just about any health goal you have.
Goodreads – I started with a goal of 100 books for the year. Then I extended it to 120. No matter how small or big your reading goal, though, you can track it with Goodreads. I also get a lot of recommendations from friends on this site/app.
Spreadsheet – Looking at a long-term goal can be daunting. It’s important to break down resolutions into smaller goals. To this end, I keep a monthly spreadsheet that tracks daily progress toward goals. I broke my five resolutions into ten smaller goals, and I set a monthly goal for each. Then I tally each day that I reach part of the goal. For those of you who like to bullet journal, this can be not only helpful but cathartic.
Fetch – I’m not sure how long Fetch has been around, but I love it. If you can’t tell, point systems really work for me. For the last few years, I have wanted to cook more at home and make better food choices. But if I don’t have groceries at my house, it’s not happening. Fetch rewards me for buying groceries. I’ve been using it for three weeks and just like magic, I have food in my house. I’m also more than 75% toward my first $10 reward. I do enjoy free things, and free things that help me meet my goals? Double bonus.
Art journal – Different people use art journaling for different reasons. When one of your goals is to pursue creative expression more often, however, it can be a way of showing the progress of that goal. My art journal is a collection of collages, found and blackout poetry, stained-glass-style doodles, and song lyrics I want to set to a melody at some point (yes! I’m excited about it, too.). I have a pretty broad range for what I consider creative pursuits, but I track most of them by art journaling about them.

Do you make goals? If so, how do you keep track of your progress?

I’m talking about making my own luck this month.