M. Suzanne Terry

This year was a wild one. I’m pretty surprised I accomplished as much as I did. I met the spirit of each of my resolutions, if not the actual goals themselves.

Theme: Home

I’ve thought and read a lot this year about what home (having one, being at, making one, etc.) means. I’ve jotted down notes throughout the year and shared some of them here (click “home” link in the word salad over there —>). As I was finishing up The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik, I ran across a quote that sums up a lot of my thoughts on the theme – “Nothing about deathlessness or permanence, nothing forced; it was only a request, a cry of longing: stay here, please stay, be our shelter, be our home, be loved…”

Home is not something I construct once and have forever. It is a living, breathing thing. I find it in spaces, but I can also carry it with me, a sense of belonging that simply comes from being at home with who I am. A loving, peaceful home – or world – cannot be created from exploitation or greed. It must be cultivated with care. And care is complicated, especially when there are few systems in place to foster it.

I see this working in many of the choices I’ve made this year to put down some things that seem great but are either shiny trash or just not for me. I’ve also put my strategic/analytical strengths to good use in choosing new things to pick up. 

I don’t think this a lesson that ends, but I’m glad to have explored it more thoroughly this year.

Arts/Words/Creativity 

The thrill of having a week off work without having to use any PTO often goes to my head. Especially when setting goals for the upcoming year. I wouldn’t have it any other way, though. I like thinking in terms of extravagant possibilities, particularly when it comes to creative pursuits.

While I didn’t quite make the goal of reading 180 books, I don’t think it’s beyond my reach (in general – definitely beyond my reach in the next day and a half). In fact, I was ahead of schedule for most of the year, until work and health issues exploded. I don’t know how much those things will actually settle down, but I’ll keep the same goal for next year and see how it goes.  

When it comes to setting reasonable creative goals, I first had to fail spectacularly to learn. Most of the year, I faithfully set weekly plans on Sunday…and then did not meet them. Minor tangent – I am delighted to report that failing isn’t half the gut punch it used to be. Perhaps I’m actually healing from my overachiever, perfectionist ways? Here’s hoping. Anyway, in the last few months, I have become better at setting realistic short-term goals, a skill I plan to take into the new year with gusto.

Health/Wellness/Energy

I still really dislike strength training. And I dropped my Pilates membership because I wasn’t going anyway so it didn’t make sense to spend money on it. But I am begrudgingly sticking to a pretty regular schedule, completing at least two upper body and two lower body sessions a week. I am happy to report that it still works even when you whine about it, and a little whining is cathartic. 

My favorite wellness habit this year has been my commitment to making sure I have the downtime I need to function properly. The more I learn about how my brain works and what it needs to be at its best, the easier it is to say no to things that keep that from happening. Same thing with cutting out foods that make me feel sluggish. Actually feeling good and having sufficient energy to do things is so much better than slogging through or pushing myself until I collapse. I’m up to three regular time-outs a week. I think that’s the sweet spot where I still feel connected to people and life in general without getting overwhelmed and out of sorts. 

As it turns out, these are skills I will need in the months ahead.

I have some hard things coming up, health-wise. I don’t know all the specifics yet or the extent to which I will need to reorganize the rest of my life to adapt to these changes in the upcoming months, and I don’t know how much of it I will share here. I do know, however, that I will need the space to figure it out as I go along. And the work I have done this year toward being healthier – both physically and mentally – is going to help me do that. I’m grateful for what this year has taught me in this regard.

Finances

I do not have $1000 in my cushion account. Like I said, some shit has come up. But at least I have a cushion account, and I’m leaving it alone (except for the emergencies and extra surprises for which it is intended) and replenishing it as I am able. This is still an improvement over last year.

As far as my goal of identifying one new way to save or make money every month, I have gone above and beyond. I dropped subscriptions and services that I wasn’t using enough to justify the expense. I curbed impulse spending by giving myself a 3-day waiting period before buying anything I didn’t need to make sure I actually wanted to make the purchase (this was more successful at certain times than at others). Do you know how much more satisfying it makes the purchase when you actually do decide you want it? I had no idea. 

But most of all, I applied for and got a new job that increased my monthly take-home pay by about 18%. I have needed every penny of it, and I am so glad to have it. 

This year has shaken me in several ways, but it has also revealed that my foundation and my support system are stronger than I thought they were. Most days, I’m more grateful than anxious, and I’m pleased about that.