M. Suzanne Terry

Near the beginning of the year, I checked out a book at the library on someone’s recommendation. It was called Forget Prayers, Bring Cake: A Single Woman’s Guide to Grieving. I kept taking it back and checking it out again rather than just reading it. I was skeptical for three reasons:

• Cutesy (almost flippant?) title for a discussion on grief? I get that people cope in different ways, but that’s…not mine.
• Singling out singles is a necessary point of this discussion, and I can confirm that there are challenges with grief that are specific to not having a partner, but gendering it rubs me the wrong way.
• The cover design is absurd (click the link above if you’re curious). You’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but we all do it, and I judged this one HARD.

I’m so glad I finally read it.

This is the best book I’ve read on the practicalities of dealing with grief and building a support system specifically for the process. It’s the perfect combination of memoir, guide, and comfort. As someone who incorporates tasks into emotional processing (i.e., simply talking or crying it out without a physical energy release often makes the situation worse for me), I appreciate the checklists and suggestions.

As my parents are getting older, we are having more conversations about what they want to happen, how we take over the farm as seamlessly as possible, and how it all gets paid for. Just having the conversations are emotional, and it’s helpful to acknowledge and process those feelings as they come, but it feels weird to future-grieve. This book gave me the validation and permission I didn’t know I needed, and Gerson’s kind-but-direct approach gave it to me in exactly the way I needed it.

I know I usually list five books that I enjoyed from the previous month, but this one stood out so far beyond the rest. This may be my favorite book I’ve read thus far this year.