Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

Beauty – April Update

Image

 

April is a funky month for me.

It’s not the weather. The weather in Texas is actually pretty perfect in April, especially this year.  It’s been cooler than usual, which for me is a glorious thing.

It’s partially the time of the school year.  April is a rushed month, trying to pick up momentum again after they’ve had a taste of Spring Break so that we can finish the semester.  That’s challenging, especially when we’ve missed as many days for weather or sickness or some other reason as we have this semester.

It’s mostly that I associate spring with loss.  Many significant people in my life – my friend G from the Bangles post, MeMaws and Granddaddies, uncles and aunts – have died during the spring.  The Boston Marathon tragedy last year fit in a little too well.

But there has also been comfort and hope, and that’s been beautiful.

Yesterday, I looked down at one of Granddaddy’s old cardigans that I was wearing, and I noticed that the tag still bore his name.

The Denton Community Market, which is the most beautiful thing Denton does, opened again.

And speaking of Boston, these pictures of survivors are my favorite thing on the Internet this month.

Edited to add – And oh gosh, this love letter to the Boston Marathon by Esther Emery.

So April is still beautiful, even through the melancholy.

I’m linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays, as we keep account of our OneWord365.  Join us?

Read Full Post »

Click

This month might be slow (-er than usual) around here.  I have a couple of places where I’m guest posting, and I will still do a couple of link-ups.  Or I will procrastinate and end up writing here more often.  Whatever happens, the reason is that I am participating in Camp NaNoWriMo.  I have a goal of 75,000 words for the month on an old-but-new-again project called What Not to Say. It’s a commentary on the things that folks, trying to be helpful, say to single people that actually aren’t that helpful at all.  It has its own blog space, because eventually I want it to become a community project, as my experience as a single person, vast and wondrous as it may be, is still just one person’s experience, and as self-important as I am, I don’t really know how to market what would essentially be a manual on how to get along with me.

So I’m spending a lot of time that I’m in front of a computer typing furiously toward 75,000 words, and I’m spending the time I’m not in front of a computer scribbling furiously in this lovely journal:

Image

(My journal, my self)

I started this project years ago.  I stopped because it made me angry. All.  The.  Time.  I couldn’t let go of the anger that these memories were stirring up in me.  And it’s good to vent – to get emotion out so that it doesn’t consume you.  But when you vent (and vent…and vent…), and you are still angry, it’s not healthy.

So I stopped.

I was scared mid-February when I started getting the urge to pick it up again.  I didn’t want to go back to that place.  I especially didn’t want to go back to that place during the end of the school year, because that tends to be an annoying season to me anyway (see last post), and I didn’t want to fuel the fire.

Then it wouldn’t let me sleep. I would wake up with words, and I would not be able to fight them.  At first, there were snippets that I could save as notes on my phone.  Now, they’re whole chunks of text that would take forever to type out on Margaux’s touch screen, so I get up and type or scribble in the middle of the night.  This project has become my life again.

But now it’s different.  I’m different.

Jennifer Upton said, “You can’t see beauty if you’re bitter,” and it clicked.  I was anxious about pursuing beauty this year, but it has prepared me for writing something that has been a source of hurt to me.  It has prepared me to reframe my experiences – to say the true things while still acknowledging loving intent and leaving us a place to go from here.

So if you don’t see me a lot this month, that’s where I’ll be.  Clicking.

 

Read Full Post »

So you know how I wanted to have a picture of myself every month?  How that was a thing I said I’d do?

Well, I have zero pictures of me from this month.  So instead, you get this picture of a brief moment in my bathroom.

Image

I’m in the room, so it totally counts.  I think you can see the shadow of my hand if you look closely enough.

Or, hey, speaking of my hands, which are probably my favorite part of my body (not as default – I have seriously cute hands and feet.  But feet pictures are coming next month.  Springtime feet.), here is my hand this morning as it clutches my coffee.

Image

It’s a little scraggly, because I did dishes last night and didn’t moisturize properly.  I always forget to do that – to take care of myself as well as taking care of everything else.  I’m taking part in the reframing collective with Story Sessions and Brandy Walker’s Be course for Lent.  Self-care goes right along with those.  I’m learning; I’m just doing it slowly.

Here are a few images from our reframing – our finding the extraordinary in the everyday –

Image

I love this little pot on my windowsill.  It knows that spring is right outside the window.  It is empty now, but soon, it will hold new life.

Image

Chocolate batter for birthday brownies.  I love this rich, deep color.  And I wish you could smell it, because I totally added rum.

Image

The fence around my apartment building has tree limbs breaking through.  A lot of trees were cut down last year to make room for the new apartments next door.  But these ones got to stay, and they’re claiming their place.

There will probably be more of this next month…

You know what?  I’m going to stop talking about next month.  I’m going to stop planning the way that beauty comes.  It always changes and surprises me anyway.  So I’m going to let it.

Linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays where we discuss our OneWord365.  Join us?

Read Full Post »

Beauty – February Update

My OneWord365 for this year is beauty, and this month, I have been a little detached from it.  I haven’t ignored it, but for the most part, I have let others handle it and have said “yes and amen” (or the 21st century equivalent of doing so – i.e., sharing via social media).

I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing.  It’s part of the process.  The additions to my Pinterest Beauty Board this month have been powerful stuff.  Here are some highlights:

This fantastic Gabourney Sidibe picture and quote

Stacie Stine’s post about UNT’s Cinderella Project (with pictures featuring two of my beautiful RAs and one of my beautiful residents…excuse me while I have a proud aunt moment…and get this piece of dust out of my eye…)

Ritz’s post about your worth being a constant, not something that ebbs and flows with what people (even you) consider “better.”

Pam Hogeweide’s love letter to her body

I meant to read some books this month.  That didn’t happen.  But they are close to the top of the to-read-next pile, so maybe next month.

Two personal moments of beauty stick out to me:

Image

This is me in front of the charming painted window of Blue River Books in Oklahoma.  My friend Jaan took this picture and emailed it to me with the caption “Cute.” I am fighting the urge to argue with that caption. I am fighting the urge to pick the picture apart or deflect your attention from me to the window (look how charming!).  I am fighting it, and I am going to win, because one thing I want to learn about beauty this year is how to find it in the place I already am. I no longer want to insist that something be finished or perfect before I can see beauty there.  I want to see beauty in the present and in the process.  So I am posting at least one picture of myself a month.  I am going to put my face (and in most cases, also my body) on it and label it “beauty.”

Image

I attended the IF: Gathering in Austin a couple of weeks ago and stayed with some Story Sessions sisters at a ranch house in Dripping Springs. Mary greeted us on the way in. Although I am not making it to church as often as I’d like (funny how 3-4 years of not attending services regularly weaves its way into your routine), I am already sensing a change in my spirit.  in previous years, I would have driven by the statue with a “That’s…nice.” This year, though. This year is different. With one look at Mary, the peace of community and covering (you know, the nice prayer-y kind, not the do-what-we-say-or-else kind) set into my bones. This peace pervaded the entire weekend for me – through the triggery worship (my issue, not theirs, to be clear) and conflict and epiphanies.  The one who brought the Prince of Peace into the world kept bringing him into my weekend.  I am new to this, so I’m not sure if that’s how icons are even supposed to work, but I am so thankful.

I’m linking up with Amy Young – join us over there to see how others’ one-word journeys are going!

Read Full Post »

Beauty – January Update

Beauty is my OneWord365 for this year.  Beauty and I are off to a slow start.

Part of the problem is that I don’t really know how to track beauty.  I have my trusty Pinterest board to help, but beauty is not necessarily a tangible thing.  Tangible things can be beautiful, but the beauty of a thing (or person) usually lies within its (or his/her) story.  And stories take time to unfold and be told.

What mainly trips me up, though, is my tendency to see things as not quite beautiful when they’re not quite done.  I want a nice, finished project.  And I see patterns and gaps pretty easily.  This is helpful, because the first step is admitting the problem, but it also gets me bogged down in details and what-could-bes, and I miss the beautiful moments.

I see:

1.  A day planned for writing wasted because I sliced my finger, and how ridiculously long it’s going to be to write this post without using that finger.  On the upside, I am a little impressed with myself at how fast I’m learning to type four-fingered with my left hand.

2.  A plan for Pilates ruined by an iffy stomach.  On the upside, I successfully recognized the trigger in time to avoid pushing it, thereby avoiding another nasty, week(s)-long episode of digestive woes. Plus, I got a nap and soup.

3.  A plan for a clean kitchen put on hold because of that ridiculous finger.  I’m not seeing an upside to this yet.  My kitchen is hideous and desperately in need of a scrub-down, y’all.

And that was just yesterday.

So apparently I’m going to learn to see beauty in the process this year.  Neat.

I also think there’s something to beauty as found through story, so I’m going to explore that.  I’m going to spend some time reading about beauty (Is reading a love language?  Because it totally should be).  The first four on the list are The Bluest Eye  by Toni Morrison, On Beauty by Zadie Smith, Child of my Heart by Alice McDermott, and She Walks in Beauty: a Woman’s Journey through Poems by Caroline Kennedy.

I’m also linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays.  Click over to read how others’ OneWord365 journeys are going!

Read Full Post »

Today is the first day that I’m back at work.  I am glad no one was here to see me coo at these little fellows who greeted me once I got my computer hooked back up.  That would have been awkward.  It was an exuberant cooing.

Image

(This is a snapshot of my computer screen. Sadly, I was not present to take the original photo, and I would give proper credit to the person who had the good fortune to be near enough to these little guys to take the picture, but the photo/website has since been taken down, so the world will never know the identity of this lucky, lucky person.)

Seriously.  Look at the face!  And the puffy, stubby tail!  I love everything about red pandas.

Anyway…back to the topic at hand…

Last year, I finally admitted to myself what I want to do with my life.  I want to write.  I want to be published.  I want to spend my days staring at a computer screen and writing terrible first drafts and editing like mad and watching those terrible first drafts become something I would actually let another human being read.  So three of my five 100s are related to this goal:

1.  One hundred books read

Just as I would not trust a pastry chef who never ate cake, I also don’t trust writers who don’t read.  It teaches me.  Reading Elmore Leonard is how I learned to write dialogue that didn’t just sound like my characters puppeting my own voice.  Reading poetry is a reminder to be picky about word choice, particularly when editing.  Reading is vital to writing well.

2.  One hundred thousand words written

I will finish Fishbowl this year.  I will finish Fishbowl this year.  I will finish Fishbowl this year.

I am committing to writing at least 100,000 words toward fiction or poetry – projects that, ultimately, I would like to submit for publication.  This might seem like a lot, but really, it’s only double the goal for NaNoWriMo, and I’ve been known to do that in just one month.  It’s less than 10,000 a month.  It’s 275 words a day.  This post is going to be longer than 275 words, and it will only take me about half an hour to finish it.  An average of half an hour a day spent on fiction or poetry is not a lot.  So surely, I can reach it.

3.  One hundred blog posts

Now that I’ve actually managed to start keeping up with a blog again (and by “keeping up,” I do mean “I have posted at least once a month for a year.”  Don’t get your expectations all raised.), I remember how helpful it is to have a place where I speak in just my voice, not through the voice of a character.  It helps me differentiate between the two.  It helps me edit.

It also keeps me connected to people, which is important because I sometimes forget to do this on my own.  I don’t have a lot of followers, but I do have a faithful few.  And I appreciate you all!

So those are my word-related goals. If you want to follow my reading list, you can follow/friend me on Goodreads.  I will try to post an update here once a month in order to keep track of the other two goals.

Next, there’s my health situation.  Last year was a healthier year than the one before, as I successfully avoided the emergency room, but there is still room for improvement.  I still don’t know what’s going on with my digestive system (my doctor has suggested a full scan, so that’s a fun thing I get to do this month), but we’ve narrowed it down enough to identify some things that trigger my episodes, and the main offender seems to be lactose.  Sad times.  I love me some lactose – specifically, cheese.  Fortunately, most of the time, if I don’t overdo it, I can offset the problem with a couple of enzymes in pill form.  There are, therefore, very few items I have to give up entirely.  Cheesecake is one of them.  Never again.  Cheesecake is delicious, but there’s not a cheesecake in the world that is worth what I went through last month, and there’s not a pill in the world that can compensate for the ridiculous amount of dairy in a slice of cheesecake.

But even though taking a pill is an option, I don’t wanna.  I don’t want to have to take a pill every time I eat something.  That’s not what a proper solution looks like to me.  So my fourth resolution is:

4.  One hundred vegan recipes, tried and successfully eaten without taking a pill or getting sick

This will ensure at least 300 meals, snacks, or treats for which I will not have to medicate.  I estimate an average of three servings out of most recipes, as most of them are written for at least four people, so an average of three will offset the count for the relatively few recipes that are single-serving.  To keep track of this goal, I have created a Pinterest board where I will post pictures and recipes that I have tried and successfully managed sans pill assistance.

And last but not least, my One Word for 2014 – beauty.  I am looking for it.  I’m not sure what I’ll find.  I’m not even sure what to call it when I do.  Pictures of beauty?  Examples of beauty?  Ideas about beauty?  I imagine that I will be writing about beauty, but I don’t want to stifle discovery by limiting expectations.  I want to remain open to whatever I need to learn from it.  So here’s the last goal:

5.  One hundred moments of beauty

I have also created a Pinterest board to track this goal, so we’ll see how that works out.  My first wordy post about beauty is on the board, along with a picture of one of the beautiful things in my apartment that doesn’t get much use as it was originally intended but is still beautiful nonetheless.

So that’s my year.  What do you hope for your year to be?

Read Full Post »

Beauty

Image

Beauty is my one word for 2014. As soon as I knew that beauty was what I was dealing with, it started popping up everywhere. I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s no mystery why poets and writers and lovers and prophets and dreamers are obsessed with beauty – she is fragile and elusive and strong and everywhere. There’s such a wealth of words to say about this one word, beauty. So I chose a few beloved others to help me start my year of saying it.

“She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow’d to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.”
– Lord Byron –

Beauty hidden
The most beautiful aspect of a scene or person is rarely what’s out in front – what sees the light of day. It’s usually something that takes a little time and a measure of gentleness to find. I hope this year teaches me to slow down enough to see beauty.

“Beauty – be not caused – It Is –
Chase it, and it ceases –
Chase it not, and it abides -”
– Emily Dickinson –

Beauty found
Beauty is hard (impossible?) to manufacture. Oh, but we try. Our culture spends billions of dollars a year, chasing beauty, trying to force her hand. Trying to make her show herself to us. Trying to make her happen. And when something we make is beautiful, we think we’ve succeeded, but the truth is that we just uncovered the beauty that was there all along. I hope this year teaches me to find beauty.

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”
– Isaiah 61:3 (KJV) –

Beauty redeemed
I sort of cheated last year. I didn’t figure out my one word until May. And it was not really one word. It was more a set of various words within a theme. Bravery. Courage. Risk. And looking back, that’s what the year was. It was a good year. It was a year when I took back my life (still not clear from whom or from what, but I am sure that now it is MINE). It was a year of making hard and scary choices. And I learned that scary choices are exhilarating and exhausting. Scary choices taught me that they are worth it – they will always teach you something – but that sometimes, the best choice isn’t the scary one. Sometimes what feels like fear is your brain saying, “Hey – that’s actually a bad idea.” Burning bridges and burning out will teach you where that line is. It will also leave you with a lot of ashes. Somewhere in those ashes, there is beauty. And I’m past ready to see her emerge from them.

“…it was a forbidden object…a useless and therefore a self-indulgent one. I asked her what purpose it served, and she told me, It doesn’t do anything obvious. But it might be able to do something in here. Then she touched her hand to her heart. Beautiful things sometimes do.
– Veronica Roth, Allegient –

Beauty transforms
This is the hardest part to articulate. How will beauty change me? And please, oh please, let it do so. But how? What will it look like? Will I even recognize it? I hope so.

“Let the beauty we love be what we do.”
– Rumi –

Beauty does
There is a push inside of me to be more than an observer. To be the catalyst. To stop waiting for what I do to be noticed. To do the things (good things – no nefarious plots afoot, just to be clear) that cannot be ignored.

“Let the beauty we love be what we do.” YES.

This is the year of beauty.

Some of the most beautiful people I know, I met here – Story Sessions.

Read Full Post »

Wherein I am so, so lazy

In lieu of actually writing something myself, I wanted to share with you two things I read today that are awesome:

One of the best essays I’ve ever read on body image

How to have the best summer ever

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts