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Archive for the ‘Beauty’ Category

31 Days of Beauty

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“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This weekend, I am hanging out on my parents’ farm.  The first thing I did after petting all the animals was check out the garden. If the picture above looks a little fuzzy, it’s because it was taken mid-duck as I was trying to avoid the dive bomb by some sort of flying insect.

I have a love-hate relationship with sunshine. I am fair-skinned, so my skin is pretty sensitive to the sun’s unforgiving rays. A day spent outside means bathing in a vat of high SPF sunscreen, as well as multiple reapplications throughout the day.  My shoulders are freckled from the day nineteen Mays ago when I spent the day at a Duran Duran/Deep Blue Something concert to raise money for the families of the victims of the Oklahoma City bombing. I didn’t reapply the sunscreen, and I walked away with water blisters.

Not pretty.

But if I take the necessary precautions, the sun is my friend. I love the feel of it on my arms and face when I’m driving or out for a walk. I love watching the sun rise (well, at least when it’s not coming through my office window, stabbing me in the eye). It means a new day.

This month, I’m writing 31 Days of Beauty. Every day, I will discuss a different aspect of personal beauty.

Day One – Live in the sunshine.

Day Two – Swim the sea

Day Three – Drink the wild air.

Day Four – At the club

Day Five – Badass boots

Day Six – Beauty is hard

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I’m always wary of people who tell me they have a favorite number.  I give them the side-eye and demand that they explain themselves.  That very few of them can actually do so only reinforces my wariness. When someone asks what my favorite number is, I never know what to say.  Because…favorite number of what?

Favorite number of cups of coffee in the morning? Two.  One for practical, waking-up reasons, and one for the bliss.

Favorite number of place settings?  Twelve. Because my ideal dining room table seats ten, and twelve gives me some leeway for things to break (inevitable) without busting up the set.

Favorite number of pairs of shoes?  Based on my current closet space – about ten.  Based on my fantasy closet space…I don’t think they make a number that big.

If pressed to choose, I usually answer with a random number in the 4,000s, because I feel bad for the 4,000s.  Everyone always wants tiny, single-digit numbers.  Big numbers need love, too, y’all.

If I had to pick my favorite number of days, though, it would be 31. My favorite months are 31 days long.  I mean, that includes my birth month and Christmas and October, so I admit there’s an unfair advantage there. And despite the fabled 21-day habit formation period, I know that many people have found that it takes a lot longer than 21…or 31…days to make a real change. And whatever the norm for habit change actually is, the time it takes for me to make a lasting change is probably longer.  I would guess that I take up to a year, which is why I love New Years Resolutions so much. I’m a slow adapter. 

But I also know that, since my commitment to 31 days of no fast food last October, I have spent less money on fast food in the last 7.5 months than I spent in just three months last summer.  So positive change, while not complete (because I love me some Whataburger onion rings), was definitely set in motion by the 31-day commitment.

And I think that’s what my beauty challenge needs.  A dose of good ol’ number 31.

I look over my pictures in my phone of things – mostly in nature (-ish) – that have caught my eye. For example:

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(Rainy day tree)

And I look at the things on my beauty board, and I see a lot of beautiful things that other people have said or done:

And these are great stories and great words. But my focus on what beauty means to and for other people has allowed me to detach from my own experience of beauty.

Well, no more.

If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that beauty is personal, and it demands to be embodied. For women especially, beauty (and whether or not we think we “have it”) seems to control a substantial part of our personal identity.  Many of us focus on inner beauty, not only because it’s important but also a little because we are afraid that when we look in the mirror, we don’t see any outer beauty.  But it’s there. Even beauty of spirit will manifest in a tangible way. It might be as simple as the way people carry themselves.  It might be in the way someone speaks. It might be in the way someone dresses. But however it decides to show up, it does indeed show up. It doesn’t stay in our heads or in our souls.  

Beauty gets physical.

So next month, so am I. August will be 31 days of personal beauty. I am going to talk about myself – what makes me feel beautiful and what keeps me from feeling beautiful. I’ve spent enough time on the sidelines.  It’s time to play.

My OneWord365 is beauty, and I’m linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays.  Join us to discuss how your year is going.

 

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It is not easy to define what support looks like in practice.  It might seem easy.  Then you meet people and discover that they often find it difficult to take others’ needs into account when they are deciding how they are going to behave in life.  This might surprise you, but it probably shouldn’t, as you are people, too, and have probably not centered your own life around what the general “other” needs.

It’s even more complicated when you’ve been burned.  When you thought what you had was support but found out that what was really going on there was agenda.  Or when you had an agreement, and that agreement was not honored. Or when you really did have support – one that you thought would last forever – right up until the moment that it ended.

Today, I want to talk about two places I’ve found support and what that looks like.  I want to talk about two of my online writing communities.

I also want to invite you to join us, because, dear reader-writer-friend, I want you to have support, too.  If any of this interests you, follow the links to find out how you can get involved.

The first online writing community I joined was the writing community at Andilit.  It was created by Andi Cumbo-Floyd who wrote The Slaves Have Names (click and buy – you know you wanna) about the people who were enslaved on the land where she grew up. I am boggled, both by the enormous amount of research it took to tell as much of their story as possible and by the humble grace and beauty with which she tells it.

I joined because I had this scrap of a manuscript, and I needed fresh eyes. What I found exceeded (and continues to exceed) my expectations.

I get monthly editing for up to five pages of work from a professional editor.  Five pages is a drop in the bucket as far as a full manuscript goes, but for the turtle-esque pace with which I edit my own work to the point that I am willing to let another human being see it, this works out perfectly.  I am saving up for a grand editing once the manuscript is totally finished (and if you are looking for such an editor, I highly recommend Andi), but it’s great to have help along the way as well.

I also get monthly editing from a workshop of others in the group for up to five pages.  This was the part that scared me when I first joined, because I tend to helicopter-parent my characters.  They’ve been through so much already; I want to protect them from judgment. But as with most overzealous protection, this doesn’t help them grow, so I begrudgingly submitted pieces for workshop.  It has been a godsend.  It’s a critique, but from nice, friendly people who write very different things but are still enthusiastic in their desire to help you make your work better, and they expect the same from you. It doesn’t mean the critique doesn’t ever hurt, but it hurts in the good kind of way, like having sore legs the day after a challenging run.

In addition to all of this, Andi facilitates a private Facebook group for members where we post articles or posts on writing that we find, our own blog posts, and anything else writers might find helpful to their craft.  She ends out weekly writing prompts to keep us from getting stuck.  Andi teaches several online courses at reasonable rates. She also lives on a farm where she is hosting a writer’s retreat in July (another thing I’ll be saving toward so that I don’t miss it again next year).

The second online writing community I joined was Story Sessions. I meandered into Story Sessions via Elora’s blog after I read Every Shattered Thing (go ahead, click and buy – I’ll wait) and thus had the insatiable urge to read everything she has ever or will ever write. I feel almost as protective of her main character as I do of  mine.

There are many options for membership.  All of them, however, include a private Facebook group and private members-only content on the website, weekly writing prompts, a monthly newsletter, and story coaching with trained coaches. There are e-courses offered (I’m in the summer session of Story 101 now, and it is glorious) as well as various collectives (mini-courses on a variety of topics), virtual retreats, movie nights, and an annual in-person retreat. We also meet in person in more casual groups on a regular basis, because we just can’t help ourselves.

My favorite thing about Story Sessions are the write-ins.  This might sound funny to members, because my crazy schedule doesn’t allow me to engage in them very often, but I LOVE them. Many of the blog posts I’ve written in the last year of which I am most proud (and all of the blog series I’ve started) were birthed at a Story Sessions write-in. On a weekly basis, members are invited to an online Fuze meeting where we are given prompts, time to write, and an opportunity to read what came out of that time to the other people attending the session.

All that I have said is just a small taste of what you would get from membership in these groups. These words don’t do them justice, because the people in these groups are my friends, and when have words ever done a friend justice? I have read many a snotty piece on how Internet relationships aren’t real relationships, but I can’t help but wonder where those authors are looking.  I know online relationships can be real, because I experience them. And while it’s even better when we have a chance to get together in person, the foundation of our friendships started via the Internet, and they flourish there.

I love these people.  Mercy, how I love them.

I would consider myself lucky to have just found one such community, but I have two.  If you are a writer/artist in need of support, give us a try.

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I have a hard time getting enthusiastic about summer.  This summer is not so bad, for two reasons:

  • It’s hot.  No – you don’t understand.  I live in Texas.  It’s HOT.  We’re having what we call a “mild” summer. I am grateful for this.  Unfortunately, “mild” in Texas means it’s only supposed to get to 97 on Monday.  Yippee.
  • Summer usually means less money in the bank because I usually don’t teach.  This unfortunately also coincides with having all the free time in the world to daydream about traveling and other expensive luxuries…because I usually don’t teach.  But I managed to pick up a class this summer.  My student loan corporation will be happy.

But even during the worst summers, I have to admit – it’s certainly pretty:

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So I am thankful.

I am keeping track of beautiful moments and words this year on my Beauty board on Pinterest.

I am also linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays – check it out!

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Beauty Update – May

It’s summer here.  Translation: I’m a walking sweat factory.

Or, as I prefer to think of it, “My thighs are so sexy, they can’t stop touching each other.”

My tendency in summer seems a little counter-intuitive to me.  I feel gross and sweaty and hot (temperature-wise, not rawr-wise) and uncomfortable most of the summer (which in Texas is basically May through September). But summer is when I most want to dress up or engage in traditional beauty regimens. I wear jewelry more often.  I give myself regular pedicures and paint my toenails.  I am more likely to style my hair.  I wear lipstick.

photo (3)I steal hair clips.  Oops.

I also – inexplicably – find myself more likely to exercise.  One might imagine that I would want to sit in front of a fan and do nothing, but no.  I do more Pilates.  I dance around the house more.  I am more likely to go to the gym.

I am also more likely to take on summer projects, like my Getting It Together series.  Apparently, it’s not enough that I discover my own beauty.  I need to surround myself with it.  This will be fun.

One thing that does make sense to me is that I tend to eat better.  I tend to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables – particularly if they can be eaten cold – and I eat less heavy food. I often lose weight in summer, not because I’m particularly trying to do so, but because I’m taking in healthier things and drinking more water.

I think the slower work schedule of summer slows me down enough that I remember to take care of myself.  Maybe that’s what all these seasonal habits tend to be.  I’m not running in three or four different directions at once.  I can take a break.

And taking a break is beautiful.

Join us at Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays to read how others are doing with their OneWord365 and add a post of your own!

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Beauty – April Update

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April is a funky month for me.

It’s not the weather. The weather in Texas is actually pretty perfect in April, especially this year.  It’s been cooler than usual, which for me is a glorious thing.

It’s partially the time of the school year.  April is a rushed month, trying to pick up momentum again after they’ve had a taste of Spring Break so that we can finish the semester.  That’s challenging, especially when we’ve missed as many days for weather or sickness or some other reason as we have this semester.

It’s mostly that I associate spring with loss.  Many significant people in my life – my friend G from the Bangles post, MeMaws and Granddaddies, uncles and aunts – have died during the spring.  The Boston Marathon tragedy last year fit in a little too well.

But there has also been comfort and hope, and that’s been beautiful.

Yesterday, I looked down at one of Granddaddy’s old cardigans that I was wearing, and I noticed that the tag still bore his name.

The Denton Community Market, which is the most beautiful thing Denton does, opened again.

And speaking of Boston, these pictures of survivors are my favorite thing on the Internet this month.

Edited to add – And oh gosh, this love letter to the Boston Marathon by Esther Emery.

So April is still beautiful, even through the melancholy.

I’m linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays, as we keep account of our OneWord365.  Join us?

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This month might be slow (-er than usual) around here.  I have a couple of places where I’m guest posting, and I will still do a couple of link-ups.  Or I will procrastinate and end up writing here more often.  Whatever happens, the reason is that I am participating in Camp NaNoWriMo.  I have a goal of 75,000 words for the month on an old-but-new-again project called What Not to Say. It’s a commentary on the things that folks, trying to be helpful, say to single people that actually aren’t that helpful at all.  It has its own blog space, because eventually I want it to become a community project, as my experience as a single person, vast and wondrous as it may be, is still just one person’s experience, and as self-important as I am, I don’t really know how to market what would essentially be a manual on how to get along with me.

So I’m spending a lot of time that I’m in front of a computer typing furiously toward 75,000 words, and I’m spending the time I’m not in front of a computer scribbling furiously in this lovely journal:

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(My journal, my self)

I started this project years ago.  I stopped because it made me angry. All.  The.  Time.  I couldn’t let go of the anger that these memories were stirring up in me.  And it’s good to vent – to get emotion out so that it doesn’t consume you.  But when you vent (and vent…and vent…), and you are still angry, it’s not healthy.

So I stopped.

I was scared mid-February when I started getting the urge to pick it up again.  I didn’t want to go back to that place.  I especially didn’t want to go back to that place during the end of the school year, because that tends to be an annoying season to me anyway (see last post), and I didn’t want to fuel the fire.

Then it wouldn’t let me sleep. I would wake up with words, and I would not be able to fight them.  At first, there were snippets that I could save as notes on my phone.  Now, they’re whole chunks of text that would take forever to type out on Margaux’s touch screen, so I get up and type or scribble in the middle of the night.  This project has become my life again.

But now it’s different.  I’m different.

Jennifer Upton said, “You can’t see beauty if you’re bitter,” and it clicked.  I was anxious about pursuing beauty this year, but it has prepared me for writing something that has been a source of hurt to me.  It has prepared me to reframe my experiences – to say the true things while still acknowledging loving intent and leaving us a place to go from here.

So if you don’t see me a lot this month, that’s where I’ll be.  Clicking.

 

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So you know how I wanted to have a picture of myself every month?  How that was a thing I said I’d do?

Well, I have zero pictures of me from this month.  So instead, you get this picture of a brief moment in my bathroom.

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I’m in the room, so it totally counts.  I think you can see the shadow of my hand if you look closely enough.

Or, hey, speaking of my hands, which are probably my favorite part of my body (not as default – I have seriously cute hands and feet.  But feet pictures are coming next month.  Springtime feet.), here is my hand this morning as it clutches my coffee.

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It’s a little scraggly, because I did dishes last night and didn’t moisturize properly.  I always forget to do that – to take care of myself as well as taking care of everything else.  I’m taking part in the reframing collective with Story Sessions and Brandy Walker’s Be course for Lent.  Self-care goes right along with those.  I’m learning; I’m just doing it slowly.

Here are a few images from our reframing – our finding the extraordinary in the everyday –

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I love this little pot on my windowsill.  It knows that spring is right outside the window.  It is empty now, but soon, it will hold new life.

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Chocolate batter for birthday brownies.  I love this rich, deep color.  And I wish you could smell it, because I totally added rum.

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The fence around my apartment building has tree limbs breaking through.  A lot of trees were cut down last year to make room for the new apartments next door.  But these ones got to stay, and they’re claiming their place.

There will probably be more of this next month…

You know what?  I’m going to stop talking about next month.  I’m going to stop planning the way that beauty comes.  It always changes and surprises me anyway.  So I’m going to let it.

Linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays where we discuss our OneWord365.  Join us?

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Beauty – February Update

My OneWord365 for this year is beauty, and this month, I have been a little detached from it.  I haven’t ignored it, but for the most part, I have let others handle it and have said “yes and amen” (or the 21st century equivalent of doing so – i.e., sharing via social media).

I don’t necessarily think this is a bad thing.  It’s part of the process.  The additions to my Pinterest Beauty Board this month have been powerful stuff.  Here are some highlights:

This fantastic Gabourney Sidibe picture and quote

Stacie Stine’s post about UNT’s Cinderella Project (with pictures featuring two of my beautiful RAs and one of my beautiful residents…excuse me while I have a proud aunt moment…and get this piece of dust out of my eye…)

Ritz’s post about your worth being a constant, not something that ebbs and flows with what people (even you) consider “better.”

Pam Hogeweide’s love letter to her body

I meant to read some books this month.  That didn’t happen.  But they are close to the top of the to-read-next pile, so maybe next month.

Two personal moments of beauty stick out to me:

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This is me in front of the charming painted window of Blue River Books in Oklahoma.  My friend Jaan took this picture and emailed it to me with the caption “Cute.” I am fighting the urge to argue with that caption. I am fighting the urge to pick the picture apart or deflect your attention from me to the window (look how charming!).  I am fighting it, and I am going to win, because one thing I want to learn about beauty this year is how to find it in the place I already am. I no longer want to insist that something be finished or perfect before I can see beauty there.  I want to see beauty in the present and in the process.  So I am posting at least one picture of myself a month.  I am going to put my face (and in most cases, also my body) on it and label it “beauty.”

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I attended the IF: Gathering in Austin a couple of weeks ago and stayed with some Story Sessions sisters at a ranch house in Dripping Springs. Mary greeted us on the way in. Although I am not making it to church as often as I’d like (funny how 3-4 years of not attending services regularly weaves its way into your routine), I am already sensing a change in my spirit.  in previous years, I would have driven by the statue with a “That’s…nice.” This year, though. This year is different. With one look at Mary, the peace of community and covering (you know, the nice prayer-y kind, not the do-what-we-say-or-else kind) set into my bones. This peace pervaded the entire weekend for me – through the triggery worship (my issue, not theirs, to be clear) and conflict and epiphanies.  The one who brought the Prince of Peace into the world kept bringing him into my weekend.  I am new to this, so I’m not sure if that’s how icons are even supposed to work, but I am so thankful.

I’m linking up with Amy Young – join us over there to see how others’ one-word journeys are going!

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Beauty – January Update

Beauty is my OneWord365 for this year.  Beauty and I are off to a slow start.

Part of the problem is that I don’t really know how to track beauty.  I have my trusty Pinterest board to help, but beauty is not necessarily a tangible thing.  Tangible things can be beautiful, but the beauty of a thing (or person) usually lies within its (or his/her) story.  And stories take time to unfold and be told.

What mainly trips me up, though, is my tendency to see things as not quite beautiful when they’re not quite done.  I want a nice, finished project.  And I see patterns and gaps pretty easily.  This is helpful, because the first step is admitting the problem, but it also gets me bogged down in details and what-could-bes, and I miss the beautiful moments.

I see:

1.  A day planned for writing wasted because I sliced my finger, and how ridiculously long it’s going to be to write this post without using that finger.  On the upside, I am a little impressed with myself at how fast I’m learning to type four-fingered with my left hand.

2.  A plan for Pilates ruined by an iffy stomach.  On the upside, I successfully recognized the trigger in time to avoid pushing it, thereby avoiding another nasty, week(s)-long episode of digestive woes. Plus, I got a nap and soup.

3.  A plan for a clean kitchen put on hold because of that ridiculous finger.  I’m not seeing an upside to this yet.  My kitchen is hideous and desperately in need of a scrub-down, y’all.

And that was just yesterday.

So apparently I’m going to learn to see beauty in the process this year.  Neat.

I also think there’s something to beauty as found through story, so I’m going to explore that.  I’m going to spend some time reading about beauty (Is reading a love language?  Because it totally should be).  The first four on the list are The Bluest Eye  by Toni Morrison, On Beauty by Zadie Smith, Child of my Heart by Alice McDermott, and She Walks in Beauty: a Woman’s Journey through Poems by Caroline Kennedy.

I’m also linking up with Amy Young’s Trusting Tuesdays.  Click over to read how others’ OneWord365 journeys are going!

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